Chapter Nineteen
Anna woke up late, her sheets a tattered mess all tangled up in her feet and her eyes sandy from lack of sleep. The sunlight poured into her room, another indicator of the late hour, but rather than rise quickly, she closed her eyes and thought over the events of the night.
She was a tart. That was all there was to it. The entire ton expected her to return home with a betrothal announcement, and she was kissing the wrong brother.
And liking it.
No, that was the problem. She was loving it.
She whispered his name, wondering if she was truly going mad. She’d never once dreamed of Henley in a romantic fashion, yet, piece by piece, he was stealing her heart.
A heart that she’d all but promised to his brother.
Good Lord, what a disaster. And it didn’t help that Pere was left in the dark.
She needed a friend, but Pere was going to be shocked, in the least. Acting on a whim, because why change now?
She quickly rose and called a maid. As soon as the maid arrived, she dispatched her to check to see if perhaps Pere had also slept in late.
After all, Anna had been leaving her room when she’d run into Henley. The odds were in her favor.
When the maid returned, stating that Miss Allendale was still in her room, Anna sent a note, requesting Pere wait for her, and quickly made haste to be presentable enough to be enter the hall to make the short trip to her friend’s room.
“What is this all about?” Pere asked, not waiting for Anna to knock, but glancing up and down the hall, she all but pulled her friend into the room.
“I wake up to a maid knocking, asking if you could come see me.” She froze.
“Did Edwin propose?” She began to clap. “Good Lord, he moved fast, but when?” Her brows crinkled as she stepped back, her eyes moving up and down Anna’s attire. “Did you just wake up?”
Anna took a deep breath, grateful for the brief pause in Pere’s whirlwind of questions. “I … think you should sit down,” she said, frowning slightly. This was going to be harder than she’d thought—and she hadn’t thought it would be easy.
“Why,” Pere asked flatly. “What happened? Is my brother an idiot? Wait, don’t answer that. Let me sit.” She abruptly turned and walked to a chair and flounced into it then leaned forward. “Okay.” She waved her hand in a grand gesture. “Tell me.”
Anna walked toward her friend, and took a seat across from her, mirroring their positions from the night before. “I … don’t quite know where to start…”
“The beginning.”
Anna twisted her lips. “I … am afraid…”
Pere leaned forward more. “Of?”
“Falling in love with the wrong person,” Anna confessed, glanced down, and then when Pere didn’t answer, she hazarded a look up.
Pere blinked. “I … don’t understand. I suppose we all are afraid of that, Anna. That’s why we court, why we make good alliances … and that’s not a problem with my family I’m sure you know—”
“No.” Anna held her hand up, halting her friend who had totally misunderstood her confession.
“I … I think I’m falling in love with the wrong person …
or the right person? I don’t know … that’s the problem.
I don’t know and I haven’t been honest with you, well, I mean I have but I …
don’t think I’ve been honest with … myself.
” Anna spoke the words sporadically, her confession disjointed and hectic.
“You … don’t love Edwin? Are you sure? I mean he’s all you’ve ever talked about!”
“I know!” Anna stood, unable to keep still. “I know, and that’s what’s so bloody confusing.” She covered her mouth at the unladylike word.
“I’ve never heard you swear. Okay, this is serious.
Who … who is it, then? I mean, if it you’re thinking you’re falling in love with the wrong person …
dear Lord. Is it a footman!” Pere gasped, covering her mouth with her hand as she shot up from her chair.
“Have you been dallying with a servant?” Pere whispered then glanced around the room.
Anna sighed heavily. “No! To both. He’s of the proper family and rank…” She sunk back down into the chair. “The family part is the problem.”
Pere sank into the chair as well, sitting quite unladylike as she released a sigh of relief.
“You have me terrified. Okay, so, what’s the problem?
I mean, yes, my mother and your mother have been scheming, but I’m sure your mother would not be offended if it’s a proper gentleman that has stolen your affections, if it’s a good match, it’s a good match.
” Pere shrugged and adjusted her posture.
“You’re never going to believe this…” Anna gave a self-depreciating laugh. “It’s still the same family.”
Pere froze, her eyes wide. “Wait. No … I didn’t see that coming.
” She leaned back, expression baffled but not angry.
“Yes, I can see how that would be … complicated.” She exhaled.
“Wow. Um, when? So many questions. When did Henley of all people get checkmate over Edwin? I never thought…” She shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. “He is my favorite, after all.”
