19. Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Nineteen
Amy
“So, how was your lunch with Parker?” Eliza’s voice in my ear is a comfort as I make my way slowly down the street, headed back to the office.
“It was fine,” I comment, not really sure if that’s the truth or not. Honestly, things felt a little ... weird . “Kind of.”
“What do you mean? Did he tell you he likes you?”
I laugh. “Um, no. He made it very clear that we’re just friends. But I did find out that he lives in NoHo. Which isn’t anywhere close to my place, and I still can’t make sense of why he walked me home that first night.”
“Aw...”
“Don’t,” I stop her before she can run with the thought. “It’s clear he just felt sorry for me.”
Eliza laughs. “Right.”
I can sense the sarcasm in her voice. “I mean, sure, there are glimpses of a heart beneath all that grump, but he’s made it clear over and over that we’re just friends.” The disappointment in my voice is palpable. And I feel surprisingly very disappointed by it. I don’t even know why.
I’ve never looked at Parker as more than just a friend ... right?
I’m more conflicted than before. I wasn’t expecting to feel so sad about this.
“Anyway,” I say, changing the subject, “I still have a bet to win, so I found a matchmaking event to go to. I filled out this detailed questionnaire, and then a panel places you with who they think is your best match.”
“You don’t sound excited.”
“I am,” I reason, though I can’t seem to muster much excitement to convince her. “Maybe I’ll finally meet the right person there.”
“Or maybe you should tell Parker you have feelings for him and see what happens first.”
“Eliza,” I say firmly. “It’s not happening with Parker. I mean, yeah, maybe I have a little crush on him ... but it’s probably just because he’s the only guy I’ve ever kissed. ”
She’s quiet for a few moments. “I guess you could be right. I’m sorry for pushing you. It’s just that I can tell you like him and don’t want you to miss out...”
“I know, but it’s just a little crush. I’ve had plenty of those over the years. It’s nothing I can’t get over.” My fingers run along my bottom lip as I say the words, my mind filling with the memory of our New Year’s Eve kiss. “I’ll probably meet someone at the matchmaker thing tomorrow night and forget that I ever considered Parker as more than a friend.”
“Okay...” She doesn’t sound very confident.
And that doesn’t make me feel any better.
“It’ll be good.”
“Yes, it will.” Eliza’s voice is much brighter now. “I’m sure you’ll have a great time, and you’re right. You might finally meet that Valentine’s Day boyfriend!”
“Absolutely.” I push through the office building door and make my way up to my floor. “But I’m back at work now, so I’ll call you later.”
“Love you, Amy.”
“Love you.”
Just before I put the phone back in my purse, I check my messages, surprised to see a new text message. My heart flutters in my chest.
Parker: Thanks for meeting me for lunch.
I tilt my head as I read it again, immediately replying and letting him know that I enjoyed it as well. However, it only leaves me feeling more confused.
Maybe we’re getting closer.
But ONLY as friends.
That’s what I keep telling myself as I walk past the cubicles to my own office. Before I can even shut the door, Nellie waves me down, following me in and closing the door.
“Hey, how was your lunch?”
“It was good,” I say, taking off my coat and hanging it on the back of my chair. “I met up with a friend.”
“A friend?” She raises her brow. “Is this the same friend that took you to the emergency room?”
I hesitate at the smirk on her face. “Yeah, but trust me , we’re just friends. He’s made that very clear.”
“Oh, one of those guys.” She frowns, plopping down in the chair opposite my desk. “I was hung up on one of my guy friends. And, well, now we’re not friends anymore.”
“Oh?” I jiggle my mouse to wake up my computer and check my inbox for any important emails. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”
She laughs, dismissing me. “It’s okay. I wasn’t the one who ended up heartbroken in the end, surprisingly.”
Oh.
“What happened—if you don’t mind me asking?”
“It was years ago, I don’t mind.” She smiles at me, though it doesn’t reach her eyes. “I, um, I had this guy friend. I think I realized I had feelings for him a few months into us being friends—maybe even sooner than that.” Nellie pauses, picking at her fingernails. “I was crazy about him. I thought I was in love with him.”
Well, I don’t think I’m in love with Parker. It’s just a crush.
“All my friends told me that I should tell him. They didn’t want me to miss out on something really special.”
My stomach flips. “And?”
“And I finally worked up the courage to tell him that I thought I might be in love with him. He responded like a deer in the headlights. He was shocked . And then, it got so awkward. He told me that he wasn’t looking for a relationship, that he didn’t see me as anything more than a friend. Things got super weird after that. He started avoiding me. Looking back, I realize he had some major commitment issues.”
I inwardly cringe. That sounds exactly like something Parker would do. “Was that the end of your friendship?”
“No,” she says, laughing softly. “I toughed it out and continued to be his friend—only because I really valued his friendship. But I definitely grieved the romantic relationship I wanted with him. I eventually started dating and met someone ... and then he told me he loved me.”
“ Oof. ” My eyes widen.
“Yeah. So that was the end of our friendship. He took the rejection hard and basically cut me off after that. I suppose it was always the wrong timing for us.”
“I’m sorry. ”
“It’s okay.” She perks up. “The point of the story is that if you have any feelings for this friend of yours and he’s made it clear that you two are nothing more than friends, leave it alone. Don’t try to make some grand gesture to change his mind. I promise it’s not worth the pain.”
