Chapter 17 #2
He should have said his goodbyes then, but instead he leaned towards her and kissed her forehead. Deena sighed contentedly.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” she asked as she slowly rolled off him and onto the sheet next to him.
“You looked so at peace… I couldn’t disturb you.” Austin fought the urge to pull her back to him.
Control yourself.
He had sworn to Dominic he would look after her, not ruin her.
Yet here he was, fully aroused yet satisfied in the middle of Deena’s bed like he belonged there.
Deena sighed, a small sound that had a huge effect on him. She nestled beside him. The scent of her filled his lungs and made his departure feel physically impossible.
“I should—”
“About Penelope—”
Their heads whipped to each other when they both spoke at the same time. Her words left him intrigued, and all plans to escape were forgotten.
“Do go on?” he prompted her. He reached and gently brushed his fingers over her dainty shoulder.
Deena let out a small sigh of pleasure and tilted her head just enough to look at him. Her lips were still swollen and dark from his kisses, but her eyes remained unreadable.
“My friend, Penelope, is pregnant.”
Austin froze, then frowned. “I don’t understand.”
Deena kept her eyes on the crumpled linen. “Penelope is an English friend. I met her at a convent near Paris.”
“A convent?” Realization slowly dawned on him.
Deena lowered her gaze. “Penelope’s been…sneaking out to meet her lover for months and—” She took a deep breath in. “And I helped her.”
Austin struggled to hold back the bark of laughter. “You helped a nun fall pregnant—”
“She is not a nun!” Deena’s glare sliced through him and cut him short.
He cleared his throat. “I apologize, my lady, please continue?”
Her lip twitched, but she remained serious as she continued. “Penelope is the daughter of the Marquess of Ravenshire. She was exiled to the convent, which her father donated to regularly, when he had found love letters between her and a viscount’s son.”
“I do not understand. How do you fit into this?” he asked curiously.
“I…stood watch for her when her lover visited her. I lied to the sisters for her; they were ordered to watch her. She was not pregnant when she arrived there, but now it won’t be long until she’s showing.
We’re waiting for her lover to come back from London with money so they can elope before Mother Superior finds out and reports it to her father. ”
Austin sat very still. “So, this is who you’re protecting.”
She nodded. “Yes. She’s terrified. If word gets out before she’s married, her family will disown her, and her lover’s family will want nothing to do with her. She’ll have nothing.”
Austin exhaled through his nose. “And what is her lover doing?”
“He is the youngest son of a viscount in Scotland. He cannot do much because he has no money of his own and no power.”
“That’s a weak excuse; he must take responsibility for his sins!”
And so must I.
Austin’s jaw clenched as the guilt continued to eat away at him.
“He is trying to scrape together enough to marry her quietly, but it’s taking time.” Deena’s sweet voice drew him back in.
Austin rubbed a hand over his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you’re Dominic’s friend.” She finally looked at him, eyes glistening.
“And if Dominic finds out I’m complicit in hiding an unmarried woman’s pregnancy while I’m recovering from another scandal, who knows what he’ll do?
Send me away again? Or worse. He’ll blame himself for not watching me closely enough. He’ll suffer.”
Austin’s chest ached for Deena and Dominic. “You’ve been carrying this alone.”
“I’ve carried a lot alone.” Her voice cracked. “I thought if I could just give the blackmailer enough scandal about you to distract him, then he’d leave us alone. But he won’t. He wants proof. Real proof. And I can’t give it to him.”
Austin stared at her. The guilt he’d felt moments ago twisted into anger, protectiveness, and a helpless frustration.
He reached for her hand.
“Thank you for trusting me with this, Deena,” he said quietly.
“You trusted me with your letter.” Austin turned to her but found her staring at the night sky out the window.
Silence stretched between them as Deena’s fingers fidgeted beneath his hand.
“Austin—” Her voice broke as she turned to him, “You can leave if you want to.”
He brushed a damp curl from her temple. “I should have left the moment things turned heated. I knew better.”
Austin’s throat closed as he thought about his promise to Dominic.
“Do you regret it, already?” she asked with a raised brow, and Austin recognized the hurt in her tone.
“Not at all.” He met her gaze. “But… I gave my word that I’d protect you. And this…this is the complete opposite.”
Deena’s expression shuttered. She pulled the sheet higher, and Austin hid his disappointment. “So, this was a mistake?”
He met her gaze and noticed the pain in her deep green eyes. “It was inevitable. It was reckless. And I’m sorry.” The words were out before he could stop himself.
She looked down at her hands, twisting the sheet between her fingers. For a long moment, neither of them spoke.
“All you need to know, Dee, is that you’re not alone in this,” Austin continued slowly.
“I was always alone. I accepted help for the first time and now look at me.” Her cheeks burned brightly, and it was not from pleasure. “We have too many secrets, and I cannot bear to keep another from Dominic.”
Austin felt his chest burn. “I agree.” He tried to ignore the hurt that reflected in her eyes.
“We have to end this,” Deena said on a shaky breath, and Austin wasn’t sure why he felt so very offended when he was planning to end things himself.
He slowly drew his hand away from hers. “You’re right…”
Deena nodded, eyes shining with unshed tears as she gathered the sheets around her. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel ashamed.
Austin slid off the bed and dressed quietly. At the door, he paused, hand on the latch.
“Deena.”
She looked up from the bed, sheet pulled to her quivering chin.
“Whatever happens tomorrow,” he said, “know this: I don’t regret tonight. Not a single second.”
Deena didn’t respond. A stray tear fell across her cheek, and Austin’s heart clenched. But she was right, and this was wrong. He longed to stay with her, but instead he slipped away, closing the door softly until her silhouette disappeared.
The corridor was empty, lit only by a single wall sconce. Austin stood there for a long moment and rested his forehead against the cool wood of the door. He inhaled deeply, straightened his shoulders, and forced his legs to move.
The image of Deena followed him down the hall like a ghost until he reached his own chamber and stepped inside.
Austin stood in front of the elaborate mirror in his vast chamber.
“You damn fool,” he muttered to his reflection.
He felt defeated. He paced and searched his chamber for an answer until his eyes landed on his writing desk, which was lit up by a stuttering candle. He stopped in the middle of the room, and an undeniable idea struck him.
Austin crossed to the desk, sat, and pulled a fresh sheet of parchment towards him. The candle flame flickered as he uncapped the inkwell, dipped the quill, and began to write in a careful, deliberate hand.
Dear Mr. Whitman…
He addressed his solicitor.
I write regarding a matter of some delicacy and urgency.
There is an English lady currently residing at a convent near Paris. Her name is Penelope, and she is the daughter of the Marquess of Ravenshire. That is all I have at present. I require your immediate assistance in locating her…