“He tends to have that effect,” Anna replied dryly. “And … he started it.”
“I’m even more intrigued. Carry on.”
“At your come-out ball. He…” She began to laugh.
“He scolded me for being alone with your elder brother in the hall and sent your brother to find your mother … which now I’m wondering if it was a red herring.
” She shook her head. “And then promptly scolded me further and kissed me. But you may never tell a living soul.”
Pere’s brows shot up. “He scolded you for being alone with a gentleman, then took advantage of you being alone with him … diabolical. Maybe he does take after Mother in some fashion after all. Okay, and…”
“And I didn’t shove him away. I was shocked—it was unexpected—but he implied that Edwin wasn’t the only one vying for my affection … and he intended to as well.”
“So … both my brothers have been fighting over you since the beginning of the season, and you didn’t tell me?” Pere said flatly. “You have no idea how much this explains. Does Edwin know?”
“I’m not sure. I think … yes. At least he suspects.”
“And Edwin—has he kissed you?”
“No.”
“But Henley has. Once?”
Anna’s blush answered for her.
“Oh, not once. My, my. Henley’s been rather busy. I’m proud of him. He knows which battles to pick, and apparently—you were worth fighting for. That says more than you realize.” Pere’s tone softened. “Has he spoken of his regard?”
“I told him, right from the start—my heart belonged elsewhere.”
“And that didn’t stop him at all, did it?”
“No. If anything … I think that was part of the reason he stayed.”
“Persistence—it’s its own kind of persuasion.”
“Yes. And he sees me, Pere. Really sees me.” Anna took a deep breath.
“He’ll catch my eye, and we’ll be noticing the same thing about a random person in the room and share a smile.
He doesn’t back down, but is clear on what he’s thinking, what he’s after …
it’s refreshing, and it’s clear he desires me but also never pressures me.
It’s an odd dichotomy but it leaves me feeling important, like he’d choose me over himself. ”
“And Edwin…” Pere asked.
“Edwin is perfectly proper, says all the right things and is remarkably charming. He’s everything I dreamed he would be … but.”
“It’s not enough. It’s flat.” Pere nodded. “I get that. All these gentlemen are here for my benefit. And they are all attentive, charming, and engaging, but there’s no…”
“Need.”
“Need?” Pere repeated.
“Need. Like—something funny happens, and they’re the one you wish you could tell. Because they’d get it.”
Pere leaned back in her chair. “Ah, yes, none of that for sure. I wish there was.” She flicked a piece of lint from her dress. “I’m still struggling to comprehend that you found that … with Henley.” She blinked, then shook her head.
“I am too. It’s all rather confusing.”
“You don’t sound confused,” Pere said, leaning forward again. “You sound like you know exactly where your heart is. Your mind is just protesting because it doesn’t fit the plan.”
Anna blinked, Pere’s words slicing to the core. “I also feel … guilty.”
“Of?”
“Of … being so double minded. I’ve done what we shame gentlemen for doing, leading someone along, and I don’t know how to fix it, and part of me, a wicked part, doesn’t want to let go of Edwin just yet.
He’s what I’ve wanted for so long; it’s hard to reconcile that.
And I know it sounds terrible, I can’t believe I’m admitting it out loud.
” Anna buried her face in her hands and took a deep breath.
Part of her was relieved at naming the phantom emotions that had been wreaking havoc on her mind, but it also clarified the blackness of her heart. No one ever wanted to consider their faults.
“You’re being honest, that’s commendable.
And all I can say is, you better figure it out soon.
And speaking of soon…” Pere stood. “It’s breakfast time, and even though I wasn’t the one up all night galivanting in the moonlight, I’m quite famished and …
if I’m being totally honest as well…” She rang for her maid.
“I can’t wait to observe all this information for myself.
You know, I had this weird feeling that something was afoot but I couldn’t name it, maybe I’m more aware of things than I gave myself credit for. ” She gave a little giggle.
Anna stood as well, regarding her friend hopefully. “You don’t think less of me?”
Pere frowned. “Heavens no, you’re being truthful with me, and that’s what friends are for. You are sorting out your feelings, not intentionally hurting others.” She gave a wave of her hand. “Do you want my maid to fetch yours and we can get ready together, or did you want your own room?”
Anna twisted her lips and glanced to the door. “I’ll go to my own room, give myself a moment to think, and whoever is finished first, knock on the door and we’ll go down together.”