Chapter Twenty-Two #2
"You don't need to worry, though. He's a good guy. Everyone says so."
She turned to smile at Tanya. "They do?"
"Yeah, his family has a ranch up on the way to Clyde Park. Not a big place or anything. They're not rich. But they're good people. And Tucker’s kind to the little kids. He has younger brothers and sisters, so he knows."
That made Harper smile.
"He gets in trouble sometimes."
"What for?"
"Oh, nothing bad. He gets in fights, but only with bullies. He won't let them pick on anyone."
"That's good to know."
"Alana's worried that Dad won't like it if she goes out with him. I keep telling her it'll be fine though, don't you think?"
Harper didn't know what to think, and at this point she certainly wasn't going to voice an opinion. It wasn't her place.
"I'm sure they'll figure it out."
Alana had spotted them now and said goodbye to Tucker before hurrying over to climb in the backseat. "Hey, Harper, how was your day?"
"It was fine. Thanks. How about you? How was rehearsal?"
"It was good. I'm nervous, but I think we're ready." She smiled. "Today was the first day I got that line right. You know the one. Maybe tonight after dinner you can help me go over it one more time."
Harper closed her eyes briefly. There was no point in tiptoeing around it. She should just come out and tell them.
"Oh wait," said Alana. "I just need to talk to Dakota for a minute."
She jumped back out and ran over to talk to her friend for a moment before coming back. Once she had her seatbelt on, Harper pulled out of the parking lot.
She'd still have to tell them that she wasn't going to be staying at the house anymore, but it could wait until they got home.
Just as she turned off the highway onto East River Road, Tanya turned to her. "You know on Friday night, can I sit with Nat?"
"I'm sure that'll be fine. We have a whole block of tickets together for everyone, so I don't see why not."
"Yeah, but can I? Will you tell Dad that I can?"
She glanced in the rearview mirror when she saw Alana's head come up at that. "No, sweetie. I think the way it should work is that you should ask him if you can."
"Yeah, but you got the tickets."
"Only to take care of the practical details, not to put me in charge of anything. It's up to your dad. You'll have to ask him."
Tanya shrugged. "Okay, fine. I don't think he'll mind, do you?"
"I don't think so, no."
When they arrived at the house, Tanya went around to the back of the truck and Alana gave her a puzzled look.
"We got groceries," Tanya said. "You can help bring them in." She grinned. "We got ice cream."
As the girls started grabbing bags, Harper moved some of them to the side. Tanya reached for one of them, but Harper shook her head. "Those aren't coming in."
Alana frowned at her. "What do you mean? Why not?"
"I mean, those are for me. I'll be taking them with me when I go home later. Your dad's back on his feet now. He can manage the stairs without a problem. He needs his bed back. And you girls... well, you all need your lives back."
Tanya stared at her wide-eyed. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that after I make you guys dinner, I'll be going back to the cottage tonight, and that's where I'll be staying again now."
Alana stood stock still for a moment before grabbing another bag and turning to go inside without a word.
"Harpsichord, you can't go." Tanya's little face and the tears that brimmed in her eyes almost broke Harper's heart.
"I have to, sweetie. It's not like I won't see you anymore, but you don't need me here in the house now that your dad's doing better again."
Tanya set her bags down on the tailgate and wrapped her arms around Harper's waist. "That's not true. I do need you. We all need you. I love you, Harper."
She squeezed her eyes tight shut in an attempt to keep her own tears inside as she hugged Tanya tightly. "I love you too, sweetie. I really do, and I'll still be here for you, just not staying here in your home with you."
"But that's where I want you to be," said Tanya. "That's where we all want you to be. That's where we need you to be. You're our Mama Bear now."
Harper shook her head sadly. "No, Tanya. I'm your friend. I care about you very much. I love you. But I'm not your mama."
"No, I know," said Tanya. "I don't mean it like that. Mom was our mom, and she'll always be our mom. But..." She wiped her sleeve over her eyes. "I can't believe you're going to leave us."
"I'm not, sweetie. I'm not leaving you. I'll be just up the road like I was before."
Tanya sniffed. "Did Dad make you mad? Did things not work out between the two of you?"
