42. Luca
Chapter 42
Luca
B y noon, the five of us had gone our separate ways.
We had a loose plan at best, a bad idea at worst. I was looking forward to crawling back into my bed and sleeping until classes started on Monday, but the anxiety rolling off of Gideon was something new that probably needed my attention.
“You good, B?” I asked as we climbed the stairs to the house.
The night before, the place had been packed with initiates and members, but much like Thorn Hill, their numbers had been quick to disperse. The houses were meant to be a home for its leaders at all times, a gathering place some of the time, and an external residence only in case of emergencies. This meant with the ceremonies completed, Gideon and I had the place back to ourselves again…for the time being.
“Far from it,” he said.
The door was unlocked since that was how we’d left it, because people knew better than to come into the house without permission. Closing it behind me, I suddenly found the whole thing exhausting, the weight of our names and our fathers bearing down on me like a truckload of anvils. I pressed my back against the door and slid down until my ass hit the ground, then I kicked my legs out in front of me and closed my eyes.
“Are you?” he asked the question back to me, sneakers hitting the floor, one thump after another.
“What’s the point of all this? I don’t even want to be rich. I don’t want to control and manipulate people.”
“No.” Gideon sat down beside me and stretched his long legs. My toes barely came to the middle of his calf. “But you want to impress your father.”
“I don’t even know why anymore.”
“It’s unavoidable, I think.”
“Remind me again,” I pleaded, knocking my head against the heavy wood door.
“They’ll die eventually.”
I snorted a laugh that died in the back of my throat.
“It’s the order of things,” he said, far more somber. “And it’s easier to dismantle things from the inside out.”
I scrubbed a hand down my face.
“Does it bother you?” Gideon asked me next, out of nowhere and out of context.
“Does what bother me?” I rolled my head to the side so I could see his profile in my periphery. “All of this?”
“Well…” He scoffed. “I meant about Daren.”
I gently bit the inside of my lower lip, the pain of losing him again was still fresh, and even though I knew I’d see him sooner rather than later, the distance was already a wound I hadn’t asked for.
“Are you asking me if I care he fucked Bellamy? Or if I care he fucked Fletcher?” I frowned. “Actually, he didn’t fuck Fletcher. They both fucked me.”
“Yes,” Gideon said sharply, left eye twitching in the corner. “All of that.”
“We don’t live a normal life, B. I don’t expect a normal love.”
“But you do…love him?” He turned toward me, eyes dark and expression unreadable.
“You knew that when you took me over there in lieu of another offering,” I whispered.
“I suspected you were sleeping together,” he corrected.
“And you were right. But it is more than that. I love him and I want him to be happy. We agreed that sleeping with other people wouldn’t change the way we felt about each other.”
If anything, fucking other people made it hotter. Made it better.
In our short separation since moving into the houses, I’d chased down other men like it was sport. Mostly to distract myself from the loss, but partly because I really did enjoy getting off. It was a point of contention that I’d failed to get Gideon in bed, but after walking in on him balls deep in Fletcher Sinclair, I understood why. And suddenly, in less than twelve hours, everything had changed.
My goal had never been to topple empires.
I wanted to get out alive and then find a way to be with Daren again.
But being in bed with Daren and Fletcher, then the shower with Daren and Bellamy…it had been some of the hottest sex I’d ever had. Resting comfortably in the understanding Daren was so steadfast in my love we could share each other like that? We could be together, drowning in so much pleasure? It was hard to not feel grateful for the stupid rivalry between Gideon and Fletcher’s families because their posturing had opened up doors for my future that had previously been camouflaged into the walls.
I no longer only wanted to get out of this with Daren by my side. I wanted more of them, and still…
“Why don’t you want to fuck me, Gideon?” I asked, apparently out of nowhere because he choked on his spit before pushing up to his feet.” Everyone else does.”
“I’m not like you,” he said.
“No kidding.”
“I see no value in sharing.”
I scrunched my nose, letting the pad of my glasses slide up and down an itch above my right nostril.
“No one ever made you share your toys as a kid?” I asked.
“I learned very early on to keep the things I wanted to myself.”
The statement felt loaded, and before I could ask him another question, he stalked away from me and climbed the stairs. The door to his attic bedroom slammed shut and I closed my eyes with a sigh. He might not see the value in sharing, but Daren wasn’t the only man I had my sights set on now, so he was going to have to learn.