Coming soon… #5
“Yeah. At that point, I said it had gone far enough, but you were insistent that no one was going to say you half assed your dare. Cole agreed with you and the officiant had you sign a marriage license. It looked super unofficial, but he said it would be filed properly the next morning. You said you’d deal with the annulment before we left. ”
“But I never did. Why didn’t I do it?”
Stephanie is quiet for a moment.
“I’m not entirely sure. I think we were all too hungover,” she says eventually. “We left the morning after the wedding. I assumed you’d sorted it when you got back.”
“I completely forgot about it,” I say, more to myself than to her.
“You lost your purse that night, remember? All your stuff got stolen. You had to get a new ID and everything.”
“Yes. I remember losing my stuff. That must be it. Cole must’ve kept the paperwork and said he’d deal with it. Maybe he didn’t annul it. Maybe he never even filed it.”
There’s a pause.
“I don’t know,” she says carefully. “But if it was legally filed, then it would be official if he didn’t undo it.”
And just like that, it all clicks back into place, the haze fully lifted now. My stolen purse. The stupid dares. The vows of two people who detest each other. And of course, the husband I never knew I had.
“Fucking hell Steph,” I whisper. “How did this happen?”
“It happened because we were young and wild and stupid,” she says. “And we were off our faces. It was all a big laugh. None of us knew what the hell we were doing.”
We fall silent for a moment and then Stephanie exhales heavily.
“Lily, why didn’t you call me or reply to any of my messages?”
I close my eyes. The truth of that stings more than the memory of my terrible wedding.
“Oh, you know …” I start.
“No,” she says. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to lie to me to soften the blow. Be honest Lily. Please. None of this shit about being busy and drifting apart. You cut me off with no warning and no explanation.”
“Jacob didn’t like me hanging around with you,” I say quietly. “He said you were a bad influence.”
She laughs, but there’s no humor in it.
“Right. The bad influence who kept your secrets, helped you move five times, and talked you out of texting your ex at daft o’clock in the morning.”
I feel shame rise like bile in my throat, scorching a path through my body. She’s right. She was such a good friend, and I just let Jacob push her out of my life.
“He said I was different when I spent time with you,” I add. “That I came back distant.”
“That’s because I told you the truth,” she says. “He never liked that.”
I can’t argue with that because I know it’s true, but I let myself believe that Stephanie made me a worse version of myself.
Actually, the opposite was always true. Stephanie was my chief cheerleader, the person who always had my back.
And the person who had no qualms telling me that Jacob was shrinking my life away until I had nothing and no one left but him.
At the time, I couldn’t see it, but now, it’s right there in technicolor.
“I miss you,” I say, tears blurring my vision. “So much.”
“I miss you too, Lil,” she says softly. “More than I can say.”
We fall into silence for a long moment. It feels comfortable. Like a space I had forgot existed.
“So, what are you going to do about your situation Mrs. White?” Stephanie asks and I can see the wicked grin on her face as she uses that name.
Well, firstly, I’m going to insist you never call me that again. Ever,” I say, and we both laugh. “I guess I’m going to have to find Cole. Find out what happened in the days after the wedding and if he didn’t get the annulment, then we’re going to have to get a divorce.”
“Do you want help?” she asks gently.
I do. God, I do. But saying yes to that means opening a door I shut a long time ago, letting in light that will show just how much dust has settled on my life.
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I …”
I’m saved from having to try and explain my feelings when I hear Jacob shouting my name.
“Lily? Who the fuck are you talking to in there?” he yells.
“I’ll be right out,” I shout.
“Not what I asked,” Jacob yells back.
“I’m sorry. I have to go,” I say quickly to Stephanie. “But I’m glad I called.”
“Me too,” she says. “So much.”
We say goodbye. Then I push myself up onto shaky legs and get ready to go and tell Jacob the news.
As I try to get up the courage to do so, I think about how the past is a funny thing.
I thought I had left college and all those memories behind, buried under years and choices and distance.
But all it took is one phone call, one name, the memories of one ridiculous night in Las Vegas, and it all comes back to me, beckoning to me and grinning at me with cocktail stained teeth.
I don’t get a chance to go to the living room to talk to Jacob. He barges into the bedroom at that minute, slamming the door open so hard that the mirror in the hallway rattles against the wall. I flinch, even though I knew this was coming.
My body knows that tonight it is going to hurt.