Chapter 38
James
“Hi.” I run my knuckles over her cheekbone.
I woke up curled into her.
I’ve never slept so soundly in my life. Not since before I attended basic training. I resigned myself to having nightmares most nights. It’s why I prefer to sleep in my office at the restaurant.
The couch is too small for me. So, I never sleep long enough to dream.
Normally, after a nightmare like the one I had last night, I’d go running or work out in the gym downstairs. I’ve never fallen asleep after one of them.
“You stayed.” I cup her cheek.
“Of course I did.” She looks taken aback. “Why would I leave?”
I don’t know anyone else who would have stayed with me, especially after I woke up with my fingers around their throat.
I was horrified when I saw that I’d marked her. Yet a thrill of possession ran through me.
I hate myself even more for that.
Self-loathing fills me. I run my fingers gently over the light bruise on her throat. Remorse churns my guts. I bend and kiss the reddened skin.
“I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t hurt me.” Something sparks behind her eyes.
She urges me to wrap my fingers around her throat and places her fingers over mine.
“You’d never hurt me.” She juts out her chin, a stubborn expression on her face.
Her confidence fills me with a strange warmth.
“You’re so sure?” I squeeze gently.
She shudders. Her pupils dilate.
“More than you are of yourself, it would seem.” She licks her lips.
I can’t take my gaze off her mouth.
That cupid’s bow of her upper lip beckons to me, invites me to trace its outline with my tongue.
I increase the pressure on her throat. Her chest rises and falls. Her pulse sends up a clamor. Something inside me responds to it. Need for her slams through me.
I lower my head.
She raises her chin.
Our breaths mingle. Her sweet scent of vanilla and coconut dissolves every logical thought in my head.
My lips touch hers. And my phone buzzes a reminder.
My heart jumps in my chest. My blood pressure shoots through the roof. What the hell am I doing?
I release my hold on her throat and roll off her onto my back. “Fuck.”
She jumps out of bed, takes one look at me, and blushes deeply.
“What?” I look down at myself. I forgot I’m naked. Also, I’m erect. It’s not just morning wood.
“Sorry.” Not sorry. Secretly I don’t mind at all that she saw me completely naked.
She saw me at my weakest, caught in the grip of that nightmare. Yet the thought unsettles me less than it should. I find myself wondering if it’s because she’s my wife that I don’t mind her seeing that side of me.
I swing my legs over the other side of the bed and snatch up my phone.
There’s a reminder that it’s time for my weekly free-diving class. I hesitate.
It’s the first day after our wedding. We have the morning off from the restaurant.
And I don’t want to be away from her.
The free-diving is my solo time. When I get to be myself. Get to be one with my thoughts. It’s the only time my need for control calms.
I don’t question my impulse to invite her to come with me. I look at her over my shoulder.
“Have you ever been free-diving?”