Chapter 44
MOLLY
Each minute stretches out into hours, weeks, years.
I’m cried out and I still can’t sleep. I’ve given up trying and now I sit up, my mind in a fog.
I watch the shadows crawl across the floor as the streetlamps flicker on outside.
It feels like a lifetime ago that I lost Joshua for good, but the truth is that it’s only been an hour since he left.
Sixty minutes. Three thousand six hundred seconds.
I’ve felt every one of them like a paper cut to the heart.
I can’t cry anymore. I think I ran out of tears somewhere between minutes thirty and forty. Now I just sit, hollow and exhausted.
I’m not expecting the knock on my front door, even though it’s not loud, when it comes, it breaks through the silent gloom I’ve found myself in.
I’m slightly curious about who it might be but I don’t get up to answer it.
It has to be a neighbor because my intercom didn’t go off, and I don’t really want to hobble to the door just for it to be something trivial that can wait.
The knock comes again - one, two, three knocks. They are louder this time, firm and insistent and I decide I can’t just ignore a knock like that. What if something is wrong? One of my older neighbors might need help or something.
I stand up, every part of me aching. I should use my crutches, but I’m still not confident on them, so instead, I hobble along, holding the walls, furniture, anything for support as I go.
I finally reach the door, and my hand grabs the handle. I pause for a second, wondering if my face is all red and tear streaked. I don’t think it will be. I think I ran out of tears long enough ago that I will look reasonably normal except for the bruising.
I open the door, and the world has color in it again. He’s here. Joshua.
He’s in the same black suit, the same cream shirt. His face is flushed, and his eyes are dark and intense. His hair looks like it’s been in a hurricane, like he’s been running his hands through it nonstop.
I take all of this in within a second of seeing him. It takes me a little bit longer to notice that he’s holding something. It’s a small velvet box.
My heart lurches into my throat. Has he realized he was a dick and brought Autumn a present to make up for it?
“I forgot something,” he says, his voice low but steady.
Now I’m really confused. He didn’t bring anything to forget. My eyes flick to the box, then back to him. I blink, trying to make sense of it.
“I’m sorry for leaving how I did,” he continues. “I know I should have said something, tried to explain. But I knew whatever I said in that moment wouldn’t be enough.”
I just stare at him, mute, my heart racing in my chest.
He steps inside without waiting for an invitation.
I move aside to let him pass. Whatever is coming, I don’t want to do it on my doorstep.
He moves past me gently, like he's afraid that I might change my mind and close the door in his face at any second. Once he’s right inside, I expect him to relax, but if anything, he looks more tense.
Then he closes the door behind him and turns to face me.
“You don’t have any more excuses now,” he says. “I know about Autumn, and the whole office thinks we’re together anyway.”
And then he drops to one knee. My jaw drops with him, and I feel like everything is slowing down, like time is moving differently. He’s on one knee. He’s proposing to me. The box isn’t a gift for Autumn after all. It’s an engagement ring. For me.
He opens the box, revealing a ring that catches the light like it’s been waiting for this exact moment to shine.
It’s elegant, classy. I know the diamond will have perfect clarity but it’s not flashy.
It shows Joshua knows my tastes well. It’s definitely something I would’ve chosen myself while cringing at the rings with huge diamonds that look to me like something cheap despite their hefty price tags.
The diamond on this ring is oval, and it’s set on a delicate white gold band. It seems to almost glow against the black velvet it’s currently sitting in.
My breath catches so hard it hurts my throat, but I don’t say anything, don’t react to the pain. The moment is too intense for me to do anything but stare at Joshua as he starts to speak.
“Molly Matthews,” he says, looking up at me, his face open and vulnerable, something I have never seen from him before. “I want to spend forever with you.”
My heart is thudding so hard I swear it’s shaking my ribs. My ankle is starting to really hurt, but there is no way I’m spoiling this moment by mentioning the pain or going to sit down.
“I want to wake up next to you every day. I want to make you laugh every day, and bring you coffee in bed, and kiss you when you are pissed off with me. I want to get to know our daughter, my daughter. And I want to be there for every scraped knee and every ballet recital and every damn parent and teacher night, even the ones I’ll hate. ”
I start crying again. Of course I do, because how could I not? I thought my tears where all used up, but maybe it was just that my sadness was all used up. These after all are happy tears.
“But I’m not saying all of this just because of her,” he says quickly.
“You need to know that. I want Autumn in my life whatever happens between us, but Molly, I’ve been in love with you since Vegas.
Since before I even knew your last name.
You stayed with me. I couldn’t get you out of my head.
And then when you walked into my office three years later, I thought I was dreaming.
“I thought maybe I was crazy. That I’d built it all up in my head.
But then we started working together. And I hadn’t imagined anything.
That feeling, that chemistry, that deep connection of two souls - it was there.
That thing between us grew. You made everything feel different.
