14. Vani
14
VANI
I leave my father to think about all I’ve lain on him. I feel so bad, but he needed to know. Being back home, I’ve come to realize the secret would have eaten away at our relationship if I hadn’t told him and made things between us awkward as hell.
I turn to Zane. “Want to take a look around?”
He nods, and I let my pinkie finger brush against his hand for a brief second and then pull back. We walk away from the clubhouse, and I show him around the compound. My favorite area is where all the bikes are housed, and I show him that and the garage where the bikes are worked on.
He writes something and puts his phone under my nose. Cool bikes .
“Yeah, they are. I love them. I’ve missed it, I suppose.”
He writes something else and shows me, and I snort-giggle.
Then I guess we’ve not kept you busy and distracted enough .
“Oh, but you have,” I say.
My phone beeps, and I frown and glance down. It’s from Dad. We’ll eat in the hall. Be there at eight. Bring your friend.
My stomach dips with nerves. Crap, I hope the gang doesn’t make Zane’s life hell over this meal.
I turn to him. “Dad wants us to meet for a meal at eight, in the big hall. They use it sometimes for meetings with other clubs, events, that kind of thing. Sometimes we watch movies in there, too. One of the guys, Crow—he’s called that because he always wears black and has long black hair—well, he puts up a projector and we watch something on that.” I stop, realizing I’m rambling.
Zane picks up my hand and squeezes it once. I turn to him. It’s okay , he mouths. Then he places his palm high on my chest, on my collarbone, and mouths again, Breathe.
I hold his gaze and do as he says. I follow him as he breathes in slowly, holds, then lets it out. After doing this three times, I feel better. Zane smiles at me, and it’s so beautiful it makes my heart ache. The man is drop dead gorgeous. He fits in here, too. He could be one of the club and no one would bat an eyelid. I giggle a little as I imagine Saint here instead.
What? Zane mouths at me.
“I was imagining Saint here, and how that would have gone down.”
Zane pulls a face that is like a yikes face in a cartoon, and it makes me laugh even more.
I show him all around, and Zane seems fascinated by the compound and how they organize things. He asks me questions about Church, how often it is held, the clubhouse, and women, and if it’s true the Ol’ Ladies aren’t married. I tell him that’s not the case. Some are for sure; others aren’t. It all just depends.
As we talk, it hits me starkly that I know very little about his life, so as we near a quiet part of the land, down by the river, I turn to him.
“What is it like in your family? In your world?”
He sighs, and instead of using his phone he takes out a small notepad from his back jeans pocket and writes . Brutal, and dangerous. But I have a big family—a younger brother and two sisters—and it’s always noisy.
I can’t help the pinch of jealousy I experience at the thought of Zane’s big family. All I’d ever wanted was a sister, and that was snatched away from me before I’d even gotten to meet her. The club has been my family, but it’s not the same. Even the friends I’d had growing up—like Phoenix—had been older than me, and the moment I’d turned thirteen, my dad basically warned everyone to not even look at me. I’d have loved having brothers and sisters my own age, having big Thanksgiving meals and someone to open gifts with on Christmas morning.
“You’re really lucky to have them,” I say.
He must realize where my thoughts have gone as he takes his fist and places it to his heart and rubs it in a circle a couple of times. The look in his eyes is enough to convey what he means.
I’m sorry.
He picks up the pen and notepad and writes , They’d love you. You could be Greek .
I smile at that. “Really?”
He nods. Yes, with your eyes and hair. You’re omorfi.
I read the word and frown. “What’s omorfi ?”
He writes again, Beautiful .
He opens his palm in front of his face and brings the hand over and in front of his face in an arc and then closes it under his chin as he mouths, beautiful .
My heart stutters. He just showed me the sign for beautiful.
I stare at him, and my heart softens. There’s no one around, so I take a risk and lean in, kissing him softly. He breathes into the kiss, and just that, that small thing, makes me want more . My arms find their way around his neck, and my fingers lace into the soft hair at his nape. He wraps his arms around me, too, his hands moving lower to grab my ass, yanking me hungrily against him. It’s as though all the hours spent on the back of the bike, where we’d been rubbing against each other, acted like an insanely long foreplay. I need him, right now, and I don’t even care that we’re in the middle of the compound or someone might see us—even though I know I’m playing a dangerous game. Zane is hard. I can feel his cock as he presses against me, our tongues tangling.
