Chapter 21 #2
She wanted him to slide his chair closer. To let his knee press deliberately against hers under the table. To look at her the way he had last night, like she was the only thing in the world worth seeing. To lean in and whisper something wicked against her ear until she blushed and squirmed —
Deena shook away the thoughts, as though she could physically dislodge them from her mind.
She refused to go back to the dangerous warmth that bloomed whenever Austin was nearby. She needed to remember the fear instead: the sharp, cold uncertainty and self-doubt. They married to save her reputation and his title, nothing more, and she could not afford to be vulnerable with him again.
Not now.
Not ever.
“That… makes sense,” she managed.
Austin watched her for a long moment, eyes narrowed slightly. “You’re sure?”
She forced a small smile. “Yes. I’m sure.”
He nodded once, but the movement was slow and reluctant. “Dominic and Selina should arrive anytime now. Dom and I will be back for dinner.”
Deena nodded silently as she sipped her tea. “Where are you two going?”
She needed to know that they would be safe.
“We usually meet at the nearby gentleman’s club,” Austin replied without hesitation.
“All right.” Deena believed him, but she still felt uneasy about it.
She involuntarily let out a soft sigh when Austin reached for a piece of bread, and his arm grazed hers
“What was that?” he turned to her, a mischievous look in his eyes.
“I didn’t say anything,” Deena stuttered.
“Oh, I was sure I heard something.” Austin frowned, and she knew he was toying with her.
“Perhaps, you are hearing things.” She teased him.
Austin laughed softly, and the sound threw her off balance. She wasn’t sure if she was allowed to enjoy her husband’s company when so much was unsolved between them and around them, but in that moment, she put aside their troubles and smiled as he chuckled.
“I’m curious, Dee, am I seeing things too?” He looked at her quizzically.
She frowned at him. “And what is it you’re seeing?”
“I see my wife— I mean, friend, blushing and laughing.” His voice dropped low, and Deena’s breath caught when he drew nearer to her.
Outside, the sound of an approaching carriage could be heard, but Deena couldn’t care much about it as she stared at Austin’s tempting lips.
“It seems our guests have arrived,” he whispered, and she felt the faint touch of his lips against hers before he pulled away and stood up, leaving Deena shaken and wanting. “I’ll take my leave now, but if you need anything, Dee, don’t be afraid to send for me.”
Deena caught the slight smirk on his face.
“You’re impossible!” she blurted out before she could think about it.
Austin feigned surprise. “What did I do now?”
“Oh, don’t act so innocent. You and your…your velvety ways!” She threw her arms up in exasperation, and Austin watched her, completely amused.
The door behind him opened, and Selina arrived with Percy, Mary, and their nurserymaid.
“Uncle Austin and Aunt Dee!” Percy launched himself at Deena’s legs. “We’re here!”
Deena hugged him tightly, grateful for the distraction.
“Are we interrupting something?” Selina looked at them.
“Not at all,” Austin said comically. “My wife was just telling me how impossible I was.”
Selina gaped at Deena, who was struggling to contain her nephew. “What? He is impossible!”
“Yes, Dee, but you don’t ever tell them that to their faces.” Selina rolled her eyes as she picked up Mary, who was crying at her feet for her attention.
Austin whistled at the doorway. “Women are harsh creatures.” He rubbed at his heart as though they wounded him. “Anyhow, I’ll leave you two to it.” Austin saluted Percy, who giggled and saluted back.
Deena ignored the fluttering feeling in her heart.
“Yes, Dominic is waiting for you in the carriage. You know how he is about time,” Selina said over her shoulder.
“Ah, yes, now I’ll have another Archdall to deal with.” He let out a loud sigh and walked out the door and out of sight.
Deena wasn’t sure why a wave of worry washed over her.
Where were they going, and will he be safe? And why did they send Selina the morning after our wedding?
“I want to explore!” Percy’s voice drew her back in.
Selina smiled, shifting Mary to her other hip. “Percy’s been talking about nothing else since we told him we were coming to London. Windemere Manor is an adventurous palace, apparently.”
Deena laughed. “It’s certainly big.”
They spent the morning wandering the house with the children. Percy raced ahead down the long corridors, exclaiming at every painting and suit of armor. Mary toddled after him, clutching Selina’s skirts, occasionally stopping to point at something shiny and demand “pretty!”
Deena walked beside Selina, arm linked through hers.
“You’re quiet,” Selina said after a while.
“Am I?”
“Yes, quieter than you usually are.” Selina glanced at her sideways. “Talk to me.”
Deena watched Percy disappear around a corner, then reappear with a triumphant shout. “I am just settling into my new life.”
“Is it scaring you?”
Deena exhaled. “Yes. I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like I’m still waiting for someone to tell me this is all a mistake. That I don’t belong here. Like something terrible is about to happen.”
Selina stopped walking. “You’re just going to scare yourself with those thoughts.”
Deena let out a loud sigh. “I know, but I can’t help myself.”
“You’re a duchess now, Dee. If you want to take your mind off some things, then maybe fulfill some duties?” Selina shrugged as she watched her children chase each other.
“Duty?” she asked softly. “Do you mean like…grant him an heir?”
Selina froze, looked at Deena, and burst into laughter. “Deena, that is not the only duty of a duchess or a wife. You do know that, right?”
Deena's cheeks felt fiery. “I know,” she said quickly.
Selina cocked her head and considered her. “I can’t tell you your duties, but Austin should know them. So, when you’re ready, ask him to assign some to you. It will help until you’re ready to…fulfill the rest of your duty as a wife.” Selina winked, and Deena blushed even more.
“That is the last thing on my mind, Selina!”
Selina laughed. “Sure, it is.”
She was right to doubt her. All Deena could think about was Austin’s hands on her, his lips against hers, and his eyes traveling the length of her body.
They continued down the corridor, following the sound of Percy’s laughter.
“He watches you,” Selina said quietly. “Not the way a man watches a duty. The way a man watches something he wants to keep.”
Deena’s throat tightened. “He’s very good at wanting things.”
“And very bad at keeping them,” Selina added. “Give him time. Give yourself time.”
Deena watched Percy chase Mary across a rug in the long gallery. Both children squealed with delight. The sound echoed off the high ceiling, filling the vast space with life.
She felt a sharp, unexpected ache.
I want this.
The laughter and chaos. The small hands reaching for her. And a house full of noise and warmth with people who belonged to her.
But she had spent so long believing it was impossible, believing herself unfit, unchosen, unmarriageable, that the wanting felt ludicrous. Like hoping for something only invited its destruction.
Selina touched her elbow. “You’re thinking too hard again, Dee.”
Deena gave a watery laugh. “I’m always thinking too hard.”
“Then stop.” Selina smiled. “And just try to enjoy this time. You’re safe now, remember?”