Chapter 23
Esiree
The weeks preceding our departure for Muir passed in a blur.
Before joining the Council, time in the Heart seemed to move slowly, a monotonous routine of little purpose.
But now I had something to look forward to and, more importantly, I had a role in Vastion’s plans.
He immediately informed Lailanor that I was to be tended to and provided meals on a modified schedule.
Since I would be working through the night hours alongside the Parcaetes and the Council, I had to navigate a few necessities.
One being that I still required sleep, an essential I was increasingly frustrated by.
Dare I say I was beginning to feel almost jealous of my Vampyr counterparts who required no rest.
Each time I became too exhausted to carry on, I’d defy slumber as long as possible, fearful that I’d miss out on some important conversation or decision.
But Vastion, and even Master Tyber, assured me that if anything of importance occurred, I’d be awoken.
Slumber, meals, both constraints of my humanity.
There were three Parcaetes and only one of me.
They were in a constant rotation, maximizing the hours between mortal needs.
Vastion and I still took dinner together, he with his evening ration, in the Great Hall.
We didn’t want to raise any suspicions about my alternate schedule; no doubt the dark circles around my eyes during the first week led to some concerned stares.
As someone who’d always enjoyed staying up late, I never imagined how hard it would be to actually alter my sleep schedule this drastically.
But the lack of sunlight in the Heart eased the burden.
Orin and Mina worked diligently on the campaign to announce the queen’s arrival, beginning in the southern territory of Muir.
There was plenty to arrange regarding travel, sentries for our protection, and even more who would be focused on the task at hand while I distracted the townspeople.
Mina presented to me painted announcement banners, which would be hung all throughout Muir and delivered before our arrival to build excitement.
While the townspeople’s attendance was required for purposes of the census, the real draw would be the Town Hall, led by me.
The first queen to ever tour Devana. With my arrival, we had planned celebrations, libations, music, revelry, and the opportunity for their leaders to share their most pressing needs.
When I had proposed the idea, part of it was an eagerness to see the Rabids destroyed by this so-called weapon.
The sooner their tests proved successful, the sooner my people’s biggest threat would be eliminated.
Their deaths were not Vastion’s preferred outcome but were no longer avoidable.
As for the looming, slightly less violent threat of the Vampyr, well…
I’d resigned to settle that after the uncontrollable beasts met their demise.
There was also a part of me that knew a tour of Devana meant I’d get to return home, however briefly, and see my family.
Somehow, I’d convey what I’d learned, and they’d help me make sense of what to do.
I had already begun to foolishly hope that the Parcaetes would achieve a breakthrough in their efforts of developing a cure before my arrival in Leto.
This stop was set to be at the end of the tour, giving them plenty of time to make progress.
This way I could, perhaps, offer my father an alternate path. Something else to consider, I supposed.
I had already begun to wrap more hope around that endeavor than I cared to admit.
It felt more tangible to me. Perhaps because Tyber and Atticus let me study with them.
Welcomed my questions. Listened to my far-fetched ideas.
My father had never included me in his quest, other than to place me exactly where he wanted me.
I shunned thoughts of feeling used by him, but they would surface every now and then regardless.
When they did find their way to the forefront of my mind, I found myself angry with Father, even Ari too.
Sending me to this fate, into the literal Heart of the enemy.
They had never been as protective of me as Vastion had.
He almost ended Tempus’s life for leading me to the corrupt corners of the city, then warned off all his citizens.
And in the days that followed my first night sitting on the Council, I’d witnessed his clear and present defense of me to his most trusted confidants.
Once Mina informed me that word had been sent to all territories of the impending tour, I decided to pen my first letter home.
Unsure if my new status on the Council meant I had truly gained enough trust for my letters to go unread, I chose my words wisely, deciding to save any sensitive information for my visit.
Father and Ari –
I am well and safe. It has only been a couple of months since my departure, but I miss you and home.
I am treated well. King Vastion has been very welcoming to me.
I cannot say the same for his sister. She is as you remember her from the Harvest, but do not concern yourself.
By now you may have heard that I am to lead a tour throughout the territories.
Please do not be cross with me. I promise I will have security in tow, and Vastion has assured my safety.
I am mostly worried about you. Please be careful.
As I understand, Rabid nests continue to spread.
I know it is of the utmost concern to the Vampyr.
I look forward to discussing everything that’s happened since I’ve been away. Sending my love.
Yours,
Es
I folded the parchment and began to melt the wax over an open flame before pouring it slowly from the spoon onto the paper.
My metal seal felt foreign in my hand. I had not touched it since it was delivered shortly after my own arrival.
It sat idly in the drawer of my writing desk until this moment.
As the detailed shape of the sunflower came into view, when I lifted the seal from solidified golden wax, I smiled at the memory of Lord Elek’s look of horror when I declared my symbol.
I was reminded how, even then, Vastion had tolerated my antics.
Nothing would dissuade him from leaving with me by his side.
As our ship slowly departed the Heart with Vastion, Orin and a small handful of sentries, Mina scowled from the dock, her hands firmly planted on her hips. You’d think she’d have liked the idea of being in charge while her brother was away.
