Chapter 4
A daughter. My daughter?
I swallowed the bile rising in my throat.
“What am I supposed to do?” I muttered, pacing the length of the bathroom where Raleigh had dragged me. He handed me a paper towel for my still dripping face from where he’d splashed me with cold water, then halted my frantic pacing with a hand to my chest.
“You could start by talking to her,” he said. “Do you know who her mother could be?”
I turned to the sink and braced myself on either side. I focused on the drip, drip, drip of the faucet. “Erin.” It had finally dawned on me why she looked so familiar. She was the spitting image of…
“So it’s possible she’s telling the truth?”
“No!” I answered out of reflex. Then I blew out a breath. “Maybe.”
I heard laughter outside the door. The guy who came in with her—Kian, her boyfriend—ducked out to give us our space, and Angel sat her down at the bar, showing off his bartender magic as he made drinks in front of her.
I tightened my grip on the sink, so much so that my knuckles turned white.
I felt like I’d pass out, or vomit, or both.
Raleigh squeezed my shoulder. “Come out whenever you’re ready.”
Ha! How was I ever supposed to be ready for something like this?
My head was swimming. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears.
I began to pace again, wringing my hands together to stem the shaking while I did the math.
She was seventeen, which meant she would have been born when I was eighteen.
I’d still been in New England back then.
Sure, Erin had taken off to New York like we’d planned, but her parents stayed.
I would’ve known if she’d been pregnant, damn it.
I threw the door open and re-entered the bar.
Raleigh stood behind the counter, frozen in position as he waited to see what I was going to do.
My gaze went from him to the two people sitting on the barstools.
Angel, and… shit, it could’ve been Erin from seventeen years ago.
Hannah had the same sandy blonde hair tied on top of her head in a messy knot.
She had the same laugh, throwing her head back at something Angel was saying to her.
When her chin came back down, her eyes rested on me. Dark, stormy, ocean blue eyes.
My eyes.
Her smile faded, but the corner of her mouth stayed slightly quirked. I’m sure it was my uncertain demeanor that caused her to shrink back in her seat. “Are you okay, Ryder?”
“Ryder?”
I looked to the girl lying at my side. My arm curled underneath her body, resting on her hip. It was a nice night; so we’d snuck out, spreading a blanket on the ground by the water. The wind blew, rustling her hair and sending a cloud of lavender right into my face.
“Hmm?”
“Don’t distract me,” she giggled. “I asked you a question.”
“Ask me again.”
Erin sat up, taking my hand in hers. She swung a leg over my lap, settling her knees on either side of me.
“Are you excited for college? For our next chapter together?”
My heart began to race. “I don’t know if ‘excited’ is the right word.”
“Terrified” was more like it, but when Erin laughed, worries faded away.
“It’s okay to be scared.” She dropped my hand to lean over me, bringing our bodies together.
“I’m not scared.” I swallowed the false bravado as her hazel eyes bore into mine. I couldn’t lie—not to her. I gulped, my throat tight. When I spoke again, my words came out in a whisper. “Fine, I’m nervous.”
Erin linked our fingers together and brought them to her lips. A tingle spread through my body, starting with where her mouth connected to my skin. “Let me fix that,” she whispered.
She lowered herself over me, and a new set of nerves took over as she brought our mouths together…
“Ryder?” Raleigh’s deep voice pulled me from my thoughts.
I tore my eyes away from Hannah to look at him. “Hmm?”
“I asked if you wanted a drink.”
I let out a deep breath. “Yeah. I do.” It was only then that I noticed the empty glass sitting in front of Hannah. “Um.”
Angel followed my gaze, and smirked. “Relax, Dad, it’s just a Shirley Temple.”
Dad.
The word felt like a punch to the gut. I grabbed the scotch Raleigh handed me and downed it in one go.
“Damn, boy.” He refilled it, but when I reached out to take the glass again, he held it out of my reach. “Slowly. This is the last one you get. You two can use our office for some privacy. Take as long as you need; I’ll call Jack to cover your shift tonight.”
I waited against the bar with glass in hand as Angel made another drink for Hannah.
She grabbed her bag and stood, hovering awkwardly.
With effort, I made the decision to look at her again.
Her blue eyes met mine, and though I knew she had to be as uncomfortable as I was, she gave me a genuine smile.
Her eyes were soft, her cheeks tinged pink—or maybe that was makeup.
I had a daughter who was old enough to wear makeup? Fuck.
She stood there for a minute even after Angel had finished her drink, and I realized with a start that she was waiting for me. I cleared my throat. “This way.”
I felt her presence behind me as I walked down the hall and opened the door to the office. I let her step in first, then shut the door behind us. “You can sit down.”
“Are you going to sit?”
I shook my head. “I’m more of a fidgeter.”
She flashed a grin. “Me too.”
Yup, that earned me a sip of scotch. I paced in front of her, unsure where to start.
Hannah looked around, taking in the macabre décor of the office. “This place is really cool.”
I chuckled. “I thought it was cheesy at first. It’s grown on me though.”
“How long have you been here?”
“I’ve been in Vegas for thirteen years now? I’ve been at the bar nearly the entire time. Angel and Raleigh took over a few years ago.”
