Chapter 29
GALINA
I wake up alone.
The gray early morning light bleeds through the curtains. I shiver as I hug the duvet around me, feeling empty.
Last night was only the second time we’ve slept in the same bed. But when I turn and my hands find cold sheets where his warm, strong body should be, I ache inside.
I want him here, with his arms still around me.
I lie there for a long moment, staring at the ceiling and listening to the wind throw thin, sleeting rain at the window.
Wren’s going to be okay. Hearing the doctors say that last night felt like a huge exhale of a held breath. I know she’s the only thing I should be focusing on right now, and I feel like the world's worst friend for worrying about anything else, but I can’t help it.
Because somewhere between the horrible uncertainty of the hospital waiting room and Lochlan's arms wrapped around me as I sank into sleep, something changed.
Maybe it was almost losing one of my best friends.
Maybe it was realizing how fleeting life can be, or how abruptly it can get taken away from you.
A faint smile touches the corners of my lips as I hug the duvet around myself, still listening to the gray morning rain against the window.
I called him Lochlan just now. Not Ghost.
The smile grows wider.
I’ve known, I suppose, for longer than I wanted to admit. But almost losing Wren last night took away the last of my fears about what happens when the mask comes off.
When the fantasy becomes real.
Lochlan is The Ghost Prince. And I realized last night that I want him in every part of my life, not just the shadowy fantasy play.
I don’t want to fall asleep without his arms around me. I don’t want to wake up with him not lying beside me.
I don’t want to pretend anymore, and I don’t want to be afraid of something being “too real”.
I want real.
My energy is gone after the adrenaline and panic dump of last night. But still, there’s a spark inside me as I drag myself out of bed and get dressed on autopilot, and it's still flickering gently as I glance up at the long, massive snake skeleton hanging above the entryway of The Atheneum.
“Wish me luck, friend,” I mouth quietly to Long John Slither before I step out into the wet morning, huddled under my umbrella.
Campus is quiet except for the pitter patter of the rain and the dull, rhythmic thud of my heart in my chest.
Maybe I'm still scared, not knowing what’s going to happen after I do this.
But maybe…maybe…I don’t care anymore. Maybe I haven’t lost my fear of the unknown at all, I’ve just decided to embrace it.
Maybe I know that when I step off the edge of the cliff, he’ll be there with me, which means I won’t have to be scared anymore.
At 7:59, I walk into the Social Psychology of Deception classroom for our last "Shadow vs. Persona" session.
Lochlan is already here.
He’s sitting at a small desk pulled front and center of the lecture hall, facing the door. But for the first time, there's no smirk waiting for me when I enter this room. No smug, cocksure tilt to his lips.
I cross the floor, drop my bag, and sit down across from him. My hands are shaking slightly as I press them flat against my thighs to make them stop.
Lochlan’s piercing blue eyes lock on mine.
Blue.
I wondered for so long what color Ghost’s eyes were. And here they were, right in front of me the whole time.
They’re blue.
“When you’re ready,” Lochlan says quietly, “go ahead and start.”
The silence hangs like fog between us. I just sit there, my pulse skipping and my heart chugging along as my eyes lock with his.
The seconds tick by.
“Galina.”
The low, smooth hum of his voice dances over me.
“What…” My voice cracks. “What time did you leave this—”
“Galina—”
“I was just surprised when I woke up and you weren’t—"
“If you’re doing this because you think I’ll disappear unless you say it out loud,” he growls quietly. “You’re wrong.”
My breath hitches. Moisture beads at the corners of my eyes as I stare into his.
“I can be whatever you need me to be, Galina,” he murmurs, staring right into my soul. “You’re not going to lose me, little villain,” he says tightly. “I’m not going anywhere.”
A sob wrenches from my chest as the tears begin to fall. Lochlan’s face darkens, and I sob again when he reaches across the table and cups my cheek with a warm, strong hand.
“We can keep this exactly as it is, if that’s what you want,” he growls, his eyes locked with mine. “Whatever the fuck you need,” he hisses. “Whatever—”
“Are you him?”
The air stops moving. My pulse freezes. Even the second hand on the clock above the white board seems to slow to a crawl before coming to a stop.
Lochlan’s eyes hold mine—unblinking, without fear, without judgment. His thumb gently strokes across my cheek, brushing away a tear.
“Are you him?" I choke out again, my voice cracking the silence as tears blur my eyes. “Are you Ghost? Please, I just…last night, I was sitting in that hospital waiting room, and all I could think about was you.”
Another sob wracks my chest.
“My friend almost died, and all I could fucking think about was you, and us, and how I’m so tired of being afraid of things being too real.
” I croak, slowly shaking my head, his blue eyes locked with my blurry ones.
“I wake up every fucking morning wishing you were there with me, and I go to bed every goddamn night not even wanting to shower because I don’t want the scent of you to go away, and I’m so fucking tired of being afraid, worrying if this will get too real if the mask comes off.
But I want real!” I continue in a rush, shaking as the tears pour down my face.
“I want real, Lochlan!” I sob. “And I want real with you. So please, put me out of my misery—”
“Galina—”
“Tell me if you’re—”
“Galina, I—”
“ARE YOU HIM?!” I all but scream in a blurry, snotty, trembling mess of tears and rambling anxiety. “Are you fucking—!”
I choke on a gasp when Lochlan grabs the edge of the table between us and shoves the whole thing across the floor. I’m sobbing when he slides off his chair to his knees in front of me, and before I know what he’s doing, he’s cupping my face in both his hands and pressing his forehead to mine.
“What I am, Galina,” Lochlan chokes, “is yours. I’m fucking yours, baby.”
Then he kisses me, for the very first time.
His lips sear to mine, burning away all the pain, fear, uncertainty, and self-doubt until all that’s left is two people.
No Ghost.
No Velvet Villainess.
No masks.
Just us.