Chapter 16
“It… it is quite something.” Lily stood in the foyer of Redding Hall, looking around at all the piles of wood and tools that lay scattered about.
The smell of fresh wood mingled with the old smell of damp that was only just beginning to leave the old bones of the house.
It is worse than I thought.
Julian had mentioned to her that the house would not be presentable, yet she had not quite expected to walk into such a mess. Although she could imagine that things had been a great deal worse, it was still a lot to take in.
“Perhaps I should have waited a while longer before bringing you here.” Julian reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, his expression falling slightly as he watched a few men climb the newly repaired staircase with pales of wood and nails under their arms. He had invited Lily during breakfast to accompany him to the country, yet he now seemed to be regretting his decision.
Sensing the defeat in his posture, Lily rose to the occasion and turned to him. “I think it is marvelous.”
Julian’s brow creased into a curious frown as he looked at her. “You do?” His voice was uncertain as he searched her face.
“I do. It may need quite a bit of work, but that does not mean that it cannot be restored to its former glory, which I am sure was marvelous.” She smiled at him, hoping her enthusiasm would put him at ease.
Something in his gaze shifted, yet Lily could not quite tell what it was. Relief, or something else?
“You do not have to pretend to like the house for my benefit. We can easily sell it once the repairs have been concluded,” he said more seriously this time, watching her face carefully.
“We can either stay in London or buy a new house in the country and start from scratch.” He looked around, barely concealing a sigh as his chest rose and fell.
“I am not pretending.” She quickly put on a brave face, sensing that the renovations meant a great deal to him.
The corner of his mouth lifted into a strange smile, making her heart clench as she felt the need to convince him. “Are you certain?” He raised an eyebrow.
She lifted her chin defiantly and returned his gaze with determination. “Most certain. This could be a fine house if we use our imaginations.”
Julian’s brow eased a little as his smile broadened. “And what exactly are you imagining when you look at this mess?” His voice held an unmistakable hint of teasing.
Doubling down on her efforts, Lily turned from him and looked around the messy foyer.
She chewed the inside of her cheek thoughtfully as he eyed the curved staircase that led to the upper floor and gallery.
“There,” she said enthusiastically and lifted her arm toward the wall beneath the staircase.
“Do you see that patch of wall that is much lighter than the surrounding panels?”
Squinting, Julian followed the direction of her finger. “I guess… We can have that repaired.”
Lily shook her head. “No, you do not understand. There used to be a portrait there. We can have our very first portrait hung right there, and it will be the first thing that people see when they come into our home.”
Julian cocked his head to the side and stared at the almost noticeable square. “Do you think it would distract people from the piles of lumber and buckets of tools?”
Turning on her heel, Lily swatted at his arm, but Julian quickly laughed and side-stepped the playful attack. “Do not mock me, my lord. I am trying to make you see that all is not lost just because the house needs a bit of work.” She narrowed her eyes, playfully glaring at him.
Smiling at her, Julian’s eyes softened as he chuckled deep from within his chest. “I was only teasing. I am glad that you have a vision for what things could look like, and I think the space would be perfect for our very first portrait. Perhaps we can get started on having one painted, and by the time the house is ready, it will already be done.”
Her heart leapt at the look in his eyes, forcing her to avert her gaze.
What was that look?
She could still feel her heart racing despite her attempts at distracting herself. They shared a playful moment, yet the tender look in his eyes had caught her off guard. It was almost as if he were fond of her, or at least, the moment between them.
I cannot feel like this.
Her throat suddenly felt too dry as she took a deep breath and swallowed. The marriage worked because she was not emotionally involved, but the more time she spent with him, the more she began to enjoy his company.
“Are you feeling ill?” Julian drew her attention back to him as he took a step forward and reached for her gloved hand.
A silent gasp parted her lips as the heat from his fingers traveled to her palm.
“You seem a little flushed all of a sudden.” The insight in his hazel eyes darkened as he lifted his other hand and pressed the back of his knuckles to her cheek.
