Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Leo called each morning for the next sennight.
Sometimes his mother accompanied him. Lady Champaign chatted amiably with Mama in the gazebo, while Eliza and Leo strolled through Eliza’s neglected gardens—she couldn’t bring herself to tend to them.
When she tried, her chest ached so deeply that each new breath cost more than the last.
Leo always brought along a perfectly proper gift, a treat from Hudson’s—one of the standard, popular selections: fruit tarts or fairy cakes—or a respectable bouquet of fine roses. If her heart prickled every time she saw the traditional, impersonal offerings, that would surely fade with time.
The weather had been uncooperative today. Instead of walking in the garden, Eliza and Leo were relegated to the sitting room with Sophie and her line of suitors. Lady Champaign preferred to walk rather than ride in a carriage, so he’d arrived alone—unwilling to subject her to the dreary drizzle.
Eliza’s own mother was occupied in the far corner with her embroidery while Sophie giggled at something absurd from the foppish gentleman on the opposite settee.
“Do you plan to attend the Marchant musicale tomorrow night, Miss Lizzie?” Leo asked, all eagerness.
Every single time he added a Miss before her name, Eliza hid a wince. He was Leo to her, and she was Lizzie to him. As it had always been, since they were learning to walk at the same time. The formality of calling hours and chaperonage left their previously free manners stiff and discomfiting.
“I fear I have been feeling a touch under the weather this morning. I believe I should stay home and rest. It will only be Sophie and Mama, I’m afraid. But I hope your evening is enjoyable.”
Eliza was perfectly well, of course, but she hadn’t yet reconciled herself to a return to the wall.
Nor could she imagine an evening with this stiff, formal version of Leo at her side.
Not only did she long for the giddy anticipation she had felt at the prospect of seeing Sinclair, but she missed her friend, Leo.
She distinctly recalled snickering as Sophie snuck a frog into his boot when they were children—this man before her was a stranger.
Leo’s face fell slightly, but he recovered amiably. He wished her a swift convalescence before biding her adieu.
Eliza retired to her bedroom as soon as was practical.
Some hours later, her mother knocked on her door.
“The weather has cleared. Join me outside, Lizzie?”
Though Mama’s voice had risen at the end of the sentence, Eliza was well aware that the offer was not a request.
She bit back her sigh and trailed her mother out to the gazebo. Once they were seated across from each other, Eliza glanced about the neglected garden.
“I thought we might talk,” her mother said, breaking the silence.
Eliza met her sapphire gaze. If her mother wished to discuss something, she could bring about the subject herself. Eliza would have been perfectly content to remain in her room for the rest of the day.
Ever patient, her mother’s sigh was barely perceptible. “I know what you’re doing with Leo.”
“He is calling upon me, Mama, nothing more.”
Her mother’s expression was unimpressed. Eliza couldn’t help but wonder if she’d always been capable of that countenance, or if one learned it immediately after delivering a child. She’d seen both Mrs. Ainsley and Aunt Kate make the same expression a time or two.
“You are not particularly enthusiastic about his calls.”
“He’s merely a caller. Sophie has dozens.”
“Lizzie… It pains me to see you so resigned.”
“I’m not resigned to anything. I’m merely… open to the possibility that the familiar could become more.”
“Lizzie…”
“I cannot—will not—subject myself again to the heartbreak and humiliation I’ve experienced with Sinclair. Leo is a good man. He is kind to me. And given recent events, it has become clear to me that good and kind is the best I can hope for.”
Her mother’s lips pressed tight together, disappearing entirely. “How did you learn the truth?”
“Rose. She saw you and Aunt Kate speaking.”
Mama’s face fell. “Oh, dearest. I am so sorry. If it were possible, I would take on this hurt myself, you must know that.”
“It is better that I know. In truth, I’ve been weighing how to best apologize to Papa. I was wretched.”
Her mother shook her head. “Do not. He has tried so hard to shield you from this. It is easier for him to bear your fury than your heartbreak. And he’ll be quite cross with me if he discovers how you learned of it.” She added the last in a lighter tone, clearly trying to coax a laugh.
“Yes, well…”
“I know Leo is becoming a fine young man. And if I thought you really liked each other, I could not possibly be happier. But it is quite clear there are no romantic sentiments between the two of you.”
“Surely he is right, and affection can grow with time,” Eliza posited.
Her mother’s sigh echoed in the small gazebo. “It can, it certainly did between his parents.”
Eliza waited, sensing that was not the end of her mother’s thought.
“But just as often, it is not affection but resentment that grows. Leo’s mother was married to another man who passed before she wed his father. And no love grew from that union. Do you understand my concern?”
“I do. But surely you know, Mama. Not every story ends in a happily ever after. Sometimes a good and kind man is far better than the alternative.”
“Oh, Lizzie, I know that far better than you. It was once all I thought to hope for as well. But our situations are quite different. You are an heiress in your own right. You can live comfortably for the rest of your days without marrying and never want for anything. And your papa and I love you to distraction. That was not my experience… In my case, a good and kind man could have been the difference between life and death.”
“Mama?”
Her mother worried her lip between her teeth.
“I’ve done my best to shield you girls from the worst parts of my upbringing.
But perhaps that was wrong. Now, I am not saying Sinclair was right—he is an absolute villain to have attempted to use you in such a way.
But I suspect his father and mine are very much alike.
My father was—is—a cold, cruel, and bitter man.
I lived in fear of him all my life. And I can think of little I wouldn’t have done to placate him.
Until I met your father. Until I found hope of something better, something more. ”
“You’ve said before that he was unkind. But I cannot imagine—”
“For some men, gaming is an obsession. They crave it, live it, breathe it. They will do anything, give anything, for the thrill of the next win. My father was such a man. He owed an insurmountable sum to your father—had leveraged everything, including this very house. He intended to sell me in marriage to pay those debts. If he’d had the time to concoct such a scheme as Lord Sinclair’s…
I do not doubt he would have. And I know I would have gone along with it to keep myself safe.
I was terrified of him in a way I thank God every day you and your sister will never know. ”
Suddenly, Eliza saw her mother, her parents’ marriage, through new eyes. That her grandfather hadn’t approved of Papa, Eliza had always known. But she had never considered the fortitude required of her mother to defy him and choose her father.
“Mama, I do not know what to say.”
“There is nothing to say, dearest. Now, your father is careful to prevent men like my father from overextending themselves, but back then he was willing and eager to take every shilling. So while I am devastated for you, and furious at Sinclair, I can understand how the nefarious scheme came to be. I sympathize with him, even though I think him a cad of the highest order.”
“I— Thank you for telling me. But I still don’t understand your objections to Leo calling on me. As you said, a good, kind man would have been your salvation.”
“My objection is that you have determined you are in need of salvation far too soon. You are not yet one and twenty. Because Sinclair was not a man deserving of you does not signify that there is no such man to be found. But as you have pointed out, I have no objections to Leo at all. If this is what you want, I will support you. But please do not make a decision of this magnitude rashly.”
“I will… consider what you have said. But I see no reason to end things with Leo at this stage. We are not even formally courting.”
“Very well. I have said my piece on the subject.”
“Thank you, Mama.”
“Of course,” her mother said as she stood. Wordlessly, she dipped down to press a kiss to the top of Eliza’s head. “I’ll see you at supper. No more absenting yourself from meals.”
“Yes, Mama,” Eliza said dutifully. Her mother’s steps crunched along the gravel pathway back into the house. She had given Eliza too much to consider for her to abandon her retreat so soon. In fact, she remained in the gazebo until Sophie called her to supper.