Chapter 11
Vanian
“My buzz hasn’t worn off at all, man.” I plop down on the couch. “I feel good.”
Nantes chuckles, sitting next to me. “I’ll forgive you for keeping your shoes on.”
“Oh shit. Sorry.”
“I’m just fucking with you. I want to change the floors anyway.”
I turn my head and stare at my friend. He’s got his head tilted, resting on the back of the couch, and his eyes are closed. He’s really good looking. Like, really good looking.
“Did you want to hook up with that douchebag at the club?”
He shrugs, not opening his eyes. “I might’ve on a different night.”
“You didn’t because of me?”
He turns his head toward me slightly, barely opening his eyes. “I want to spend all my time with you while you’re here. I can get laid some other time. Besides, I have brand-new toys in the nightstand drawer.”
My tummy flutters slightly when I remember what he bought earlier. “I saw the thing you picked out.”
“What?”
“The dildo.”
He grins. “Yeah? Figuring out what a cock slut I am, huh?”
“I didn’t see it that way. I was more…” I pause, searching my hazy mind for the right word. “Curious, I guess.”
“About?” Nantes opens his eyes a little more. “Me fucking myself with a plastic dick, or…?” He sits up slightly. “Or what it would feel like for you?”
“I don’t know,” I say honestly. “Maybe both. Straights can do butt stuff.” I mimic Roux from earlier.
Nantes chuckles, brushing his hand over the top of his head. “There’s only one way to cure curiosity, and that’s experience.”
I nod. “I know.” My mind is racing with things I shouldn’t be thinking about, but thanks to the alcohol, I can’t make it stop. “Remember what I told you about the guy who offered to blow me?”
“Yeah, your classmate.”
“Did you…? I mean, have you ever…?” I scoff. “Nothing. I should definitely shut the fuck up right now.”
“Safe space, Doc. I can handle whatever questions you have. I’m not shy.”
Instead of speaking, I chew on my bottom lip and ask myself if I really want to know the answer to the question dancing on my tongue. Fuck it.
“Why not me? I know you said because you didn’t want me to know you were gay and stuff, but is that the only reason?”
“Huh?”
“Nantes. Are you or are you not attracted to me?”
His face goes blank as he sits up abruptly. “Why are you asking me that?”
“Because I want to know. Maybe it’s an ego thing.”
He narrows his eyes as he slightly shakes his head. “My sexuality isn’t about your ego, Van. Not cool.”
“What?”
“You want me to blow sunshine up your ass and bare my secrets for you to make you feel better? No deal.”
He starts to get off the couch, but I grab his arm and pull him back down. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?”
What did I mean?
“Look, it’s late, and we’re drunk. We should go to bed.” Nantes tries to stand again, but I keep my grip on him. “Come on, Van.”
“I’ve always thought you were the best person I know.”
Nantes looks at me warily, swaying slightly. “Thanks.”
“More than that, I think you’re… well, you’re really attractive. I don’t have an issue saying that.”
He doesn’t say anything, but the look on his face says he wants to bolt.
“And we were so close. We obviously still are. I guess it feels kind of weird that you never thought about that with me, even though…”
“Finish that sentence, Van. Even though, what?”
“I’m straight.”
“Exactly. I’ve messed around with supposedly straight guys plenty of times, and it always ends the same.
They won’t admit they’re queer, they won’t introduce me to family and friends.
I’m not a real part of their life, I’m a secret, and I won’t do that again.
In high school, there was just too much to lose.
I wasn’t secure enough to even tell you, much less, what, offer to blow you?
” He laughs darkly. “That doesn’t even make sense. ”
“You’re right. But… what about now? We’re adults. I know you’re gay. Am I still just your loner, clingy best friend?”
“What do you want me to say, Van? That you’re hot? Yes, you are. Doesn’t change that you’re straight. Doesn’t change that we live in two different states. It doesn’t change anything.”
“Sorry. I guess the alcohol has really gone to my head.”
“It’s fine.”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
“I think I was a little jealous tonight.”
He blinks at me like I just started speaking a language he doesn’t understand. “What?”
“The way you looked at the bartender, and that guy who was all over you. Before I walked up, you had this hungry look on your face. I was gonna stay out of the way until I got the vibe from him, but, yeah, I was fucking jealous. I wanted you to look at me like that.”
Nantes stares ahead for a second before huffing a laugh. “Of course you were. You were like this in high school too, remember? You wanted all of my attention, all the time.”
Nodding, I rub my forehead. “Fuck. You’re right. We even fought about it a couple of times.” I put my hand on his thigh. “I guess some things never change.”