Heat coiled in the pit of her stomach, rising to her chest before creeping up the back of her neck and traveling to her face, leaving her flushed.
“I… I am quite well, thank you, my lord. I think I am just feeling slightly overwhelmed with all the new arrangements.” She forced a smile, inching away from his touch as her pulse skittered.
Lowering his hand from her cheek, Julian let go of her fingers and smiled.
“Perhaps we should continue the tour? If you are feeling overwhelmed, we should wrap up the visit and return home, where you can rest.” His voice was still tender and caring, yet Lily could not help but notice the slight look of disappointment in his eyes.
Had he been hurt by her abrupt response? Her heart jolted at the question as he turned away from her and began to make his way toward the staircase.
What does he expect from me?
She took a deep breath before following him, giving her time to process her own feelings and reactions to the situation. Their marriage had started as one of convenience, but that did not mean that they were immune to falling for each other.
Lily froze slightly with her foot on the bottom step. What would happen if one of them fell in love with the other?
Nothing good can come of it.
She decided firmly, almost as soon as the question entered her mind. He had made it clear to her that he did not expect love. Therefore, she would make absolutely certain that their arrangement adhered to the boundaries that had been set.
“Are you coming?” He paused halfway up the stairs and turned to her.
“Just catching my breath,” she reassured him before beginning to ascend.
Jullian accepted her explanation with a nod and continued ahead.
They reached the top of the stairs and continued along the musty gallery where sheets had been hung over old paintings and art.
“I am afraid there is not much to see in most of the rooms, but some of the upper chambers are in better condition. Perhaps we could start there?” Julian suggested after glancing in a few rooms.
Most of the rooms along the gallery were in dire need of construction, but Lily could see that they had once been quite grand with elegant moldings and furniture that could easily be restored.
“I think that would be best. There does not seem to be much that can be seen here at the moment.” She gave each room a glance in passing, making a mental note of all the improvements that could be done.
Most of the rooms would need new wallpaper, but that suited Lily just fine, as she would be able to make the house her own.
They continued up a second flight of stairs until they reached a room where the door was jammed. Julian had to use his shoulder and apply force until the handle eventually clicked open.
A cloud of dust puffed into the air, and Lily quickly stepped aside, but Julian had been in the direct line of fire and began to cough.
“I doubt the former viscount ever used this room much. We shall have to instruct the housekeeper to pay special attention where this room is concerned.” Julian regained his breath before waving the final remnants of dust away.
Stepping past him, Lily entered the dark room and looked around, realizing where she was standing.
Open boxes of toys lay strewn about the floor while a large bassinet stood in the corner of the room. A rocking chair had been placed beside the window, and a small wooden horse stood deathly still in the center of the room.
The nursery.
Lily’s heart skipped a beat.
In her rush to marry Julian, she had never considered the implications of a nursery. She had wanted children with Oliver, but she did not even know if Julian wanted an heir.
Oliver.
She had not thought of him since receiving the note on the evening of her wedding. It felt strange to her that someone who had been so important to her had slowly begun to fade into the background of her life.
Walking further into the nursery, she ran her gloved hand over the side of the crib, taking note of the small stuffed rabbit that had been placed in the corner.
Something deep within her clenched as her chest tightened. What would the future hold, given the nature of her marriage? Would she be able to keep her feelings at bay if he did want children? And if he did not, would she be able to accept that as well?
Her body froze when he suddenly placed his hand over his on the railing of the crib. Looking up, she felt her breath catching again at the tender look in his eyes.
“It would be nice to have an heir, someday, but I will not force you until you are ready.” His voice dripped with honesty as she read it in his eyes as well. The man was unwavering, unflinching, and even determined in the face of uncertainty.
Her breathing quickened as she continued to look into his eyes. Those gorgeous, deep, hazel eyes with flecks of green and gold.
His fingers tightened slightly over hers, making her palms itch as she fought the desire to turn over her hand.
“Julian… I…” Her voice was low as her heart began to race, furiously slamming itself against the walls of her chest.
His thumb moved gently over the top of gloved hand.
