26. Emma
Twenty Six
Emma
I stared at the scattered mess of paperwork and half-empty coffee mugs littering my desk, jaw clenched in frustration. Damn it, I’d completely forgotten to tidy up the storage unit after the tryst with Ridge. And had been avoiding mom to avoid being scolded.
Another insistent knock at the door made me inwardly cringe, the telltale cadence allowing me to identify my mother without even needing to look. I’d been carefully avoiding mom all afternoon, knowing her sharp eyes would instantly zero in on the dishevelment as soon as she stepped inside.
“Emma Harrison, I know you’re in there! Open this door right now, young lady!”
The shrill timbre sliced through the stuffy office air like shattered glass, making me flinch despite myself. A muscle ticked in my clenched jaw as I considered my dwindling options for escape. I could try to brazen it out and deflect her interrogation with vague platitudes as always. Or…
The harsh blare of a car horn from outside shattered the taut silence with all the subtlety of a bomb blast. Despite everything, my lips curved with the first genuine smile I’d managed all day.
“Damn it,” I hissed under my breath before squaring my shoulders and striding towards the door with renewed purposefulness. Better to face one battle at a time.
Wrenching it open, I was greeted by my mother’s predictably disapproving scowl. Those eternally pursed lips were already forming the beginnings of a scathing remark when I didn’t even give her a chance to speak.
“Leo’s here,” I announced in a tone of forced lightness, carefully not meeting her gimlet stare. “Let’s talk later, okay Mom?”
Without waiting for a response, I brushed past the rigid line of her shoulders and hurried down the hall. She could spend the rest of the evening simmering over my perceived irresponsibility - I had more important matters to attend to.
A genuine smile blossomed across my face for the first time that day as I pushed through the main doors and into the circular drive where a familiar G-Wagon was idling. Before I could call out a greeting, the driver’s side door was already flinging open and Leo unfolding himself from behind the wheel.
He looked exactly as I remembered from our last visit - dark curls just beginning to silver at the temples, eyes crinkling at the corners in perpetual laugh lines. That same rumpled khaki button-down rolled up to the elbows.
As soon as I was within arm’s reach, Leo opened them wide and engulfed me in a typically exuberant bear hug that lifted me clear off the ground, sending a peal of laughter tumbling free.
“Hey, little sis!” His deep, affable drawl was muffled slightly against my hair and the musk of his subtly spicy cologne. “I see you missed me.”
“Always,” I exhaled on a contented sigh, soaking in the comforting scents and sensations that never failed to conjure up memories of countless childhood vacations spent at our old home with mom, dad, Ethan and my larger-than-life big brother.
Leo chuckled warmly, finally depositing me back on my feet so we could properly drink each other in after so many months apart. One tanned hand cupped my cheek in a tender caress as keen blue eyes scanned my face with open adoration.
“You get prettier and prettier every time I see you,” he murmured with raw, fraternal pride. “Turning into a goddamn spitfire just like Mom.”
My cheeks warmed under the praise, utterly sincere coming from Leo. Still, I couldn’t suppress the ingrained urge to deflect attention from my physical appearance as per usual. Squirming free from his loose embrace, I playfully batted away his hand.
“Flattery will get you absolutely nowhere, Leone.” I fell easily into the familiar habit of using his full name - one of the first ‘terms of endearment’ I’d bestowed upon him as a mischievous toddler. “You know damn well whose temper I take after.”
The rueful sigh he released in response spoke volumes of an entire childhood spent navigating the choppy waters of our mom’s volatile moods. But Leo seemed utterly unfazed, flashing me a roguish wink.
“Which is exactly why you’re my favorite, Ma lutine. You’ve got fire in your eyes when you want it, just like the old hellcat herself.”
Shaking my head in fond exasperation, I linked my arm through the crook of his elbow and began steering us back towards the main residence nestled comfortably among the winding paths weaving through the vineyard’s lush grounds.
“Come on, you shameless flatterer,” I chided with a soft laugh, “let’s go grab some of last year’s Cabernet and catch up over ridiculously unprintable family stories. I still need to hear all the gory details from your last deployment.”
Leo’s chest vibrated with that familiar, rumbling chuckle that never failed to soothe every last frayed nerve. He squeezed my arm closer against his side in a protective half-embrace that just felt like home.
For now, my troubles seemed worlds away with my dearest confidante back by my side. No matter how tangled and fraught the road ahead appeared, having this steadfast pillar of support and levity made everything feel infinitely more surmountable.
