Chapter 18 #2
“Medicines,” I say. Of course. The Chemist House may believe they had to disappear to save themselves, but they’re still looking out for the rest of us.
Our sense of duty is carved into our very bones.
Not only does the Apothecary House need the Chemists to produce antibiotics and certain inoculations, but the Farmer House uses them to brew herbicides against weeds, and everyone in the village relies on their silicone seals to preserve food.
“Yeah, medicines,” Salvatora says, venom in her voice. “There’s still folks inside the Valley who choose to save rather than kill.”
“That’s not fair, Sal,” Meryl says. She sets her mug on a rock. Though she’s standing apart from Eero, her betrothed, I think they’re a well-suited couple. Both so pleasant. Perhaps they’ll even fall in love someday. “Rose has helped save plenty of people.”
“And others died in her care,” Sal says, glaring at me. “Because she has to follow the rules.”
I have no response to that. To lay claim to my illegal visits would be to put those I help in danger. Meryl, Oscar, and Eero stare at me with something like pity. Sal’s expression isn’t as generous.
Suddenly, I’m hit by a wave of raw emotion that takes me a moment to identify: loneliness. With Jonas gone, I have no one, and I have no idea how to get any of these people to be my friend.
“Why are you training?” I ask, struggling to make sense of everything I’ve learned this morning. “To help the Guardians if…?” But I’m lost.
“We think something’s com—” Eero starts, but Salvatora silences him with a frown.
“It’s a secret,” she says. “Right, Gryphon?”
I’m shocked to find he’s standing directly behind me.
I think I might cry, so instead I raise my voice, pivoting to confront him.
“So you’re willing to defy the law and your parents now?
” I ask. “But not when it meant saving Jonas’s life?
” I hurl the last accusation like poison, letting my pain choose my words.
His eyes blaze. “We want the same thing, my parents and I,” he says, his tone a warning. “Safety for the people of the Valley. We just don’t always agree on the best way to achieve it. Did you always do things exactly as your parents expected?”
It’s a cruel thing to say about two dead people.
My nostrils flare, and I shove my finger into his chest. “My father taught me to remove an appendix that’s about to burst and my mother showed me how to nurture and process plants into lifesaving medicine.
If I’m hearing correctly, you’d like me to take liberties with their methods when it’s you who’s suffering? ”
Meryl whistles. I hear approval in the sound, but I cannot relax.
“You will train me, too,” I demand, surprising no one more than myself.
I’ve never cared to fight, but with a murderer on the loose, I need to be able to protect myself and others.
But most important in this moment, with my brother gone…
I’m desperate, starving, drowning for companionship.
And Gryphon’s little fight club seems like my best chance at it.
I suspect Gran was right. Life’s too much to bear alone.
But Gryphon has different thoughts on the matter. He shoves his face near mine, almost close enough to kiss. “I will not train you,” he hisses. “You can’t be trusted to break the rules and keep it a secret.”
Salvatora snorts. “Isn’t that the truth. I had to clean the chapel bathroom for a month after you told on me for nicking that cup.”
“I’m sorry,” I say to her. “Truly, I am.”
“Sorry doesn’t mean you can keep your mouth shut,” she snaps.
They can’t know about my secret visits to the elderly, but there must be another way. I open my mouth in the hopes the right words will flow out, but Meryl speaks first. Kind, goodhearted Meryl who I’d considered if not a friend, at least friendly.
“It’s true, Rose,” she says. “I know you mean well, but…you’re just so rigid. With yourself and everyone else.”
“That’s why I couldn’t tell Jonas what we do out here.” Eero shrugs apologetically. “I knew he’d tell you.”
I’m just barely able to stop my hand from flying to cover my birthmark, a self-conscious reflex.
It’s the unfairness of it all that cuts so deeply, them thinking I’m a rule follower for the sake of it.
There’d be no point in explaining how many times Gran and Mom cautioned me to never stand out.
They’d only hear me making excuses. It barely makes sense to me now, how small I’ve shrunk since my father’s death, how scared I’ve been of stepping out of line.
I’m seeing myself from the outside now, and I don’t like how I look.