“You need not say anything now. We have all the time in the world for decisions to be made. I was simply letting you know that I am open and willing to the idea of children.” He lifted a hand, gently gripping her chin between his fingers and thumb before tracing a line along her jaw.
Lily felt her body being drawn to his by an unstoppable force as she leaned forward. Her eyes closed with a single breath, and her pulse stilled.
I cannot do this.
Her eyes suddenly shot open as she felt Julian leaning in. Taking a step back, she removed her hand from beneath his as if she had been slapped.
“Lily?” Julian’s eyes darted open as he searched her face with a panicked look.
“I think we should end the tour for today. We must still prepare for Lady Archibald’s ball.” She hurried past him, not wanting to address the stunned look of surprise in his gaze.
I was not thinking straight.
She hurried down the stairs, taking them two at a time as she attempted to clear her head. Something odd seemed to happen to her whenever she was alone in Julian’s presence. It was almost as if she became someone else who was unable to think or even act correctly.
Entering the main gallery of the house, she swiftly made her way across and headed for the main staircase in the foyer. The musty smell mingled with the freshly sawn wood was beginning to make her feel ill as she struggled with all the emotions rising inside of her.
Somewhere in the distance, she could hear Julian hurrying to catch up with her, but she pushed on ahead and burst through the front doors, gulping in air as if her life depended on it.
That was too close.
Her heart thudded furiously for reasons more than her efforts to run away.
She had vowed never to allow her heart to be opened again, not after what Oliver had done to her, but she was getting dangerously close to falling for Julian.
She could feel it in the beating of her heart and every stolen glance.
That can never happen again.
She fought back the pain that arose as she thought of how close she had come to kissing him. It was far too dangerous to allow her heart to be shattered again.
She finally stopped on the porch and took a deep breath, composing herself from her racing thoughts to her pulsing heart. She had just begun to feel better when Julian suddenly appeared behind her.
“Lily, can we talk about…” His voice trailed off when a figure suddenly called to them from down the drive.
“Yoohoo! Lord and Lady Barnard!” Eleanor Everet waved to them as she hurried forward, a simple basket swinging from her arm.
Glancing over her shoulder, Lily caught sight of the irritated look on his face. Had he been that annoyed by her abrupt departure? She turned back ahead just as Eleanor reached the steps leading up the porch.
“I thought I saw the Sinclair carriage from down the drive. Are the two of you checking on the renovations? There must be so much to be done before you can move in,” she said through labored breaths, evidence of the hurrying she had done.
Lily smiled down at her, but Julian spoke up before she could greet.
“What are you doing in the country?” he asked almost as abruptly as Lily had left the nursery.
Sucking in a sharp breath, Eleanor seemed hurt at first, but she quickly fixed her lips into a smile. “My father had some business to do here in the country, and I thought I would take a walk.”
Lily jumped in before Julian could answer again. It was not Eleanor’s fault that he had been so annoyed by her. “That does sound lovely, Miss Everet. Have you been enjoying your walk?” She asked kindly despite the scowl on Julian’s face as he looked at his boots.
The question seemed to brighten her expression as Eleanor smiled at Lily. “I am, thank you for asking. As a matter of fact, I am glad I bumped into you. I wanted to ask if you cared to join me back in London while I run some errands?”
Julian cleared his throat this time as he came up beside Lily and gently took her arm.
“That is a wonderful invitation, Miss Everet, but I am afraid that Lady Barnard and I have a dinner party to attend this evening. There will not be any time.” His voice was still short and clipped, despite the politeness of his words.
Eleanor seemed to brighten again. “Oh, that is wonderful news! I will be attending the party as well. We can have a proper conversation then. I must go now, thank you for reminding me!” She turned with a flourish and hurried away from them, leaving Lily a little winded as she turned to Julian.
“I…”
Julian shook his head. “We should leave. I am sure there are plenty of things that you would like to do before the party this evening.” He let go of her arm and strode in the direction of the carriage.
I must have offended him.
She braced herself for the carriage ride ahead.