There’s an old shed a few minutes away, around the next bend in the path, and I break the kiss, take his hand, and lead him there.
As I look around again and push him behind it, so we’re hidden from view from the buildings in the distance, he glances at me, his eyes puzzled.
I pull his zipper down, and his mouth opens a little, but he pushes my hand away and frowns.
I give a little moan of dismay. “I want to.”
He takes out his phone and types fast . Later, I’ll break into your room. Imagine how hot that will be.
I do imagine, but it will also be very dangerous. I might not be a wuss, but I’m nowhere near the adrenaline junkie Zane is.
“If my dad finds you in my room, he’ll kill you.”
But Zane writes again. I read his words and burst out laughing.
What a way to go.
I press against him and enjoy hugging him for a moment, relishing the solidity of his chest, and his warmth and scent. But he’s still big and hard against me, and I get the overwhelming need to feel him in my hand, to see him come. I want to make him lose control, and the idea is suddenly insanely hot to me.
Glancing around again, I pull at his zipper. He takes hold of my wrist, shaking his head again, but I don’t stop.
“You can still come to my room later, if you want. If you have a death wish, who am I to stop you? But right now, I need to see you and feel you.”
He stiffens but doesn’t move to stop me this time.
I pull his massive cock out of his jeans, and he lets out a long, quiet rush of breath.
He’s already leaking at the tip, and his skin is the deepest red I’ve ever seen it. The piercing at the head catches a glint of low sunlight. Holy crap, Zane is turned on! I mean, really turned on.
Maybe he likes the danger even more than I thought, or perhaps it's because it's been a while since we did anything like this. A part of me feels guilty as I think about Lex held captive by a madman. Or Saint back at the college worrying about his twin. But right now, I can't do anything about either of those things. I can take care of this man in front of me, however. This big, silent, scarred man, I'm beginning to realize, is not the cold and hard person I'd thought at the very start.
“I love your cock,” I purr. “I had no idea a man could be so big until I met you.”
I’ve been taking some tips from Saint’s dirty talking, though I don’t have it in me to be as derogatory.
Gently, I stroke Zane’s length once, twice, three times. He's already breathing hard, his chest rising and falling, his muscles bunched with tension. He drops his gaze so it’s locked on where my fingers are wrapped around him.
“I love how, when you’re inside me, you stretch my pussy until I can’t take any more. It makes me feel so completely full.”
Zane’s breathing grows ragged and harsh. I lightly flick at his piercing, and his expression tenses with pleasure. Then I brush my thumb over the smooth head, gathering the precum with it and using it to lubricate him. He feels incredible in my grip—the skin so silky soft, while he’s like iron beneath. I swear he grows bigger with every stroke I give him, and I squeeze.
“Your cock is perfect, just like the rest of you.” My core clenches, and I press my thighs together, my pussy tingling and heating with arousal, and the damn plug in my ass just adds to the torture. “Just touching you makes my pussy so wet, and your piercing is so fucking hot.”
This isn’t about me, though.
He grabs my shoulder, his beautiful green eyes flicking to mine. They widen with surprise, the amber ring around the pupil darkening a shade, and he gasps as his hips jerk. Hot, milky cum spurts all over my fingers. I've barely touched him, and he is coming like crazy. It's one of the hottest things I have ever seen.
These feral men have made me lose control on a regular basis. They actually seem to revel in it and do all they can to make it happen. Suddenly, in this moment, I'm the one with the power. I'm the one that is making this intense man lose all control. And I did it so fast, too. It's the most powerful I’ve felt in a very long time, and he might not realize it, but in this moment, Zane has given me a gift.
He's panting heavily, his massive shoulders rising and falling, his eyes clamped shut as his climax jolts through him. I squeeze his cock as a final, thick dribble of cum trickles out of the wide slit over my finger. His eyes slowly flicker open, and he stares at me in wonder, as though he can’t believe I just made him do that.
He finally comes down from the high and shakes his head.
Then he mouths, sorry.
Sorry. What is he sorry for? I shake my head in return, realizing he thinks I’m upset at him for coming so fast.
“Zane, I swear to God, that was one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen,” I say truthfully. “I will think about it for years.”
