Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
KYELLA
I can’t afford to act on my feelings.
Elijah’s words still rang in my head as we walked down the ornate hall, past six rather stoic guards—all of whom offered Elijah a gesture of respect—and towards a gorgeous gold archway.
I could see into the room we were nearing and became instantaneously distracted by the scenic view through the window, the sun sparkling down onto the sea.
I probably would’ve increased my pace, eager to get a better look, if it wasn’t for Elijah and his warm, large hand sliding over my lower back again.
He was barely touching me, but it was enough to elicit a strong reaction.
I shivered but didn’t look up at him. I didn’t want him to stop, and I was pretty sure if I drew his attention with a look, he’d realize what he was doing.
I didn’t believe his words, for the record.
I believed he believed that he couldn’t afford to feel, but I also thought he was using it as an excuse to keep people away—to keep me away.
It was an emotional crutch. I was caught between wanting to prove him wrong and accepting that maybe he truly wanted to keep the wall up between us for good.
If that was the case… Well, there was nothing I could do about that. I couldn’t force Elijah to accept his feelings for me. But I also wouldn’t accept his crap excuses.
“Wow.” The air went out of me in a rush as we stepped into the colossal room, three-story-high bookcases standing proudly to either side.
I couldn’t see how far they went to the left or right, but it was clear the Empress had centuries worth of information right at her fingertips in her private library.
That was both really cool and somehow intimidating. There was so much I didn’t know, and having access to her private collection was daunting. What if I accidentally messed up one of her books? I’d never live it down.
“There is an even larger one open to the public, in the center of town,” Elijah explained, almost willing me to look up at him. I kept my gaze ahead, though, as we neared the bank of windows along the back.
“A public library?” I asked curiously. I was damn positive Malakai had nothing like that, and the one library he had at the castle was unmanned and had fallen into disrepair over time.
I’d tried to go there once, but my guard had used it as an excuse to corner me.
After that, I never felt compelled to go there ever again.
“Education is the cornerstone to the progression of any empire,” the Empress’s commanding but warm voice rang out.
My head snapped towards her, my eyebrows rising as the same bat from in the throne room fluttered along the shelves above her head.
I think she said his name was Barnabus? What a curious name.
“It’s how you ensure that there are multiple leaders,” she continued, spreading her arms wide, “and not a single point of power.”
“Multiple leaders?” I asked, feeling my brows scrunch together.
She nodded, coming to stand next to me while looking over the water, Elijah oddly silent.
“The Tridian Empire is expansive, and in order to best represent each area of the land, both humans and vampyres elect representatives. Those representatives aid in making large-scale decisions through a vote.”
“You give them that much power?” That sounded like a far cry from the political establishment Malakai had in place, and I suppose that was the point—these places were worlds apart. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever stop being amazed or shocked by how much, though.
Her smile was soft as her gaze scanned the water.
“I would love to say I’m all-knowing, but the mark of a good leader is knowing who to surround yourself with.
So yes, I encourage it. It makes the people feel heard.
Of course, in a large-scale emergency like war, or if I feel particularly strongly about something, I can overrule them, but I prefer it this way. ”
“I like that,” I admitted as I nodded in agreement, once again realizing just how good of a leader she was.
I couldn’t help but admire her. I was still curious about whether to call her the ruler or the Empress, though.
The men had referred to her as ruler up until she had removed her mask at our meeting, revealing herself as a woman.
Her eyes warmed on me before moving to Elijah. “Thank you for bringing her. You may go—we will be a bit.”
Unable to help myself, I snapped my eyes up to his.
He was staring at me, his eyes filled with concern.
I felt uneasy about how we had left our conversation, but there was nothing we could do about it now, so I reached out and squeezed his forearm in reassurance.
He held my gaze, then nodded and offered a respectful head bow to the Empress.
“I’ll be back to take you to lunch,” he promised before offering “Your Majesty” in farewell. Then he was gone, and I couldn’t help but watch him go, so much so I momentarily forgot about the Empress.