Before long, we had navigated the narrows and made our way back out to the open water—the gloomy sky, a welcoming haven for our journey.
The captain had timed our expedition accordingly.
The thought of being stuck at sea on a vessel of Vampyr, unable to sail due to sunlight, would be disastrous.
As this was my first time on the water for an extended period, I had easily succumbed to nerves.
The short trip along the coastline into the mouth of Eventide could hardly be described as a voyage, yet on this journey, I would finally earn my sea legs.
“My dearest wife, you’re looking paler than usual,” Vastion said as he approached.
I clung to the wooden railing, hoping to avoid his assessing gaze. We were only just underway, still well in view of the coastline, but already I could feel my insides churning disagreeably with the sway of our ship.
“Here,” he offered, holding out a small brown stick. “It’s cinnamon. Humans chew it to calm their stomachs.”
“Thanks,” I said, still trying to conceal how awful I felt. I took it from his hand and held it up to my nose, inhaling. The scent contrasted greatly with the damp seaweed floating all around me. Having never consumed cinnamon in this manner, I idled indecisively.
“Put the tip in your mouth,” Vastion directed. “Suck on it till it’s moist.”
He watched me carefully as I followed his instructions.
“Once it’s soft, you can chew, but don’t swallow.”
The quill’s firmness gave way to my saliva and, whether it actually worked or I was simply distracted now, my seasickness began to wane.
Vastion smiled deviously at me. “You’re much more amenable at sea. Perhaps we should take excursions more frequently.”
“I don’t think Mina would approve; she looked shockingly perturbed for someone left in charge.” I paused, savoring the taste of the stick. “And here I was, thinking she desired power all along.”
He let out an amused laugh. “Don’t let her displeasure fool you, she would gladly reign if I allowed it. Though her desires are…misguided.”
“Why won’t you let her? You don’t think a queen could rule?”
Vastion’s playful expression softened. “No. She’d be subject to the treaty, and I still hold out hope she’ll marry for love and not duty.”
“Is that what I am to you? Duty?” I spat, twisting his words against him.
“You set sail to tour Devana, something no queen has ever endeavored to do. You have stripped me of all my secrecy, sit on my Privy Council, and I meet your every request without so much as a single kiss goodnight. Esiree, I’d call that devotion, not duty.
Though I cannot say you’ve afforded me the same. ”
His words were sharp, yet there was a dismay woven between each of them that tugged at the corners of my conscience.
He had shown me nothing but hospitality, and although the honesty wasn’t exactly served on a platter, it did not come with denials or refusals.
I, on the other hand, had been an unbreakable lock.
Guarding my head and heart like I was at war.
I dodged moments of solitude and kept the conversations surface-level to avoid the treacherous depths that might reveal my true self.
Ever since discovering all he’d been hiding, he’d treated me, oddly enough, as a friend.
No more aloof disappearances or walking out on a conversation only after sneaking in the last word.
No more missing meals. Before our departure, we had roamed the halls of the Heart together.
We took our meals in each other’s presence and, when I would finally take my leave to get sleep, he escorted me back to our room and was there whenever I awoke to greet me.
The more he opened up, the less I felt the need to hide.
I’d taken to lying in bed at night half-awake, having to remind myself that the Vampyr were not to be trusted.
They were manipulative and undeserving of my compassion.
More importantly, I could not allow myself to fall for him, even if just for fleeting pleasures of the flesh.
There was a moment last week where I had caught him changing his attire.
He stood behind the dressing screen, but the light of the fireplace created a visible outline of his masculine form against the fabric.
I stared shamelessly at his figure, admiring the curves of his muscles.
My Gods, his buttocks… Perfection, as if carved from stone.
When he rounded the corner, I’m certain my blush gave away my admiration, but he did not remark on it.
Just smirked and carried about his business.
The more he pulled away, resisted me and focused on our work together, the more I missed his aggressive pursuit.
All women wanted to feel desired, even if we made ourselves unobtainable.
Perhaps I had backed myself into this position.
One where he thought of me more like Adria than Kesna.
Ignoring the irksome feeling, I made a jape at Mina’s expense since she wasn’t around to defend herself.
“I surmise you’ll find your cure long before Mina finds a husband to tolerate her.”
Vastion shook his head at my derision, a ghost of a smile haunting his lips. “She presents a fortress to the world, but every stone was laid in defense. Mina masks a lifetime of being told where to stand and how to behave with that very obstinance you find so grating.”
He stepped closer, his gaze searching mine.
“Though your histories differ, you both wield your tempers like shields, terrified of losing what little control you’ve clawed back.
You’re more alike than you care to admit.
It’s exactly why you clash—you’re both far too stubborn to be the first to lower your guard. ”
Ignoring his attempt at endearing his sister to me, I replied, “You’ve put up with her for your entire life; I have no doubt you’ll survive our short time together.”
Vastion said nothing and walked away. His quiet exit seemed like surrender, making me feel surprisingly hollow.