Chapter 26
My stomach lurched from the copious amount of whiskey churning in my gut.
I launched out of bed, barely reaching the bathroom sink before the contents of my stomach splashed onto the porcelain.
I managed to turn on the cold water between heaves.
The bitter, acidic taste of whiskey and bile only made me sicker.
I fumbled for my toothbrush and fought against waves of nausea that only subsided when every bit of the taste was gone.
For good measure, I grabbed the mouthwash and took a swig straight from the bottle.
God, I was a sight. My pale skin was clammy from the hangover. My eyes were red. Sure, that was from the hangover too—not from crying. My throat hurt, my chest burned.
This was why I didn’t do relationships, or open up to people. Why I hadn’t settled down since Erin. I’d taken a chance on him, and he’d stomped on my heart. Full on ripped it out, chucked it on the ground with the force of a volleyball spike, and stomped on it for good measure.
I spit the mouthwash out. I’d been too hurt—and too drunk—the last week to examine our fallout, but after seeing that room in Luke’s house…
I tried to see it from James’s side, even though I still disagreed with him.
The strange occurrences at Liz’s must’ve made him realize he was being hunted. The first couple could’ve been dismissed, maybe, but a gunshot?
In fact, the strange occurrences had been escalating in danger. First a pulled fire exit alarm, no big deal. Then a break-in, which was a little more concerning.
But a gunshot? No wonder he’d freaked.
I groaned, looking at my bedraggled reflection in the bathroom mirror. I had deep, dark circles under my eyes, made all the darker by my pale, waxy complexion.
I’d assumed James was simply jealous of Luke, but what if he already knew what Luke was? What if Luke’s interest in me had been the real reason James called things off, hoping it’d make Luke back off?
Regardless, I had proof Luke was hunting James. Even scarier, he wasn’t acting alone. I had to warn James before they struck.
“Fuck!” I pressed my temples to fight the pain brought on by the high-pitched scream in the kitchen. Carlos had tricked me: he'd been the quiet one in the litter, damn it.
I vomited, hovering over the sink until I finished. Only then did I leave the bathroom and head down the hallway to the kitchen.
“I hear you, you little nightmare!”
The second he laid eyes on me, he stopped howling. He licked his nose, then eyed his food bowl.
“Is that the only reason you love me? Because I fill your bowl?” A loud yap sent a knife digging into my skull again. “All right, fine!”
I took him outside, then gritted my teeth through more screaming while I filled his bowl. I leaned against the counter while he ate, savoring the silence.
I wanted two things: Hannah and James. Right now, both were off limits.
I hadn’t seen Hannah since I’d dropped her off at home more than a week ago. We’d talked on the phone a few times, but Erin and Ben watched her every move.
While I waited for Carlos to finish eating, I flipped my phone around in my hand.
I should’ve eaten something myself, but the thought of food made me want to throw up again.
I looked down at the device in my hands.
I unlocked it, scrolling through my contacts until I found Hannah’s name.
Then, before I could second-guess it, I scrolled back up to Erin’s name and hit call.
The phone rang for so long that I thought it’d go to voicemail. It wouldn’t be the first time, but I really wanted her to pick up now.
At last, I heard an annoyed, “Hello?” in my ear.
I swallowed the snarky comment I wanted to say. “Do you want to go to breakfast?”
No response. I pulled the phone away from my ear to make sure she hadn’t hung up on me—again, it wouldn’t have been the first instance. Then, “What?”
“Breakfast,” I repeated. “Do you want to get some? I’m buying.”
She stammered, then let out a deep sigh. “You know what? I really want to say no, but I’ve been staring at this spreadsheet for hours and I’m sick of it.”
I double-checked the time. I hadn’t slept that late, had I? “It’s only 9:30.”
“Exactly. I’ll meet you at the diner in twenty minutes.”
In true Erin fashion, she didn’t give me a chance to answer before she ended the call. I groaned, earning another skull-shattering yip from Carlos. He glared at me, licking his lips and judging me through squinted eyes.
“Don’t look at me like that. It’s not my fault you inhaled your breakfast.” The Predator growl started low in his belly, and knowing what was coming, I pointed my finger at him. “No.”
His eyes narrowed in challenge.
“I was going to leave you out of your play area today, but since you want to have an attitude…” I stepped forward.
Carlos tried to scramble away, but his furry paws slid on the linoleum.
It slowed him down just enough for me to scoop him up with a hand under his belly.
The screaming commenced as I lowered him into the playpen.
As a peace offering, I set his bowl inside and added a scoop of kibble—which he promptly demolished, but not before huffing at me first.
“Complain all you want; you can stay in there until you’re ready to play nice.”
I showered, making it to breakfast in time to find Erin settling into a garland-decorated booth in the corner. I slid in across from her, peeling off my jacket. Soft Christmas music played over the speakers, and the servers had their aprons decorated for the upcoming holiday.
“You look like hell,” she said in greeting.
“Gee, thanks. Just what I needed to hear.”
Our server—a young woman with bells on her hair tie—came over to take our orders.
