Chapter 7 #2
‘Stay where you are. I’ll come over so we can walk back together.’
‘I’m fine,’ Zoe began, but he stopped her.
‘I’d like to,’ he said. ‘I’d enjoy the walk, and, you know… I could do with a chat…’
‘Right, of course. I forgot. You’re OK?’
‘I’m fine. Give me half an hour and I’ll be with you.’
As promised, Alex knocked at the door of Daffodil farmhouse half an hour later. Corrine let him in while Zoe drained the cup of tea she’d been nursing for the last twenty minutes.
‘Hello, Alex, love,’ Corrine said. ‘I can make you a cup if you like – there’s a fresh pot about to go on.’
‘I don’t want to keep you,’ Alex said.
‘It’s no bother at all. Unless you’re keen to get off. It’s late, after all…’
‘Yes, sorry, it is a bit. I expect you won’t be up for much longer. I wondered if Victor might be back by now.’
‘He’s sitting with the new mother for a while.
He called the house from the vet’s phone to say he wanted to make sure all was well before he left them.
Wanted to camp out in the stable tonight – daft old beggar.
I said he wouldn’t be able to move by morning with his old joints, but he does love those girls, so he’d do it anyway.
The vet’s happy all’s well, and I told Victor there’s nobody knows better than that, so I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just come home. ’
‘Perhaps I’ll see him some time over the next few days then. I’d like to go up and see the baby, if that’s all right.’
‘I’m sure it will be, love. You’re sure you won’t stay for a cup of tea as you’re here? I’ve got half a Bakewell tart left, and you’re welcome to some of that to go with it.’
‘Tempting as that is, we really ought to get back. Zo…?’
‘I’m ready.’ Zoe handed Grizzle’s lead to Alex while she went to put on her boots.
‘Thank you for helping out.’ Corrine pushed a greaseproof parcel into Zoe’s hand. ‘Take the other half of the Bakewell with you and have it tomorrow. I’m sure Louisa could manage a little taste too, couldn’t she?’
Zoe didn’t imagine Billie would be hugely keen on encouraging her baby daughter to shove a great slab of icing and jam down her throat, but she didn’t want to hurt Corrine’s feelings, so she simply smiled and thanked her and said she was sure they’d all enjoy it after their evening meal the following day.
And then they left Corrine cleaning a kitchen that was already spotless and started the walk back to Hilltop.
The wind had dropped since Zoe’s walk from the alpacas’ paddock down to Daffodil farmhouse, and the clouds had dissipated to reveal a star-strewn sky.
The temperature had dropped too, so that she could see her breath rise into the air like icy clouds, and her fingers were chilled, holding on to the parcel Corrine had given her.
‘How did it go with Billie?’ she asked, knowing that he’d come to meet her because he wanted her to be safe but also because he’d want to talk about it.
‘She said there was nothing she needed to tell me.’
‘Oh…’ Zoe turned to him. His profile was shadowed, and she couldn’t tell what his expression was. But his tone was calm, a little deflated if anything. ‘That’s it? Nothing else?’
‘I asked her if there was something bothering her, if there was something we needed to know or she wanted help with, and she said she didn’t know how we’d come to that conclusion because she was fine, just the same as always.’
‘And what did you say to that?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Nothing?’
‘What could I say? You told me not to push it and to let her lead. You said not to get emotional and make her annoyed, so what could I do? If she said she doesn’t want to tell me anything, then that’s that, isn’t it?’
Zoe let out a sigh.
‘I thought I was doing right,’ he continued.
‘Did you point out any of the things that had worried us? You said she asked why we were concerned, right?’
‘The thing is, even though we know there’s something up, she’s not really been all that different from normal, has she? I mean, there’s no one big thing ringing alarm bells. It’s just a feeling.’
‘A feeling we both had, so a feeling I’d say has some weight to it.’
