Chapter 33
Roman’s afternoon plan contained blank space, and he distrusted it until Audra used it.
The final full retreat day opened clear and cold. Roman proposed a walk to the river overlook, lunch on the terrace if wind allowed, private time from two to four, and three alternatives for rain that no longer appeared likely.
“I have a proposal,” he told the group, “not a schedule.”
Luis examined the page. “You used twenty-four-hour time.”
“Clocks are not authoritarian.”
“History is mixed.”
Jin scanned the afternoon. “I want the private block. I do not want the long walk.”
Luis said, “I want a shorter route east and lunch indoors. The terrace is beautiful and forty-seven degrees.”
Audra looked at Roman. “I want the overlook walk with you. Then lunch indoors. Afterward I want an authority interval privately, limited to choices about what I wear for the walk and the pace for the first ten minutes.”
Roman felt pleasure and disappointment. His group plan dissolved into one pair walk, one separate route, one nap, and indoor food.
“Accepted,” he said.
In Audra’s room, they negotiated the authority scope. She would choose which two clothing options were acceptable. Roman would select one and direct the first ten minutes of pace and stopping points. No commands outside the activity. No use of authority to discuss work.
“Lead this moment,” Audra said.
Roman selected the warmer jacket, told her to leave the thin gloves and take the waterproof pair, and instructed her to meet him at the north exit in five minutes. The domestic exactness aroused them both more than it should have.
On the path he set a slower pace than Audra’s natural stride because the wet leaves concealed stone. At the first rise she said, “Amber. Pace only. I want faster.”
Roman stopped. “Reason?”
“My body is warm and the footing is stable here.”
He considered his plan. “Accepted. New pace.”
They walked faster. At ten minutes Roman deactivated exactly. Audra immediately chose a side trail he had not recommended.
“That path adds forty minutes,” he said.
“We have blank space.”
The phrase was a challenge.
Roman checked weather, terrain, and his own wish to preserve sequence. “Yes.”
The trail followed a ridge through bare birches and opened to a narrow view of the river. They stopped without a planned bench. Audra leaned against a tree. Roman stood beside her and let weather make the next decision.
“This is where you admit my route was better,” she said.
“It is where I admit your route did not fail.”
“Romance.”
He kissed her without authority after asking.
Back at the lodge, Jin had slept. Luis had walked east and found an old stone wall he described as superior to all planned attractions. Lunch happened at one fifteen, not twelve thirty. No one died from temporal disorder.
Roman’s plan had not been rejected. It had become one contribution among four.
In the afternoon, Roman found Luis repairing the umbrella again at the dining table. The tape had loosened near one rib.
“It will fail in wind,” Roman said.
“It has sentimental value.”
“After three days?”
“Some bonds are intense.”
Roman sat across from him. “The route change disappointed me.”
Luis looked up, surprised by the directness. “Audra’s route?”
“The group rejecting most of my plan. I enjoyed the pair walk. I still wanted the day I proposed.”
“Do you want reassurance?”
“No. I want to practice saying disappointment before turning it into a better plan.”
Luis considered the umbrella. “Dinner mattered to me tonight. If the afternoon runs late, I need a message before six.”
“I will send one.”
Roman failed to do so later. The failure would matter more because the request had been direct.
Jin joined them long enough to refill water. Roman asked whether he wanted the proposed indoor lunch. Jin said yes and then returned to rest. No one called the choice antisocial.
Roman went to his private room and opened the deleted plan from memory. He could still see every block. Blank space had not erased his preference; it had merely denied preference the authority to become everyone’s day.
He sent Avery a photograph of the wet river view.
She answered with the floral chair now installed in her apartment: Plans changed. Civilization survived.
Roman wrote, The chair remains criminal.
Her reply came immediately. Love you too.
He did not ask Marian’s memory to approve the weekend. He let his daughter’s ordinary affection be enough for the moment.
The next morning, the four of them walked the river path after each chose the outing separately. Roman had proposed eight o'clock. Luis countered with nine. Jin said he would decide at eight thirty. Audra refused to settle the time for him.
At eight thirty-two, Jin joined. Roman changed the reservation for lunch without mentioning the inconvenience.
The path narrowed near a fallen limb. Roman stepped aside and gestured for Audra to go first, then caught himself watching whether Luis interpreted the courtesy as rank. Luis was examining moss on a stone and missed the entire event.
Roman almost laughed at the amount of conflict his mind could construct without assistance.
Jin came beside him. “You keep looking at everyone.”
“I am checking pace.”
“Did anyone ask you to?”
“No.”
Roman let Luis and Audra increase the distance ahead. “I am jealous.”
Jin waited.
“They look easy together. I am tempted to interpret ease as a promise I cannot offer.”
“What do you want?”
“Time with her after the walk. Alone.”
“Ask her.”
The solution was obvious. Roman disliked how much effort he had invested in avoiding it.
At the next bench, he asked Audra for an hour in the library before lunch. She checked her plans and said Jin had already requested the same hour.
Roman felt disappointment arrive clean and sharp. “Another hour?”
“I want private time before departure,” Audra said. “I can offer forty minutes after lunch.”
He wanted the better hour. He also wanted her answer to remain an answer.
“Yes.”
“You may say no if forty minutes feels insufficient.”
“I know. I am choosing it.”
Roman walked on. Jin said nothing about having received the first hour. Luis rejoined them and complained that the path's interpretive sign contained an inaccurate claim about public ownership. The conversation moved elsewhere.
During Roman's forty minutes with Audra, they did not use authority. He told her he had wanted the first hour and feared that accepting the second made him less substantial.
“Do you want comparison?” she asked.
“No. I want you to know my yes included disappointment.”
“I know now.”
She kissed him, not as compensation but because she wanted to. Roman asked before deepening it. When the time ended, he stopped.
A changed plan had not reduced him.