Chapter 3
Vanian
Nantes Benedetti. What a blast from the past.
It’s not that I haven’t thought about him over the years.
Just the opposite, actually. I wanted to reach out, but at first I was slammed with school, then establishing my career, and now…
well now I wouldn’t want him involved even by association.
If I ever am caught, I don’t want to taint the reputations of those close to me.
It’s why I don’t visit my sister or my parents often, and I keep everyone else at arm’s length. Friendly? Yes. Friends? Not so much.
Now I’m pulling onto the Benedetti estate.
It’s pretty different from the last time I saw it.
Back when I was still a teen, it had a dusty drive, a few scattered buildings and small houses.
Now it’s paved and the house looks inviting.
There are several more buildings, cars parked everywhere, and people strolling around.
I find a spot to park and hop out of my car, smoothing down my t-shirt. Pretty sure I’m gonna see the entire family. Where there’s one Benedetti, there’s at least two, if not more. Before I make it up to the front porch, the door opens and Nantes slips out.
He smiles as he walks over to greet me. “You found us.”
“Muscle memory.” I slide my hands into my front pockets. “Where do you want to go?”
“My house. I figured it would be nice to be somewhere quiet to catch up.”
“Awesome.”
“We can walk. It’s not far from here.”
“I’m not being tossed into the Benedetti dining room?”
Nantes chuckles. “Nah. I didn’t even tell them. I know they can be a lot.”
“Not in a bad way.”
He glances at me with a soft smile. “It’s surreal seeing you here.”
“I feel the same.”
As we walk down a cobblestone path, I take in all the activity happening around us. “Is there some kind of event going on or something?”
“No, this is normal heading into the weekend. Deo came back too.”
“No shit?”
“No shit. He brought his man with him and they took over things. Completely revamped, and we’re more profitable now than we have been in decades.”
“That’s impressive. Those business skills paid off then, huh?”
“Apparently.”
“And you said his man? Is he gay too?”
“Fun fact: we all are. Giuls, too.”
“Wow. Low-key I kind of thought Giuls might be. Sometimes I noticed the way he looked at guys when we’d go out.”
Nantes nods. “He was more comfortable about it than I was. Oh, and Brogan.”
“What about her?”
“Him. Or them. Brogan is trans masc and nonbinary.”
“Oh. Did I use the wrong name?”
“No, they kept their birth name. Felt it was androgynous enough.”
I nod, thinking back. “See, that makes a lot of sense. I don’t think we had the language for it back then, but Brogan never seemed settled. Like their skin fit wrong.”
“That’s exactly how they explained it, Doc.”
“Good for Brogan. Are they happy?”
“Far as all of us know. Deo is closest to them and reports nothing but good things.”
“They were close as kids too, right?”
“Thick as thieves, as Nonna always said.”
“How is Nonna? Well, I hope.”
“She’s doing great.” He pauses in front of a sidewalk leading to a cute cottage-style house. “This is it. My humble abode.”
“Not what I imagined for you.”
He chuckles and gestures for me to follow. I wait behind him as he opens the door. “I lived in a fancy apartment downtown, close to everything, and paid out the ass for it when I had a home fully paid for here all along.”
“I’m dying to know how all this happened for you.”
“Come on in, then. I’ll tell you.”
I step inside, and I’m immediately hit with a thousand memories as the scent of tomato sauce and garlic wafts around me.
Nantes grins. “I hope you still like lasagna.”
“Dude. You made your nonna’s lasagna?”
“Sure did.”
“Hell yes.”
I kick my shoes off and follow Nantes through the house to the kitchen.
It’s bigger than it looks from the outside, but still cozy.
I pictured Nantes living in some big-ass house in a posh suburb with gates and fancy cars, a pretty wife who also had a badass job, like a lawyer or some kind of doctor, their adorable high-achieving kids, and, of course, a dog.
Instead, he’s back where he was when I met him. There’s something really comforting about that.
“Want some wine?” Nantes asks.
“Yeah.”
“Have a seat.”
I watch him as I sit at the dining room table, noticing him in different ways than I did in the past. Was I so blind I didn’t even notice that he was hiding something from me?
Sure, he never dated girls, but he played it off as being too focused on school and said girls were a distraction.
I believed him even though we spent almost every waking moment together.
While I fucked my way through every girl who would let me, he was at home, waiting for me to scale the trellis and crawl through his window at night to tell him about my latest hookup.
