Chapter Sixteen
KYELLA
My heart felt like it had been to hell and back in a short span of time. To feel like I was being forced into a prison, by the people I’d come to respect and care for, in a place I thought to be my home… It was pain like nothing I have ever experienced.
When I spoke my truth to my men, I expected a blow-out fight from them.
I more than deserved to be on the frontlines, not confined to my room like a child.
They were beyond protective and possessive of me, and while I loved that about them, I thought that protectiveness would become a thorn between us.
It was apparent they merely wanted me to be safe, but we all had to trust in each other’s abilities and the support of our army.
There was a fine line between protective and controlling, though, and my heart felt at peace seeing them understand that.
While I wish they had seen it sooner—like as soon as Myrin mentioned her wishes to them—they still hadn’t strong-armed me into doing what they wanted.
Nor had they put up much of an argument when I bucked the Empress’s orders.
Elijah’s words were true, and they touched something deep within my heart.
He was right that I would sacrifice myself for another—I couldn’t change who I was, but I had to face the very real possibility that it could happen.
It wasn’t that I was blinded to the reality of what we would face in this war, but I was new to this, and the different perspective was helpful.
Thinking the potential situations through and processing what I would do made it feel more real, and I hoped it would prepare me mentally for what was to come.
“Okay,” Elijah repeated again, seemingly for himself as he nodded, his gaze passing over Kolvar and Dakath. As his gaze turned to me, he asked, “Shall we go see Myrin together?”
Sidelining me wasn’t my men’s idea, and I knew that. Even though I had their support now, I knew I needed to face Myrin and let her know I would not stay behind, no matter what she said.
Part of me was still shocked about the entire situation cropping up out of nowhere. I would have expected Myrin to voice her concern much earlier than now, right before the army is set to begin sailing.
What caused her to come to that decision today? Was it because I was captured?
“Ky?” Dakath called out, making me blink and come to.
“No,” I answered Elijah while taking a deep breath and squaring my shoulders. “I need to do this alone, but thank you.”
I’d find out where Myrin was coming from, and while I respected her greatly, I wouldn’t leave until I made it clear that I wouldn’t be controlled. I had free-will, and I was exercising that right.
Dakath’s warmth surrounded me a moment later as he cradled my head to his chest. “Please don’t be upset with us. I’m sorry we didn’t stand up for you earlier, but we won’t make that mistake again.”
Melting into him, I wrapped my arms around his waist and looked up at him. “I know in my heart you didn’t mean anything malicious by it. I know you merely want to protect me, but you can’t protect me from everything.”
His eyes narrowed, like the thought of not being able to do that angered him greatly. It was kind of adorable.
Smacking his chest playfully, I continued, “Even if you could, I wouldn’t want you to.
We as individuals are the sum of all the moments of our lives—the good and the bad.
I’m proud of the woman I’m becoming, and I want to continue to learn and grow.
I can’t do that if I’m put in a box and kept away from it all.
I might fall along the way, but I know the three of you will pick me up, just as I’ll do for you, as equals. ”
Kolvar’s cedar scent consumed me as he added his warmth to the hug, seconds before Elijah’s clean eucalyptus scent was mixed in.
The three of them held me silently between them for a few minutes.
There was an electric energy running through us that blossomed hope in my chest despite the fear I knew we all felt at what was at risk.
“One day we will be able to live without the fear of Malakai hanging over us like a storm cloud,” I whispered, breaking the silence, knowing I needed to go see Myrin.
“I won’t rest until that is our reality,” Elijah growled out. “We will bring him down, Kyella.”
We.
Hearing him vow that we would end Malakai as a unit was what I needed, and after exchanging a brief kiss with all of them, I set off to find Myrin.
I knew I wasn’t as skilled as them. I knew being in the center of this battle was a huge risk. I wasn’t blind to my weaknesses, but I couldn’t let them stop me from doing what I felt was right in my soul.
As I approached Myrin’s private quarters, her guards immediately stood in the center of the two large doors, blocking my path.
“Our ruler is not expecting anyone at this time,” one said, their tone brokering no room for argument. It was on them if they couldn’t see that I wouldn’t leave without being permitted entry.
Trying to keep my tone polite, I took a deep breath and asked, “Can you please let them know that it is urgent, and that Kyella is here to see them?”
They shared a look, and I had a feeling that my “please” wasn’t going to get me anywhere.
An exhale of relief whooshed from me as the door clicked open and Myrin popped out, her mask firmly in place, before nodding at the guards for me to pass. They immediately parted, and I padded into the room. Myrin shut the door behind me.
She didn’t ask why I was here or how I was doing, instead she walked toward the chairs and poured me a cup of tea.
Sitting down with the cup tucked against her palm, she gestured for me to do the same.
It seemed that she knew exactly what this was about, and I suppose it made this easier.
At least she didn’t expect me to just sit down and accept her wishes.
I expected my confidence to crumble when I sat in front of her and prepared to give her all the reasons why she was wrong, but I found myself feeling emboldened and not willing to back down as I started.
“I’ve been told of your desire for me to remain behind during the war against Malakai and the Thaician Empire.”
She leaned forward, picking up the cup from the table and passing it to me. She settled back into her seat, pinning me with a look that was…indescribable. It felt as if she was searching my face for something, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what.
“Yes,” she stated simply before sipping from her cup. “And how do you feel about that?”
My lips flattened as I tried to control the emotions raging, unbidden and uncontrolled, through my body.
I needed to explain without letting my feelings get the best of me, so I drew in a deep breath through my nose before releasing it slowly through my mouth.
I repeated the action twice more before I felt like I could actually talk to her.
“I fell in love with this empire because of the freedom and equality that I have seen in my short time here,” I explained, thinking of the marketplace and all that I had witnessed there.
