Chapter 49
James
For a second, I’m taken aback, but then the softness of her lips sinks into mine.
I savor it. It’s soothing. A balm for what’s twisted in me.
For that part of me, constantly searching for something I can’t put into words.
I don’t react; I just let her brush her mouth against mine.
She moans deep inside her throat, and a shiver runs through my body.
She feels like I’ve gone diving into an ocean of sweetness.
She’s everything that’s good about this world.
She's an antidote to the harshness I’ve faced in my past. She feels incredible.
I sense the exact moment she realizes I’m not responding to her, for she stiffens. She begins to draw back, and I know I can’t let her. I close the gap between our mouths and press my lips against hers. She melts into me, and as she parts her lips, I sweep my tongue in. Instantly. I. Am. Lost.
Her taste pours through me. Her sweet scent teases my nostrils and spikes my pulse rate.
I tilt my face, deepening the kiss, wanting more of her.
She wraps her arms around my neck and presses her chest against mine.
The shape of her tits burns through our clothes, and the hard nubs of her nipples seem to bite into my skin.
The blood drains to my cock that’s straining against my zipper, begging to be released.
The desire builds under my skin. In a bid for control, I bite down on her lower lip. She whimpers, rubbing against me.
I lock my fingers around the nape of her neck to keep her still, only so I can kiss her better. I ravish her mouth, drinking in her taste. It feels like I’m losing myself in the chemistry flaring between us. My thighs have turned into stone. Desire for her fills every cell in my body.
She comes willingly as I pull her onto my lap.
Thankfully, I ordered a town car today; I press the button that raises the privacy screen. As soon as it’s in place, I arrange her so she’s straddling me. I press small kisses down her throat to her cleavage, then squeeze her breast.
She moans. Fuck. The little sounds she makes are going to be my undoing. I squeeze her hips and position her over the ridge at my crotch. She holds onto my shoulders and begins to grind down.
"That’s it, get yourself off," I whisper against her mouth.
I slide my fingers under the bunched up skirt of her dress and squeeze her fleshy butt. She shudders, her movements getting more frantic.
She has her eyes shut, her features screwed up as she continues to hump my swollen cock through the clothes between us. So fucking hot.
I wrap the strands of her hair around my palm and tug, making her head fall back. When I nuzzle my way down the creamy column of her throat, she shivers. Goosebumps erupt on her skin.
I massage her breast, and she gasps. I pinch her nipple, and she arches her back, moaning my name.
She rubs herself up against my crotch, again and again. I flatten my palm between her breasts, then drag it down to her pussy. I pinch her clit through her panties.
She cries out. "James. Oh God."
"Look at me," I say through gritted teeth, wanting to look into her eyes when she comes.
And when she does, the depth of emotions in her punches me in the guts. My heart rams into my rib cage. The oxygen in my lungs seems to vanish.
My head spins. My vision tunnels.
Fucking hell. This is all wrong, and I shouldn’t have indulged myself. I wanted to pleasure her, but I know I’m fucked when she falls apart in my arms, crying out my name as she climaxes.
She slumps and I hold her against my chest, my heart beating in tandem with hers.
The emotions I've fought a lifetime to keep trapped inside push up against the guardrails of my control.
If I give in to them now, if I take her to my bed, if I bury myself inside of her… I’ll never be able to put up barriers between us again.
I’ll never be able to hide from her.
A lifetime of hard-won control, and I’d give it up for her in an instant.
It’s the fact that it’s true which gives me reason to pause. I can’t allow myself to lose control. I gentle the kiss, lick over her lips, and savor her taste, then slowly wrench my lips from hers. She tries to sway forward, but I ease her back.
That’s when her eyes drift open. The lust-glazed look in hers makes me almost change my mind.
I lean forward. It’s only with the final strands of my self-control that I manage to avoid kissing her on her mouth.
Instead, in the hope of softening the rejection, I brush my lips over her forehead.
When I look into her eyes, there’s puzzlement in them.
Which turns to hurt.
"No, don’t." I capture her jaw, my thumb grazing the soft heat of her cheek. I need the friction of her skin to ground me, but the contact only makes the static in my head scream louder. "It’s not that I don’t want you."