He dutifully listened and acted like every guy does, high-fiving me, letting me gush about the details. He was a good-looking kid back then, and plenty of girls would ask me to put in a good word for them. I thought his standards were too high, but now I know he was hiding from me.
“I was such an asshole,” I say as soon as Nantes returns. “I get why you didn’t tell me.”
Smiling, he hands me a glass of ruby liquid and sits next to me on the couch. “It’s a lot to process in high school, and I…” He shakes his head. “I was fucking scared you’d ditch me.”
“I don’t think I would’ve, but I might’ve been weird for a while. I didn’t know anyone who was gay—at least, not that I knew of—but obviously that was a long time ago and I’ve matured.”
“Of course.”
“I feel bad though. I probably said shit in front of you that I thought was funny.”
“You did.” He sips his wine. “I didn’t correct you because I was afraid of sounding defensive.”
I nod. I feel like an ass. “How did you know?”
“How did you know you liked girls?”
“Stupid question, sorry. I know better. I guess I just didn’t see it.”
“Do you remember Scott Chamberlain?”
I pull my head back slightly. “Yeah. How could I forget him? He was the most popular guy in school.”
“He was. He was also bi.”
“No way. Really?”
“We hooked up a few times.”
“With Scott? Huh.” I sit back against the chair cushion. “I guess I could see the appeal. He was pretty good looking.”
Nantes chuckles. “He was hot as hell to a horny sixteen-year-old.”
“Never saw it. He always had a girl on his arm.”
“Publicly. But I saw him a lot on the down low.”
“Who was your first kiss?”
Nantes smiles as nostalgia glimmers in his eyes. “You wouldn’t know him. He came out here to work for the summer. He was a couple years older than me and he noticed I watched him all the time. He always took his shirt off. Sue me.”
I laugh. “What was his name?”
“Marcus. He was beautiful. Tan, big blue eyes, curly hair. He wasn’t just my first kiss.”
“Scandalous.”
“We didn’t do the deed, but we did everything else. That honor didn’t happen until college. My first boyfriend.”
“Tell me about him.”
“Another Italian guy like me. His name was Angelino Torrani. He pursued me and it was the first time I really felt normal, you know? We’d go out with friends and to bars, to dinner, just like any other couple.”
“What happened with him?”
“Nothing bad. He graduated a year before me and went off to law school in Boston. Then I had medical school, so just different life paths.”
“Do you stay in touch?”
“No.”
“And you’re not dating anyone right now?”
“Definitely not. I was so busy at the hospital, then when I decided to come back here I had so much to learn. I just wanted to focus on making this new life work.”
“Makes sense. Want to tell me about that?”
The oven timer dings.
“Hold that thought,” Nantes says.
“Need help?”
“Nah, I got it.”
I refill our wineglasses and sit quietly, replaying every interaction we had as teens. There must have been clues I was just too young to notice.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and see a text from my coworker, James.
James: Dude. The police were here in the office today asking us questions about the murder that happened yesterday in Humboldt Park. Guess the victim had an appointment here, so they came in to see if we had any records.
Adrenaline shoots through my body.
Me: What? Really? Who was he meeting with?
James: Wesley. He didn’t make it to his appointment though and he hadn’t called to reschedule. We didn’t have anything to give the police, but how wild is that? Six degrees.
Way too close for my comfort.
Me: Wild. Everything good then?
James: Oh yeah. The most excitement we’ve had in a while. I’ve been following this guy. The murderer. Have you?
Me: No. How are you following him? No one knows who he is.
James: I know, but I follow the crimes. Not gonna lie, it’s kind of badass. Hunting down and killing child abusers is impressive. Not that murder is right.
Me: No, of course not.
James: But we both know how ineffective the justice system can be sometimes. Especially when these pricks have money.
Me: Yeah.
James: Anyway, how are things with your sister?
Me: I’m hanging out with an old high school friend tonight for dinner. The trip is going well.
James: Awesome. I’ll let you get back to it. Just wanted to let you know what was going on.
Me: I appreciate it.
I tuck my phone back in my pocket, taking a few deep breaths to calm down.
“You okay?”
I startle when Nantes returns. “Yeah. Just a coworker.”
“Oh. Work stuff?”
“Nothing major.”
“That’s good.”
He sets down a large bowl of salad, then returns to the kitchen. When he comes back, he’s holding two heaping plates filled with lasagna.
He sits across from me, smiling. “Hope you like it.”
“I’m sure I will.” I put some salad on my plate. “So, let me hear it. What happened to being a doctor?”