27. Saint
27
SAINT
I sit and think about what is going on with Zane and can’t figure out a way to help him. How the fuck would I feel if I lost the ability to speak forever? I’d be crushed.
Lex paces the room. We will wait here because Zane will be back when he calms down. If we chase after him, he’ll get more pissed and feel like we’re crowding him, or worse, pitying him. Zane has a huge chip on his shoulder about being pitied.
“Did you give Venom a nice orgasm in the bathroom?” I ask Lex. “Say all the right words, and tell her what a good girl she is?” I’m being an ass, but I’m in a bad mood, and he’s the only one here.
“I keep telling you, Saint, you catch more flies with honey, at least in the bedroom. You might think the girls come back because of you, but I know better.”
Like fuck he does. Some women have a masochistic streak a mile wide, and I can always spot it. Funnily enough, I didn’t see that in Vani. She’s a contradictory creature.
“I think they worship me, and you worship them,” I say.
“That’s because you don’t understand the dynamics quite the way you think you do,” Lex shoots back. “Anyway, I don’t know why you’re busting my chops. This is the way we’ve always done it … ever since, you know.”
He says nothing more, and I don’t either. But we’re both thinking back to it. Two fourteen-year-old boys, ignored by their father and on their third stepmother and God only knows what number nanny. I think she was number eight, the one we had when we were fourteen. Neither of us thought we still needed a nanny by then, but our father said we did.
She’d been in her thirties and quite plain. Conservative in her dress, and yet, underneath her prim skirts and dowdy hair hid an entirely different beast. That nanny seduced us both, and it messed us up.
I can still recall the way she’d sneered at me and mocked me when I couldn’t get hard. Now I look back, I realize I wasn’t much more than a child then, and that she’d wanted me in such a way sickens me. But, at the time, I’d believed myself to be a young man, and I’d been flattered that an older woman had come on to me. Inexperience and nerves had taken hold, however, and, despite the flattery, I hadn’t been able to get an erection. My mortification had turned to anger, and I’d lost it. I called her filthy names, horrible names, putting her down and degrading her, and as her confidence crumpled and the tables turned, I got hard. Then I fucked her, and it had been the first time I’d ever been with a woman or girl. It’s now a need I have, and it is bone deep, a part of me etched on my tarnished soul.
“Do you ever think how we might have turned out if we hadn’t had that nanny?” Lex surprises me with the question because we don’t ever talk about it.
“I mean, we’d still have been arrogant assholes— conards ,” I say. “Just maybe a bit more vanilla.”
He laughs. “Yes, and where’s the fun in that?”
“Right?”
We’re laughing about it, but underneath is a quiet desperation because of the way we are. It puts women off eventually. They always reach a point where they bail. Not that either of us wants marriage or kids, but something a bit deeper than the fuck buddies we share for a time would be interesting. I’d like to get to know a woman well enough to figure out what makes her tick, out of the bedroom and not just in it.
“I wonder how far this one will go before she bails?” I muse.
“I don’t know, but I like her. She’s got magical tits and a pretty pussy, and those lips. How about you don’t fuck this one up for us?”
“You’re lucky you’re my brother.”
He opens his mouth to answer, but the door opens and Zane stalks in.
“The prodigal son returns,” Lex deadpans.
Zane gives him the finger. He gestures for the door, telling us to get lost.
“Only if we know you’re not going to trash your room again,” I say. “And we do need to talk about this at some point.”
He takes his phone from his pocket and taps into it, then holds the screen in front of me. I’m fine. Venom gave me some TLC.
What the fuck? “How, exactly?” I ask.
He types again. Came on my fingers. In public. Wonder what her father would think of that. Fucker.
“He’d hate it,” Lex says from over my shoulder.
I glance behind me to see him reading the message.
“Maybe we should take a picture of her and send it to him,” I muse.
Zane shakes his head. Tap, tap, tap on the phone and then, That would cut our fun short. Nowhere near finished with her yet.
“Me either,” Lex agrees.
Zane writes again then shoves it under our faces. Now fuck off and give me some privacy. I need to jerk off. Unless you want to hold it for me.
I make a face. “Yeah, too much information, man. We’ll leave you be, but we’re here if you need us. Yeah?”
He nods, and I don’t push it. But Zane? He’s like our third brother. He means a lot to us both, and we’d hate it if he ever lost the fucking will to keep pushing on.
I know he has dark thoughts sometimes because he told me once, when he was stoned and drunk.
Not even thinking, I pull him in for an impromptu, back-slapping dude hug.
Then Lex and I leave him alone, with his demons.