Leo’s chest rumbled with that familiar, soothing chuckle that never failed to ease my troubles. I unconsciously leaned closer against his comforting warmth as we ambled towards the main villa.
“Come on, you shameless flatterer,” I chided without any real bite, unable to suppress my own soft laughter at his antics. “Let’s go grab some of last year’s cab and—”
“Yes, Leo, don’t put too many ideas in your sister’s head,” Mother’s clipped voice cut through the moment with all the subtlety of a freight train. “She’s already quite enough of a handful as it is.”
I felt my entire body stiffen instinctively at the thinly-veiled censure laced through those words. Reflexively, my steps faltered as that old familiar sense of inadequacy threatened to rear its ugly head.
But Leo simply tightened his arm around my shoulders, refusing to let me pull away from his reassuring embrace. Tossing me a wink laden with silent commiseration, he turned to greet our mother with his signature warmth.
“Mom,” he called out jovially, opening his other arm in invitation. “You’re looking as radiant as ever, as always.”
Despite her clear displeasure with me only moments ago, I watched Mother’s expression soften almost unconsciously at Leo’s flattering beam. She settled into the hug he offered with a put-upon sigh, back falling into those long-practiced ingrained habits of affection.
“You never could resist trying to charm an old woman, could you?” she chided without any real bite as they finally parted.
Mother’s critical once-over was truly commencing now as she scrutinized him with narrowed hazel eyes. “Although you are looking far too thin these days, beta.” Her gaze sharpened further with naked maternal disapproval. “Are they not feeding you properly over there at all?”
Leo threw back his head with another rich peal of laughter that filled the entire courtyard, clearly accustomed to fielding Mother’s critiques in that long-suffering, affectionate way only he could pull off. I found myself relaxing incrementally against his side, feeling like a dandelion unfurling towards the warm sunlight again.
“Not to worry, Ma,” he assured her with a wink “I still aim to put some meat back on these bones with your cooking this week, eh?”
As if on cue, the sound of the secondary entrance opening preceded Ethan striding into the courtyard, perfectly coifed and the consummate image of laissez-faire cool.
“If it isn’t the prodigal son himself,” he called out in greeting, genuine warmth softening his words into welcome rather than rebuke. “Shouldn’t you be in some far-flung jungle dodging danger, instead of dirtying up our fair home again?”
With a snort of laughter at his brother’s typical bravado, Leo swept Ethan up into one of his signature embraces - complete with added lift and everything.
“Hello to you too, baby brother,” he rumbled out through his smile, completely at ease with Ethan’s jocular taunting. Lowering the younger man back down, Leo draped an arm across his shoulders and gave him a fond shake.
“And so far, the drive from Austin was utterly without incident, thanks for asking. Even had time to pick up some souvenirs along the way…” He trailed off meaningfully, eyes glinting with mischief as Ethan’s eyebrows slowly winged upwards.
My gaze bounced between the pair, lips instinctively pursing against an exasperated smile. It was a tale as old as time whenever Leo came home from one of his deployments or job postings - he always returned laden with a customary haul of liquor bottles and assorted other contraband trinkets from his adventures.
Reading the clear intrigue written across Ethan’s features, our brother’s shared a conspiratorial look through the corner of their eyes that clearly said ‘later’. Mother, meanwhile, had already turned on her heel and headed towards the kitchen where I could hear Odetta’s rich alto humming faintly in preparation for this evening’s meal.
Tutting under her breath about ‘insatiable boys’, she didn’t seem overly concerned with whatever debauchery Leo had in store for his homecoming. An indulgent shake of the head and she was already refocused on monitoring the evening’s culinary efforts.
Ethan leaned in closer, dropping his voice to a rumbly whisper clearly meant for my ears alone. “Seriously though, bro…glad to have you back.”
I let out a contented sigh as I settled onto the plush sofa in my cozy living room cabin, finally able to decompress after an eventful evening reconnecting with Leo and Ethan. We’d spent hours reminiscing over childhood antics and mapping out tentative plans for the upcoming Vineyard Festival - a cherished annual tradition.
Glancing around the comfortably cluttered space, I felt a sense of deep contentment unfurl within me. This was my sanctuary - a place I’d painstakingly cultivated to be a reflection of my spirit and passions. Design magazines and scattered Post-It notes littered the coffee table where I’d been drafting initial decor concepts, while the walls were a makeshift gallery proudly displaying some of my favorite photographs and charcoal sketches from the past few vintages.