Silence fell between us again. I set my scotch on the desk so I wouldn’t be tempted to guzzle it. “Here,” I said, taking Hannah’s drink as she looked for somewhere to set it down. “I’m sorry, this is really awkward. I don’t know what to say.”
“I can start if you want. Since I ambushed you.”
“Sure,” I breathed, settling against the desk. “That works.”
“My mom’s name is—”
“Erin,” I cut in, then lowered my voice. “You’re a carbon copy of her.”
Hannah rolled her eyes, but did so with a small smile. “Everyone says that. Except for—”
“Your eyes.”
With a sheepish grin, Hannah dropped her gaze to her lap and a heavy silence fell between us. I spun my glass of scotch around on the desk. I heard the sound of a clock ticking somewhere in the room.
“I took a DNA test.”
I shook my head in an attempt to clear it. “Huh?”
Hannah picked at the black nail polish on her fingers.
Erin had the same nervous habit. “I took a DNA test,” she repeated.
“Last year, I saw my birth certificate for the first time. My dad—well, the man who raised me—his name wasn’t on it.
It was blank. Mom said it was a mistake, but something didn’t feel right.
I ordered a kit online, swabbed his toothbrush when he was sleeping, and sent it in. ”
I leaned against the desk, dropping my head in my hands with a laugh. “God, you are Erin’s daughter.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re too smart for your own good,” I said. Hannah blushed and looked at her lap again. “I’m guessing she wasn’t too happy when she found out.”
“Technically, I’m still grounded.”
“Ugh.” I let myself take a sip of my scotch. “How did you get here?”
“Kian and I flew.”
I had a seventeen-year-old daughter. One who was old enough to wear makeup and have a boyfriend. At least she could still be grounded. That was kidlike.
“I meant how did you come up with the money for that?” Something like this had to take planning, months of it.
“I’ve worked part time for a couple years. I had some money saved up. I sent it to Kian, and he bought the tickets.”
“Where do your parents think you are?”
“A debate club competition,” she said shyly.
I grabbed my drink and plopped down in the chair next to her. “You need to call them.”
“I know.” She sighed. “They’ll just make me go home, and I have questions.”
I scoffed. “Yeah, so do I.”
Hannah released a breath, and with it some of the tension in her body. She sunk into the seat and curled her legs underneath her. “You didn’t know.”
“Hence, the scotch.” I raised the glass. “I’m not drinking because I don’t want to see you, you know. I’m drinking because I’m in shock.”
Her eyes twinkled. “Solid parenting.” Before I could respond, she asked, “How long has it been since you’ve seen her?”
“You’re seventeen, right?” She answered with a nod. “Seventeen years and about nine months, then.”
“What happened?”
“Hannah, that’s not really for a kid to worry—”
“Ryder, please.” God, she even sounded like Erin. “I’ve recently learned that everyone I know has been lying to me my entire life. I didn’t come here to take anything from you; I don’t want money, I don’t want to stay with you. I just need someone to be honest with me. Please.”
I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. Once I was centered, I drained the rest of my scotch and set the glass down on the table. “Fine,” I relented, “but the second I’m done talking, we call your parents.”
Hannah paled. “‘We?’”
“Yes, ‘we.’ I’m in this with you now.”
I waited for her to nod before I stood and started pacing again. I hadn’t thought of Erin in years, and I wasn’t sure where I should start.
“I was head over heels for your mom.” My heart warmed at the memory of my first love.
“We dated for most of our senior year, went to homecoming and prom together, got into the same college. We had this whole plan, but the night before we left, I chickened out. I suddenly had this urge to… I don’t even know.
But what I did know was that I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want college.”
“So you ended things?” Hannah drew her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.
“Not exactly. I wanted to stay together. I was willing to try long-distance.” I grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch, shaking it out and offering it to her.
She gratefully accepted it as I continued pacing.
“Erin broke up with me. She wanted the college experience, and she decided that she would do it with or without me. She left for New York the next morning, and I never heard from her again.” I stopped, but Hannah remained silent, picking at a loose thread on the blanket. “Please say something,” I begged.
“We moved back to Salem when I was thirteen. Grandpa died, and Mom wanted to move back to take care of Grandma—she’s the one who told me your name.
There’s always been this… tension. Conversations stopping when I walk into a room, people looking at me funny.
” She laughed nervously. “I think we’re the only two people who didn’t know. ”
“Your dad knows?”
“I’m pretty sure he does. He was too calm about the birth certificate thing.”
“How did you find me?”
“A little digging and a lot of social media.”
I grunted. “Damn you, Angel.”
She gestured around the office. “This place is really popular, and you’re really good at what you do. I saw you in the background of a few TikTok posts throwing those bottles around like they’re nothing—will you show me how to do that?”
A strange, warm feeling came over me. No one had ever looked at me like that, or been so excited about mixology. I smiled at her. “Sure. Assuming we survive this conversation with your mom.”
Hannah groaned and dropped her head back to the couch. “Do we have to call her?”
I echoed her sentiment, but stuck to my guns. “Let’s get it over with.”
I sat down next to her again as she took her phone out with shaking hands and dialed Erin’s number.