Chapter 7 #2
Her mind kept flitting back to Achilles and that body, that smile. It was so long since she’d desired anyone or felt desirable, she found it almost impossible to believe he was genuinely attracted to her. But she couldn’t deny the spark between them.
Easy, she told herself. He probably flirts with all the women. He’s only having a bit of fun.
Still, if she could just go careful and not do anything silly like fall in love, maybe it would be all right to allow herself to have a bit of fun, too.
‘He always knew he was going to make it big,’ Tash was saying about the actor. ‘He had so much confidence…’
She paused and waved a hand in front of Cleo’s face. ‘Cleo? Are you listening? You’re staring into space.’
Cleo came to. ‘Sorry. You were saying…’
Tash resumed her story and this time, Cleo did her best to focus, but whenever Tash mentioned the actor’s name, it was Achilles’s features that popped up. Cleo hoped he’d phone soon and put her out of her misery; she’d be on tenterhooks until then.
The waiter came to top up their glasses from the bottle in a wine cooler on the table. Cleo was about to take another sip when her phone rang, making her jump.
She glanced quickly at the screen, hoping it would be Achilles, but a deep frown spread across her features.
‘It’s my ex, Paul,’ she told Tash, pushing back her chair and rising. ‘He hardly ever rings. D’you mind if I take it?’
Tash nodded. ‘Of course.’
Cleo walked to the other side of the terrace and pressed the answer key.
‘Cleo, is that you?’ Paul’s voice was at once familiar and unknown.
‘I thought I’d better tell you, Erica ended up in hospital last night. She got stupidly drunk at a party and passed out. Her friends couldn’t rouse her and they were so worried, they called an ambulance.’
Cleo’s pulse was racing. ‘Oh my God. Is she all right?’
‘She’s fine now,’ Paul said, sounding slightly tetchy.
‘One of her mates rang to tell me what was going on. I drove straight to the hospital in Cardiff at one o’clock this morning.
Obviously, I had to cancel two important work meetings.
Erica was on a drip and a ventilator when I arrived, completely out of it.
She looked terrible, as you can imagine, but the nurses were very kind and reassuring.
I thought they’d be judgemental but they weren’t.
I guess they’ve seen it all before. I sat with her till she came round.
She was finally allowed to leave at about midday.
I’ve just dropped her back at uni now. She’s a bit fragile, but she’s OK. ’
Cleo took a deep breath, allowing the news to sink in. ‘Thank God. But what was she thinking? Why the hell did she drink so much?’
‘I don’t know.’ Paul’s voice had risen again in irritation. His anger was directed at Erica, not Cleo, but it put Cleo on edge nevertheless and made her teeth jangle. It took her right back to their divorce discussions, when he’d seemed to change character completely and turn into an ogre.
Before then, she’d have said her husband was pretty mild-mannered but having witnessed his dark side, she no longer really felt she knew the man she’d married.
‘She said she’d been drinking spirits, they all were,’ Paul went on. ‘She didn’t realise how drunk she was till it was too late.’
Cleo glanced across the tables at Tash, who was staring at her anxiously, and raised a palm to indicate she’d be a little longer.
‘I’m in Crete at the moment,’ she said, resuming the conversation. ‘I don’t know if Erica told you. Shall I come back? I should be able to get a flight tomorrow, or even tonight if I hurry, though that might be pushing it.’
‘Absolutely not,’ Paul replied. ‘There’s no need.’
‘But she might need someone to look after her for a few days, to make sure she eats properly and stays hydrated and so on.’
‘She doesn’t need anyone,’ Paul insisted.
‘They checked her over very carefully in hospital and said she was absolutely fine. She’s young and strong and there’s nothing the matter with her now.
She’s perfectly healthy. Hopefully, she’ll have learned her lesson and it won’t ever happen again,’ he added with a growl.
Cleo thought for a moment. Her instinct was to phone her daughter right away to offer help, but Erica was probably still hungover and in a bad mood. Most likely wouldn’t pick up anyway.
‘Thank you for being there for her,’ she said quietly, feeling guilty for being absent in a crisis. ‘Call me if there’s anything I can do.’
Paul’s voice softened. ‘I will, but there won’t be. You carry on with your holiday. I hope you’re having a good time.’
I was, but I’m not any more, Cleo thought as she said goodbye and hung up. Her mind was still racing. Whenever Erica was ill or had had an accident in the past, it was always her mum she wanted.
When she’d fallen off her bike and cut her knee open, aged seven, it was Cleo who’d taken her to hospital and stayed by her side all night. Erica had needed an operation to remove some gravel and stitch up the wound and had been on crutches for several weeks after.
It was the same story when she’d had her tonsils out, aged eleven; she’d asked Cleo, not Paul, to be there when she came round from the anaesthetic. And in the midst of a very bad fever when she was about thirteen, it was her mum, not her dad, she’d cried out for.
What if she wanted Cleo now but felt, because of their rift, she couldn’t ask?
Cleo was busy pondering all this when she rejoined Tash at the table and told her what had happened. To her surprise, Tash seemed really quite cross with Paul.
‘I don’t know why he rang,’ she said. ‘He could’ve waited till you were back from holiday. It’s not as if he needed your help. It sounds like he managed perfectly well on his own. I actually think it’s quite selfish of him.’
