19. Darkness at the Heart
South
I’m laid out on the wood floor staring at the stains on the ceiling. I feel weird. Like I’m a puzzle piece that just got jammed into the wrong spot and everything around me is either too tight or too loose. A shower didn’t help. Brushing my teeth and letting my hair down didn’t fix it. Putting on comfy pajamas and lying here like a lump isn’t fixing it.
It’s almost two in the morning and he hasn’t come yet. How well does Tera have me hidden? He said he was closer than I thought. Maybe he was exaggerating.
A heavy knock comes and I look at the door in surprise.
Maybe he wasn’t exaggerating. Holy shit.
My heart slams against my chest as a smile creeps across my face. He won.
“Evie,” Shade calls in a husky tone that makes me shiver. “Let me in.”
I take my time getting off the floor and doublecheck where my phone is. It’s plugged in by my backpack. I hurry to grab it and the charger, putting them in the barren cabinet under the bathroom sink in the worst hiding job I’ve ever done. Oh, well. It’s not like I care if I win this one anymore. I want my picture.
I’m just getting back to the door to hear him say, “I’ll break it down, baby. I know you’re in there.”
I’m tempted to let him. This is my last night here and it’s not like the shady landlord would sue me over it. He doesn’t even know my name.
Nah. I have better games to play.
I slide the chain before I unlock the three useless locks. I crack the door and peer out, taking in the empty hallway behind him. I kind of expected Tera to be with him in a panic.
He’s alone and in his pajamas. The one with dragonballs over the pants and a Kanji on the left breast of his orange tank top. Not my favorite but it’s in the top ten. His hair is a mess and he somehow looks even more exhausted than he did earlier tonight. He’s in house slippers for fuck’s sake.
“What’s wrong?” I open the door all the way to let him in. I look up and down the hallway as he passes but no one is there. I close the door and lock it back, just in case, before spinning around.
“Why are you out in your pjs again? What did they do?”
He stands there with his blank expression and stares at me. He gets to see me in my pajamas for once. I glance down at my shorts covered in dancing coffee beans and my ripped crop top 80s cartoon shirt I’ve had forever, the fuzzy no show socks, the tattoos. I wonder what I look like to him?
He shakes his head but he’s starting to blush and he’s staring at my chest. His pants are beginning to tent and my nipples peak in response like they’re trained. This is nice and all but why the fuck is he out in his pajamas? He only does that when he’s upset.
I raise an eyebrow. “Are you hurt?”
My voice brings the anger back out as his eyes jerk away from me.
He turns in a full circle, slowly taking in the shitty apartment and I watch him judge how I’m living without comment. It’s not impressive. A single room kitchen, living room, bedroom with a separate bathroom. There’s no furniture. It looks like it should be vacant.
When he makes it back to face me he’s scowling.
“Shade?” I ask him with a frown. “Talk to me. Are you hurt?”
“Where are your things?” He asks in a rough tone of rage. The monster is out and he’s not happy.
“Right there,” I point to the backpack.
“Everything else?”
“Packed up. Now tell me what’s going on.” I demand.
“You’re leaving ,” his lip curls into a snarl.
“Stop fucking deflecting and tell me what’s wrong,” my voice goes gritty.
“You aren’t going anywhere,” he grinds out. “How long have you been living like this?”
“The whole time I’ve been here.” My housing is what’s making him angry?
“Why?” He snaps.
“Because my money is tied up right now.” I tell him slowly. I need to feel out where this is going but he’s more confusing now than he was before.
“Why didn’t you ask Tera for help?”
“I don’t need help.”
Apparently it’s the wrong thing to say because he marches to me, bends, and lifts me onto his shoulder. I go with the move, excited that he’s finally getting into the game. He won and now he’s taking the prize. Would praising him be inappropriate when he’s so upset?
“Shade?” I ask with a smile I can’t stop.
I’m swung around as he carries me back to the bedroom area, retrieves my backpack, and starts for the door.
This is new. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so satisfied with losing a game.
He gets the locks undone easily as if I weigh nothing. Then slams my door hard enough that the neighbor starts yelling, starting a chain reaction of cursing from several doors. The newest tenant, a woman with red hair that always looks sad, leans out and holds up her phone with a questioning look. As if she’s asking if she should call the cops.
“It’s fine. He’s just being dramatic,” I strain to call out with a wave. She gapes at me and gives me a hesitant nod, retreating into her apartment. I try to play boneless as I bounce on his shoulder.
“You’re wearing bunny slippers. That’s going to be tough on the stairs.”
“Shut up,” he snaps and smacks me on the ass. The move almost makes me laugh with the machismo. It does make my heart skip and start racing though so I keep quiet. This is a night of firsts for me and I’m not sure where this is going. I’m giddy about it.