He puts himself away quickly, and I pick up a handful of leaves and wipe my hand, laughing. “I’m thinking you needed that?”
He flushes a little, and I feel bad. I don’t want to embarrass him. “Seriously, Zane , so hot ,” I say again.
He takes out his phone. You drive me crazy. No one has ever affected me this way. Then he types some more . I’m still coming to your room later .
I squeeze my thighs together in anticipation of what that might mean. A good time for sure, but a dangerous one. It’s possible my dad will even station someone outside my room to keep an eye on me and prevent Zane from doing exactly what he plans. We’ll definitely need to be careful.
I want to believe my dad wouldn’t have someone I care about murdered, but honestly, he’s capable of anything.
Glancing at my watch, I realize we ought to be heading back if we’re going to have time to wash up and change for the meal. I need a shower. I’m feeling hot and sticky after the long ride here. I want to wash the road out of my hair. I also desperately need some time with the damn plug out of me. I know I could disobey Saint and just take it out, but I won’t…can’t. He holds a strange sway over me, and when he ordered me to do this, it gave me such an illicit thrill. All this time, talking to the bikers, with that thing in me, it’s depraved and degrading, and so Saint.
I turn to Zane. “Let’s head back.”
He nods. I want to hold his hand, but if we walk toward the buildings like that and get seen, he could be in trouble. It’s not worth putting him at risk just so we can make a statement.
I get back to my room. Zane has gone to the cabin my dad has had set up, so he can shower, too. It was a long ride, and we both need to freshen up before we eat tonight.
It’s so strange being back here, in the bedroom of my childhood. That it was my room only a short time ago feels bizarre too. It’s like I left my childhood behind the moment I stepped inside Verona Falls University. There are posters from my beloved rock bands attached to the walls, and on the dresser is a pink ballerina jewelry box my mom gave me when I was little. I think she’d been hoping I’d grow up into a girly-girl, but considering the environment she’d raised me in, that was unlikely to happen. Still, I hadn’t been able to bring myself to get rid of it, and I probably never will.
I take out my phone and glance at the time. It’s seven forty-five, and I am going to be late for dinner. Despite this fact, and on a whim, I decide to call Saint again. I’d tried him briefly earlier, but didn’t get an answer, and he hasn’t tried to return my call. I want to know he’s okay. I’m nervous, for some reason, as it begins to ring. He’d seemed off somehow during the last few hours I spent with him and Zane. I know his twin is being held captive, but it seemed more than that. As if he was angry with me. I wonder if it is because I brought Zane instead of him. Or does he blame me for Lex being taken?
I remember he’s so messed up, he was sneaking regularly into my room to watch me sleep. He touched me; I know he did. Those mornings I woke up, sticky between my thighs, feeling a little swollen and thinking I’d had a nice dream, had all been him. What did he do to me, while I was asleep, unaware? I should hate him for it, but it gives me a sick, dangerous thrill.
Wanting to speak with him and reassure him that he’s still on my mind, I nibble my thumbnail. It rings, two, three times, and then he cuts it off. I know Saint’s phone rings out way longer than that, so he must have intentionally not picked up.
Angry, pissed that he’s playing games at a time like this, I call back, intending to give him a piece of my mind, but it goes to his voicemail. I frown. What the hell? Now my anger morphs to worry. What if something has happened to him? Would Jarl send his men back into the college to pick up the other twin? He must know I’m no longer there because I’m trying to get the cross back.
No, it can’t be that. The college will be on high-security alert after earlier, and how would Jarl even know Saint didn’t come with us?
It’s more likely that Saint is just sulking.
I’ll tell Zane, and we can try him again later.
I shower, dry my hair roughly, and add some product, making it hang down my back in big waves, and put on some heavy eye liner, along with a nude lip gloss. I’m playing up the biker chick look tonight because I want Zane to see me for who I am, fitting in with the club and the only family I’ve ever known.
I want to find some time tonight to talk to Dad some more. I gave him space after I dropped that epic bombshell on him because I knew he’d need time to process, but I have questions. He said he and Mom were both messed up when they first met, but what did he mean by that?