My gaze snagged on a particularly exquisite piece - the barest suggestion of delicate wisteria vines rendered in broad, confident strokes. As my fingertips traced over the familiar shading, I could practically feel the warm press of Ridge’s solid frame against my back as he’d coached me through those first few tentative lines.
A shiver of remembrance licked up my spine as images from that afternoon flooded my mind’s eye - the heady scent of his skin and the scorching glide of his calloused palms skimming over my inner thighs, guiding my strokes along the parchment. Back arching reflexively as the deep timbre of his gravelly rumble ghosted over the fine hairs at my nape…
The jarring rap of knuckles at my front door startled me so violently I nearly toppled off the couch, breaths coming in shallow pants. Heat seared across my cheekbones as I scrambled to smooth my hair and regain some semblance of outward composure before answering.
I already knew who would be standing on the other side the moment I pulled the door open. Mom’s expression was patently disapproving as she swept an assessing gaze over my no doubt flustered appearance before brushing past me into the living room without preamble.
Some things would never change, no matter how old I got.
Squaring my shoulders with a fortifying inhale, I turned to face the brewing confrontation head-on. “Mom?”
“Your uncle Arjun called this afternoon,” she began without preamble, eyes flickering with undisguised censure as they raked over my rumpled havens. “There’s someone he wants you to meet.”
Despite her carefully measured tone, I heard the implication loud and clear. My stomach plummeted as frigid dread rapidly congealed in my veins. I’d known this was coming eventually, yet the easy, affection-filled evening had lulled me into a false sense of complacency.
Clearing my throat, I forced the inquiry even though every self-preserving instinct within me recoiled violently. “What do you mean? Who is it?”
Mother’s discerning gaze remained shrewdly trained on me, as if gauging the veracity of my feigned ignorance. Apparently finding my reaction at least somewhat satisfactory, she pressed on.
“His name is Jayesh. From a very…influential family back in Mumbai.” The barest emphasis lent to those last few words spoke volumes - wealthy, well-connected nobility. Exactly the kind of prestigious, ‘respectable’ pedigree Mother had always dreamed of but never quite managed to attain on her own merit.
Jayesh. The name alone was like a lead weight slamming into the pit of my churning gut. So it had finally come to this inevitable crossroads - that obligation stretching back through generations of tradition and duty from which I had naively thought myself sheltered thanks to Dad’s influence.
“No,” I heard the whispered refusal leave my lips before I’d even fully registered it. “I…Mom, I can’t. Not with some random stranger from halfway around the world.”
Mother seemed almost relieved at the hint of protest, regarding me with the same pursed half-smile that meant the real confrontation was only just beginning. Muscles tensed across my body in that precognitive awareness that the safety and sanctity of this refuge was about to be irrevocably violated once more.
“Is this about the nonsense going on with Ridge?” she scoffed under her breath, already answering her own question with a derisive wave.
“What? How?” I ask and she rolls her eyes, “I have have, Emma. The Vat, the roofs, don’t you think that we see you sneak around you are not very good at hiding things.” I pull at the threads in my t-shirt as I look at my feet. We really weren’t careful, what if his kids find out, what if I hurt them.“Sweetheart, Ridge is a single father with three children already. You must be realistic - he doesn’t want another obligation tying him down even further than he already is.” mom continues on.
My breath escaped in a stuttered whoosh at her words, heart clenching at the undeniable truth they contained. No matter how deeply those roots between Ridge and I had already entangled…Avery, Lily and Hunter would always be his primary responsibilities. His world. And I…?
A cool palm cupped my cheek with an intimate tenderness that belied the glacial detachment in Mother’s frosted gaze.
“This Jayesh has the means to give you everything and more without ever needing to lift a finger,” she wheedled in that familiar dulcet tone. “Maids, cooks, travel…a life of total indulgence and ease, just as you’ve always envisioned for yourself. Isn’t that a far preferable alternative to shackling yourself to a laborer and his brood?”
The poisoned barbs dripped from her lips with practiced precision, each one meticulously targeted to unravel the tightly woven tapestry of wants and contentment I’d steadily been cultivating over the past few blissful months.
With her next words, Mother delivered the fatal blow that knocked the very wind from my lungs. Mother’s words hung heavy between us, each syllable driving the barb deeper until I felt utterly flayed open and exposed before her relentless stare. The undisguised pity tingeing her expression as she continued was almost more than I could stomach.
