Chapter 13
‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help.’
Alex put a mug of tea on the table for Zoe and then one for Billie. Louisa was sleeping, still in her car seat on the floor of the kitchen. Grizzle was sniffing at her and chanced a lick of her foot, but Louisa didn’t move, and Billie didn’t notice.
‘There wasn’t a lot you could have done if you had been there,’ Zoe said.
‘In the end, I didn’t do much except drive her to the maternity unit.
They took over once I’d dropped her off and explained the situation.
It was all quite calm, and, as far as I’m aware, Kat’s in for observation, but she’s not in active labour yet. And I had Billie, who was brilliant.’
Billie sipped at her tea. ‘You don’t need to say that.’
‘It’s true.’
‘I didn’t do anything. I just sat in the car and talked to her kid.’
‘Which was very important,’ Zoe said. ‘Someone had to keep him occupied so Kat and I could focus on her well-being. The last thing she needed was to worry about Mikey. You were really good with him – I think he was a little bit in love by the time we got to the hospital.’
Billie shrugged, though she didn’t look convinced of her contribution, and it made Zoe sad.
She’d had a wonderful afternoon because, despite the drama that had cut short their day out, she never felt more alive than when she was active and useful and helping someone.
She wished Billie could feel some of that, because she’d been active and useful and had helped more than she could know.
But it seemed that Billie couldn’t – or wouldn’t – cut herself a break.
But when Alex spoke again, Zoe realised that it might run in the family.
‘I should have gone with you. I might have known something would happen.’
‘You can’t be with us everywhere we go,’ Zoe said.
‘I should have come anyway. This was about giving Louisa a great first Christmas, and I wasn’t there. I don’t know what I was thinking.’
‘Don’t be daft,’ Zoe said. ‘It’s not like Louisa is going to know you weren’t there.’
‘But I will. These things are important, aren’t they?’
He sent a look Billie’s way, and she sent one back that Zoe couldn’t quite read.
But what she did recall as she watched them was Billie’s admission on the boat, before all the drama of Kat’s breaking waters, that she was finding her father’s concern for her overbearing.
Was she thinking that right now as she sipped at her tea in silence?
‘We wouldn’t have all fitted in the car,’ Zoe said. ‘So it’s just as well you didn’t come to the boat trip because you would have insisted on coming to the hospital too. I’d have had to hire a minibus.’
Alex gave a rueful smile. ‘I can’t argue with that. Is it so bad that I want to make life as smooth as I can for my favourite women?’
‘No, but sometimes stepping aside makes it smoother,’ Zoe said, her gaze going to Billie again. ‘Sometimes doing nothing is as good as doing something.’
‘I know that.’
He turned to the fridge and looked inside. ‘I’ll cook. What do you want?’
‘I’m not hungry,’ Zoe said. ‘I’m tired more than anything. I’ll get some toast later.’
‘You’re all right?’ he asked with new concern in his voice.
‘I’m fine. It’s been a hectic day – one I wasn’t expecting – that’s all.’
‘Do you want some food, Bill?’
‘I’m not hungry either. I took Mikey for a burger in the hospital canteen while Zoe was talking to the staff, and I had one too. It was gross, made me feel a bit sick to be honest. He scranned it down, though, no problem. God knows how.’
‘That’s kids for you,’ Alex said. ‘If it’s greasy and in a bun, they’ll probably eat it.’
‘Boys are like that,’ Billie said. ‘I wasn’t when I was a kid.’
‘True, you did always like your fruit and veggies. Your mum said it was weird. She might have been right.’
‘Oi!’ Billie yelped, and Alex chuckled.
He looked at Louisa. ‘She’s flat out. It’s been a busy day for her too.’
‘God, she hated Santa,’ Billie said. ‘Screamed the minute he came near.’
‘At least you won’t have to worry about stranger danger,’ Alex said. ‘It might be a good thing that she doesn’t like old men she doesn’t know coming up to her.’
‘That’s true.’ Zoe picked up her tea. Her eyes wandered to her phone, which she’d left out on the table.
She’d asked Kat to keep her posted if she could, but there had been no message since they’d bid her goodbye and good luck.
Zoe decided no news was good news. Besides, Kat had her own midwife, and so her priority wouldn’t have been messaging Zoe, no matter the bond they’d formed over the course of the afternoon.
Knowing this didn’t stop her from wondering, though.
‘It’s a good job you were there today,’ Billie’s voice cut into Zoe’s thoughts.
‘I don’t know about that. I’m sure they must have some sort of plan for these situations on the boat.’
