Chapter 39
Eero, Sal, and Meryl are waiting near our training spot, Sal and Eero sitting next to each other and Meryl perched on the naked trust rock.
Marie and Reatha are nowhere to be seen, but Albert sits in the mouth of the cave, his chair firmly on the ground.
It must take a great deal of energy to hover, so I understand why he saves the feature for difficult terrain.
His expression is sullen, and he looks like he hasn’t slept or bathed in days.
The dark brown skin under his eyes is sunken, but the way no one else spares him a glance tells me this appearance isn’t unusual.
Perhaps he feels guilty for the tech he stole.
I take a second to fantasize that I might steal it back—use Albert’s panel to charge the tablet faster and chase Jonas up the Wall. Too bad I wouldn’t know the first thing about connecting it. I shake my head.
“Albert, can you run some tests on this water sample?” I ask, digging the bottle out of my bag.
For as much as I mistrust Albert, he’s still a trained Chemist. As long as I don’t tell him where I got the water, he should do fine.
“What am I testing it for?”
His sharp tone catches me off guard. “Anything that isn’t water.”
“What? That could take days.”
Like he’s got something more important on his schedule? He lives in a cave. “Please do it as quickly as you can.”
He glares at me before taking the bottle inside.
“Where’s Oscar?” Gryphon asks the others.
“Working on the wedding gown for your highness,” Sal says, rolling her eyes at me. “It’s supposed to be quite the showstopper.”
“What?” I ask.
“Oh,” Meryl says, her face flooding with sympathy from atop her perch. “You didn’t know. Misia ordered Oscar to collect your first wedding dress and turn it into a gown ‘worthy of a queen.’”
“What?” I say again. It’s apparently become the only word I know. Our survival inside the Wall depends on equality, harmony. Putting me forward in finery will undermine village solidarity, with me as the target. Is that what Misia’s after?
“What will you be wearing, Gryphon?” Eero’s tone is teasing.
Gryphon lunges for him, moving with catlike grace. They wrestle for a few moments until Eero starts laughing too hard to continue. Gryphon shakes his head, but he’s smiling.
“Today, we’re going to learn to get out of chokeholds,” he tells the group.
He pairs us off, having Eero sit out because we’re an uneven number without Oscar. Gryphon guides me to the center of the circle to demonstrate. He maintains eye contact, which should make me feel awkward but instead allows me to relax just enough to take in what he’s saying.
“If your opponent is gripping your neck with one hand, like this,” he says, “swing your dominant arm up and around, bringing it down on the crook of their elbow with all the power you have. Joints are weak.”
I do as he says. His hand releases.
“If they’ve got you by two hands…” He looks to me for permission.
I nod, and he places both around my neck.
My heart rate spikes, body instinctively alerting me that I’ve allowed myself to become unsafe.
But the alarm disappears almost immediately, replaced by an unexpected certainty: Gryphon won’t hurt me, at least not like this.
I’m hungry for his next instruction, motivated like I’ve never been to learn how to fight.
“Interlace your fingers in front of your chest,” he’s saying, “and shove them straight up toward the sky, directly between their ar—”
The moment his words clear my subconscious, I’m in action. I catch him by surprise, yelling as I split Gryphon’s hold—something he’d encouraged yesterday, but I’d been too shy to try until now. I think he was right, though… It did make me feel powerful.
Gryphon blinks, and we break into two copies of the same smile. His nearness, the intimacy of our shared emotion, quicken my pulse.
“And if they’ve got you pinned?” I ask, feeling bold.
A flicker of surprise softens his face, and he guides me backward to the rock, pressing me against cool stone.
Sal and Meryl’s gazes snap together—are you seeing this?
—as Gryphon raises his forearm to hover in front of my neck.
That blocks my view of the girls, but not Eero’s shit-eating grin.
With willpower I didn’t know a human could possess, I force myself not to blush.
“Your forehead is surprisingly strong,” he calls over his shoulder, tapping his own. “It can do a lot of damage, especially when your opponent has you pinned. Proximity gives you power. Drive your forehead into their face, remembering not to signal the move.”
