Chapter 12
Nantes
Fuck. My head is pounding.
I peel my eyes open and groan at the headache squeezing my skull. Why the fuck did I drink so much? That was so stupid.
My bladder makes itself known, forcing me from the bed, but I mumble in complaint all the way to the bathroom. I’m still wearing my clothes from last night except my jeans and underwear are tugged down around my dick, like I was planning something and fell asleep before I could get to it.
The trouble is, I can’t remember shit from last night. It’s just a bunch of hazy memories after leaving the club. I know I had fun, and I hope I didn’t embarrass myself, but I honestly don’t have a clue.
After washing my hands, I pad to the kitchen to start the coffee pot before I check on Van. I hope he’s not in as bad a shape as I am. I tap lightly on his door and hear a slight murmur in response, so I push it open the rest of the way.
Like me, he’s sprawled out on his bed, but unlike me, he’s completely naked. I can see just a sliver of his ass cheek where the blanket has ridden up. I shouldn’t look. I should definitely leave, so why the fuck won’t my feet move?
“Van?” My voice is soft as I approach his bed. “Vanian? It’s almost ten.”
He mumbles something under his breath, then rolls over, revealing his torso and part of his thigh. My cock reacts, swelling rapidly, so I back away a little.
“I’m making coffee.”
“Nan?”
“Yep.”
Stretching his arms above his head, he slowly opens his eyes, focusing on me. “Morning.”
“Hey. How do you feel?”
“Like I was hit by a car.”
Chuckling, I drag my hand through my hair. “Same. I’m making coffee and I’ve got painkillers.”
“Excellent. Be right out.” He flips the blanket off, and I have to force my gaze away, but not before I notice that his dick is hard. Common issue in the morning, but damn.
I’ve seen his dick before—lots of times, when we were younger, but I did everything in my power to suppress any reaction to it so as not to out myself.
“Dude,” Van says, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side. “Are you prudish now?”
“What? No.”
“Sure are acting like it.”
“I was giving you some privacy.”
He grins. “I’m just fucking with you.”
“I’ll be in the kitchen.”
I back out of the room before he can say anything else. I need coffee and something for this headache, and a greasy breakfast wouldn’t hurt.
A few minutes later, I hear Van enter the kitchen, but I keep my back to him while I fix a mug of coffee.
“Did you sleep, at least?” he asks.
“Like the dead. You?”
“Same.” Appearing next to me, he nudges my arm with his. “We really let loose last night. It was fun. You had fun, right?”
“I did. It was really fun, but I’m feeling it today.”
Van grins, reaching over me for a mug from the shelf above the coffee maker. “No lies told.” He fills his mug, then takes a sip of his coffee and releases an obscene moan of pleasure. “Damn, that feels good.”
“It does.” I walk past him to the little breakfast nook and plop down in a chair. “Do you have plans for the day?”
Van joins me at the table. “I need to look at my calendar and see who I can reschedule for virtual appointments. Is it okay if I work from here for a bit?”
“Of course. I have a room set up in the back that’s kind of a half-assed office. It’ll give you some privacy.”
“Thanks.”
I watch as he gazes into his mug for a few seconds. I don’t know how I know, but I can tell he has something on his mind. Fuck. I hope I didn’t say or do anything stupid last night.
“You said something last night…”
“Probably.” I chuckle, hoping to play off whatever it is.
“Maybe you thought I wasn’t serious, and that’s okay. We definitely need to be sober first.”
I mentally walk through my clouded mind, searching for even an inkling of what he’s talking about, but I’m coming up empty.
“Okay.”
“Maybe hungover isn’t the right time either, but in case it’s on your mind, I figure it’d be best to address it.”
“Sure.”
“You said if I still wanted to this morning, in the cold hard light of day, then we could talk about it. Well, it was the first thing I thought of when I woke up. So I guess it wasn’t the alcohol talking.”
I stare at his face, desperate for a hint. “Um…”
“If you’re not into it, that’s cool. Or maybe you think it would be weird, but I don’t think so. I think we can handle anything. I’m brave enough to try if you are.”
“Van, I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
His eyebrows go up. “You don’t? You don’t remember turning me down?”
Now I’m shocked. “Turning you down? For what?”
Van reaches out and puts his hand over mine. “I tried to kiss you, Nan, and you shut me down and told me you didn’t want to do anything like that while I was drunk. I appreciate that, too. You’re a good man.”
“I shut you down? You wanted to kiss me?” I rub my forehead. “Am I in the Twilight Zone?”
