Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX
ROMAN
My heart surges as I see Gran’s cottage. For a time up in Scotland, I’d wondered whether I’d ever be back here.
I give a light knock before opening her door and immediately being enveloped in the smell of lavender.
Before I go into the kitchen, where I know I’ll find her at this time of day, I steady myself against the wall.
Relief floods into me as I rest a hand on the wallpaper that’s been in the house as long as I can remember.
‘Roman, is that you?’ Gran’s voice carries through the small cottage.
‘I’ve brought cake.’ I plaster a smile on my face, hoping that she can’t see how turbulent my thoughts are.
She stands to greet me as I walk into the kitchen, her eyes softening as she reaches up to pat my cheek.
‘Well,’ she says. ‘Look what the cat dragged in.’
‘Nice to see you too,’ I reply, putting the cake boxes on the table and hitting the switch on the kettle.
‘You overcompensating for something? she asks, tapping the two boxes with interest.
‘I missed you. And I missed a week, so I’ve doubled up. Francesca made a cinnamon crunch cake this week, and I couldn’t resist grabbing us some.’
‘A bribe for leaving your dear old Granny all alone,’ she says with a laugh. ‘The other is still chocolate, right?’
‘Of course.’
Gran opens the boxes and pinches a little of the crunchy cinnamon topping while I make a pot of tea and fill the milk jug, taking both to the table along with some china cups.
‘So fill me in on where you’ve been that was so interesting you bailed on me.’
‘We’ve not even poured the tea yet,’ I say, grinning at her.
‘Then pour the damned tea and get on with it. I’m getting older by the second.’
‘I popped up to Scotland. Just needed to get away for a few days.’ Gran’s eyes narrow as I stir the milk into the tea.
‘You’ve got a face like a smacked backside.’
‘That’s just my face.’
‘Roman, I’ve known you since you emerged from your mother. There’s no pulling one over on me. Now spill.’
‘I did go to Scotland.’
She takes a large slice of cake and flops it onto a plate, digging into it with a tiny fork.
I continue. ‘To a wedding.’
She chews a mouthful of cake and gestures with her fork for me to continue.
I blow out a breath. ‘I met a woman.’
Gran freezes with her fork midway to her mouth. Then she slowly sets it back on the plate.
‘…Oh?’ she says, in a tone that spells trouble.
‘Oh,’ I confirm.
She leans forward slightly. ‘A woman.’
‘Yes.’
‘A friend?’
‘No.’
‘We’re you paying her?’
I grimace. ‘God, no, Gran. What do you take me for?’
‘Largely an idiot who pretends to be the ‘big I am’ online. What happened to your pussy embargo?’
I cough. ‘Gran!’
Never have I heard her say the word pussy, and I hope she never uses it again.
‘Don’t you “Gran” me,’ she says, eyes gleaming. ‘Tell me about her.’
Where the fuck do I begin? I take a sip of tea and a huge bite of cake to stall.
Gran’s eyebrows raise.
‘Oh. I see. This one means something.’ Gran reaches over and taps the back of my hand.
‘It’s complicated.’
‘Complicated is good, if it was boring you wouldn’t look like you’d been hit by a train.’
‘I haven’t been hit by a train.’
‘Tell your face that. You look like you haven’t slept since the last time I saw you.’
‘Yes.’
‘Liar.’
I rub a hand over my face. ‘Her name is Maggie.’
‘Maggie. She sounds nice.’
From only her name? Oh, Gran, you have no idea.
‘Is she nice?’
I mutter under my breath because what does nice even mean in the context of Maggie Hamilton? She kidnapped me. She nearly got me murdered. She also made me laugh so hard I nearly choked, and took my cock like an insatiable demon. Not that I intend on telling Gran that.
‘Yeah, she’s pretty special.’
Gran studies me for a long moment. ‘When can I meet her?’
My stomach sinks. ‘You can’t.’
‘Why not?’
Running a hand through my hair, I sit back and exhale. Pressure builds in my chest. The pressure that says if you let people in, they leave.
‘Because I can’t be with her and keep my business running.’
Gran stares at me like I’ve just told her I’m moving to bloody Mars to take up alien judo.
She leans forward, resting her chin on one hand and looking every bit the sweet old lady. ‘Fuck your business, son.’
I blink. ‘Gran—’
‘Don’t “Gran” me. Fuck. Your. Business. All those twerps can follow some other idiot who chats shite just to take their money.
Well damn. ‘Thanks for the support.’
‘Support? I’m not supporting you. I’m telling you you’re being an idiot.’
‘I’m not sure that it’s particularly helpful.’ My face flames at her, letting me know exactly what she thinks of my career.
‘Spreading that nonsense makes you an idiot,’ she continues. ‘Oh, I can’t have a real life because of my “business”. Give over.’
‘And what do I do for money?’ I ask because this is always the wall I hit.
Gran waves a hand. ‘Diversify.’
I stare at her. ‘It’s not that easy.’
‘It is that easy. You’re clever. You can do something else. Or get a real job.’
‘A real job. I have a real job. What do you want me to be, a barista?’
‘You’d make a lovely barista. Brooding while you foam milk. Women love a grumpy man with a pretty face. You’ve been the hit of the pensioners club.’
‘I’m not going to make coffee for horny old ladies.’
‘Move back in with me,’ Gran says abruptly.
‘What?’
‘You heard.’
‘Gran, you’ve only had a few years without me. I’ve sponged off you for long enough.’
‘I loved you living here. And you can bring Maggie too. I won’t even make you sleep on the couch when she stays. I’ve got a spare room. You can pay rent and take the bins out. You can stop hiding behind the nonsense.’
‘I’m not hiding.’
She gives me a withering look.
‘Roman, you’ve been hiding since you were a little boy. Since your mum left and your dad…’ Her mouth tightens, and her eyes grow wet. ‘Since then. You hide behind that online pish and this stupid idea that you don’t need anybody.’
I swallow hard.
Gran reaches for the cake again, slicing it with ruthless precision. ‘And if you keep on like that, you’ll end up old and lonely, and there won’t even be anyone to bring you cake.’
‘Gran…’
‘Listen to your elders. You know I’m right.’
I hate admitting it, but it’s true. Getting to know Maggie had broken a hole in the wall guarding my heart. Desperately trying to plug it with my fingers isn’t helping.
‘Maggie. Do you think I’ll like her?’
I nod. Gran would love her. They could crochet together while I feed them cake. Their humour would bounce off each other. How could they not like one another?
‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘I think you would.’
‘Then bring her,’ Gran says.
‘Gran…’
‘Stop arguing,’ she interrupts. ‘I’m not saying tomorrow. I’m not saying next week. But you bring her when you can. Don’t let the first woman who’s made you blush in years slip away because you’re scared.’
‘What if it doesn’t work out?’ Even voicing the fear makes my stomach churn.
‘What if it does?’
I stare at her.
‘You’ve spent your whole life acting like you’re already ruined.
Like love is something that happens to other people.
Like your shitty past has decided your future.
But you’re alive. You’re here. You’ve got a woman who makes you weak, and you don’t want to pursue her because of this world of fallacy you’ve built up. ’
God, she may as well just kick me in the shins already.
Gran softens a touch. ‘So stop being a coward. Do something terrifying for once.’
I’m not about to admit that I nearly got murdered at the wedding and fed a dickhead to a bunch of pigs.
But it’s good to know my Gran stands behind me if I choose to pursue Maggie. Assuming she’d even be interested after I asked her to be a secret.
I wouldn’t blame her if she slammed her door in my face.