Sighing, I open the top drawer in my dresser and pull out the skull on a chain my mom bought for me two birthdays back, when she’d finally accepted my love for all things dark and gothic. I didn’t take it to Verona falls in case I lost it. It’s gorgeous, thick, heavy, and real silver. It’s one of my most precious possessions, both because Mom bought it, and because I love how it looks aesthetically.
Fluffing my hair one last time and spritzing some Oud perfume on my throat, I head out of my room. I feel sexy tonight. And maybe part of me wants not only Zane but also the club and my father to finally see me as a grown woman. An adult. These men who avert their eyes as if they can’t see me have to realize I’m old enough to be seen as a person with agency.
Not that I want them to ogle me, but a bit of mutual respect wouldn’t go amiss. That includes my father. He needs to stop treating me like a kid, and perhaps, if I show him I can be an adult about the things I’ve learned about Mom, that will be part of it, too.
I wonder what he’s going to say about the cross. Is he going to hand it over willingly, all to get some man to safety who he doesn’t even know, or is he going to put up a fight?
I reach the large hall where we’ll be eating.
The noise hits me first. Raucous laughter and chatter and the clink of beer bottles slamming together. People fill almost all the seats of the long table. Ol’ Ladies sit in the laps of the bikers, some others standing and chatting, twirling highly teased hairstyles around long, manicured nails. I spot my father seated at the head of the table, drinking a beer and hanging with Big Mike. I walk over to them, wondering how long Zane will be. It’s weird because this is my home, but I feel safer with Zane’s quiet, reassuring presence nearby.
My father turns his gaze to me, and I can’t read what’s in his eyes. It cuts me to realize we’ve become somewhat estranged ever since Mom passed. I don’t want that. Maybe you should have thought about that before you ran away, leaving him without his daughter only six months after his wife died , a small but vicious internal voice chides.
Shit, I did, didn’t I? Maybe I wasn’t only desperate to leave here to find Reagan, but also because I thought I could escape the pain. The loss. That was a stupid belief because you can’t outrun pain, it will always find you.
I glance at my father again and realize the chain isn’t around his neck. My heart skips a beat, and I wonder if he’s going to give it to me, or if he’s done something in a fit of rage like flush it down the toilet.
I stop beside his chair. “Hi, Dad.”
He rises and kisses me on the cheek. He smells like beer and cigarettes and gasoline, but I don’t mind.
His eyebrows draw in slightly as he takes in the sight of me. “Hello, Ivani. You look…”
“Nice?” I fill in helpfully.
Big Mike snorts into his beer, and my dad shoots him a look.
“Yeah, nice.”
“Have you seen Zane yet?” I can’t help wondering if Zane got here already and my dad sent him on his way.
“Nope. Your friend is running late.”
I cast my gaze across the room, in case I missed him, and spot Phoenix sitting at the other end of the table. He has one of the guys with him, a leaner, blond man with a narrow face and wispy beard. Everyone calls the blond Zoo because he’s a fucking animal. Zoo grins a set of wonky teeth at me, and I grin back. Zoo might be a psychopath, but he’s only ever been friendly toward me, and not in a creepy way either. His eyes don’t even drop down to my chest, though that might be in part because my dad is sitting at the head of the table.
My stomach twists with nerves as I say, “Did you think about what I asked you?”
He shakes his head. “I’m not doing this right now, Vani. Not with everyone around. Let’s just enjoy this evening.”
I’m not sure how easy it’s going to be for me to enjoy it when I don’t know if we’re going to be able to save Lex. And now fucking Saint isn’t answering his phone either, and where the hell has Zane gotten to? I should have knocked on his door before coming down to the hall so we’d arrive together.
It’s crazy, but I suddenly feel untethered, as though I might float away without the three of them around me.
The chatter filling the air suddenly drops, and I follow the line of everyone else’s sight as all heads turn.
Zane stands in the doorway.
My heart does a little flipflop. Dear Lord. He looks incredible. I’ve always loved the sheer size of him, and seeing him here confirms he was the right man to bring. His tattoos curl from the sleeves of his fitted black t-shirt and crawl up his neck. He doesn’t make any attempt to hide his scar or lower his chin, despite the attention his arrival has drawn. His green eyes flit across the room, and I know there’s only one person he’s looking for. Me. Having his attention makes me feel like I shine a little brighter. Surely, my father can see that if a man like Zane is here with me, it means I’m not a little girl anymore.