Van laughs softly. “You’re not, and yes, I wanted to kiss you last night. I still want to.”
I hear him, but my brain isn’t processing anything. “But… but, Van, you’re straight.”
“Sexuality is a spectrum, right?”
“Yeah, but have you ever… before?”
“No, I haven’t kissed a guy. You know that.”
“No, I mean, been interested in kissing a guy.”
He scratches the back of his neck, smiling. “I can’t say I’ve ever seen a guy and wanted to kiss him, but I also can’t say I haven’t admired a man’s body or noticed his cock watching porn. I know I was jealous of the men you looked at last night, and that’s not a normal straight guy thing to feel.”
I don’t say anything as I try to make sense of his words.
“Yesterday felt different for me,” he continues. “First the sex shop—I was curious for sure. Then at the club, I had this urge to…” He exhales slowly, shaking his head.
“To what?”
“I don’t fucking know. Claim you? Protect you. Be the guy you were looking at.”
I open my mouth to say something, anything, but I’m too stunned to speak.
“I was a kid the last time we hung out. I didn’t understand a lot of things that I do now.
I’m really sorry if I ever said things that were disrespectful to you or made you feel like you couldn’t be yourself.
” He squeezes my hand. “But I’m not that kid anymore, Nantes.
I’m a grown man, and I know I feel an attraction to you. ”
I shake my head, still unable to form words.
“Last night, you said kissing me would be a dream come true for your teenage self.”
“Oh god, I said that?”
“You did.” He smiles. “It made me wonder what I missed out on by being so self-centered and immature. Maybe I would’ve learned some things about myself sooner. Maybe we wouldn’t have lost touch.”
“Maybe you would’ve hated it and our friendship would have ended.”
He shrugs. “Yeah, maybe. We’ll never know. But if there’s still a little bit of interest in you, I’m open to it.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
He sets his mug down and scoots his chair close enough that he’s in between my knees. With his hands resting on my thighs, he leans in, his gaze focused on my mouth. Just before he gets close enough to kiss, I push myself back abruptly.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Sorry. I don’t want my first kiss with you to be coffee and morning breath.”
Vanian laughs, leaning back in his chair. “That’s fair. Does that mean you’d like to have a first kiss with me?”
“I think the answer is obvious.”
“Not at all, actually.”
It would be so easy to spill my guts right now and tell him he’s had a starring role in my fantasies since I was a teen, that I thought about him all the time, and how every cell in my body wants to kiss him, but I hold back.
There’s a strong chance he’ll kiss me and decide it’s not for him.
We can laugh it off and move on without all my feelings out in the open.
“Sure, Van, I’ll kiss you.” I set my mug down. “After I brush my teeth.”
“Go now, then. I don’t want to wait.”
He hops up out of his chair and grabs my wrist, pulling me with him down the hall. I watch him walk to the guest room before slipping inside my room.
While brushing my teeth, I replay his words.
I can’t believe he wanted to kiss me last night and I turned him down.
As drunk as I was, I still feared his rejection.
But we’re sober now, and he still wants to.
I don’t want to get my hopes up that there could be something between us, but it’s hard not to.
This could be nothing more than a passing curiosity.
He was always a little possessive of me, even when we were kids.
I rinse my mouth and splash cool water on my face before squaring my shoulders and walking out into the living room.
Vanian is already sitting on the couch, wearing nothing but the boxers he had on earlier.
He turns toward me and smiles, almost melting the tiny bit of resolve still holding my feelings inside.
I clear my throat to keep from blurting anything out and take a seat next to him. Now that I think about it, I probably should have done this drunk. It would’ve been a much easier transition, and even easier to blow it off after.
Van doesn’t move in for a kiss right away. Instead, he takes one of my hands in his and gently massages it.
“Tell me about the best kiss you ever had,” he says.
“Best kiss?”
“I want to hear about it.”
“Uh, well, I went on a date a few years ago with this guy named Joey. We met on an app, and I was looking for something quick and easy, but he insisted we meet for drinks first. It was fun, and the whole conversation was tinged with heat and chemistry.”
Van’s jaw ticks as he listens, but he nods for me to continue.
“We went back to his place after drinks, and when he kissed me, it was unexpected. Not the kiss itself, but the way he kissed. He was really into it. Sensual. He said he liked kissing so much that sometimes he could get off just from that.”
Van nods. “Did you guys fuck that night?”
I shake my head. “No. We got naked and made out and rubbed against each other until we came.”
“Did you keep seeing him?”