“I like Ridge, I do,” she insisted with a condescending pat to my stricken cheek. “But we both know he’ll realize soon enough that you’re simply…too much for him to handle, Emma.”
A breathless, wounded noise punched from my lungs at the brutal assessment. My stinging eyes instinctively swiveled to drink in the cozy, cluttered disarray of my living space - the domestic chaos that had always felt so innately mine. The scattering of throw pillows and magazines strewn about, that utterly meaningless daub of charcoal peeking out from beneath the coffee table…
All at once, every cherished detail took on an air of abject carelessness. Embarrassing clutter and mess that a grown, capable woman like me shouldn’t have allowed to accumulate so thoughtlessly. Not if I expected to seamlessly merge my life with another’s that was already overflowing with responsibilities and stresses.
Like an ice pick piercing straight through my back, the memories came rushing forth in a torrent I was powerless to stem. Every bewildered look from Ridge when he’d return home from the ranch to find my “harmless mess” scattered through the main living area. Each exasperated huff and tensing of those broad shoulders as he wordlessly restored order in my wake.
He’d never voiced any real complaints, but his body language painted such a clear picture of the strain I’d been thoughtlessly adding on top of everything else he shouldered. All because I was too selfish and childish to simply pick up after myself out of respect for his space.
Mother’s eyes glittered knowingly as understanding finally sank its hooks into me.
“Look around you, beta,” she prompted with a careless wave of her hand, pinning me with that same patronizing half-smile. “You can barely organize your own living area or act the capable adult who knows to clean up her own messes. How did you possibly expect to effortlessly insert yourself into Ridge’s world without only adding to his burdens?”
The truth of her astute observation was a vicious slap, stealing what little air remained in my lungs. I felt my cheeks flush with the scorching wave of shame and self-loathing crashing over me as tears burned hot at the corners of my eyes.
This was my fault…my immaturity and lack of consideration that would inevitably drive a wedge between Ridge and I before we even had a real chance to explore the depth of whatever this fragile new connection was. A stupid, silly girl playing at adulthood, convinced she was capable of holding her own in a grown man’s demanding world.
I was so naive. So painfully, pathetically—
“Emma?”
Mother’s voice broke through the haze of mortification swirling through my mind, laced with a rare undercurrent of concern. I blinked dazedly as she took an abortive step in my direction, hand outstretched and expression pinched.
But I couldn’t bring myself to meet that pitying gaze again, not when every molecule of my being was roiling with self-disgust and despair. Ridge deserved so much better than enduring whatever paltry scraps of womanhood I could scrounge up between my petty shortcomings.
He was a good man, an honorable father—
(Yours. Yours. The insidious voice inside my battered psyche whispered treacherously. You could be those for him too, if you’d only allow yourself…)
An anguished rasp tore from my raw throat as I blindly pivoted on my heel and fled the oppressive stillness of the cabin. Mother’s bewildered call faded into the distance as I tore down the darkened trail leading deeper into the vineyard.
Uncaring of the sting of branches lashing my exposed arms or the burrs and pebbles littering the uneven path, I fled with single-minded desperation. The overwhelming compulsion to escape those brutal home truths scorching the air from my lungs drove every pounding stride.
I ran until my chest felt fit to burst, tears carving blazing tracks down my chilled cheeks and back arched in a wordless scream muffled behind clenched teeth. By the time I finally collapsed against the gnarled trunk of an ancient oak, my entire body quaked with bone-deep convulsions of turmoil.
The realization had shattered every beautiful illusion in its merciless wake. No matter how profound the connection thrumming between Ridge and I burned…our disparate realities would always be an obstacle I could never bridge. Not completely. Not without one of us being crushed beneath the weight of sacrifice, settling for a pale imitation of what they deserved.
After everything he’d already endured, Ridge didn’t deserve anymore compromises or disappointments inflicted upon him by my flighty immaturity. And I…?
I didn’t deserve to be the one holding him back from the full life he’d fought so hard to rebuild for himself and his children. To selfishly stake any claim that could potentially upend the hard-won peace he’d achieved just to assuage my own na?ve wants.
Each observation sliced a little deeper, releasing a fresh wave of that too-familiar inadequacy I could never quite escape. My jaw clenched hard enough to crack teeth as a burning pressure built behind my eyes.
She’s right. The thought replayed on a sickening loop. Ridge will realize I’m too much. Too messy, too scattered, too…me. I’m just adding to his stress.