"Funny." She flinches, a jagged little movement that slices through my chest. "Because from my position, it feels exactly like a rejection."
She sends me a wary glance. She’s flustered, and I don’t blame her.
If I tell her the truth, the ice breaks. And if the ice breaks, I drown.
"I have…issues. Stuff I need to filter through before I can become the kind of person you need."
"No kidding." She pulls away.
I let her. And miss having her in my arms.
Amber flecks in her eyes dance with defiance and hurt. The air between us is a physical weight, thick with the scent of her skin.
I lock my jaw until my teeth ache and tamp down on my feelings.
We don't speak for the rest of the trip. Every time she casts a glance my way, I feel it like a burn on my skin, but I keep my eyes locked on the passing scenery.
I can’t look at her. If I do, the crack in the ice around my heart will widen, and I’ll haul her back into my arms.
And fuck, I’m not ready to do that. Yet. I’m not yet ready to be completely vulnerable to her. To let her find out about my disorder.
I’m conflicted. I want her. I’m attracted to her. But I’m nervous about the consequences of acting on it.
Thankfully, the driver pulls up in front of my apartment building.
I’m out of the car and at her door. I open it, and when I hold out my hand, she hesitates before taking it.
I help her out. Then lead her inside to the elevator.
The ride up to my penthouse is another few seconds of being in an enclosed space with her.
Smelling her, feeling the hurt which still vibrates off her.
Wanting to take her in my arms again and comfort her.
I wish I were a better man who could acknowledge the depth of what it is I feel for her.
But I’ve spent years turning a blind eye to my feelings. So, my realizations sit in my throat, cold and constricting.
Once inside my penthouse we walk as one toward the stairs.
I could offer her a nightcap. But nope, I’m not going to risk that either.
She climbs the steps. I follow her to the door of her bedroom.
She steps in and turns to shut the door in my face.
But I can’t let her go. I want a few more seconds with her.
"Are you okay?"
She looks away, taking her time, which I use to compose myself. When she raises her gaze to mine, there’s hurt, mixed with frustration.
The band around my chest tightens.
"Harper?" I swallow.
She shakes her head. "I won’t lie. I’m confused. And embarrassed."
I lean an arm against the doorframe. "You have no need to be embarrassed."
She scoffs. "I kissed you. We made out in the back of the car, and I came." Pink stains her cheekbones.
"And it was beautiful."
"Someone could have seen us." She rubs at her temple.
"I raised the privacy screen. The windows were tinted," I point out, "and we're married. It doesn’t matter if someone did see us."
"Yeah." She blows out breath. "I suppose. But I’ve never orgasmed in a car before."
"I like it that you let go. I like that I could make you climax. You make me come very close to losing control too. You affect me Harper.”
She draws in a sharp breath. “I… I do.”
“You make me want to throw you down, rip off your panties, and finger you. You make me want to take you in every way, until you climax.”
She gasps. The air around us throbs with need. I feel myself getting aroused, feel my groin harden, my balls tighten. But I don’t try to hide it. Don’t try to restrain this primal need which fills me with the need to own her. To possess her.
“You make me want to be inside of you. To feel your tight pussy clamp around my cock. To feel your inner walls milk me as I finally…finally come inside you."
I swallow down the groan rumbling up my chest.
She shudders. Curls her fingers into fists. Squeezes her thighs together as if to clamp down on the yawning emptiness inside of her which my words have exposed.
“You know what I’m going to do after I say goodnight?”
She shakes her head.
“I’m going to take a shower. I’m going to lock my fingers around my thick, hard cock and pleasure myself.
I’ll be thinking about your flushed face, and your trembling tits, and the curve of your arse, and your thick thighs.
I’m going to imagine you. I’ll think of the sounds you make when I pinch your clit and squeeze my fingers around your throat until that very last moment when I let go as I destroy that sweet cunt of yours.
I'll think of how good it’s going to be when I finally come inside of you. ”
She moans. Her chest rises and falls, as if she’s very close to orgasming from my words.
My God. This woman is so responsive to me. It’s a wonder I’ve kept myself in check thus far.
“Do you know how many times I’ve touched myself thinking of you after that night we first met?”
She shakes her head.