But my father’s expression is thunderous.
“Your friend is here,” he grits.
I flash him a smile. “So I see.”
I leave my dad’s side and wind through all the bikers and their Ol’ Ladies to reach Zane. He smells great, and I stand on tiptoes and kiss his cheek, the stubble grazing my lips.
“Hi,” I say, aware I’m beaming at him.
He offers me a smile and a wink in return. I wonder if my father sees it.
The noise returns to the room as everyone ascertains Zane is with me. Phoenix rises and pushes a beer in Zane’s hand. Zoo claps Zane on the shoulder and introduces himself. I almost laugh at Zane’s bemused expression. Zoo is literally half his size, but I know Zoo is capable of ripping a man’s throat out with his teeth.
Some of the women bustle into the room carrying huge silver platters of grilled meat—steaks and pork chops, hotdogs and burgers. A cheer goes up, and the platters are slammed down on the table for everyone to dig in. I note there’s barely a vegetable among the lot, other than a few grilled onions. It does smell good, though, and we haven’t eaten much while we were on the road.
Zane and I find seats, side by side, next to Phoenix and Zoo, and dig in. No one gives a shit about table manners here as steaks are ripped into with teeth, and slabs of meat are stuffed between bread and devoured. It reminds me of those medieval banquets people attend. The more people drink, the louder they get. It’s not uncommon for a fight to break out and punches to be thrown, but it’s not taken seriously. It’s just a way for the guys to blow off some steam.
We eat and drink our fill. Phoenix and Zoo make good-natured conversation with Zane, asking him about his tattoos and life back home in Greece. Zane writes down his replies, and the guys make no fuss about needing to read them instead of Zane speaking. Deep down, I’d always known Zane would fit in here, but I’d still been anxious about what would happen. I keep catching my Dad staring across the table at us, trying to assess Zane’s intentions toward me. I kissed him on the cheek deliberately. It is respectful, and it’s gently letting my dad know what he already senses deep down, that Zane isn’t purely a friend.
I shift in my seat, and the plug pushes at an angle that makes me gasp. Zane shoots a sharp gaze my way, and Phoenix stops mid-sentence to look at me. Crap. I bend down and rub my leg.
“Cramp,” I lie.
Phoenix shrugs and goes back to his story, but Zane’s gaze lingers a little longer. This plug is torture. It’s making me horny but also stressed. I can imagine them all knowing I have it in me, which is making my anxiety spike.
The other thing I’m anxious about is approaching my dad about his decision. The fact that he’s no longer wearing the cross doesn’t mean anything. I imagine that now he knows it once belonged to Jarl means it no longer has the same meaning to him it once did. I feel sorry for him, which is an emotion I don’t normally associate with my dad. He lost my mom, too, and now something she’d given him is tainted with the knowledge of where it came from. Finding out that she’d been hiding something as huge as having another child by another man, even if it was before they’d met, can’t be easy either.
When everyone has finished eating, I tell Zane to keep hanging out with the others and approach my father. Plenty of the bikers and the women have drifted out of the clubhouse now, heading over to the bar to hang out, or simply going home. It means it’s grown quieter, so I take my opportunity to speak to him.
“Well?” I prompt. “Have you thought about what I asked?” I twist my hands together as I wait for his answer.
“I’ll agree to what you want,” he says, “on one condition.”
“What's that?” I almost don't want to know.
“That I'm coming with you. I want to look that bastard in the face, and then kill him for what he did to your mother.”
I stare at my dad in horror as my stomach drops. “If you do that, you'll be doing exactly what Mom was trying to protect you from all those years. That's the whole reason she never told you about what happened between her and Jarl. She didn't want that to happen.”
“She didn't want me to kill him?” he questions. “Why? Did she still have feelings for him?”
“Of course not. She had feelings for you. She loved you. She was trying to protect you.”
He scoffs at that. “Vani, have you seen me? Do I look like somebody who needs protecting?”
I look around at the rest of the room, the easy camaraderie between the remaining bikers. They’re brothers, and the Ol’ Ladies are like sisters. We’re a family, however strange.
“What about all your men? If you do this, you'll be playing into his hands. It'll start a war between the MC and the Danes. There will be unthinkable bloodshed.”
