Chapter Twenty-One
Harper hovered by the coffee pot. She'd made breakfast this morning the same as she had for the last few weeks.
But this morning, like yesterday, everything felt…
different. Even though she'd made sure that Tanya remembered to actually eat while she daydreamed and had placed Alana's folder on the kitchen table where she couldn't miss it, she felt conscious of every move she made.
She no longer trusted herself not to overstep—no longer knew where the line was.
Emmett came downstairs slowly. He was still sleeping on the sofa, but yesterday he'd made his first trip up the stairs.
He'd come back down without incident. This morning, after he'd eaten, he'd gone up there again, saying something about needing some notes from his closet.
His closet in his bedroom—where she was still sleeping.
Now that he could manage the stairs again, he could take his room back.
She watched him sit and check his phone without even glancing at her.
He wasn't taking her presence for granted—at this point, she'd almost welcome that.
He was very carefully avoiding her gaze—just as he had ever since Tanya had called her Mama Bear on Sunday night.
She couldn't blame him—she didn't know what to say either.
"Are we going to the grocery store after school, Harper?" Tanya asked. "You have rehearsals every night this week, right, Alana?"
"Yeah." She glanced at Harper. "Are you okay to pick me up, or is everyone taking turns again now?"
Harper stared at her for a moment. While she'd been staying here with them, she'd been going for the girls after school herself every day—it had seemed logical. But now…
She smiled. "I'll talk to Libby. I think the others want to get a turn with you this week. You know, in the big buildup to opening night. Everyone's excited."
Alana held her gaze for a moment before she nodded. "Okay."
"But you're coming tonight, right?" Tanya asked.
"Don't pester, Button." Emmett shot Tanya a look. "If you want ice cream from the store, you can say so. I can get Blane to stop, and we'll pick some up on our way back."
Harper swallowed. She wanted to believe that he didn't want to put too much on her.
But with the unspoken awkwardness that had crept in around the edges of everything since Sunday night, it felt more like he was starting to ease her out.
She didn't know for sure if that was the case, but she wouldn’t blame him if he were.
Things had seemed to be going well between them, but there was a major difference between sharing a sweet Friday night date and sharing a life—especially a life with two young motherless girls in it.
"It's not about ice cream, Dad. It's just that we have fun in the store, don't we, Harpsichord?"
Harper smiled. Tanya had picked up on Shelley's name for her on Sunday—if only she'd used that one when they all came home.
"We do. And I'll need to pick up a few things for myself, if nothing else, so yes.
" She checked her watch. They needed to be out the door soon if they were going to catch the bus—Emmett had said they should this morning, even though she'd been enjoying the ride up to town to take them.
"Is everyone ready?" she asked.
Alana got to her feet and grabbed the folder Harper had left out for her. "I am. Thanks for this."
"No problem."
Tanya went to get her backpack from the hook by the door. "Seems like ages since we rode the bus."
"I bet your friends will be glad to see you on it," said Emmett. "Does Nat ride the bus?"
Tanya grinned. "Not all the time, but she is this week."
Alana made a face. "Most of my friends don't—half of them are driving now."
"And I'll help you get your license when you're ready."
Harper stepped back and found her back against the cabinets.
Maybe he'd forgotten, but she didn't think so—it was only a couple of weeks ago that they'd talked about getting insurance on her truck for Alana to learn in, since it was much smaller than Emmett's, and Alana loved it—said it was cooler than the big ranch trucks.
Alana frowned at him, then glanced at Harper. "Come on, Tanya, we need to move it or we'll miss the bus."
Tanya came and wrapped her arms around Harper. "See you later." Then she planted a kiss on top of Emmett's head. "You're healing fast. I knew you would. See you later, Papa Bear."
There was no missing the way his shoulders tensed. Harper felt the echo of it in the way her hands grasped each other, as if seeking something to cling to.
She called, "See you later," as the door closed after the girls, then separated her hands, bringing them down to her sides.
"You've known from the beginning that I'm not good at holding my tongue." Crap. There went her mouth again—letting the words out before her better judgment had a chance.
Emmett lifted his head slowly. "Whatever you want to say, you should say it."
She went to sit across the table from him. "Okay, I'll go straight to the elephant that's been pacing the room since Sunday night. What Tanya said—"
"I know. I'm sorry."
