Chapter Nineteen #2
"I don't want to be dramatic about it. They equip you as well as they can. They offer courses and things. And in the city, there was a network who offered support. But, yeah... I didn't... It's hardly surprising to me that so many kids who age out of foster care end up on the streets."
"Shit. That's horrible."
"It is. But unfortunately, it's just a fact of life."
"Not one I think I could ever get used to."
"It's surprising what you can get used to when you have to. But anyway. I do what I can for the kids who are in that situation now. And as for me — I was fortunate that my parents had money. I was able to put myself through college."
"But with no support?" he asked.
"I told you, I had money."
"I don't mean that. I mean... no one to help you. No one at your back. No one you could turn to."
She gave him a sad smile. "No, none of that. I'm afraid that's something money can't buy."
"Shit, Harper. I'm sorry."
"Don't say that. I did fine. I'm not telling you to make you feel sorry for me."
"I'm not saying I feel sorry for you. I'm sorry you had to go through that."
She shrugged. "Hey, it made me who I am. And I'm not that terrible, am I?"
He shook his head with a smile. "You're not terrible. You already know that I think you're an amazing woman."
"Why, thank you." She pretended to preen a little, and he chuckled.
"I'm getting used to how you like to brush things off. But I'm glad you shared."
She nodded. "Me too. Not many people know that about me. Shelley does, of course. I think you know we met in college. At freshman orientation, as a matter of fact."
"I'm glad you have her. That you have a friendship that's lasted a long time."
"Oh, I am too. Shelley's the closest thing to family I’ve had since my parents."
"But..."
She waited for him to continue, but he shook his head.
"Go on, you can ask me anything. That seems to be what this evening's about, isn't it?"
"Okay, well — tell me to butt out if you want to, but I thought you were divorced."
"I am. And he was a good man. It was a good marriage while it lasted. When I said Shelley's the closest thing to family I've had..." She took a sip of her wine. "I can't say I didn't mean it. I did. Craig and I were a couple, never a family."
She watched her fingers pick nonexistent specks from her pants before she looked up to meet Emmett's gaze. "We wanted to have a family. I... I miscarried. Three times." She drained the last of her wine. "That's a lot for a couple to survive. We didn't."
She picked up her empty glass and nodded toward Emmett's. "Would you like another soda? I'm going to refill my wine."
He handed her his glass, wordlessly, but his gaze didn’t leave hers until she turned around. When she reached the kitchen door, she said over her shoulder, "He remarried after a couple of years. They have a family—three kids."
~ ~ ~
While Harper was inside fixing their drinks, Emmett rearranged himself on the couch. When she came back out, she gave him a puzzled look as she set his drink in front of him.
"Do you need help to get comfortable?"
"I do." He patted the space he'd made beside him. "I'd be a lot more comfortable if you came to sit with me." He held out his left arm. "I'm in no shape to try anything, but if you come willingly, I'd like to wrap my arm around you."
He felt foolish when her hand came up to cover her heart.
"Okay, so maybe that was a cheesy thing to say. But you may need to cut me some slack—I'm out of practice."
She came to sit beside him. "It wasn't cheesy! I'm genuinely touched." She leaned toward him but stopped. "I'm also afraid that I'll hurt you."
"I'm afraid that I'll hurt you too—by not knowing how to be open enough. Not knowing how to share the load…" He trailed off when he saw her smile. "What?"
"I was talking about leaning against you—hurting your ribs. I don't want to hurt you in the other sense, either. But don't worry about me—I'll survive no matter what."
He held his arm out, and she came closer, leaning against him gingerly.
"You can relax. If it hurts, I'll tell you." She looked up into his eyes, and he nodded. "Yeah, I mean my ribs and also what's inside them. I don't know how to do this, Harper. But I want to try."
She gave him a little more of her weight, and he curled his arm around her shoulders, hugging her closer.
"I want to try, too. But I need you to tell me if it's not working—if I'm not working—for you.
My life's been a whole series of rugs that got pulled out from under my feet every time.
I already feel a lot for you, Emmett. I'm not asking you to make me any promises, only asking that you warn me first if you're going to pull the rug. "
He rested his chin on her head and spoke into her hair. "I promise you that. And I already promised that I'd let you know if you were here too much. So far, the way I feel, I can't see the time coming when I won't want you around. The more time we spend together, the more natural it feels."
They sat that way without speaking for a long while. Emmett closed his eyes and waited, but what he expected to feel didn't come. He looked up at the first stars, and one seemed to twinkle at him. His eyes stung, but it made him smile, too.
Harper turned to him. "Are you okay? Is this too much?"
He tightened his arm around her. "It's not just okay, it's good." He cleared his throat. It'd be easy to let the moment go, but… "While you were inside, I sat here hoping you'd join me. That we could do this…" He gave her shoulders a squeeze. "But a part of me…"
She started to sit up, but he held her a little closer before letting his arm fall. "It must be hard for you. You must have sat right here with Emily and…"
"That's not it. I didn't want to bring it up, but since you did…
" He pointed up at the stars. "We used to sit out here sometimes—only a handful of times, toward the end.
Before that, we were too busy. With work, with the girls, with life.
But in those last couple of months, we'd sit and watch the stars.
One of the last times we came out here, she told me she'd be watching me from up there soon.
That she'd twinkle at me whenever she got the chance. She also said I shouldn’t worry if she didn't—she imagined she might be busy doing whatever we get to do after we die, and that was as it should be.
She'd be busy getting on with whatever came next. "
He took hold of Harper's hand. "And… and that she expected me to do the same. All these years since she's been gone, I've been doing that—what came next was raising the girls. But now…" He squeezed her hand. "Now, I think there's a what comes next again, and this time…"
He didn't want to make any promises—to Harper or himself. "This time there's room. Not just room but also… a want. For something… maybe… for me again." He looked into her eyes. "Something like you."
She turned toward him, and he leaned in. He brushed her lips with his, and her hand came up to cup his cheek. His breath came out in a sharp hiss, his ribs protesting loudly.
"Are you okay?"
"I would be if I could finally figure out a way to kiss you properly."
Her laugh brought his gaze up to hers. "Listen to you getting all grumpy! There's no need. I'm here to help until you're healed, remember. So, let me help. There's nothing wrong with your legs, is there?"
"No. Why? What do you—"
She answered the question by sitting on his lap, bracing her hands on the couch on either side of his head, and leaning in until her forehead rested against his.
"Is this a better angle?"
He chuckled and slid his hand into her hair. "It is." He closed his fingers around the back of her neck and held her there as their lips met again. This time the brushing of lips became something deeper. Something real, and new.
When she finally lifted her head, she ran her finger over her lips, and he followed it with his thumb.
"Well! That was… wonderful." Her eyes shone as they looked down into his.
"It was. It was… perfect."
She leaned in close and pressed her cheek to his. "I don't dare hug you just yet, so this will have to work until your ribs heal."
He wrapped his arm around her waist, holding her as close as he could to his chest, loving the feel of her warmth against him.
Over her shoulder he looked up at the now dark sky, all the stars shining—not a single one twinkled.