If nothing else, tragedy’s great at dissolving blinders.
“On my life, I will tell no one.” My voice is ragged with pain. I turn, making sure each of them sees the truth of it in my eyes. “You have my word. Please, let me join you.”
Reatha, Albert, and Marie have stayed silent, letting those still a part of the village make the choice. It’s clear from Eero and Meryl’s expressions that they’ll let me in. Oscar seems about to agree, as well, when Sal’s voice slashes through the air.
“You’re too fragile,” she says, “too pathetic. You can’t even handle a blade.”
I see my chance. I may never have swung a sword, but I know my way around a knife better than most. I hurry over to the carcass, grabbing the hunting blade from where Gryphon has left it, driving it down the deer’s center just deep enough to rend the flesh without piercing an organ.
Her stomach contents spill to the ground.
I begin dressing the animal. I’ve never witnessed a butchering, but I understand anatomy intimately. I cut away the intestines and pile them a few feet from the deer. Then I remove the heart, liver, and kidneys, my movements nimble and surgical. I set the organs on a nearby rock.
It takes me only minutes.
When I’m done, I turn, panting. I hold up the bloody knife. “I can learn.”
A fierce smile cracks Reatha’s face.
The corners of Gryphon’s mouth tip up, and my heart rate follows. It doesn’t matter that the years I spent wanting him feel like they belong to another lifetime—my body remembers what the glimmer of his grin does to me. I bite back the answering smile that tries to stretch across my lips.
“I vote to let her in,” Eero says, his brown eyes wide.
“Seconded,” Meryl says. “It’s better to have her with us than against us.” Her pragmatism stings insofar as it exposes her lack of faith in me. I can’t say I blame her.
“Fine,” Sal mutters. “But only because if we don’t let her in, she’s gonna snitch. If we keep her close, she can’t tell on us without getting herself in trouble.”
A flush sears my cheeks. Thankfully, Oscar pulls everyone’s attention.
“It could be a yes from me,” he says, a mischievous glint in his eye, “if you’re brave enough to pass the naked trust test.”
Oscar is a year younger than me, athletic and serious, his black hair shorn close.
This is the first time he’s addressed me directly.
I bite my lip as he reaches for the hem of his shirt and begins pulling it.
If I don’t overthink it, I’ve just enough adrenaline left pumping through my veins to yank off my own shirt.
I don’t see what choice I have. I can’t bear the deep ache of being so alone.
If this is what it takes to prove I’m one of them, so be it. I grab the hem of my shirt and tug up.
“Whoa—whoa,” Eero blurts, scrambling to stop me. “It’s a trust fall, Rose! Just…just a fall.”
My face burns, and I drop the shirt. Thank the Wall I was wearing underclothes. Still, I can’t look at any of them. “Of course it is,” I say, mortified. “Obviously I knew that.”
Sal doubles over in laughter. Oscar’s staring at me, eyes wide as he holds out his shirt. “You spattered blood on it when you were butchering. I was just going to go inside and rinse it.”
“The test takes place up there,” Meryl says, pointing at a shoulder-height boulder just beyond the deer tree. “You close your eyes, remove all your vulnerabilities, and fall back, trusting us to catch you.”
I nod, the movement jerky. Surely people go on living after accidentally stripping half-naked in front of people they’re desperate to impress? I’ll die of embarrassment if I don’t move quickly, so I hop over to the rock, speedily climb it, and turn my back to the group. “Ready?” I call out.
Before they can answer, I’m falling.
I hang in the air forever, every nerve screaming, cursing my stupidity at rushing into all of this—the woods, demanding to be trained, the naked trust test. Never in my life have I had people outside my family I could count on.
Well, at least the fall will knock me unconscious for a good while.
Maybe I’ll even forget what a fool I’ve just made of myself.
But then, I land in their arms.
Unbelievably, I’m staring up at their faces. Eero looks happy, Meryl maybe proud, Oscar curious, Salvatora guarded, and Gryphon…
His expression, I can’t read.
But every single one of them caught me.
This time, I don’t fight the tears when they come.
They’re going to give me a chance.