21. Sensitive
Shade
I have to wait for the cramping in my thighs to settle before I can stand and clean up. If she keeps making me cum that hard I’m going to have a heart attack.
I grin at the thought.
I dress and make the bed out of habit. She wreaked havoc with a smile last night. Of course she loves chaos instead of order. It’s something she feels. I’m going to enjoy pulling that side of her out every time I clean something. My trained obsession with cleanliness is going to work in my favor here.
I look over at the laptop and shut everything down, putting the figurine back together with a relieved smile.
I wonder how she would have reacted if I’d introduced myself and confessed all my sins right away. Would she have ripped my clothes off right then?
The knowledge that she’s wanted me for so long has my chest aching in reaction. While I was wrestling with emotion she had already decided she wanted me. I feel cheated at the wasted time. I was stuck in bullshit and she was watching me and panting the way I like. I can always tell when she’s straining with her control by her breathing. Thank God. Otherwise I would be floundering and wondering if she liked anything I do.
Not that she would be quiet if she didn’t.
I look at the figurine in my hand and the pajamas on my bed. I take in the sterile walls of this place that I haven’t bothered to make a home. It’s a blank slate.
A depressing hotel room.
Seeing it all through her eyes makes me frown. I don’t want to be a blank piece of wallpaper with her. She’s shifting everything with an ease that’s a little frightening. So many pieces of me are coalescing that I can’t draw a line between them all anymore.
I was a boy who helped his mother survive a tragedy. A young adult who took vengeance into his own hands. A man who was respected in his profession. Then, a man stunned by his parentage. The lies and betrayals I never saw coming.
Matthias took me under his wing to train me like any other new recruit. He never once let on that he knew Mom. And I never spoke about how far downhill she had gone. The drugs and alcohol to cope with what happened to her. I became an adult the night it happened and the one person who could have prevented all of it was my boss.
Until mom found out about my ‘job’ and confronted him. With me once again standing in the background as everything I knew got warped again. Years I worked with the man and never once did he acknowledge me. He knew what happened to her and did nothing about it.
He says he was afraid to have her close again. That the assault might have been due to her former association with him and he was terrified. His first wife suffered the consequences of his actions and he was watching it replay from the outside instead of doing what was needed.
It didn’t stop him from getting a woman pregnant with Andi. He snatched her up as soon as she was born and paid the mother off because she wanted no further part of his life.
I don’t understand the thought process at all. Or my mom for allowing him back in. Like Evie, I never will.
I have to let that shit go. It’s their life, not mine. Both of them have made a point to show me my input isn’t necessary. I won’t give up my mom, no matter how mad she gets at me for my mistakes.
Matthias is another story.
In the long run, he doesn’t matter. Whether he was present or not he caused me misery. With that experience in mind, I prefer the without option.
I could wipe this slate clean. Easily. It’s not like I can be punished for it without some heavy repercussions.
I’m done with it all.
I want to build something with Evie, damn the consequences. For once I’m going to set aside all of the burdens I took on and focus on what I want. I thought I was doing that with Ira’s team but it ended up being a halfhearted effort.
This time I’m all in.
I’m not Evan or Daniels anymore. Not even Shade. I’m an amalgamation of all those parts blended together. I’m handing that over to one woman and calling it good. She’ll keep me on a tight leash, but I like it that way.
I see her, and she sees me. More of me than anyone else ever has. Trust has never come easy to me, but with her, it’s like she stole it and isn’t giving it back. She won’t stop until she’s stolen every piece of me with her psycho smile. I’ll watch her take me apart with pleasure.
Decision made, I calmly start wiping the work computer, leaving it an empty husk. Cleaning out the desk is just as easy. I grab only the important clothes to me and pack them into my spare duffle bag. The one with the rope and tape is in the trunk still.
I can always get more clothes. I’ve always had a hidden account for emergencies. We could live off it without issue for the rest of our lives with a fuck ton to spare. I pack up my laptop and figurine and drop my bag right next to Evie’s with a smug smile. I can’t wait to see her face when I drop this bomb.
My phone vibrates on the nightstand. I thought I left it on the pillow.
Evie. Damn woman plugged it in and left it on silent so I could have my ten minutes.
I smirk as I pick it up. The smug feeling of being cared for in the oddest fashion keeps me relaxed as I answer.
“Matthias.”
There’s a pause on the other end of the line at my darkly pleasant tone.
“Why would you attack a fellow team member, Shade?” He begins in a censuring tone. It’s paternal now instead of boss-like. Any respect he had for me is long gone. The change threw me for years. I wasn’t sure how to react to having a father. Everything seemed surreal. A figure that could take care of all the problems I’ve faced was always a dream.
It still is.
I didn’t realize a ready-made dad would add to my problems instead of lighten them. Live and learn.
“I don’t deal well with disrespect,” I tell him as I empty the nightstand. There isn’t much, but I consider the few keepsakes worth it.