“I’ve never felt so at home anywhere, even including the small farm I was raised on by my father and aunt.
There was an air of fear each day, being under Malakai’s control. ”
She nodded, sipping her tea and waiting for me to continue.
Swallowing down the emotion that threatened to take me over with thoughts of my family, I pushed on, trying to convey the depth of my sincerity.
“I want to fight for my home, Myrin. I want to feel like I actually contributed to making this world a better place. Not just for this empire, but for the broken one I grew up in as well. I want to make it a safer and happier place for the children and families that are stuck there. I don’t want anyone else to endure what I, and so many others, have at Malakai’s hands. ”
Sitting with Myrin, I had the unsettling feeling that, despite the fact that she wasn’t wearing her ceremonial mask, she wore an invisible one with me.
I couldn’t get a read on her emotions and was thus caught off guard when she said, “I know you feel that way, Kyella. You are a good and kind person all the way to your core. That is exactly why I need you to stay behind. I need someone who I trust to rule in my stead while I am at war.”
“What? Myrin, no, I—” I immediately protested before cutting off as I dropped my teacup on the table and pushed to my feet. I couldn’t help but pace near the window and clench my hands, my palms becoming sweaty as nerves and fear set in.
My mind reeled as I repeated what she said over and over again in my head.
I couldn’t possibly take up the mantle in her absence. While I wasn’t prepared for battle entirely, I was even less equipped to be a leader of an empire. Even if it was just a temporary position.
Staring out of the large window, I looked at the buildings of the city, heart warming at the glow cast upon them from the last rays of the setting sun. An array of oranges and purples reflected off the water in an image so stunning I hoped that somewhere there an artist was painting this moment.
Myrin’s cup clicked against the surface of the table, and I heard her push from her chair. Her voice softened as she joined me. My stomach twisted as more emotions bled from her than I’d ever seen or heard.
“Kyella, I told you before that dhampyr are destined to change the world while they walk in it—for good or bad. Even before I really knew you, everything within my soul knew you would change it for the better. You are a beacon of light and strength, even if you don’t see it.
“You possess all the qualities that people will loyally follow. You would be a loved ruler, governing equally with both compassion and strength. I want you to consider taking over the Thaician Empire in Malakai’s stead.
It will take patience and true devotion to change an empire that has been set in its way for hundreds of years, and I know you have that within you. ”
She reached out to brush a lone tear off my cheek, smiling gently as waves of emotion crashed into me with relentless force.
“You won’t be alone. Your three men will follow you, and you will forever have my support, even with an ocean between us.
We can mend the divide between the lands and heal those within them.
But I need you to stay safe until Malakai is dead and his loyal followers are in the grave.
Without you, I don’t know how else we can make that dream come true. ”
She wanted me to rule after the war. To be an Empress, like herself.
I’d never had aspirations to be anything in this life except for happy.
An Empress? Surely that wasn’t in the cards for me.
Tears pricked at my eyes as my face heated.
When I stormed to her private suite, this was the last conversation I expected us to have.
I didn’t feel worthy of the honor she would bestow upon me.
Sniffling back my tears, I swallowed around the thick lump in my throat as I turned my head to look away from her.
I drew a deep, steadying breath before saying, “When I was a prisoner on that ship, I kept reminding myself of your strength and wondered what you would do if you were in my position. I had to think of you because I do not have that sort of strength or tenacity. Your words are kind, but they simply are not true, Myrin. I don’t have what it takes to accomplish such an insurmountable task. ”
Taking out Malakai was one thing, but leading in his stead and trying to be the one to change the Thaician Empire? My spine wasn’t made of steel like Myrin’s.
“Oh, sweet girl,” she murmured, placing her hands on my cheeks and pulling me to face her fully.
“I know that I am asking a lot of you, but it is very rare that I come across someone who leaves me feeling awestruck. You could move mountains if you set your mind to it. All I ask is that you consider moving this one looming before us.”
Flashbacks of my life in the Thaician Empire as a child sprang to mind. I’d been desperate for change back then, even before I knew how corrupt the empire was. I’d always wanted to make a difference, and now the opportunity to make the greatest change was being offered to me.
Could I do it?
Doubt tingled in the back of my mind. “Why would they follow me? I was a known Thrall to Malakai.”
“Why would they follow someone who was abused and held captive, yet managed to find the strength to break free and bring an army to their aid? To free them?” she rebutted, raising a single brow at me. “You’re right, I can’t imagine why they would look up to you, Kyella."
I inhaled sharply. When she said it like that…It made me realize that maybe I was stronger than I gave myself credit for. Maybe I did have what it would take to heal a land full of broken people, people who had suffered in a society that was led with a cruel fist.
Undeniably, I wanted to show everyone else who had faced pain in the Thaician Empire that they didn’t need to suffer any longer. That they didn’t have to accept that the rest of their lives would be that way.
I wanted to show them it was possible to heal—that there was joy and love just beyond the brink of our biggest fears.
Hell, I couldn’t believe I was even considering doing this, but if I didn’t, I would never be able to live with myself.
Not if real, impactful change didn’t happen after Malakai’s death.
If someone more qualified stepped up to take that on, I would bow out gracefully and still offer my assistance.
But if no one thought they could do it, I would work every day to fight for our joint mission.
“If I’m to lead them into a new era of peace and healing, I want to be able to stand before them and tell them I fought for them and those lands.
I will accept your offer to help establish me as ruler of the Thaician Empire, but only if you do not stop me from crossing that sea and fighting next to the brave men and women doing the same. ”
Chills broke out over my body as Myrin smiled at me. A hint of something like pride saturated her tone as she said, “You speak like a true leader already. You have yourself a deal.”
We were going to do this.
We were two powerful women, and we were going to change the world.