Chapter 2 Clearing the Air #2
No one had ever spoken of her as he had, with such sincerity and admiration, and to hear it from him—the man she had thought insufferably proud and had hated for his rejection of her at the assembly—left her far more shaken than she cared to admit.
“If I were to marry according to my own wishes, would it impede my sister’s prospects of making a good match? She has had a… a troubling summer and has, unfortunately, learnt a lesson I would have hoped she might be spared for a few years yet.”
Darcy paused, weighing his next words. At last, he seemed to set his hesitation aside. He glanced about to ensure they were not observed, then continued in a voice scarcely above a whisper.
“A… a rake, a man who was once a friend of mine, attempted to importune her and convince her to elope to Gretna Green. I was able to prevent it, but her heart was injured in the process. He wanted her only for her thirty-thousand-pound dowry, and the discovery was devastating to her. She is young and sensitive, and it confirmed her worst fears—that no one could value her for herself, that she has nothing to offer anyone, whether as a wife or even as a companion to a lady of her own age. Much of this, I fear, is rooted in her time at school.”
He paused, his gaze fixed somewhere beyond the room, as if weighing how much more he dared to admit.
“Though I have long struggled to reconcile my family’s expectations with my own wishes, I have always believed you would be a good friend to her. If anyone might coax her from her melancholy, it is you. I have seen the patience and kindness you show your sisters.”
She flushed scarlet again at his implication. “Why is that?” she asked, again leaning close as though they exchanged confidences.
“I cannot imagine you remaining unhappy for long, nor can I imagine you allowing anyone within your influence to be either,” he admitted softly.
“You would tease her, prod her, until she confessed all and her spirits inevitably were lifted. You would know just what to say to reassure her that I am not disappointed in her and convince her that she is worth more than her dowry.”
He paused, drawing a slow breath. “I am still angry about what happened, but mostly with myself. It never occurred to me to warn her that our former friend—my father’s godson—was a rake who might one day seek to harm her.
I should have prepared her better for the world.
” His voice grew tight with frustration.
“But how does one speak of such things to an innocent, much younger sister? Do you know how difficult it was for me to speak to her when she began her courses?”
This time, a deep flush rose in his cheeks, and across from him, Elizabeth’s blush rekindled with equal intensity.
She choked back a laugh. “I cannot imagine. It was painful enough to have that conversation with my mother; it would be impossible with a brother.”
“I had not even given thought to her mortification on the subject, only my own,” Darcy admitted, grinning now to have elicited humour from this lady. “It was terrifying.”
Elizabeth could not hold back her laughter this time, and after a moment, he joined in. “You would be good for me as well, Elizabeth. I have never felt this at ease with anyone else.”
“Well then, sir, you must decide whether your duty or your heart shall have the highest place,” Elizabeth said, settling back into her chair with a composed air that hid the tumult she felt in her chest. “Should you choose to court me, I believe I could be persuaded to allow it, but, as I have already stated, I will not marry without love and respect for my husband. You would have to work to convince me that we might suit.”
She paused, then lifted her eyes to meet his, her gaze steady.
“However, before you speak, you must resolve whether duty will continue to guide your choice. If you decide against your heart, I shall carry away the memory of a pleasant and enlightening conversation with a friend. Should your friend and my sister come to an agreement, perhaps we will still encounter one another and remain just that—friends. Even Jane, who is so determined never to presume upon any gentleman’s attentions, has spoken of Mr Bingley with a warmth I have seldom heard from her. ”
She drew a quiet breath, allowing the mention of Jane and Bingley to settle before returning to the matter between them.
Her voice softened. “But if you decide otherwise—then, I cannot say what the result will be. Perhaps, as we grow better acquainted, we will find we do not suit after all, and we will part as friends nonetheless.”
Elizabeth hesitated once more, then leant forward, her tone more earnest now.
“I will only ask you this: what do you want? You know well what your family expects of you. But consider those whose opinions truly matter: what would they say? Would your sister wish for you to marry for duty and live in misery? Or would she wish for you to seek a woman who touches your heart?”
She tilted her head, studying him. “Are there others, someone you respect and trust to be looking out for your interest instead of theirs, whose counsel might guide you more truly?”
Darcy sighed heavily and remained silent for several long minutes.
“I know what I want. But perhaps I should speak to Georgiana about what she desires. I would bring her here – she would adore you, and I think you would adore her in return — but she is a little afraid of Miss Bingley and would prefer not to share a residence with her under the best of circumstances. Right now, she is even less inclined to do so.”
“Perhaps I can ask my aunt and uncle, and they will permit me to return to London with them in January,” Elizabeth suggested.
