Chapter 20
Raven waited. He was waiting for something to happen, for Maxim to make a move.
Or for Maxim to push him away, to get angry and put him in his place.
He didn’t want either thing to happen, not really, but standing in the hallway of the penthouse, hugging like this, was like picking at a scab that had barely healed.
You knew there was blood underneath, and still you dug in your nails.
Still you had to see beneath the ugly mark as if the skin had closed already.
Or you needed to feel that small pain to know the fall hadn’t killed you.
Raven knew he shouldn’t be doing this, that he should stop and apologize or do anything other than nothing, but he couldn’t. And Maxim barely moved. If not for the measured beating of his heart and his slow breaths, Raven might have thought him a statue.
He has his hand on my hair. He hasn’t moved his hand. It feels good. Maybe he…
Raven pulled away from thinking the thought through to the end. He relaxed. With that came a weakness in his legs from standing so long.
I have to end this, get out of this. Why isn’t he doing anything? What’s he going to think if I get a cramp and fall over in pain like the idiot I am?
Raven moved his head, feeling the soft fabric of Maxim’s light sweater brush his cheek.
“I think I’m tired.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Can you take me to bed?”
“I can take you to your room, Raven. You’ll have to let go so that we both can walk easier, hmm?”
It hurt. It hurt to let go. He did it anyway.
His entire body was stiff, and he was scared to face Maxim, knowing he should explain. Not like I even understand what that was. All I know is I was scared he was going to be angry that we’d left without telling him.
“Did you have food while you were downstairs?” Maxim’s voice was as soft as his touch. He was close, so close any touch could have been explained away as accidental. But Maxim didn’t try to touch him.
“Yeah.”
“Not thirsty now?”
Raven shook his head.
“Where did the dog go?”
“Jason said he was going to take him for a walk, and Heath said maybe getting him groomed was a good idea. Jason said he was going to do that too. He said…he didn’t mind and I should stay here. Because it’s so bright outside.”
Maxim chuckled. “Did he? He’s probably right. Come, let’s head to your room. You want to try getting some sleep again?”
Raven nodded. He was tired now, more so than before, and there was a fogginess that seemed to be settling in his head.
Maxim walked with him until they arrived at the door to Raven’s guest room. It was bright in there now. It looked friendly, not like it had the night before, when Raven had thought he’d be able to sleep, but—
He glanced at Maxim, who’d stopped at the door, and wondered. It’s not like I have much to lose.
“What do you want to do with me? Why’re you… Am I going to be punished, or…?”
Raven wasn’t sure how to phrase it, wasn’t even entirely sure what to ask.
“Punished? What did you do that deserves punishment, Raven?”
Raven let out a breath, his legs feeling weak but holding him up. He wants my confession. I can do that much. Then it will be over. Then it’ll finally be over.
“Prof. LeRoux. I just watched. I did nothing. And—I already told you, I could’ve run.
I could’ve screamed. There were times when they didn’t—he didn’t compel me all the time.
He—th-there was breakfast. D-Daniel had toast and—they didn’t compel me.
Daniel watched, and he kissed me, and I think I kissed him back, and then he poured me coffee and said I was a treat.
I wasn’t compelled at all. I-I could’ve th-thrown the c-coffee in his face and…
I could’ve-could’ve run and… That was before.
Before Prof. LeRoux. I g-g-gave them…the address.
You’re a hunter, and if you don’t want—I understand why you wouldn’t want me, but you’re a hunter.
I understand there’s a reason I’m here. I’m not that dumb. ”
“You won a scholarship on your own merit. You’re not dumb at all, Raven. If you’re up for it, would you like to go upstairs to my office?”
Raven nodded. He had no idea what was about to come, but he welcomed it. An end. It will finally be over.
They turned, which was when his legs decided they were done, and he stumbled.
“S-sorry.”
“That’s all right. You can lean on me.”
So Raven did, draping his arm around Maxim’s shoulders in what might have been a friendly way or even an intimate way in a different world.
He had no idea what it meant now. Nothing seemed to mean anything anymore.
He could no longer discern all the meaning in things, in gestures, just knew that he missed most of it.
They made it up the stairs, step by step. It wasn’t painful, but with every step, it increasingly felt as if Raven were floating into the air, getting pulled away from the world.
The upstairs was very different in the daylight.
Light and shadow, rather than walls, divided the space, secluding the big shelf with the couch in front of it in indirect light while Raven could just about spot a seating area with what looked like a dinner table bathed in sunshine.
The door Maxim led him to led to the office he’d seen the previous night.
Maxim guided him to the comfortable-looking desk chair. “Let’s sit you down here. There. Is that okay?”
Raven nodded. “S-sure.”
“Wonderful. Wait, I have a very big pen selection. Heath always buys me new ones because he thinks I’m losing them, but I don’t, really. Will you promise not to tell him?”
Maxim was grinning. This might be just another day at the office for him. Maybe this is fun for him?
“I promise.”
“Oh, excellent.” Maxim opened a cabinet behind the desk and pulled out a plastic box approximately the size of a shoebox.
He opened it to reveal a massive collection of pens and pencils in all the colors of the rainbow.
“I tell him I like fancy things to get him to try new things.” He picked out a gel liner and twirled it in his fingers, then put it on the desk.
“Oh, you’ll need a notebook. Bottom drawer on your right. Pick whichever one you like.”
Raven turned in the chair and opened the drawer Maxim had indicated. He picked up the topmost notebook, then just looked at it.
“You want me to write my confession.”
“No. You study literature, don’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“So you can analyze a text, taking into consideration a given set of criteria?”
Raven nodded. “Of course.”
Maxim picked up the gel pen again. “Is this the notebook you want?”
“Sure. This is fine.”
Maxim took it. “I know the Forum’s press people don’t always tell the wider media straight up what we do, and by ‘we’ I mean hunters such as myself.
Let me boil it down to the most important tenets.
One: stop all supernaturals who can be said to exploit humans or other supernaturals.
” He wrote it out, underlining “exploit.” His cursive was neat and even, very old-fashioned.
“Two: stop all those who profit from humans or other supernaturals in a criminal way.” He underlined “criminal” and shrugged.
“There’s a whole legal code, but it’s built on reciprocity.
Act only in such a way in which you would wish to be acted upon.
So a criminal act might be, for instance, restricting another’s movements against their wishes.
Three: stop all humans who can be said to exploit supernaturals.
Four: stop all humans who profit from supernaturals in a criminal way.
Five: stop all those who, through their action or inaction, endanger the supernatural community as a whole, and six: protect those who cannot protect themselves. Not too complicated, no?”
Raven couldn’t speak, he could only nod. Tears had stolen his voice.
Maxim put down the pen. “Write down the things you did that would require me to stop you, considering these core duties. Write down where you have done—with intent and forethought—what would require me to punish you, Raven. It’s a whole notebook, but I doubt you’d fill a page.”
Raven opened his mouth. A whine came out.
“It’s fine. It’s fine. You didn’t do anything wrong, do you see that now?”
Raven didn’t quite. Everything felt wrong.
Everything was too much, everything muddled together, and the memory of Daniel watching him and biting into his toast was almost overwhelming.
The crunch. Cherry jelly. He’d put cherry jelly on the toast. They had killed Prof.
LeRoux’s husband first and torn pieces out of him.
A terrifying sound filled the penthouse.
Raven knew it was him, whimpering, sobbing.
He couldn’t stop. At some point, Maxim had gone to his knees, and Raven slid off the chair onto the floor, his arms falling around Maxim’s neck.
The world was far away, a distant thing, the home of another person entirely.