“So, what are you suggesting, Vani? You think you’ll just hand over the necklace and he'll free your friend?”
I shake my head. “No, not exactly. There's something else he wants. The necklace is just a way of showing goodwill.”
“What's the other thing he wants?” Dad asks.
“He wants the person responsible for his daughter's death. If we can deliver that, it’ll be over. There doesn't need to be a war. There won’t need to be any more killings.”
I’m under no illusion that Jarl Olsen is a good man. I don’t think he’s even a decent man. Maybe he didn’t think of Reagan as anything more than his property—but she was still his. Of course, I don’t agree in any way with the methods he’s used to get what he wants, but our objectives actually align. Jarl wants to know what happened to Reagan, and so do I. I just have to get close enough to him to make him understand the Vipers and I are not his enemy. We all want the same thing.
“But how are you going to give him what he wants?”
I shake my head. “Honestly, I haven't figured that bit out yet.”
“No, you haven't, which is why you need me to come with you.”
I grit my teeth. “No. This isn't your fight. I'm not a little girl anymore. I’m a grown woman. I can handle my own business.”
He raises his salt and pepper eyebrows, disbelieving. “Vani, you will always be a little girl to me.”
I put my shoulders back and lift my chin and look him directly in the eye. “Yeah, well, maybe that needs to change.”
But he won’t back down. “We’ll ride out at first light.”
“No, Dad, we won’t.”
He slams his fist on the table, and plates and cups jump with the force of the impact. Around us, the room falls quiet. “We ride out at first light,” he repeats. “No argument.”
I press my lips together tightly. I’m not going to agree with him.
“At least let me have the cross now,” I say.
“Why?”
“Because I still need to be the one who gives it to Jarl. If he sees you there with it, I’ll never get Lex back. You have to at least give me the opportunity to talk to him, to make the exchange and get my friend to safety. Once Lex is safe, then you can do whatever the hell you like.”
He glowers at me. “I still don’t like this.”
“You don’t have to like it, but it’s what needs to happen. Lex’s safety is more important than your need for revenge over something that happened twenty years ago.”
He seems to consider my words. “You care about this boy?”
To my surprise, my throat clogs as my eyes fill with tears, and I struggle to speak past the lump. “More than I thought.”
His eyes narrow. “And the other one? The big, silent one?”
“I care about him, too, Dad. Maybe even more than care about him.”
It’s the first time I’ve seriously considered that I love them, but deep down, I know it’s true. All three of them. The realization catches my breath. They mean everything to me. Still, I can’t let my dad think I am with two men. He’ll lose his shit, and I won’t get what I need from him.
“Lex is my best friend at the college,” I say. I realize there’s a beautiful truth to that. He is my friend, and he does care for me in a unique way that neither Zane nor Saint show. He’s the one to look after me following our marathon sex sessions, and he’s the one I can imagine sitting and just chilling, watching a cute movie with, or something on Netflix.
Dad jerks his chin over to where Zane is still being regaled by Phoenix. “And that big bastard? He’s more than a friend, right?”
I sigh, because I can see how much Dad hates it, but at some point, he’s got to realize he can’t keep me preserved forever as his innocent little girl. “Yes, Dad, he’s more than a friend.”
Then I add, because I really want my dad to accept Zane right now, “He’s protected me the entire time I’ve been at Verona Falls.”
My dad seems to consider all I’ve said, and he strokes his beard. “Once you’ve got this Lex safe, I can do as I see fit?”
I nod, hating misleading him, because I don’t want him starting a war at any time, but needing him to let this go for now.
I don’t add that Lex has a twin brother. This is more than enough for my dad to take. I just want him to take me seriously, for once in my life. I’m a grown woman who has formed her own relationships, and he needs to respect that.
A deep sigh emanates from him, and then he digs into his jeans pocket and pulls out the chain. I hold out my palm, and he drops the item into the center. The chain pools, and I weigh the crucifix in my hand. It’s chunky and heavy, and I assume is made of good quality gold.
I close my fist around it. “Thanks, Dad.” I reach up and wrap my arms around him, kissing his whiskery cheek. “I love you,” I whisper.
His arms tighten around me just a little, and I relish his strength before I step back.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” he says. “First light.”
I nod, though I have no intention of seeing him then. I plan to be long gone.