51. Luca
Chapter 51
Luca
B ellamy was beyond diligent about tending my bruises, about picking leaves and branches out of my hair. He nestled against me, tucked into the crook of my arm and I petted my fingers through his hair.
“I don’t understand any of this,” he murmured against my chest.
I made a thoughtful sound in the back of my throat, pulling him closer. “I’ve grown up in it, and there’s a lot I don’t understand either.”
“Will you try to explain it?” he asked. “Don’t I deserve to know?”
Kissing the top of his head, I inhaled the smell of his shampoo. It was Daren’s shampoo, and jealousy tangled tight and thorned in my chest.
“It’s like the one-percent of the one-percent,” I said. It hurt to keep my eyes open, so I closed them. “Between Fletcher’s and Gideon’s families, there isn’t a politician or world leader who isn’t somehow ensnared in their web. It’s been that way for generations.”
“But what does that have to do with us?”
“That sort of loyalty and power doesn’t come from nowhere. We’re sort of in the entry levels of it. Even though the rest of us have known what we’re meant for, what the roles and expectations are.”
“The initiation,” he whispered.
“It’s like the knots at the beginning of a bracelet. The foundation. Whatever you want to call it. Everything happening this year is meant to remind us of our place. To make sure we’re ready to step into the real world and do what is required.”
“What’s required?” Bellamy’s breath was hot, his lips smashed against my sternum.
“There’s no way of knowing,” I told him, “not entirely. At least, not at this point.”
“Are you and Daren ever?—”
I interrupted him, shifting him into a more comfortable position that didn’t rub against the bruises on my shoulders. “Going to be able to be together?”
He nodded.
“We’ve hoped that once we’re out of school, the leashes will loosen some. We’ll have jobs and responsibilities. More leeway.”
“More time to see each other.”
“If we’re careful,” I said.
“And what’s my role in all of this?” he asked.
“It was just supposed to be for the ritual,” I answered honestly. “Your father, or someone in your family, is involved in all of this, but far lower down the rankings than Daren’s and my families are. We all just…”
“Took a liking to me?” he chuckled.
“Are bad at following rules,” I said instead.
Before Bellamy could ask another question, the door to Fletcher’s bedroom slammed open and Daren stormed down the stairs, looking like he wanted to set the whole house on fire. His face was flushed, his hair sticking up in every direction like he’d been tugging it at the roots. Either that, or Fletcher had. I pushed that idea out of my head, adjusting myself up against the back of the couch without jostling Bellamy too hard.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, beckoning him closer.
He looked at my outstretched hand and frowned. “The two of you need to go back home,” he said.
“Fletcher can’t be that upset,” I said, moving as fast as I could to get out from underneath Bellamy, to get to my feet, to get to Daren. His features went taut, but when I reached him, he exhaled heavily and rested himself against my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my lips against the side of his neck.
“It’s getting complicated,” he whispered, sighing before pulling away from me. “I need to talk to Bellamy alone.”
That tangled knot in my chest twisted tighter, condensing to a single, painful point behind my sternum.
“What?” I croaked.
Daren opened his mouth, but no words came out, and he gave me as apologetic of a look as I imagined he could muster.
“It’s getting complicated,” he said again, a plea.
“When am I going to see you again?” I asked.
Daren blinked hard. “I don’t know.”
I bit the inside of my cheek, nodding. I stepped back and Daren reached for me, but I maneuvered away before he could get his hands back on me. I thought I’d always known secrets were part of the deal, but I’d never thought they’d be between other people and not us. Daren loved me, I loved him, and we were in this mess together. We were trying to wait it out, to find our chance, and now…
“Whatever you want to say to me, you can say to him.” Bellamy’s voice was quiet behind me, gentle, soft as the press of his palm against the small of my back, steadying me. “I thought that…I thought there was something…”
He thought there was something between the three of us, the four of us.
Hell, the fucking five of us.
I’d thought the same.
“It’s all right,” I assured him, reaching behind me and brushing his hand off of my skin. I didn’t want his assurances or his tenderness. I wanted to tear down the walls of Thorn Hill and bury Fletcher Sinclair in the rubble because I knew without a doubt whatever was happening was his doing, and his alone.
“I’ll just tell him myself later,” Bellamy said to Daren, which had both of us shaking our heads.
“You won’t,” I said, giving him a sad smile. “That’s not how any of this works, and the sooner you learn the rules, the better.”
“I wasn’t raised for this the way you two were.”
“So it’s important you learn fast,” Daren said.
I went to the door, hand on the knob before Daren was there behind me, spinning me hard and pinning me against the wall. He took my face into the cradle of his hands and crashed our mouths together, kissing me as deep and hard as a goodbye deserved. I fought to not melt into him because I had to take at least some part of my heart back to Rose Hall, and if I gave into him, I’d be lost forever.
“Don’t hate me,” he begged.
I swallowed hard and pushed him off of me. “I love you too.”
Then I turned my back on them both.