The only thing I really wanted was coffee—and the greasiest patty melt I could get my hands on.
I didn’t argue when Erin added a side of plain toast for me.
She ordered her own food, then waited for the server to retreat to a respectable distance before she started questioning me. “What happened?”
I tore the wrapper from my straw apart, focusing on the shreds of paper. “James ended things.” I risked a glance at her, and to my surprise, she looked shocked.
“Oh. I’m so sorry, Ryder. I didn’t realize you two were that serious.”
“Neither did I,” I scoffed. I took a deep breath. “That’s actually not why I asked to meet. I don’t want to talk about him.”
“Okay. What is it you wanted to talk about?”
“I’m sorry again for what happened with Hannah last week. I…” I exhaled. “I’ve fought off a lot of unwanted advances over the years but I’ve never had something like this happen before. I never wanted to drag Hannah into it.”
Erin visibly relaxed. “I know.”
“Then why keep us apart?”
Erin shrugged. “You’re not a parent, Ryder. You wouldn’t understand.”
“I’m trying to be. I have a child. Forgive me if I’m a little late to the game, but I’m trying. You’re not making it any easier by separating Hannah and I. We’ve already missed seventeen years.” I sat back and crossed my arms.
Erin nudged my water closer to me. “Drink that.”
“I don’t want it.”
“I know a hangover when I see one. You’ll feel like shit if you don’t.” She nudged the glass again. “Go on.”
I reluctantly took a sip. “Where do we go from here?” I asked with a sigh.
“Where do you think it’s going to go from here?”
I took my time. “I’m not going anywhere,” I finally said. “As long as Hannah wants me here, I’ll stay. So we’re just going to have to figure out how to do this together.”
Erin nodded, eyes distant. “I lost Hannah at the park when she was six.”
I was laughing in disbelief before I could stop myself. “What?”
The tension between us eased. Erin rolled her eyes and threw her straw wrapper at me. “Ben was very quick to remind me of that incident while I ranted at him last weekend.”
“What happened?”
“I was reading on a nearby bench. There she was, crawling along the monkey bars, happy as can be. Her obsession at the time was these neon pink rain boots—so bright they practically glowed, and I couldn’t miss her.
I looked down at my book just long enough to finish my page, and when I glanced up again, she was gone.
I freaked the hell out. My book ended up in a puddle.
I called Ben in a panic. Every person in that park must’ve been looking for her for about five minutes.
That doesn’t sound like a long time, but when you’re in that situation, it feels like a lifetime. ”
“Where was she?”
Erin laughed, a faraway look in her eyes. “She was in the bathroom. Said I looked like I was enjoying my book and she didn’t want to interrupt me.”
“That sounds exactly like her.”
I set aside my lukewarm cup of coffee as our plates were set in front of us. I was silently grateful for Erin adding on the extra toast when I took the first bite.
“Ryder, I don’t think you’re a monster.”
“Could’ve fooled me.” I paused. “I’m not trying to steal her, or replace either of you. Ben is wonderful.”
Erin snickered. “I think he may have a man crush on you.”
“I’m flattered,” I said, then sobered. “After we broke up, I resigned myself to the fact that I’d never have kids, may never get married.
I still don’t know if marriage is for me, but now that I’ve met Hannah, I’m determined to know the incredible young woman you’ve raised.
Sure, maybe she wouldn’t have turned out that way if I’d been there, but we’ll never know. All you can do is let me be there now.”
I paused to give Erin a window, but when she didn’t start speaking, I kept going. I reached across the table, grabbing her hand to get her attention. Her eyes snapped to mine. “I’m sorry for what I did to you. I wish I could tell you why I panicked, but the truth is that I don’t know why.”
Her fingers tightened around mine and she smiled. “I think I have an idea.”
“Enlighten me.”
“You have a fear of commitment.”
“You and I were together for years.”
“Sure, but we were kids. We went to school, to football games, to Homecoming. Think about the timing: you panicked when things started to get real. Moving away, being on our own—you weren’t ready to grow up yet, and a kid would’ve just complicated things.”
“I still deserved to know,” I said softly.
She gave me a sad smile. “I know, and I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking this far into the future—I wasn’t thinking of you. It was a foolish, selfish decision on my part. I’m sorry.”
With one last squeeze, she released my hand. “Does that mean we can work this out? I’ve had a week from hell, and it’d mean a lot to me to see Hannah. Carlos misses her too. I’m pretty sure she fed him double and now he thinks I’m starving him.”
“I can’t believe you got a dog.”
“After the way he spoke to me this morning,” I grumbled, “me neither.”
After paying, I walked Erin to her car. We paused by the driver’s side door, tugging our coats tighter around us.
“We can talk about it,” she finally said. “I know she’s got some FLA stuff coming up so her weekends are going to get pretty busy, but I’ll have her call you.”
I opened my arms, surprised when Erin stepped into the embrace. “Thank you,” I whispered, ignoring the way the wind shot her hair into my eyes.
“You turned out good, Clark.” I didn’t miss the way her voice broke when she said it.
“So did you.”