‘Yes, but what could I say to Billie? That we just had a feeling? You know what she’s like – she would have wiped the floor with me. I didn’t fancy being on the receiving end of that.’
Zoe could have said what she thought – that he’d chickened out and he was making excuses for it.
But it was probably unfair. His relationship with Billie was complex, not only because he was her father, but because they had a sort of dependency on one another that wasn’t the same as it was for many other fathers and daughters.
They’d been through years of trauma, loss, upheaval and finally healing that had bound them together in a way that Zoe guessed might make the prospect of losing her so much scarier for him than for other fathers.
Because while she’d relied on him as much as he’d relied on her, she now had Louisa, and her priorities had changed.
It was only natural that Billie would begin to see the world through the lens of wanting the best for her daughter, and she’d want to follow a path that led to whatever she thought that would be.
‘So what now?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know. She says she’s all right – there’s nothing to worry about. She did say that she was missing the weather in Spain, and she thought maybe it might have made her miserable, but she says she’ll be all right once she’s used to being back home.’
‘She’s been back for a couple of weeks,’ Zoe reminded him.
‘I don’t know what else to do. I get why you didn’t want to be involved, but I wish you’d been there. You’re so much better at these things than I am.’
‘She’d have seen it as me interfering. She tolerates me—’
‘She loves you.’
‘Maybe, but sometimes I’m sure she thinks I have no right to get involved in family things.
And there are some instances where I can see why.
At the end of the day, I’d miss Billie and Louisa if they moved away from Hilltop, but it wouldn’t be anywhere near the same as the impact it would have on you. ’
‘I could try again tomorrow. Do you think I should?’
‘It’s hard to say. Maybe we should wait and see if it comes up in a more organic way. Or she might mull over what you’ve said tonight and then decide to open up of her own accord. You’ve made it clear you’re there for a meaningful conversation if she wants one – perhaps that will be enough.’
‘I had some ideas about Christmas, actually.’
‘What kind of ideas?’
‘Remember when we talked about inviting Luis’s family? And Billie decided not to. Well, I’ve messaged them.’
‘Tonight?’
Perhaps Zoe’s tone was sharper than she’d meant because he swivelled to look at her now, and she could hear the concern in his voice.
‘I made a mistake? You don’t think I should have asked them?’
‘Did you tell Billie you were going to?’
‘No, I thought it would be a nice surprise. I thought it might cheer her up. You’re not mad at me, are you? I know it changes your Christmas too.’
‘I’m not mad, but I wish you’d run it by me first. Billie already said she didn’t want to do that. What did they say?’
‘I haven’t had a reply yet. It’s late, isn’t it? That’ll be why. ’
‘Well, you can’t uninvite them now, so what will be will be. We’ll know soon enough.’
He watched her for a minute and then let out a sigh. ‘You are annoyed, aren’t you?’
‘Of course not. Maybe a little exasperated. But I get how important it is to you that Billie has a great Christmas, especially considering what we talked about on the walk…’
‘I only thought if she could have an amazing Christmas, she might fall in love with Thimblebury again. Like we love it.’
‘I’m not sure she was ever in love with it,’ Zoe said carefully. ‘I think she liked it well enough, and it was probably more to do with you wanting to be here than anything else.’
Grizzle began to bark at something, though neither of them could see what it was.
Perhaps he’d sniffed out a fox on the prowl, or a rabbit he fancied chasing down.
He was certainly straining at his lead, and Zoe was glad Alex was holding it and that he’d kept Grizzle attached.
The moment took away the opportunity for Alex to make an immediate reply to Zoe’s statement.
During the remainder of the walk, conversation had turned to more practical things, like what kind of preparations they’d need to make if Luis’s parents accepted their invitation to stay for Christmas, and what the festive season might look like with extra guests.
Zoe was sure they’d cope, and she reassured Alex again that although she’d have preferred to be consulted, she was fine with the situation, and agreed that if it made Billie happy then it would be worth any upheaval of their current plans.