“If you are in town for the Season, you could introduce me to your sister if she is in London as well. You know I have four sisters, and I am quite used to cajoling them out of their doldrums.”
“How would I know?” Darcy asked after a moment.
With a furrowed brow, Elizabeth replied: “How would you know what?”
“If you were in London?” he said.
She considered this for a moment. “I am not certain. I suppose I could have my uncle write to you if you would not object.”
“I do not know him,” Darcy said, his brow furrowing as though considering the matter. He said nothing more for a beat, then asked a few practical questions about London and her connexions there.
“He is a tradesman named Edward Gardiner,” Elizabeth replied, her tone uncertain even as she straightened and squared her shoulders. She adored her aunt and uncle, and if Mr Darcy could not bring himself to meet them, any notion of a courtship would end before it began.
“He owns several warehouses in Cheapside, and he and my aunt have been among the greatest influences in my life. My uncle attended Cambridge and later married the daughter of a gentleman from a small town called Lambton, located somewhere in the north. They are both well-educated and have shaped not only my views but also those of my elder sister.”
“Lambton, you say,” Darcy said, astonishing Elizabeth since she had not expected him to comment on that particular detail. “That is but five miles from Pemberley.”
“Then perhaps you know her family,” Elizabeth said, her surprise evident in her expression. “Her father was, oh, I think his name was Mr Wright, but I cannot remember the name of his estate.”
“I recall the family, but they moved away quite a few years ago,” Darcy said. “I do not recall why, but it was more than a decade ago.”
“Then you might renew your acquaintance with my aunt,” Elizabeth replied, her confidence growing with the suggestion. “It would give you a reason to call on my uncle and perhaps learn when or if I am to come to town.”
“You would let me court you then?” Darcy asked.
“Have you decided to ask?” she returned, raising her brow at him once again in question.
“I am willing to try,” Darcy admitted. “While I am uncertain of the result, I would like to see what this between us might be. I have rarely enjoyed a conversation with a woman more than I have this last half hour, and, well, I think I would like to have a lifetime of conversations like this. If Georgiana can learn to have some of your poise and confidence, then perhaps my marrying with my heart will affect her prospects less than I fear.”
He paused again. “But truly, your words about Georgiana struck me deeply. I would not want to condemn Georgiana to the type of marriage I was proposing for myself. If I cannot wish it for her, why would I want that for myself?”
“It is time to listen to your heart then?” Elizabeth asked, tilting her head as she examined him closely.
“I think it is,” he replied softly.
She smiled broadly at him, and after a moment’s thought, laughter bubbled from her lips.
“I never would have imagined having this sort of conversation with you, of all people,” she said, her tone light but obviously serious.
“You are not at all the man I once believed you to be. You will have to show me this side of yourself more often—if, that is, you truly wish to make me fall in love with you.”
At her own words, her cheeks warmed, the unintended boldness catching her off guard. She had not meant to tease him quite so far, and the very idea of this man—this extraordinary man—in love with her remained utterly astonishing.
He grinned in response. “Might I confess something?” he asked, leaning even closer to her.
At her nod, he continued. “Before you, I had never imagined having this sort of conversation with anyone. I have never spoken this openly to anyone before – not Bingley, nor even Richard. I share guardianship of Georgiana with my cousin, Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam, and before this moment, would have considered him my greatest friend.”
“Before this moment?” she asked, her brow quirked in question as she looked at him with the barest hint of a smile.
He smiled slightly in return. “After such a conversation as this, can we be anything other than the best of friends, my dear Elizabeth?”
She scowled at him, even as the warmth in his voice unsettled her. “It is unfair, sir.”
He blinked, clearly puzzled by her sudden change of topic. “What is?”
“You have already begun to address me informally, yet I do not know what else to call you other than Mr Darcy,” she said, her tone airy but her eyes alight with mischief.
“I have heard your formal name, but what name would you have me use, sir? Fitzwilliam seems rather a mouthful. Might I presume I have your permission to address you less formally—at least in private?”
His answering smile was open and unguarded, an expression Elizabeth had not expected to see from him.
“My name is Fitzwilliam, after my mother’s family,” he said. “Most call me Darcy, but my mother always called me William. For years, Georgiana called me simply Brother, almost to the exclusion of any other name; of late, however, she has begun to use William as well.”
He paused, and something softened in his manner. “I would be honoured if you would call me by that name.”
Elizabeth’s lips curved, her earlier teasing replaced by genuine pleasure. “I would be delighted, William.” The sound of his given name felt strange yet natural on her tongue. After a brief, sparkling pause, she added lightly, “Now, we are in a library; tell me—what think you of books?”