Chapter Thirty-Six
I woke up to Landon bringing me back to my bedroom, crawling in behind me and tucking us both in under the covers. When his breathing leveled out and he fell asleep, I kissed him. I whispered for him to stay asleep, but I didn’t lie back down beside him.
Because there was one thing I still had left to do.
One final truth I had to honor.
So I could fight for the future I wanted.
I’d fight to get to the end for all of us. And I wouldn’t be fighting to get there alone. Kingston would be waiting for me, clearing obstacles I couldn’t see in my path forward. Landon would be at my side. Where, deep down, I’d known he’d always been.
And Max Dread?
He’d have my back, pushing me forward when I needed it. Right where he’d been the whole time, too.
Being a pain in my ass.
After slipping out of bed, I opened the door to Max’s room. His bed was empty. With no idea what time I’d fallen asleep, I went to the only logical place I could think of to find him.
The bathtub.
It was filled to the brim with bubbles, and the big ol’ squish had his head leaned back against the rim. He had his eyes closed, a song filling the space from a speaker set beside the tub.
As I padded over softly, he didn’t open his eyes. The tub jets and his music drowned out the sound. Which was perfect.
I pulled off my sleep shirt and tossed it at his head.
He flailed, and I almost felt bad for fucking with him. Almost. But then, he saw me standing there, and his eyes widened.
“You shared yours, so…” I shrugged, thinking of our first night in the cabin and stepping closer to the tub. “It’s only fair if I share mine, too.”
It took him a few seconds to respond, and as he ran his gaze over my body, I took that opportunity to climb into the tub.
“What are you doing, Princess?”
Lowering into the bubbly water, I sat across from him. “Making sure you hear me.”
He swallowed, nodding as he waited for what I had to say.
“You were right.”
His eyebrows lifted.
“Most of the things I put on that application weren’t completely true. I was holding onto things I was scared to lose. Good memories to protect myself from more loss. And onto other things…because I thought accepting the truth might take me down a path that wasn’t mine. I wasn’t being honest. I was being a hypocrite, really.”
His lips parted, and since he wouldn’t argue my last point, I thought he might try to explain what he’d been trying to say. But I didn’t need him to explain. I already knew.
“What I put on the application about my parents was true, and it wasn’t. Because my mom only loved him. And one thing I’ve accepted about myself since I came here is, I want more than that. You called me out on it because you knew that, too. Didn’t you?”
He nodded, his throat bobbing with a deep swallow. “I accept that you have feelings for those idiots. Even if I don’t think they deserve you and I’ll never like them. Hell, I won’t lie and pretend I’m not hoping you’ll change your mind. Decide you could actually be happy with just me.” Blowing out a breath, he lifted his eyes to the ceiling as if praying for mercy. “But I won’t push you to choose anything. Or anyone. Because I want you . Not some idea of you. Not an image in my head. You.”
Emotion lodged in my throat. “Max, I?—”
“And I would’ve told you that to begin with, you know. If you hadn’t copped a fucking attitude and jumped to conclusions the second I said you still had feelings for him.”
I choked out a laugh.
Because, of course, Max Dread would say the most romantic thing he’d ever said to me while trying to ruin it in the same breath.
But that really was part of his charm.
“And you don’t have to say anything until you’re really ready. I told you I’m not going anywhere. I meant that.”
I smiled. “You share yours, I share mine, right?”
He let out a deep breath and nodded.
“I didn’t give you the benefit of the doubt because I was scared,” I admitted, sliding closer to him in the tub. “But I’m done being afraid and I’m done lying to myself. Even knowing what I stand to lose, I’m ready to let go of the past, own my truth, and move forward.”
I echoed his words from earlier, and then I added more.
“I know who you are, Max. I see the truth in your lies, too. And you need to know…” My voice trembled, the thought of Max believing he wasn’t enough hurting my heart. “You are not a consolation prize. You’re not a placeholder. My feelings for them could never mean you aren’t enough.”
His jaw clenched, his features tightening. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. If anything, I’m concerned there might be too much of you, if you know what I mean.”
His dark chuckle made me shiver. “You can take me.”
“Of course I can.” I smirked, grabbing his wrist and tugging him to join me in the center. “There are things we still need to share with each other, and we both need time to really get there. But I’m willing to give it that time. As long as we’re trying to find solid ground together, I want to hold onto hope with you, too. I want us to move forward. That’s the truth. You got me?”
Staring into my eyes, he pressed his forehead to mine. “Yeah. I got you.”
“Good. Because I mean it, Max. I want you as much as I want them. Your dark promises and vaguely insulting deliveries. The sweetness you hide from the world like a giant burnt marshmallow…I want all of it. All of you .”
His onyx eyes softened when they locked on mine. “You have me, Princess.” He leaned in, kissing my forehead. “You’ve had me from the minute we met, whether I wanted to admit it to myself or not.”
“Yeah, I figured you’d lure me in eventually, too.”
He kissed the impish grin right off my face, and I pulled back to smile at him.
“Well, then, Max Dread…” I looped my arms around his neck. “What are you going to do with me now?”
His answering growl as he lifted me onto his lap was the only thing I saw coming. He kissed my lips, so softly and slowly, like he wanted to commit that kiss to memory as our first. And it was, in a way. Our first real one.
But eventually, he pulled back. “Princess, please hear me when I say this, since I’m only going to say it once.”
“Okay.” I searched his eyes as I tucked my hair behind my ear. “I’m listening.”
He took a deep breath and slowly released it, speaking carefully and clearly. “I’m not doing more than kissing you right now because this isn’t enough for me.”
“Wow,” I muttered. “Worst. Delivery Ever.”
“Then, don’t interrupt me so I can finish.”
I pressed my lips together as his twitched, and we both fought not to smile.
“When this finally happens? When we’re on solid ground and I have you in my arms, drenched with need and hungry for me the way I’m fucking starved for you? It’s not going to be after a big fight, so soon after you were drugged and a single fucking part of you could wonder if I was somehow responsible. And it’s damn sure not going to be so soon after you could doubt me enough to voice those thoughts out loud.”
I stayed quiet.
“Because, when we finally go there and I do all the things I want to do with you? When we’re both ready and there’s nothing but trust and this craving for more between us? Princess, for us, there won’t be a last time after that.”
A soft gasp escaped me, but he wasn’t done.
“So, I want you to be damn sure you’re ready for that before you ask me what I’m going to do with you. Or ask me to lose control with you again. Because once I do, there’s no going back. Not for me. And I can wait—I will wait—as long as it fucking takes, until inevitably we get there together.”
He squeezed my waist, and my heart raced.
A smile touched his lips as he arched a brow. “You got me?”
I swallowed, my breathing ragged as I searched my heart for the truth. I wanted us to be there so badly it physically hurt. But we weren’t. Not yet.
He knew it, and so did I.
But we would get there, because Max Dread and I, deep down, we’d both known what we were the whole time.
Inevitable .
“I got you.”
He nodded. “Good. Now, hand me the bottle of that sweet-smelling shit and lie back so I can wash your hair.”
And for the first time since we met, I didn’t argue with him.