03. Into the Void
South
He called Tera and she said he hung up on her. Then she told me that was the first time he’d contacted her in months. She’s sad because she loves the guy like a brother and he cut her out so he could lick his wounds. Tera was probably terrified that he was cutting her off for good.
I’m pleased because he did as he was told and he’s taking more steps away from being sad all the time. He gives her his emotions and leaves me locked out with his blank mask. I can accept anger. I’d actually prefer it.
Now I want to see it.
But he hasn’t said anything to me and his expression hasn’t changed.
Every single day for the last week he has gotten the drop on me but he never approaches and I don’t break my ban. The hairs on the back of my neck say he’s back there glaring at me right now. I have to stifle my smile. He’s good now that he sees me. I’m enjoying this game too much I think.
I always end up buying him a random drink and leaving it on the same table every day. He’s lucky I have the money for it because this habit of his is expensive. I don’t spend money on frivolous things like this for myself but I don’t really mind spoiling him. Now I have to figure out what he likes to drink. I thought it would be a fun game to guess but seeing him eye the cup like it betrayed him after his first sip is beginning to annoy me.
I write something on his cup today. It isn’t breaking the ban if I don’t speak to him. This is just like the groceries or the coffee. Another step in pushing him out of his depression. If he has his support closer to home he’ll be more at ease.
Call Tera more. She misses you.
I look at my barely legible writing with a frown. Maybe this will be enough of a push. I don’t want to do too much and overwhelm him.
I also don’t want our game to stop.
Shade
I can’t help but feel intrigued. I don’t like it, but it’s there.
She makes it easy to spot her. She has zero subtlety following me. She barely pays attention so it’s easy to slip behind her. She never calls me on it.
The woman acts like I’m not even there.
At first I thought she wasn’t aware I was following her. The daily gift of a drink and the fact that she finds me to show it to me before she sets it down says otherwise.
She’s fully aware of me and it thrills me as much as it worries me.
How long has she been doing this? Not two weeks. Longer than that for sure.
She has to leave eventually. According to the sparse mentions of her, South lives in another state somewhere.
She spots me leaning on the open doorway of a café a block away and leans her head to the side to take me in. She nods and sets the cup down, walking away without acknowledging me further.
Damn it, how does she keep finding me? I’ve started applying skill to following her and it’s pissing me off.
Today’s coffee message reads, “ You have to call her eventually .”
I scoff and take a drink. It’s chai. She finally got it right.
That should not be fucking exciting. It’s downright creepy. I know I’m fucked up but damn. I’m shooting for an award now.
I break and call Tera.
“Hi!” She answers happily.
“When does she leave?” I keep my voice flat as I sit at the table. I’ve never lounged around after, always trying to follow her back but she slips past me too. It’s a game of cat and mouse that I should not be enjoying as much as I am. This needs to stop before I lose the rest of my marbles.
“Hopefully never,” Tera sounds like she’s grinning as she says it.
“Hopefully now .”
“If you keep in touch with me every day for a week I’ll tell her she can stop.” Now she sounds like she’s pouting.
“Would she?” I don’t think she would, even if Tera begged.
I’d be lying if I said a big part of me doesn’t wish she’d ignore Tera and stay on my ass.
There’s something fucked up about her. Maybe it’s the constant resting bitch face or the fact that no one acknowledges her presence. People in groups part for her without hesitation but they don’t even look at her.
“If I asked her to, sure.”
Fuck.
“Because you won’t be paying her,” I reply flatly.
“Huh? Don’t be silly. Southie would be disappointed in me for even suggesting it. I’m not risking that.”
“Then she’s following me because you asked ?” I frown at her sloppy scrawl on the cup. Why is there never a name on it?
“Yup!” She sounds so smug about it I scowl. It’s as if she’s a dog and Tera holds her leash. For some reason the thought makes me angry. At Tera.
I shake that ridiculous thought away and keep going. I need more info.
“If she listens to your commands so well, why didn’t she help you?” My one rage inducing sticking point. Come on Tera, put a nail in this coffin so I can pitch it into the sea.
“She always helps me,” she sounds confused.
“I didn’t see her holding your hand when you fell apart.”
Why am I like this? Tera is amazing and I keep trying to push her away with the most painful words I can use.
She sucks in a sharp breath and I swallow my apology even as my head drops down with a grimace. Tera is the last person who deserves to be treated this way.
“First of all, drop the old Shade act. I’m not falling for it.” Her strident tone makes my lips twitch into a smile. There she is. Come back swinging little sis. “Second of all, I didn’t tell her about it.”
“Why the fuck not?” I snap. If Tera can’t trust her to take care of her when she really needs it then why is she here? I need to rethink this whole situation without my interested dick and mental issues involved.
“Well,” she trails off hesitantly.
“Yeah?” I impatiently push.
“This is top secret Shade. Can I trust you?”
That’s code for I’m about to hear something fucked up. Considering how many secrets I’ve trusted her with you would think she wouldn’t have to ask.
“Of course,” I scoff. I’m pissed that this woman’s secrets are so hard core mine don’t rate.
“She would have killed them all.”
She says it seriously and quietly like she doesn’t want anyone else to hear.
“Really.” I deadpan back. I can’t see that woman killing anyone. Unless glares count. I wonder what color her eyes are.
“Yeah, really.” She stays serious and I struggle not to laugh. She has to be joking. “I have her on bans for a reason, Shade.”
“ Bans? ” My voice wavers as the struggle continues.
“No killing. No breaking bones. No kidnapping. No hitting.”
“If she’s obeying these idiotic bans, why were you worried?” I mock her with a roll of my eyes. She’s so god damn dramatic and I love it.
“Because my influence over her only goes so far. That would have surpassed her limits big time . I’m hers and she won’t tolerate anyone hurting me. Nothing would have stopped her. Jail time is a threat to her because it would upset me if she got arrested. If you ever approach her don’t bring any of this up, or my disappearing act. I explained what happened without names so she wouldn’t fixate but she’s still upset with me over it.”
My brow furrows, my humor wiping away. Tera has a few screws loose, I’ll admit. But it isn’t like her to go this far off the deep end with it. What she’s describing is a psychopath that she’s been handling for years.
What am I thinking? She handles me daily. A psycho wouldn’t be a stretch.
“Is she an assassin?” I make the words flippant but Tera will know what I mean.
“Oh, gosh no. I couldn’t let her do that! She has to be as normal as I can get her. No jail time.”
“ I’m not normal?” I grit out. I tell the woman some of my darkest secrets, things that could get me killed if she spills it, and she acts like I’m a burger flipper at a dive bar.
“I love you just as you are,” Tera says firmly. “You chose this life, and it’s no big deal. South, well. She became this and there’s no going back for her.”
“How did she become this mysterious monster,” I scoff.
I became one through watching my mother suffer at the hands of two men hell bent on forcing themselves on her. While I got thrown into a wall and knocked unconscious. I woke up to tragedy and it warped me forever. I never told Tera the details but she got the gist of it.
When Tera gets quiet I feel a shiver of unease roll down my spine. For fuck’s sake the woman wouldn’t weigh a hundred fifty soaking wet, no matter how tall she is. And her following skills are abysmal. She looks way too fragile.
I know what turns people into monsters. Picturing something like that happening to her makes my gut hurt.
“Don’t ever ask me that again.”
Tera’s flat tone surprises me and I blink at the beeps signaling she hung up on me.
Shit. What I’m picturing might not be far from the truth.?
I stare straight ahead, trying not to let my imagination take over. I’ve seen enough that I can picture too many details for my sanity to stay on an even keel.