‘Didn’t seem like it. When I went to find the crew, they all looked at me like I’d grown another head. They all looked pretty clueless too. I had to tell them to turn around and take us back because they were just like, what do we do? I don’t even think that captain is a real captain.’
Zoe laughed. ‘I’m sure he is! What makes you say that?’
‘Well, do they even have captains on boats like that? It just floats around on the lake.’
‘I don’t know. Don’t all boats have to have a captain of some sort?’
Billie screwed up her nose. ‘Well, he didn’t look like much of one.’
‘I’ll ask Lavender about it if it’s bothering you.’
‘I didn’t say it was bothering me.’
Zoe’s phone lit up with a message. Billie glanced over. ‘It’s Fern,’ she said, even though Zoe was perfectly capable of reading that for herself. ‘It’s a shame she wasn’t with you today, considering she wants to be a midwife. It would have been a good test for her.’
Zoe reached for the phone and opened the message. Fern had sent her a link to a trainee mentorship group and wanted her opinion. She typed a brief reply, promising to look properly when she got a minute and then locked her phone again.
‘It would have been good for her to go to the hospital with you. She might have been able to see if she liked the look of your job,’ Billie added.
‘Maybe, but there’ll be plenty of opportunities for her to shadow someone, I expect.’
‘Will she be shadowing you?’
‘I don’t know. She hasn’t even signed up for the training yet. She’s got an access course to do first.’
‘Oh…’ Billie went back to her tea. She was silent, but Zoe could tell she had more to say. Whatever it was, though Zoe gave her a moment to air her thoughts, she drained her cup and stood up instead. ‘I could do with a shower. Will you watch Louisa for me?’
Alex watched her go. ‘Just me for food then,’ he said after a moment, turning back to the fridge.
‘Sorry,’ Zoe said. ‘I’ll sit with you for a while, though.’
He took a pack of bacon from the fridge and set it down next to the stove before coming over and kissing her lightly on the head. ‘You never stop amazing me.’
Zoe gave a bemused smile. ‘Really?’
‘Like today, you did all that stuff for that woman, even though it was your day off, like it was nothing. I bet there are plenty who wouldn’t have even mentioned they were a midwife and would have kept out of it.’
‘That’s where you’re wrong. I don’t know a single midwife who would have done that. Besides, it’s sort of in our professional code. We can’t just walk away from a situation like that.’
‘Professional code or not, you would never have done.’
‘Of course not. It’s nothing amazing; it’s just being a decent person. Would you walk away from someone you could help? I don’t think you would. Billie wouldn’t either. So, you see, it’s not all that special after all, is it?’
‘Maybe we’re all just a family of saints.’ He grinned as he turned to slice open the pack of bacon. ‘I’m going to have a sandwich. Are you sure I can’t make one for you? Because once you smell this cooking, you won’t be able to resist…’
Zoe smiled. ‘Since you put it like that, maybe I’ll have just one. I wouldn’t want to miss out.’
Zoe pulled up outside the double-fronted house.
The walls, like so many others in the area, were made of sturdy grey stone and the roof heavy slate.
The curtains were all still drawn, despite the fact it was gone two in the afternoon.
She grabbed her bag, locked her car and went up the path to knock at the door.
She had to wait for a couple of minutes, but she was prepared for that.
And then the door opened and a pale face peered out.
‘Oh,’ Rachel said. ‘I forgot you were coming. Sorry…’
‘Don’t worry.’ Zoe hadn’t seen Rachel since the day she’d arrived for her routine appointment feeling a little off, only to discover she was in premature labour.
That day Zoe had sent an anxiety-ridden expectant mum off to the hospital, but although she’d looked worried, she’d also looked considerably less fragile than she did now.
‘I wanted to see how you were holding up. You’re all right for me to come in, aren’t you? I can always rearrange…’
She didn’t want to rearrange, and studying Rachel now, she didn’t think it would be a good idea. She’d said it out of courtesy, and even if Rachel asked her to come back, Zoe quickly decided she’d find a way to string out their meeting so she could get a fix on how she was doing.
‘That’s OK.’ Rachel stepped back to let her in. ‘Sorry the place is a mess.’
‘I bet I’ve seen worse,’ Zoe said cheerily as she crossed the threshold. ‘Nobody is expecting you to keep house – you’ve not long given birth.’
‘She’s not here. They haven’t let her out of NICU yet.’
‘I know. It’s you I’ve come to see.’
‘I’m all right.’
‘I’d like to check anyway. Are you home alone? Do you have help to hand?’
‘Most of the time, Mason is here. His work has been great with him – they’ve let him have as much time as he needs. He’s at the hospital now with his mum and dad visiting Ophelia.’
‘Is that what you called her? That’s lovely.’