He makes it down the stairs just fine with me flopping around like a fish, not helping at all. I think he’s going to dump me on the ground to start yelling until I hear a car alarm chirp.
“What are you doing?” I ask curiously.
“You’re never coming back to this shit heap.”
I get set on my feet and he opens the door for me with a glare. I reorient myself with a frown, glancing inside. His fancy car is spotless. I’m starting to think he’s a neat freak which doesn’t make sense for all the times I’ve seen him out in his pjs. I glance down at my socks, wondering if I should go back inside and get my shoes.
“Get. In.”
I meet his eyes with a bland look.
“Now,” he snarls, looking absolutely done with me.
I shake my head and get in with a sigh. He has a point. He won so I owe him my compliance. For now. It’s more exciting than I anticipated. Everything is in vibrant colors that want to overwhelm me again.
He waits for me to get settled and leans in to snap my belt buckle in place. It’s the weirdest thing because my body relaxes at the smell of his cologne, naturally accepting his presence enough to feel sleepy. I need to get a bottle of that stuff. It’s an instant putty response for me. A new sleep aid.
He slams my door and his when he gets in. He takes a few deep breaths while I watch. Then he starts the car and peels out of the lot. He doesn’t say anything for several miles, grinding his teeth and trying to bend the steering wheel with his white knuckled grip.
I reach out to stroke the backs of my fingers down his cheek.
His eyes flick to me as his nostrils flare.
“You won, calm down for me.”
He goes back to ignoring me.
With his driving it takes five minutes to get to his apartment. I don’t think he stopped for red lights but I was too busy watching him to pay attention.
“The way you drive is going to get you killed,” I frown.
“Scared?” He taunts as he whips into his parking spot.
“No. Do you have leather gloves to wear when you get like this? If not, I’ll get you some.” I unbuckle to step out of the car.
He follows and gets behind me to force me towards the door.
“What are we doing?” I walk up the path, taking everything in. I’ve seen it over a hundred times. I’ve practically got it memorized. But I’ve never walked it.
“Arguing. Sleeping.”
“Huh,” is my elegant response. I have no idea what we’re supposed to be fighting about. My concern over his wellbeing is replaced by excitement. I’m curious to finally see inside his place. Another thing to fixate on. A peek into his life.
He unlocks the door and ushers me inside then turns and relocks it, fiddling with another lock at the top of the door that latches with a loud click. He gives me a pointed look as he passes me. Why? It’s not like I’m going to leave.
I take in the furniture. I’m startled at the stark contrast of the dark couch and coffee table versus the white cream of the carpet. Everything is immaculate, like no one lives here. It doesn’t feel like Shade at all.
“No anime posters?” I feel cheated. He let me inside but there’s nothing in here that’s him . This is worse than not being here. At least then I could still imagine something wonderful for him. This place is like a tomb. He needs more.
He pauses to look at me from the kitchen and then fills a glass of water. He downs it as if he’s chugging a beer.
When he doesn’t respond I start exploring. There’s a bedroom that screams Tera. It looks like it’s ready for her to come back at a moment’s notice.
The bathroom is back to the black and white theme. I find a few knives stashed in the cabinets with the black towels and another in with the rolls of toilet paper.
The last room is the same. It has no personality. Anyone could live here.
The bed is made up, the nightstand has a phone charger and nothing else. All conspicuously clean. The only thing that seems personal is the computer setup at a desk across the room. There’s a laptop in front of it as if the three monitors aren’t enough for him. The keyboard lights up in rainbow colors, casting the weird light I’ve been seeing in the dark room. I flick on the light switch and walk in as if I own the place.
There are knives strapped to the underside of the computer desk. A gun under the simple office chair. I wonder how many weapons are hidden in plain sight. A check under his bed shows me a staff of some sort made of metal.
Everything but the keyboard and laptop is bland as hell. If it wasn’t furnished and had laminate flooring instead of carpet I’d think I was back at my shitty apartment. I pace back to the computer and finally spy something that is definitely all Shade.
The little anime figurine is hidden behind one of the monitors, barely peeking out from behind it. If I wasn’t this close and paying attention I would have missed it. I pick it up gently. I don’t want to break the only thing in here that’s personal. I don’t like that he’s hiding it. The gun hidden there doesn’t rate.
I turn with it in my hand and see Shade in the doorway, watching me silently. He’s got his face blank but his eyebrow twitches when he sees the figurine in my hand. I don’t give a shit, I’m on a mission.