“What if you’re shorter than them?” Meryl asks.
“All the better if your forehead hits at nose level.” He rests his hand on the back of my head and softly guides it forward and down. The top front of my skull perfectly meets the bridge of his nose, his lips nearly grazing the center of my forehead.
Albert glides out of the cave then, stopping a meter away from Gryphon and me. I take the respite, tearing my eyes from my betrothed, but Gryphon seems not to notice him. “Meryl and Sal, you two practice all three releases with each other. Eero, I’ll get to you in a minute.”
He returns his attention to me. When our eyes lock, a full-body jolt courses through me.
He’s so breathtaking, so confident in his strength and knowledge that for a second, I consider what our future would look like if I did nothing but let my choices be made for me: Marry Gryphon.
Train. Have babies. Let a murderer walk free and allow Jarek to gain more and more power in the Valley.
I know it’s impossible. Ignorance is a fur-lined cage you can’t return to. Not once the door’s been opened. But still…
I accept his hands around my neck again.
Like yesterday, my anatomy training helps me remember where—and understand why—to direct force in my moves.
After an hour of repetition, I’ve learned to reliably break free from all the basic locks Gryphon tries to put me in.
I even get in a good headbutt to his cheek before he can dance away.
“Oh oh,” Eero calls out from where he watches on the rock. “Marina won’t like your pretty face bruised like that, Gryphon.”
The comment makes me miss my footing. I take a jab to the shoulder, and needles shoot down my hand. I pivot, barely avoiding the uppercut that frequently follows one of Gryphon’s punches.
“Shut up,” he mutters to Eero, never taking his eyes off me.
I know Eero was just teasing. Except, was he? Had there really been something between Gryphon and Marina? My childhood insecurities, nurtured in the fertile soil of years of taunts and rejections, seek the surface.
Albert is near enough that his sharpened words land in my ear. “Yeah, Eero. Shut it.”
I’m so shocked by the ferocity in his young voice that I turn to look at him.
“Pay attention, Rose,” Gryphon barks, “or you’re going to get hurt out there.” The anger that simmers below Gryphon’s surface is suddenly at a boil. Eero’s teasing, my carelessness. I don’t know what sets him off, but his face tells me he’s considering aiming his frustration at me.
“Eat dirt,” I say, refusing to be his target.
I step away from him. I need a second to sort through the bloom of jealousy I just felt.
Everyone knows Albert’s a duck for Marina, so it’s no surprise he wouldn’t want to imagine Gryphon and her together.
But Eero hadn’t teased Albert. He’d teased Gryphon.
That, plus the depth of the younger boy’s reaction, makes me think there might really be something between Marina and my betrothed.
I’m ashamed I began to let myself fall for him.
I don’t know what his endgame is, but it doesn’t matter.
His caring for Marina will make leaving to rescue Jonas that much easier.
“Are you done with your break?” Gryphon sounds deeply annoyed.
And with that, he’s flipped my switch. I’m back in it, swinging at him with a dramatic right hook.
It would be impossible not to see it coming, which is why I’m able to sneak my real move, an uppercut, past his initial defenses.
It’s only his years of training that keep my fist from striking true.
Rather than burying it in his chin, I land a solid hit on the arm he raised to block me.
He stumbles slightly, rights himself.
Irritation flits across his features. His shoulders and then his arms make all the micromovements—almost a shudder—that signal he’s flexing to rain terror upon his opponent: me.
I find myself matching him move for move, rolling onto the balls of my feet, a taste like metal on my tongue.
I sense he’s about to spring when, to my great disappointment, he goes still, restraining himself with visible effort.
So that’s the trick to upsetting him. Get in a strike while he’s dreaming of Marina.
“Break.” His voice rings deeper than I’ve ever heard it.
Adrenaline surges through me. I’m dying to make some crack about him forgetting to watch my eyes, but Meryl has me by one arm and Sal the other, and they’re dragging me toward the creek.
.
“That was fun,” Sal says dryly, shoving me toward the water. “Why don’t you go cool off?”