“Elijah cares for you,” she observed.
My eyes went wide as I looked at her. “What?”
Her expression was filled with amusement as she motioned for me to follow. “I have known him for quite some time, and I have never seen him interact with someone the way he does with you.”
It felt oddly comfortable to talk about this with her, like speaking with an old friend.
I let out a sigh and grumbled, “That doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. He isn’t exactly welcoming of anything he feels.”
“He’ll adjust,” she said, flashing me a smile. “I wish you could see how much he’s changed already from the stoic vampyre he was before.”
I wanted so badly to push her for more information, but before I could, we reached a set of light blue doors that she opened inward.
Barnabus flew into the room and I followed after, realizing we were in the Empress’s private study.
The space was cozy, and she moved to a sitting area that was already set for tea.
A tiny bit of nervousness hit me because I knew that I would have to face a lot of information that I had been avoiding since dinner last night.
I wanted to know more about who I was, but it didn’t take away from the intimidating process it would be to redefine myself.
“How are you feeling this morning?” she asked, motioning for me to hand her my cup so she could pour me some tea.
Well, I’d thought she was pouring tea. It was actually warm blood.
I let out a surprised but pleased noise, raising it to my lips and drinking it down faster than was proper.
If she was surprised by my hunger, she didn’t act like it, and I had a feeling that this type of appetite was normal for those starting to drink blood.
“Good,” I admitted after prying the cup from my lips. “I slept probably the best I ever have.” Mostly because I had two warm vampyres wrapped around me. “My only issue is I get hungry so fast, so that’s a bit frustrating. And I’m trying to learn to listen to the hunger.”
She nodded in understanding, taking the kettle and pouring me another cup of blood.
“Dhampyrs are very similar to vampyres in so many ways, namely the initial hunger. It will fade, but until then it’s best to always have access to some measure of supplies.
If you get too hungry, you could be a threat to those around you, especially since you can feed from both humans and vampyres. ”
I nodded in understanding, wincing at the idea of hurting anyone I’d come to care for. I tried to shift the topic, needing to focus on something other than my hunger. “Your Majesty, if I may, how have I never heard—”
“Myrin.”
“What?” I blinked, startled by her interjection.
Her eyes warmed. “My name is Myrin. In private you may call me that. If we are going to talk about your unique situation, prying into such a private element of your life, I insist you call me by my given name.”
“Alright,” I said with a smile. “Myrin it is.”
“Now ask your question,” she encouraged.
An entirely new question swirled to the top of my brain.
“If you don’t mind,” I began and then trailed off, nibbling on my lip.
Perhaps this was crossing a boundary. But when she nodded for me to continue, I decided to put it out there, “Why did you wear a mask in the throne room? And I noticed the men referred to you as ruler, not empress, before you took your mask off in front of me.”
Her gaze trailed to the window, as if thinking on a memory.
“While there are many great men out there who see women as their equals, there are many more who wouldn’t take well to knowing their ruler was a woman.
Many see women as weak in battle and strategy, which are two important qualities to being the ruler of a vast empire. ”
My heart sank that she felt she had to hide so much of who she was for the better of her empire, in her mind.
“Think of Malakai,” she said, bringing a scowl to my face. “Now imagine he discovered this empire was run by a woman. What do you think he would do?”
It didn’t take longer than a second for my brain to blurt the answer out. “He would see it as an empire to take for himself. He would see it as weak and inferior.”
“Exactly. There will always be power-hungry people around, both near and far, women and men alike. But if I were male, many of them would think twice of trying to usurp me.”
“I’m sorry it has to be that way. You shouldn’t have to hide who you are. You’re an incredible ruler who’s earned my respect and inspired me in such a short manner of time.”
Reaching out, she squeezed my hand in a comforting touch before picking up her tea cup again. “One day, my dear. My dream is a day when no one needs to hide who they are. Until then, I will do what is best to keep the peace in my empire.”