He turns and looks at me, and it’s like I’m seeing him for the first time. His face is perfectly symmetrical, his jawline sharp, and his eyes, even now, are bright and kind. His mouth though. How have I never noticed the fullness of his lips?
I move toward him, but he moves back, placing his hand on my shoulder. “Van, you’re drunk. Let’s go to bed, huh?”
“Or…” I lean in again. “Or you could let me kiss you.”
His brow creases. “Why would you do that?”
“I want to. I really fucking want to.”
“Those drinks were stronger than I thought.”
“That’s not a no.”
Nantes exhales slowly. “This is cute. It is. It’s fun, and honestly, it’s teenage me’s dream come true, but think about it, Van. Think about everything that could change with one small act.”
“Or not. Come on, Nantes, it’s you and me. How many years did we go without even seeing or talking to each other, and look at us—we picked right up where we left off. We can handle anything. Even a kiss.” I move a little bit closer. “You can fulfill teenage you’s dream. Maybe you’ll hate it.”
He laughs softly. “I’m more worried about you hating it.”
I nod, finally leaning back. As much as I want to, I’m not into coercion, and I’d rather miss out than make him feel uncomfortable or regret something.
“Sorry, sorry. You’re right. I’m drunk and I’m being weird and pushy. Let’s go to bed.”
I get to my feet but stumble right into his arms. His face is so close to mine that his breath fans across my cheeks, smelling fruity from the drinks we had. He searches my eyes, which only confirms that I do actually want to kiss him right now.
“Tell you what, Doc. You still want to kiss me in the morning, in the cold, hard light of day, stone sober, we’ll talk about it.” He pats my cheek. “But even if nothing ever comes of this, thank you.”
Nantes kisses my cheek, which makes my breath hitch, but he’s right. This is a decision that needs to be made sober. Maybe I am just weirdly possessive and turning that into attraction.
“Deal.”
Ugh. I sit up and look at the clock. It’s been a few hours since I went to bed, praying the alcohol would pull me into a deep sleep, but no dice. Now that it’s worn off, I can’t stop replaying the conversation I had with that guy at the club. Gage is a full-blown abuser. I’m sure of it.
Fortunately for me, the intended victim knew a bunch of information about good old Gage, and armed with that knowledge, I think I have to do something about it. The way he turned on Nantes was a clue to just how aggressive he can get.
I rise from the bed and, as quietly as possible, dig in my overnight bag for my black sweats and t-shirt.
I already know what I’m going to do, even though it’s not my usual modus operandi.
I don’t have the time to stalk him and figure out his routine.
I only know enough to find him and take out my frustrations on someone who deserves it.
If I can’t fuck tonight, I can make a scumbag bleed.
Finding my jeans from earlier, I dig in the back pockets for the card the guy at the club gave me.
It’s got Gage’s username for a hookup app on it, which will make this much easier than expected.
I grab my burner phone from inside my bag and power it up, then I navigate to the app and search Gage’s username.
I’m familiar with this app. I’ve used it more than once to stalk a dude.
Ah, yes, that’s him. There’s a little green dot next to his name too, which means he’s up. Perfect.
I open the message box and type out a quick message to him.
Me: Hey, handsome. I see you’re up late. So am I, and less than twenty minutes from you. Can you host?
I see the dots pop up and then go away and pop up again seconds later.
Gage: Do I know you?
Me: I saw you earlier at the club. You gave me your card.
Gage: What club? I was at two tonight.
Me: Blue Derby. We danced a little before we were interrupted.
Gage: Oh yeah, that fucking guy. I thought he scared you off.
Me: I can’t stop thinking about you. I can be there quick if you’re interested.
Gage: Fuck yeah I’m interested. I can’t sleep either. I’ll send my address. Just buzz apartment 505 when you get here.
Smiling, I type back my response.
Me: Excellent. See you soon.
I creep outside and quietly slip into my car, hoping I don’t draw any attention to myself. It’s very dark, and everyone should be sleeping. Hopefully I can make it back before Nantes wakes up, but if not, I’ll just say I had to go for a drive.
That should be believable after I made a fool of myself a few hours ago.
Like, seriously, what the fuck was I thinking?
Just because Nantes is gay doesn’t mean he’s attracted to me, but the bigger question is why I’m all of a sudden attracted to him.
Or at least the idea of him. There’s something about him that is so damn sexy though.
Maybe it’s his confidence. His handsome face doesn’t hurt, but it’s more than that.
But I can’t be a creep and ruin the best friendship I’ve ever had.