He thinks like Tera. Like all this bland pretend nothingness will hide who they really are. It’s bullshit. There’s no shame in liking things and letting people know. What is the point of that goddamn emotion anyway? Who cares if people don’t like it? If they say something you know who to avoid and get the right to punch them for it if they take it too far.
The little hands are cupped perfectly. I sit on the edge of his perfectly made bed to put it on the nightstand and the cable of the phone charger in her grip. I tilt my head and look from the door to the nightstand. It was the second thing I noticed in this barren wasteland so it will do.
“What are you doing?” He sounds completely unemotional as he asks.
“Giving her the space she deserves,” I shrug.
His eyes narrow on me, “Do you know who it is?”
“Not by name but I do know the anime. They kind of lost me in the second season. Made the characters too bland.”
“Bullshit,” he snaps and it draws my focus back to him.
“The first one was a blow out with all the enemies and violence. There was none of that in the second season.”
“It was the setup for season three,” he defends and his shoulders tense up.
“Too late, they lost me.” I look around again. Not that there’s much to see. I’m looking for more hidden treasures.
“What’s your favorite?” He poses the question like it’s a test of some sort.
“Deckhand Luna,” I peer behind the monitors just in case I missed one. “I can watch that all day every day and it still gets me.”
He seems at a loss for words at my easy answer. He rallies quickly, “The animation is shit.”
“Ok, snob.” I don’t care if he likes it or not, he’s not taking away my affection for the characters.
“Where are your posters?” He sneers at me. I give him a blank look.
“Packed up. I already told you that.”
His jaw clenches and the fake anger becomes real very quickly.
“Get in bed.”
“No. I’m looking for more figurines, this place is like a hotel room. It’s depressing.”
“ My place is depressing?” He sounds shocked at my declaration.
“Yeah, it is. They’re in the bathroom aren’t they? I can’t see you hiding them in Tera’s room.”
“There aren’t any more,” he grits out and I frown at the tone.
I want to ask why but the question would be useless. He’s hiding what makes him, him .
“I’ll give you some of mine.”
He doesn’t have a response for that. Jesus he’s in a bad mood. I thought my kidnapping was going to be a little more exciting. This game is a bust so far.
“You get in bed,” I gesture to the pristine mattress. “You’re exhausted and cranky as shit. We can talk in the morning.”
“You first.” He shows me his teeth as if it could intimidate me.
I take in his stance, blocking the doorway as if he’s expecting me to make a run for it. The monster has me cornered and he doesn’t want me leaving his sight. That’s fine.
“Let me borrow your phone first. I need to text Tera and let her know I’m not at the apartment and I’m missing my phone,” I hold out my hand for it and wait while he processes. We’re supposed to be meeting up tomorrow. I don’t want her wandering around that apartment complex by herself.
“It’s not in your backpack?” If he could sound more aggravated I don’t know how he’d manage it.
“No,” I smirk. “I hid it when you knocked.”
I think the key to the apartment is on the kitchen counter too. Damn. Did he lock it? Does it matter?
“I’ll text her,” he says in a taunting tone.
“Try not to be a dick about it.” I shrug. As long as it gets done I don’t care.
I make my way to the bed and thoroughly enjoy wreaking havoc on the comforter as I settle with my back against the wall. I make sure to untuck it from the bottom of the bed with a yank and ruffle it up as much as possible. He has two pillows so I take one and then ruffle up the case of his pillow because it looks like it’s been ironed. A damn pillowcase.
He hesitates before he flicks the lights off and then comes over, sitting on the side of the bed to text her.
His outline is stark against the light of the screen. Then he carefully plugs it in without disturbing the figurine and lies down under the covers on his back, body tense. He starts clenching his fists over and over, the rustle of the sheets an irritating sound that grates on my nerves.
After ten minutes of it I prop myself up on my elbow. He quickly turns to me and grabs my hip in a tight grip.
“You’re not going anywhere .”
The monstrous tone makes me sigh. “Would you relax? You’re tense as a board over there and it’s keeping me awake. Settle down and go to sleep.”
“What?” He sounds shocked his monster tone doesn’t have me quivering in fear.
“You’re shaking the bed and it’s annoying as fuck. I have enough trouble sleeping without all of that.”
His hold loosens and I lay back down. He stays facing me. His hand doesn’t drop away.
His shoulders slowly relax. I nod, yawning. “Much better.”
His fingers shift over my hip and I scoot closer, putting my arm around his waist. Maybe a little coddling will help. I forgot that physical touch is a destressor for him.
“Evie,” he grits out.
“Shh. We can fight in the morning, statue. Just get some sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”
He lets out a heavy breath and relaxes into the mattress.
I thought my kidnapping would be a lot more eventful than this, but he’s exhausted and pissed. I’m not going to complain.