Chapter 25
JOSHUA
After I carry Molly to the couch and we snuggle into each other, a silence falls between us that’s thick, but not uncomfortable.
Molly’s head rests against my chest, her breathing even, her fingers idly tracing patterns on my belly.
I don’t want to break the moment, but something has been sitting on my tongue, something I can’t swallow back anymore.
"I’ve thought about you," I admit quietly. "Over the years since Vegas."
I make it sound fairly casual, like I thought of her every once in a while.
The truth is, I’ve thought of her a lot over those three years, but I don’t want to say that and scare her away.
In my mind, I have played out every scenario of us meeting again, from running into each other on vacation, to her coming to me as a client, but never once did I imagine her working for me.
And in none of those fantasies did we spend the first few months of our reunion pretending like we didn’t recognize each other.
That was stupid in hindsight, and I don’t even know why I thought it was a good idea now.
Her fingers pause for a fraction of a second before she pulls her head back slightly to look up at me through her long, dark eyelashes.
"You have?" she says.
She sounds pleased to hear it which I like. I nod my head, watching her expression carefully. She doesn’t give much away, but she’s smiling so I take that as a good thing, and I go on.
"I convinced myself that night in Vegas was just a moment, one of those once in a lifetime experiences that you wouldn’t change for the world but know you will likely never do again. But despite that, it stuck with me. You stuck with me."
She exhales softly, her gaze dropping.
"I’ve thought about you too,” she admits.
A strange sense of relief washes over me; I was kind of afraid this was a one-sided thing, that maybe I had built it up in my head to be more than it was.
But if she’s thought of me too then maybe it really was that good.
And now we’re both here in Boston, both single.
But my relief it’s short lived when she continues, her voice turning careful as she rips my heart out.
"But, Joshua, we can’t be more than colleagues," she says.
I blink, the words hitting me harder than I expect them to.
"What are you talking about? We’re great together," I say.
She pulls away fully now, sitting up and watching me, her expression resolute.
"I don’t mix business and pleasure,” she says.
The fact that she can say that and be serious makes me laugh. I can’t help it. A humorless snort of laughter escapes me, more out of disbelief than anything.
"I think it’s a bit late to say that don’t you?" I ask.
She gives me a look, and I can see she’s not amused. It doesn’t change the truth though.
"That was a mistake," she says.
A mistake. The word lodges in my throat like a sharp stone.
How can she think something that felt that good was a mistake?
I don’t get it, don’t get her. I know she feels this thing I feel, but for some reason, she’s holding back from letting it in and I don’t know why.
I decide to push it a little bit, see if she will open up to me.
I push myself up onto my elbows, studying her face.
"You don’t really believe that,” I say.
She sighs.
"It doesn’t matter what I believe. It’s just how I do things," she says.
Her expression gives nothing away, but her words do.
She didn’t argue with me and insist what happened was a mistake.
No, she told me it didn’t matter what she believes, which to me means she doesn’t really believe it’s a mistake any more than I do.
A slow smirk curves my lips, even though something about this whole conversation feels like it’s pressing against my ribs, I do still feel like there’s hope for us yet.
"So, what, if we weren’t working together, this would be different?" I ask. I’m half teasing her, but I’m also curious to see what her answer will be.
Molly hesitates for a moment, but then she shakes her head.
"That’s not the point. The point is, I have rules I live by and that’s one of them."
"Rules are meant to be broken," I remind her, echoing her earlier words, but she just crosses her arms and gives me a look that tells me she isn’t budging.
I huff out a breath, then tilt my head, watching her carefully.
"Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to fire you then," I say.
Her eyes widen, genuine panic flickering across her face.
"Joshua, don’t, please …" starts, but she tails off when I break into a grin before she can finish.
"Relax. I’m joking," I tell her.
She scowls, shoving my shoulder.
"You asshole. That wasn’t funny."
"It was a little bit funny."
She glares at me, but I can see the small twitch of her lips. I lean in slightly, my voice lowering.
"I can be patient, you know. I’ll wait for you to come around."
She exhales, shaking her head.
“You don’t give up easily, do you?" she says.
“Nope,” I reply. “Wait until you see what I have planned to make you come around. By the time I’ve finished with you, you’ll be begging me to break the rules with you.”
She gives me a long look, then finally she laughs.
“I look forward to proving you wrong,” she says.
I smirk.
“We’ll see,” I tell her.
And we will, because when I want something, I get it, and I want Molly more than I have ever wanted anyone or anything in my whole life.