"It's nothing like that. It's just you guys are a family. The three of you."
"But I want it to be the four of us."
She ran her hand over Tanya's hair. "I'd like that too. But sometimes, things don't work out the way we'd like them to. Come on. We should get these bags inside before that ice cream melts."
Harper put the groceries away while Tanya sat with a forlorn look on her face at the kitchen table, her arms folded, her chin resting on top of them. She didn't say anything — she didn't need to. The heartbroken look on her face said it all.
Harper had almost finished before Alana appeared in the kitchen doorway. She tensed, waiting for Alana to speak. Harper had thought Alana would be relieved to hear that she was moving back to the cottage, but the way the girl stormed into the house had left her confused.
"So this is it, you're really leaving us?" Alana asked eventually.
"I'm not leaving you, Alana. I'm just moving out of your space."
Alana's lips were set in a hard line. "Well, I suppose if things aren't going to work out for you and Dad, it's better that he finds out now."
Harper didn't know what to say, so she simply nodded.
She'd honestly thought that Alana would be relieved, but it didn't seem that way.
She blew out a sigh. "Look, I probably shouldn't be this straight with you.
" She glanced at Tanya. "With either of you, but I don't know how to be anything else.
Nothing's gone wrong between your dad and me.
I like him very much — I think the world of him. "
"But you don't love him," Tanya said flatly.
Harper inhaled sharply.
"You can't," Tanya continued. "If you loved him, you wouldn't leave."
"It's not about that," Harper tried to assure her. "It’s…"
"But do you—love him?" Alana interrupted.
Harper felt cornered. She'd known her own answer to that question for a while now, but she tried to avoid it even inside her own head. She certainly hadn't told Emmett how she felt, and telling the girls... But with Alana's gaze boring into her, she felt like she owed the girl the truth.
"I do love him. And I love you."
Alana's eyes filled with tears. Harper wanted to go to her but didn't know if that might make things worse. "I love both of you," she added with a look at Tanya. "But it's a complicated situation."
She tensed when Alana stalked toward her and then had to hold in a sob when the girl flung her arms around her and hugged her tight.
"It's a shitty situation, Harper. And I'm sorry. I've been a bitch to you. And I bet you hate me. Am I the reason you're leaving?"
"Oh my God, Alana, no. What on earth makes you think that? You haven't been a bitch to me."
"I didn't mean to, but it's hard, you know. I can see that you and Dad are good for each other. But you're not Mom."
Harper squeezed her eyes tight shut, but even that couldn't hold in the tears. "I know, sweetie. I'm not your mom. I've never been a mom. And I would never try to be yours."
"But we need you to be," Tanya piped up from her spot at the table before coming to hug them both. "Not our real mom. Our real mom's gone and we still love her. But we need you..." She looked up at her sister. "We do, you know."
Alana sniffed. "I know. But…" She stepped back. "But I still remember Mom. More than you do, Button. Sometimes when I see Harper sitting in her chair, or laughing with Dad, or… them looking at each other the way they do, it's… hard."
Harper's hand came up to cover her mouth. "I'm sorry, Alana."
Alana shook her head vigorously. "See, that's the thing. You're not doing anything wrong. I know you’re not. But that doesn't make it any easier, you know."
She swallowed visibly and grabbed a Kleenex from the box on the counter before blowing her nose loudly. "It's such a shitty situation. You've been good to us. You've been good to Dad. But it's all just so... hard."
"I know," Harper agreed. "And that's why I'm moving back to the cottage. It's not because I don't want to be with you guys. I do. But I don't want to make things feel shitty for you in your own house."
Alana blew out a sigh. "What does Dad think?"
Harper shrugged. "He agreed that it's best if I go."
Tanya dropped her head. "So that's it, then? It's all over?"
"It's not over. It's just taking a different shape.
That's all." Harper grabbed a Kleenex herself.
"But look at us. We don't need to be crying in the kitchen.
What do you think? Should we each have a small scoop of ice cream?
That's what girlfriends do when they're sharing their troubles, you know. "
Alana shot her a small smile. "Yeah, let's do that."