I nod, feeling the contradiction between Eliza’s and Nellie’s advice. Everyone has their own experiences they draw from—and that’s very apparent.
It’s just too bad that I have none of my own to rely on.
“I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear.” Nellie shoots me a sympathetic smile. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt. A man with potential is just that—potential.”
I smile. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m actually going to a matchmaking event tomorrow. I had to fill out this long questionnaire, and then a panel will pair me with the person they think I fit best with.”
“Oh, that’s a great idea!” Nellie beams. “I wish I could’ve participated in something like that when I was out in the dating scene. Get all the serious stuff out of the way upfront so you at least know you’re good on paper.”
I wonder if Parker and I would be good on paper.
The thought leaves my mind swimming.
Do Parker and I even have anything in common?
I mean, he grew up in New York City in a broken home—and I lived outside of Chicago with parents who loved each other. He’s a total grump, and I’m, well—the total opposite .
“Anyway, I hope you have a lot of fun at the event tomorrow night,” Nellie says, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I catch her eye as she stands to her feet. “Me, too.”
I can’t sleep.
The conversation I had with Nellie replays in my mind like a broken record.
As hopeful as I am about finding the right person, I’m still a little unsure what exactly the right person for me even looks like.
As I lay in the dark, I start to think about the questionnaire I filled out. In it, they asked about my preferences, hobbies, and interests. But ... most of the answers were just surface-level. They didn’t dig deep into who I really am or what I’m truly looking for in a partner. Surely a successful and long-lasting relationship is based on more than shared interests and surface-level compatibility.
The more I toss and turn, the more I realize that I want someone who loves me like my dad loves my mom. He looks at her like she’s the only person in the room, like she’s his whole world. I want someone who will be my rock. Someone who will stand by me through thick and thin, through all of life’s ups and downs. Someone who understands my quirks, who forgives my flaws, and who sees the real me beneath the facade I often put up for the world. Someone who will fiercely respect, protect, defend, and uplift me. Someone who can challenge me to be a better version of myself and encourages me in my pursuits and dreams, just like my dad does for my mom.
Just like Dad does for me .
As the first light of dawn creeps through the curtains, I make a decision.
No matter what the matchmaking event brings, I won’t settle for anything less than a love that mirrors the one my parents share.
“I look great,” I say to myself, standing in front of the full-length mirror in my apartment. The walking boot is only a slight setback, but if someone judges me for that, then I don’t want to be with them anyway.
My black skinny jeans hug my hips and thighs, and my black bootie on my other foot evens out the difference in height. My olive-and-cream striped sweater is fluffy, but not so much that someone can’t see my figure.
I push my freshly curled hair behind my ears and pop my lips.
And then my phone rings.
I spin around and grab my purse off the bed, assuming it’s Eliza calling last minute to wish me good luck. But that’s not who’s calling.
“Are you bailing tonight?” I answer, not even bothering to greet Parker .
“No,” he says, drawing out the ‘o.’ “But I am waiting for you outside your apartment door. I thought it might freak you out if I just knocked.”
“Why?” I laugh, just as a knock sounds. “You’re so weird.”
“I know. Now let me in.”
Still laughing, I hang up and limp toward the door and swing it open. I take in the sight of Parker, his hair freshly smoothed out and his style edgy . Black denim and a Ramones T-shirt under a leather jacket.
Jeez. My mouth grows dry as I take him in. He’s hot. But I shake it off, slapping a smile on my face as I meet his gaze. “You ready?”
He shoves his hands into his pockets. “I think I should be asking you that.”
“Right.” I swallow, grabbing my jacket off the hook by the door. “I think I’m ready. Do I look ready?”
He steps back slightly, his eyes meeting mine before running down the entire length of my body. My insides quiver with excitement and my face grows hot.
Are my cheeks red? Oh my gosh, I hope not.
“You look ready to me.” His husky voice breaks through my thoughts.
“Great,” I choke out, fumbling with my coat.
And just like that, he’s now standing right in front of me, his cologne intoxicating as he helps me slide my arms into the holes of my wool peacoat.
“My ankle is injured, not my arms. ”
Parker chuckles. “Right.”
I duck away from him, gesturing to my purse. “Almost forgot my purse.”
“I’ll grab it for you.” He trots over to it, looking over his shoulder. “It’ll take you twice as long to limp back over here.”
“Ha ha.” I roll my eyes as he brings it to me and holds it out. “You know, I’m actually getting pretty fast in this thing.”
“Oh yeah? Shall we race, then?” His eyes dance over my face with amusement, and for a moment I catch myself wondering what it would be like if Parker actually liked me. I imagine him grabbing my hand, leading me out of the apartment, and taking me out for the night... No dating games required.
I’m torturing myself.
“Let’s go.” I slip past him, chiding myself for my weak moment. Besides, there’s probably some great new guy waiting for me at the event...
Unless I somehow get matched with Parker.
My eyes shift upward as we ride the elevator down, and I start thinking about how surprised he’d be if we’re matched. He’d be pissed, probably.
“How was your day?” he asks, his eyes more green than blue tonight.
“It was fine,” I answer as we step out. He walks slowly beside me and opens the lobby door. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” He holds out his arm. “Do you need extra support? ”
“What?” I make a face.
“Your ankle?” He points to the boot. “I didn’t know if it would be helpful...”
“Right...” My voice trails off as I hesitantly slide my arm in his.
I realize we look like a couple as we walk down the street.
But we’re just friends.