24. I Want It All
Shade
Too soon. Fuck, what was I thinking?
I look down at Evie as I finish tucking her into the bed. She’s passed out and finally sleeping deeply. I noticed throughout the day that it’s only little increments at a time. And I don’t think she slept at all the night before. I’m hoping she stays asleep until I can get my ass under control.
I love you.
Fuck!
And she didn’t say it back.
Of course not. She can’t feel it.
That strangling feeling I’ve had all day starts to come back. I’m in love with her and I have been fighting it for a while. Possessing her was supposed to be enough. Keeping her close was supposed to tide me over. She’s so easy with me, accepting everything and giving back without complaint. I caught myself the first time I tried to say it and figured the scare would keep my mouth shut. Then it just fucking slipped out.
I go out into the living room and pace, my eyes straying to the couch as if it betrayed me. I’m wired. After falling asleep several times, and waking with her right next to me still, I’m all rested up and panicking.
She’s going to leave. I know she doesn’t have the same type of connection to me as I do to her. She couldn’t hide it even if she wanted to. Her eyes are always so empty of anything. No emotion reflected back when I look. Even in the middle of sex her face has an expression but her eyes stay blank, watching me. I’ve caught her studying me all day like I’m a puzzle she can figure out. Once she finishes putting the pieces together she’s going to get rid of me.
I could get her addicted to sex. To my body. But what would be the point when she could seduce anyone she wanted?
The thought makes my feet stop as my hands clench into fists. I take a few breaths and release them slowly and then go to the fridge for a water. Once it’s drained I feel a little better and pop my neck.
Evie’s phone starts ringing. It’s so loud in the hushed quiet of the night that I race to answer it.
“What the fuck?” I hiss and glance into the open doorway. Evie is still asleep. She hasn’t moved.
“Shade,” Tera whispers back. “Where’s South?”
“Asleep asshole. Go away.”
“Leave right now.”
I blink at the sudden quiet demand.
“What? No .” My heart is pounding overtime at the thought of it.
“ Someone is here asking questions. He got a flight in and it landed a second ago. He wants to meet you and Andi at the restaurant and get things figured out. If you leave while she’s asleep South might not be as mad.”
What the fuck does that mean?
“Matthias?” I grit out as quietly as I can.
“Uh huh,” she mutters absently. Then she calls in a loud, echoing voice, “False alarm! Be out in a sec!”
“He’s at your house ?” I ask in disbelief.
“Yeah,” she hisses back. “He’s so sweet. I wish he wasn’t such a butt to you.”
I can’t with this woman.
The boss of an international pack of hitmen is skulking around in her home doing God knows what and she thinks he’s sweet.
I’m going to choke her.
I hang up and dial his number. I’ve memorized it over the years like everyone else. It’s practically muscle memory.
He picks up and I hear an intake of breath before I interrupt in a cold tone.
“Get out of Tera’s house. Now.”
A throat clears and I hear him say, “No, thank you, dear. This is him now. I’ll get out of your hair.”
“Are you sure?” I hear Tera in the background. “Let me put your coffees in to-go cups at least. All of you look exhausted.”
“Is she joking?” Another voice mutters, one I recognize as belonging to one of his oldest son’s bodyguards.
He brought Gabriel with him? What is this, family therapy time with bullets included?
Although, having Gabriel here helps me think it might not turn into a bloody altercation. I’m arming up just in case. His bodyguards alone are nothing to play with. Real bad news instead of the play acting of my previous team.
“She isn’t and you’re going to shut your fucking mouth and accept that she’s the sweetest woman you’ll ever meet or I’ll shove my foot down your throat,” Max snaps as if it wouldn’t earn him a bullet.
“Oh my gosh Max, calm down,” Tera says with a sigh. “They’re tired from the flight and a little cranky. So what?”
“Go back to bed baby girl,” Trevor’s grim voice follows her mini tirade.
“You go back to bed. Why is everyone so cranky?”
“It’s two in the morning, angel,” Asher says silkily.
“Fine. Coffee thermos and bed,” she pouts. I can hear it. “I’m sorry, Mr. Matthias.”
Matthias clears his throat and says in a loud voice, “I’ll just take this call outside, dear. Thank you for the welcome and I apologize for coming over unannounced.”
I hear Tera assure him he’s welcome in her home any time and scoff. I can’t help it. I’m already picturing her rolling out a red carpet for him.
“Where are you?” His tone takes a sudden turn as he speaks to me.
“Le Chique, thirty minutes. If you go near Tera again, I’ll kill you. Once Mom meets her she’ll forgive me and you know it.”
I hang up and quietly grab a few weapons and some clothes. I need to be ready for this and anticipate it going bad. This ridiculous ploy for obedience and any threats he throws out need to be dealt with immediately. I expected a visit from one of the four assholes, not him personally with his son in tow.
I stand over Evie as she sleeps, watching her relaxed face. I want to wake her. Hold her for a second to make sure she’ll be here when I get back.
I will come back. I’m not letting this night end any other way.
“I love you,” I whisper and force myself to leave.