Chapter 60 #2
Henrik seems surprised. “What was it then?”
James smiles faintly. “I was worried I would lose control over my emotions where she was concerned. That I might not be able to control the variables if she was in the kitchen. And as a result, for the first few months, I micromanaged her. I tested her. I challenged her. I’m afraid I made a complete ogre of myself.
But you’ll agree that she more than delivered.
She stood up to me, even when I was working her so hard that she walked into the refrigerator room thinking it was the exit and then proceeded to fall asleep there because she was so tired. ”
A ripple of understanding runs around the room. Ollie smiles at me. Ryan nods and gives me a thumbs-up.
Mark’s expression, though, is not impressed.
This is the second time James is defending me to the team.
I’m sure it makes me look weak.
I need to face the team, to speak up for myself.
“It’s true, James pushed me hard the first two months. He’s still pushing me. He has never compromised on the excellence in this restaurant, be it about the quality of the food or of the personnel.”
I glance around the room. I’m reiterating facts the team already knows, but there’s no harm reminding them.
Yes, I’m defending James, but he’s worked hard building his reputation and that of his restaurant. He deserves it.
I take a moment to gather my thoughts.
“No matter how we met and decided to marry, which is between my husband and me, the bottom line is that we want to be together.” All that is true.
“Given we are in the same career, it makes sense for us to share the load of running the restaurant, but”—I look at the brigade—“I think it’s time for me to move on. ”
I sense the tension rolling off of James in waves. From the corner of my eye, I see him set his jaw.
He’s trying to keep his emotions in check.
He’s upset, which is understandable. I did not discuss this with him.
I'm catching him off guard. I'm catching myself off guard with my announcement. But in this moment, I know it's right for me.
James gave me everything a mentor could. Under him, I found my touch, my confidence, the chef I did not know I was capable of being.
But as long as I stand beside him in his kitchen, wearing his ring, I will never know how much of what I have is truly mine.
Every win will be questioned. Every call I make will carry the shadow of our marriage. I could outwork every person in this room, and half of them would still wonder. And worse, so would I.
He's already defending me. Standing there, still and certain, holding the line for me without flinching. Maybe they will believe him.
But I need to believe in myself. And I cannot do that here. It’s why I cannot stay.
Mark seems taken aback. “You’re leaving?”
James stiffens. I don’t dare look at him. If I did, I’d be swayed into staying just so I could be close to him.
“I’ve learned a lot from James and from all of you. But I want to prove myself on my own merit.”
There’s silence, then, Mark’s features soften. “You were sous chef before you married James. You’ve more than proved yourself.”
“Thank you.” I bend my head. “I have to leave for myself. I need to find out what I’m truly capable of.
I want to launch my own restaurant, where I design my own menu, and build my own team.
Where I can implement everything I’ve learned.
Where I can test myself. Only then will I be truly satisfied. ”
“I can totally see you doing that,” Ollie gushes in excitement.
There’s another moment of silence, then Henrik claps. The rest follow. I’m surprised but I bow my head and accept the applause.
But the whole time, James has been quiet; he’s watching me very carefully.
"Can’t say I was surprised by Miller's actions. He spoke ill about you and believed he was the one who actually ran the kitchen. You put him right on that." Ryan nods.
James’ forehead furrows. "Perhaps, he had reason to speak ill of me."
My knees almost give way. Did James, whose motto was, Chef is always right, own up to a mistake?
Once again, there’s silence. The team stares at him with shock.
"Are you…okay, Chef?" Henrik clears his throat.
"I am. Now," James says only half in jest. "I realize my style of management in the kitchen might have been a little over-the-top in the past," he offers.
"A little?" I scoff.
He narrows his gaze on me, with an expression that implies we have much to discuss.
Then he turns back to the team.
"You can credit my wife for having softened me up. A little." He holds up his thumb and forefinger. "Enough for me to say, it’s probably my fault that Miller made that video. I’m not going to let him get away with it. But I could have handled the way I fired him with more finesse."
"James Hamilton, confessing to his sins? Who’d have thought that day would arrive." Tristan’s voice reaches us.
I look up to find him leaning a shoulder against the doorway connecting the kitchen to the hallway leading to the back door. He must have come in that way.
James straightens. "You have news?"