Cleo disagreed. ‘I’d rather know what happened.’ But part of her did wonder whether maybe there was some truth in Tash’s words.
The problem was, Cleo would undoubtedly worry now for the rest of the trip, thinking Erica might have suffered some internal damage they hadn’t picked up on. Or perhaps she’d got drunk because of something else going on, something bad she felt she couldn’t discuss with a soul.
It didn’t matter that she was mad with Cleo and hadn’t wanted to see her for six months; Cleo was still her mother and would always be there for her.
‘Are you all right?’ Tash said, leaning towards her friend with a concerned expression and putting a hand gently on her arm. ‘You’ve gone very pale.’
Cleo was so deep in thought she scarcely heard. She was mulling over the fact that Achilles, Tash, the retreat, Villa Ariadne and Crete itself all seemed strangely unimportant now. What had she been thinking, going on an expensive, self-indulgent holiday? Her place was at home, near her children.
All of a sudden, she knew without a shadow of doubt what she must do. After signalling to the waiter for the bill, she rose abruptly and cleared her throat.
‘I’m going to book a flight home tomorrow. I can’t stay here, not after what’s happened. It doesn’t feel right.’
Tash rose, too. ‘Really? Surely that’s not necessary? I mean, Erica’s fine, you said? Surely Paul would’ve told you if she needed you.’
Cleo nodded, but her mind was made up. ‘I just feel bad… I can’t explain it. I knew I shouldn’t have taken out the bank loan. It was a stupid idea of mine to come.’
Tash was very quiet as they trudged slowly back to the villa, and it dawned on Cleo she’d upset her friend.
‘I’m sorry if I sounded harsh back there,’ she said, when they were halfway up the mountain. ‘I don’t really think coming here was a stupid idea. I mean, if I hadn’t come, I wouldn’t have met you, would I?’
Tash gave a half-hearted smile. ‘True.’
‘We’ll keep in touch, won’t we?’ Cleo went on. ‘I’d love to come and visit you in Reading, and maybe you can come to London?’
‘Sure,’ said Tash. ‘We can swap numbers before you leave.’
Her words seemed reassuring but there was a catch in her voice she couldn’t disguise and before Cleo knew it, Tash had burst into tears.
‘I-I didn’t mean to cry,’ she stuttered, pausing to cover her face with her hands. ‘It’s just… I’ll miss you. It won’t be the same here without you.’
Cleo felt both touched and ashamed, realising her behaviour had been thoughtless and selfish.
She should have known Tash would be upset and should have handled her decision to go much more sensitively.
She herself would’ve been dismayed and hurt if things had been the other way round and it was Tash who was desperate to fly back home.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said, giving Tash a hug.
‘I feel terrible. I guess Paul’s call really knocked me, and not just because of Erica, to be honest. Hearing his voice took me right back to the divorce.
He was so angry and frightening then, I honestly don’t know how I survived.
At times I just wanted to throw myself off a building or walk under a bus.
Life didn’t seem worth living. I came here hoping the retreat would make me feel stronger and more positive.
I hoped it would help me put all that horror behind me.
I guess it hasn’t worked. I know Erica doesn’t really need me and won’t want to see me anyway.
But right now, all I want to do is scuttle back home to the safety of my four walls and bury myself under a duvet. ’
Cleo had broken away from Tash now and the two women were standing facing each other on the rocky track. Tash leaned forwards and took both Cleo’s hands in hers.
Her face was streaked with tears but her eyes were full of compassion and all of a sudden, Cleo felt a lump in her throat and wanted to cry, too.
‘I do understand,’ Tash said. ‘I’m just sad you’re going, that’s all.
Don’t feel bad about it, and don’t think you’re being weak.
You’re strong. You’ve been through so much and you’ve survived it.
Look at you.’ She gave an encouraging smile.
‘This is just a little setback, we all get them. You’ll emerge from it even stronger. ’
Cleo smiled back. ‘Thanks.’ She was thinking, she and Tash had only known each other for a few days but they’d already formed a connection she was certain would endure.
Once they got back to Villa Ariadne, Tash went off to join the late-afternoon classes while Cleo sat in her room, searching for flights.
There wasn’t enough time to catch the last one out of Chania tonight, so she opted for the first one in the morning. The first ferry left super early and she was sure Henrietta and Mark would be able to book her a taxi from there to the airport.
At dinner, everyone tried to persuade her to stay.
‘By the time you get home, Erica will probably have forgotten all about it,’ Maya reasoned. ‘Young people get stupidly drunk all the time. Obviously, it’s not a good idea, but they recover very quickly. She just overdid it, that’s all. She won’t make the same mistake again.’
‘You’ve been looking so relaxed and well,’ Henrietta added. ‘So much better than when you arrived. It would be such a shame to leave now and not get all the benefits.’
Cleo’s mind flitted to Achilles. He’d called when she was in her bedroom but she was busy on her laptop and hadn’t picked up. After that, he’d sent a text, inviting her for a drink tomorrow evening.
It would have been her first date since her separation and divorce, but clearly it wasn’t meant to happen.
Forget him, forget Crete, she told herself. And forget creepy Katerina and Villa Ariadne.