“Why don’t you mind yourself?” I snap.
The walk has allowed me to calm myself enough that I’m no longer boiling, but I’m still on edge. Neither Eero’s wisecrack nor Gryphon’s reaction should have set me off that much. It’s got to be the accumulated grief of the past few days leaking out.
Meryl clucks her tongue. “Out of line, Rose.”
“You think?” Sal says. She addresses me, pointing at the silvery creek. “Cold water helps you to get back to yourself.” She tosses me a wicked look. “A slap to the face works, too. But only if you prefer.”
I scowl but kneel and splash the crystal water across my cheeks.
It’s so cold that I suck in air. My hands are going numb, but I don’t stop splashing because Sal’s right: the water makes the prickly feeling fade.
When I’m in control of my senses again, I drop onto my butt at the creek’s edge.
“Sorry, Sal. I don’t know what came over me back there. ”
Salvatora plops down next to me, but it’s Meryl who responds. “The Guardians call it battle anger. We’ve all felt it. You can be practicing fine for a couple hours, then someone gets a hit in just right, and out of the blue, you’re ten feet tall and made of fire.”
“It’s even worse if they say something mean,” Sal continues as Meryl takes a seat on her other side. “And it’s probably more intense when you’re fighting your husband.”
I glance at her to see if she’s serious, but her mouth is tilted in a rare smile. That burns off the last of my…what had Meryl called it? Battle anger. Now I just feel tired. And thirsty. I lean forward to take a long pull of the creek water. “He’s not my husband.”
“Same difference.”
“No, it’s not.” I dry my hands on my pants.
“You don’t understand. There are difficulties to this particular betrothal.
” Most couples-to-be don’t have a long history of animosity or a bride who plans to run away before the wedding ceremony, so when Sal jumps to her feet, I’m caught completely off guard.
“Get over yourself, Rose,” she mutters, stalking off.
My mouth hangs open. I don’t know what I’ve said to upset her. I glance at Meryl and realize I’m waiting for her to comfort me like she always does when Sal’s too harsh. She’s just shredding a brown leaf, though, and not meeting my gaze.
“You don’t know about us, do you?” she finally sighs.
I tilt my head, scrambling to make sense of what’s happening.
“Me and Sal?” Meryl holds up what’s left of the leaf, a skeleton stripped of its flesh. “We love each other.”
I’m about to say that of course they do, they’re best friends and everyone knows it, but then I understand. We’re cautioned not to fall for anyone but our betrothed, but even I know that’s not always how emotions work. Case in point: me with Gryphon. “I’m sorry.”
Meryl’s holding herself utterly still. “It’s the way of the Valley, isn’t it? Our partners are chosen for us based on our House size, age, and bloodline. Not much room for love, especially for a couple who could never bear a child.”
Meryl tosses what’s left of her leaf into the water. We watch it float downstream, light as a spider on the creek’s surface. “She and I want something different,” she says. “Something better.”
Something better. I roll the words around in my head. Before Jonas was Harvested, I was too busy working and staying in line to even consider such a thing. A better community than the one I was born to… What would that even look like?
What I wouldn’t give for my father’s guidance right now. I’d been so young when he was killed, but I remember him as steady and supportive. An optimist, even in the hard times.
“Do you trust Gryphon?” I ask Meryl. The question suddenly feels important.
“Trust him?” She appears to weigh her words.
“He’s loyal to his family, but he loves the Valley, too.
He’s in a tough spot, and it makes him seem like two different people some days.
He tries to do his best by both groups, but I think he’ll have to choose soon.
Us or them.” She hops to her feet, wiping leaves off her trousers before offering me her hand.
“We have to stop being grateful for crumbs and start fighting for freedom, Rose.”
I let her help me up. “I’m ashamed to say I thought we had it. Freedom. Happiness.”
She shakes her head, soft brown eyes overcast with a wisdom beyond her years.
“You can’t have either without choice, not really.
” Then she lightly punches my arm. “But I don’t think you should feel ashamed.
We all wake up at different times and for different reasons.
What matters is what we do after we hear the call. ”