Real. And every time you laughed at one of my dumb jokes or finished my sentences or knew exactly what I needed before I asked for it, I fell for you harder. ”
I press a hand to my mouth, trying to breathe past the tremble in my chest.
“I know this probably seems fast. And I know I screwed up leaving earlier. But I needed you to understand that it’s not just about Autumn, and I didn’t have the words to make you believe that it’s about you. It’s always been you.”
He pauses. Takes a breath. Then he takes his suit jacket off and rolls up the sleeve of his shirt. My eyes go wide. It’s back. The little black star.
Our matching tattoo is back. The one we got in Vegas on a whim, still giddy and half drunk, meant to be a reminder of one crazy night.
I kept mine because long after Joshua had flown home and became only a memory, I didn’t want to forget that sometimes, I could be reckless and do something crazy.
And although it’s taken me this long to admit it, even to myself, that little black star above my left hip was a reminder of Joshua, something to tell me that it really happened.
I could never have gotten rid of it, but he did. And now it’s back.
“I got it redone,” he says. “Tonight. After I left. I wanted to show you I’m all in and I hope this symbol, as small as it is, says what my words can’t.”
My mouth opens, but no words come out. I’m not even sure what I wanted to say.
Joshua looks up at me, still on one knee, his eyes full of something raw and real.
I want to throw myself into his arms and tell him I never want us to be apart again, but I have to be more cautious than that, because if I go all in with him, then that means Autumn goes all in with him, and for that to happen, I have to be sure this is forever.
“So, with all of that said, it’s actually quite simple,” he says, his voice softer now. “Molly, will you marry me?”
I cover my mouth with both hands, shaking with emotion.
“I …” I say, trying to speak. I fail miserably, just stuttering out the word I. I try again, and this time, I am able to ask the question I bit back the first time. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
His brows pull together, like he can’t believe I’d have to ask.
“Molly,” he says, his voice full of emotion.
He rises to his feet slowly, leaving the box open on my coffee table.
“If you say no, I’ll understand, but only if you say no because you don’t want to marry me, not because you’re afraid that I don’t want to marry you.
I know what this is. I know what we could be.
I’ve known it since the moment you smiled at me in that bar in Vegas. ”
I let out a shaky breath, stepping forward. He meets me halfway.
“But I need to ask,” I whisper. “If Autumn didn’t exist, would you still want to marry me?”
He doesn’t flinch.
“Yes,” he says without hesitation. “When I left here, I walked for a while to clear my head, and I got the tattoo done. I didn’t go and get an engagement ring. I bought that the morning after we got locked in the office together.”
“Really?” I say, and he nods his head, and I melt inside. He does want me. Not just Autumn. He bought the ring before he even knew about her. I can’t believe I’m this lucky, that this amazing man wants me like I want him.
“But I probably wouldn’t have found the guts to ask you yet,” he admits.
“Why not?” I ask.
“Well, I figured it was a big ask, seeing as you wouldn’t even agree to go on a date with me,” he says, and we both laugh.
I shake my head, and another rush of tears come. I let them run down my face, tickling my skin.
“I’m an idiot,” I say.
“You’re not an idiot,” he replies.
He cups my face in his hands, gently brushing the tears away with his thumb.
“I love you, Molly,” he says. “And I want to build a life with you. With Autumn. If you’ll have me.”
I look up at him, like really look.
This man, who walked out on me just an hour ago because he knew I would never believe he wanted me unless he came up with the right words and in that moment, he didn’t have them.
This man, who came back with a ring and a tattoo because he loves me and wanted to prove it to me.
This man, who is not promising perfection, but presence. The three of us together as a family.
My heart swells until I think it might burst.
“Yes,” I whisper.
His eyes widen.
“Yes?” he breathes.
“Yes,” I say again, laughing through the tears. “Yes, I love you too. And yes, I’ll marry you.”
He pulls me into his arms, lifting me off the ground like I weigh nothing, spinning me around once before setting me gently back down and kissing me breathless. It’s everything I remember and more; familiar yet charged with something deeper now. A sense of finality, like we are the end game.
When we pull apart, I rest my forehead against his.
“I do want to marry you,” I say. “But I don’t want to rush into anything.
If it was just us, I would happily marry you tomorrow, but we have to think about Autumn.
I want her to have plenty of time to get to know you and to adjust to having you in her life.
I want us to have time to figure things out as a family. ”
He nods without hesitation.
“Don’t worry. I get it. And we can take as long as you need. We’ll have a long engagement and there will be no pressure from me. As long as we’re together, I’m happy,” Joshua says.
He picks up the ring from the box and slips it gently onto my finger. It fits perfectly. Like it was always meant to be there.
“I still can’t believe you got the tattoo again,” I say, tracing the star on his arm with my fingertip.
“I wanted to prove I remembered who I was with you,” he says. “That I never forgot.”
I lean in and kiss him again, a slow, tender kiss, one that’s full of promise. Outside, the city keeps moving. But in here, everything is still. We have a long road ahead of us, but we’re finally starting to travel down it. Together.