24. Daren
Chapter 24
Daren
T he top of Luca’s hand brushed against mine, warm and sure as I knew him to be.
“What are you doing here?” I asked under my breath.
“Gideon knows about us.”
I grabbed his hand to pull him close, but quickly remembered myself and let go. Crossing my arms in front of my chest to stop from touching him, I kept walking back toward the house.
“How did he find out?”
“There’s no secrets in this life, Daren,” he reminded me.
“ You are my secret,” I hissed, glancing back over my shoulder to see if Fletcher was on his way after us. “This exchange…”
“Also a secret,” he finished for me. Clearing his throat, Luca was next to look behind us. “Is he going to fuck me, do you think?”
I sucked my tongue across the front of my teeth, unbridled jealousy rearing up as I thought about Fletcher even daring to lay a hand on Luca, let alone fuck him.
“Please don’t ask me that,” I whispered to him just as the sounds of crunching leaves grew louder in my ears.
“If he does…”
“You have to,” I said.
The footsteps behind us grew louder and the dominating presence of Fletcher Sinclair pushed its way between us. I’d expected him to stop, but he didn’t. He stormed through us, past us, without a word. I looked at Luca, my brows knit with worry, then picked up my pace to walk faster after Fletcher.
He hadn’t spoken to me the whole way to the meeting place so I had no idea how the chase or the claiming had turned out. All I knew was he and Bellamy emerged from the woods with Fletcher covered in dirt and Bellamy with torn clothes and tear-stained cheeks. It was impossible to look at him like that, battered and beaten down, and not remember how willingly he’d spread himself open on my bed just days before.
Fucking Bellamy had felt better than it should have, the tight heat of his body like a glove around my cock every time I sank inside of him. I’d teased Fletcher later about missing out on it, but that was before I knew he’d be forced to find out for himself anyway. Bellamy had been so nervous with me, but steadfast and focused in his goals. After seeing him emerge from the woods on Fletcher’s heels, I realized he’d used me just as much as I’d used him.
When Fletcher was out of earshot again, I let out a breath and spoke softly to Luca, who’d kept pace beside me when I slowed down again to give us more time to talk. “I haven’t slept with Fletcher.”
“I haven’t slept with Gideon.”
“Though not for lack of trying?”
He huffed out a tired laugh into the small space between us. “I’ve missed you,” he said.
“It’s been agony. I try to…try to distract myself so I don’t have time to miss you.”
Luca groaned, scrubbing a hand down his face. “Please don’t tell me that.”
“It’s the truth.”
The house was less than one hundred yards away.
“I have one night. These…they’re just stolen fucking moments. I can’t even stay with you. I have to go to him, and then…” Luca swiped angry hands across his face, lifting his glasses to press shaking fingers against his closed eyelids.
“I’m told he’s rough,” I said to him, swallowing down as much of the jealousy as I could manage. It didn’t matter we’d agreed to fuck whoever we wanted during our forced separation, the thought of him and Fletcher together while I was one floor below felt like the grossest test of my loyalty yet.
“You know I like that.”
“Maybe pretend it’s me,” I suggested.
Fletcher stomped up onto the back porch, slamming the door open and skulking inside. He didn’t bother looking back to see if we were behind him. He knew we would be.
“No one is you,” Luca said softly before sealing his lips and squaring his shoulders.
We’d reached the house, and I gave Luca one last look that I hoped told him how sorry I was, how much I hated this, how much our patience would reward us when all was said and done. We could have our secrets again—him and me.
“Both of you,” Fletcher shouted from the stairs. “Up here, now.”
“Look at me,” Luca begged, hand coming out to stop me as I was quick to obey Fletcher’s call. He stopped before he touched me, just like I had stopped in the clearing, but I couldn’t give him what he asked.
“I can’t. If I do, I’ll…”
“It’s okay, baby,” he said, almost as much to himself as it was to me.
As I led Luca to the winding staircase what would carry us to Fletcher’s third floor bedroom, I counted every sin I’d ever committed, wondering when I’d pay enough penance to be free of this place. It was so childish, I thought, curling my hand around the carved wood banister and pulling myself up the stairs. My legs didn’t want to carry me, my body didn’t want to be turned away from Luca, and yet…
And yet.
Men like Luca and me, we weren’t meant to rule or lead. We were best played in the second seat, and I’d never cared about that until I found myself being called to sacrifice the only thing in my life that meant anything. It had been easy enough when we both knew what our roles would be, who we’d have to step back to serve. Whatever we were both walking into at the top of the stairs, though, it was far beyond anything either of us had expected. It was one year of active initiation, then graduation, then dissemination. After graduation there’d be more expectations but less oversight. It would have been manageable.
Livable.
I didn’t dare say another thing to Luca, even though I found myself aware of the way his body vibrated behind me, the heat and nerves rolling off of him in trembling waves, crashing into my back like we were both diving into a high tide. Fletcher’s bedroom door was cracked open and, with a steady hand on the brass knob, I pushed it wide and stepped aside for Luca to enter.