“Really,” he responds in a sarcastic tone. “And this is how you chose to handle it?”
“Yes.”
“And how did he disrespect you?”
I don’t like the patronizing tone. I’m starting to feel sorry for his oldest son. He’s had to tolerate this ever since he was born. How has he survived?
“Let’s cut the shit, Matthias,” I drop onto the bed as I tuck a few weapons away in various places on my body.
“Excuse me?” His voice drops with building anger.
“I’m waking up, and I don’t like what I’m seeing. You set me up with this team to keep me on your leash. Telling them I’m a leak was a bit of a stretch, don’t you think?”
“Evan. What are you talking about?” He asks warily. The change from anger to concern is abrupt but I brush it off. I’m not the only actor in the family. And calling me by my first name? He’s never done that. Mom must be close by.
“Here’s the deal. I’m out of your business and you’re out of mine. Simple. I talk to Mom whenever I want and you go back to staying silent in the shadows. As of now, I quit and you’re going to respect it.”
“What?” His voice goes breathless as if he’s shocked at the turn around.
“Evan?” Mom’s concerned voice washes down the line. “Are you safe?”
“Hey, Mom. I’m safe and I’ll stay that way, don’t worry about it. You told me that I had to accept him and I have. But I don’t accept what he’s been doing in my life. You can accept that. Fair’s fair.”
“Sweetheart, I’m going to get this figured out.”
She’s told me that all through my life so the words are bittersweet. She means them, I know she does. But she never manages to hold up through it all. It sucks but she’s a person and shit happens.
That knowledge hits me like a sledgehammer. She’s always wanted the best for me, even drugged to the gills she wanted to show me love and care. The fact that she couldn’t manage it in that state is now water under the bridge. Mom is the best of intentions mingled with mistakes and I love her. No matter what.
“I’d rather you stay safe and happy,” I say honestly. “I’ve always wanted that for you. Fucking take it Mom and don’t let it go. You deserve it. And I’m going to take it because I deserve it.”
“I’ve never heard you talk this way,” she says and sniffles.
“Thank Tera. You should meet her sometime.”
“And your new lady friend?” She giggles like a teen ready to gossip while Matthias flounders in the background.
“Is new, Mom. Relax,” I huff a laugh. I can hear him barking orders and demanding answers for his questions in the background. The sound gets muffled as she takes me off speakerphone.
“You stay safe, sweetheart.”
“I will. I’ll get a new phone so don’t bother calling this one again. I’ll text.”
“Ok,” she lets out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry I wasted so much time being mad over nothing.”
“Shit happens,” I mutter. “But it doesn’t have to keep happening.”
“I hear you,” she says fervently.
“I gotta go. I love you.”
“Love you too,” she says in a rush. I hear Matthias tell her not to hang up right before she does. I can picture her sassy don't you yell at me face and chuckle.
The phone starts to vibrate immediately. It’s one of the team calling me this time. Probably Blaze, pissed off. It goes to voicemail but I ignore it.
I debate for a second and then make sure all my pictures are saved before I go through the process of restoring it to its original empty state, turn the phone off, and dismantle it. The pieces get laid on the pillow in order.
I grab both bags and stride into the living room, a weight dropped from my shoulders that makes me feel light as air. Tera, Andi, and Evie are standing around the kitchen talking. I interrupt with a grin.
“Are we being invaded?”
Andi gives me a stern look, and Tera smiles at me.
“Good morning,” Tera chirps, hopping out of her seat to hug me.
I return the gesture with one arm.
Evie eyes the two packs on my shoulder and meets my eyes without a change in her expression.
“Are we going?”
Her muted, breathy tone never fails to affect me, and I pause to take it in. I want it. Forever. I’ll play dirty to get it if I have to.
“Yeah. I figured I’d drive Andi, and you and Tera can catch up.”
An eyebrow rises at my easy tone. “Really.”
“Oh, that sounds perfect,” Tera nods like I’m a genius.
“It really does,” Andi says angrily. “That way, I can yell at you without witnesses. Dad has been nonstop since five this morning about you paying Felix’s medical expenses.”
“Andi,” Tera scolds her with a frown.
“It’s fine. I have a few things to catch her up on.” My eyes flick down to her phone as it starts to ring. “I wouldn’t answer that yet.”
“It’s dad again,” she says with an eye roll.
“I know. We need to talk first.”
Her expression falls into a frown. She doesn’t hesitate to slide the ringer to silent and put it away. The fact that she doesn’t question it or doubt me makes me smile.
“Is it good news or bad news?” Andi picks up her purse and heads to the door.
“That depends on your point of view,” I shrug.
“My clothes?” Evie reminds me with a tilted smile.
“Get them from me,” I taunt her with a grin.
Her smile becomes vaguely threatening. “A game?”
“A game,” I confirm as I walk out.