She caught her breath. She was hoping they might talk about it, but this sounded like he'd already decided and was apologizing in advance for the conclusion he'd reached.
She bit down on her bottom lip and waited for him to continue.
He leaned back in his chair. "It caught us all off guard, and Alana…"
Her shoulders sagged. "I know. Her poor little face broke my heart. Listen, Emmett. It seems to me that there's an obvious solution."
He raised his eyebrows, and the hope in his eyes hit her hard. She was about to offer him an out—but that didn't make it any easier to see just how much he wanted one.
"Nothing seems obvious to me right now. What do you mean?"
"I mean that maybe it's time I step back.
Things are getting back to normal around here.
We've seen this morning that everything I'm doing here…
" She had to swallow. "None of it needs to be done by me.
You don't need me. And more than that, me being here, in her mom's place. I think maybe it's too much for Alana."
He stared at her for a long moment. She couldn't read his expression.
"It's… I want to tell you that you're wrong."
"But you can't."
He shook his head sadly. "Don't think that I don't want you here. It's not that I don't."
"But the girls are what matters." She made herself smile. "And you're through the worst now. You need to get back into your own bed. I can go back to the cottage. I can still help out, but…"
She couldn't decipher his pained expression. "It's okay. I know you said you'd tell me when it was time for me to go, but you're such a sweetheart you didn't want to say it. I think Tanya did us a favor when she called me Mama Bear. It brought things out in the open."
"But, Harper. It's not like that. Yes, it's difficult. They lost their mom. It's easier for Tanya. She's younger. She doesn't really remember. But Alana…"
"I know. Alana's a wonderful young woman, and she doesn't need a new mom. I hope you know, and that she'll understand—I was never trying to be that."
"I do know that. It's just—the timing was… and…"
She gave him a sad smile. "You don't need to struggle to find the words, Emmett. It's all good. I'm not flouncing off, all hurt. I'm just stepping back because it's the right thing to do. I'll still be around. I still want to help when you need me and maybe hang out with Tanya if she wants. But…"
She scowled when her phone rang.
They both stared at it. The tone, loud and jarring, filled the kitchen.
"You should get that."
She checked the screen. "It's Marcus. He can wait."
As soon as her phone stopped, they heard a truck pull up outside.
"That'll be Blane, come to get you. Do you have many calls to make today?"
"A few, but listen, Harper…"
She held up her hand. "It's all okay. I'll get the girls after school, and bring them and some groceries back here. I won't leave till you're back. How does that sound?"
He glanced at the front door when two sharp knocks sounded. The next moment, Blane appeared in the doorway.
"Morning, Harper. You ready to go, Emmett?"
Emmett caught her gaze and held it for a moment before turning away. "Yeah, let's go. I’ll talk to you later, Harper."
~ ~ ~
Emmett hauled himself into his friend's truck while Blane watched, one eyebrow cocked.
"You in?"
"Yeah."
He hated that Blane had to close the door for him, but there was no other option.
"Trouble on the home front?" Blane asked once he was behind the wheel.
"Not exactly."
"What then? Want to talk about it, or tell me where we're going first?"
"Just drive. My first appointment isn't until ten. I was going to ask you to take me to the clinic, but I need a minute."
"Sure. Want me to keep my mouth shut and let you stew?"
Emmett heaved a sigh that reminded him how far from healed his ribs still were. "I don't know what to say."
Blane smirked. "Words never were your strong suit."
"Exactly!"
"Come on, Mitty, tell me all about it. It's Harper, right?"
"Yes. Well, not exactly. It's not her fault. None of it's her fault, but that doesn't make it any easier."
"Want to start at the beginning and clue me in?"
"She just said that she's going to move back to Jim's cottage."
"Why?"
"Because she says I don't need her as much now."
"And she has a point. So why not tell her that you want her? Or is that the issue—is that what you can't find the words for?"
"Kind of. Partly. But it's more than that. After we came home from the MacFarland place the other night, Tanya… Tanya called her Mama Bear. And… and I guess it hit us all hard. Alana especially."
"I can see how it would."
"But now Harper thinks she overstepped, and she thinks I don't want her. And under all of it, there's the real problem that Alana doesn't want or need a new mom—neither of them do. But they…" He squeezed his eyes shut. "Harper's good for them."
"And how does she feel about it?"