Chapter twenty-three #2
“You do want this baby?” my mother questions, taking me by surprise.
“I did, but I don’t have much to offer them, do I?” She cocks her head to one side as she listens. “When I discovered I was pregnant, I couldn’t wait to tell Aiden. As far as I was concerned, we were together and happy. Now I see how stupid I was, how many red flags I’ve missed.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself, darling,” she says. “Life is complicated. The men we love are not normal men. They live in a very different world to most.”
“But I didn’t know about that world or about his wife,” I wail, losing a little control.
“My whole existence in Chicago was a lie. The day I saw that news report, I ran.”
Tears prick my eyes; I wipe them away with the tip of my finger.
“Like I always do. Then you know what has happened since then. It’s been one big shit show with a lot of conflicted emotions, but it looks like I’ll end up back where I started. In Chicago with a man who doesn’t love me.”
The car passes through two tall black pillars holding heavy iron gates open.
“But to answer your question, I don’t know if I want this baby. I’ve barely had time to get excited about the prospect of becoming a mother. What kind of life can I offer them? One filled with restrictions and dangerous men.”
“Maybe things won’t turn out as badly as you think they will,” she says. “I can’t wait to meet my grandchild.”
The car stops outside what looks like a residential home in the affluent area of Westminster.
After driving through the gates, the red brick building comes into view.
A large fountain with a fish that has water shooting from its mouth sits in front of the house like a roundabout.
A wide stone staircase leads to the heavy oak front door.
Our driver cuts the engine, and the passenger gets out, opening my door then my mother’s, and assisting us out onto the red gravel.
My mother walks around the car, then slips her arm through mine.
We walk up the front steps together, our escort following behind.
There is no signage, no obvious detail that this is a hospital.
My mother presses the brass doorbell, and it sounds loudly.
A few minutes later, the door swings open.
On the other side is a short woman with graying hair and a kind smile. Perched on the end of her nose are delicately framed round spectacles. The white coat she is wearing strains at her bosom, obviously a few sizes too small.
“Good morning,” she says. “I’m Nurse Saffron. You must be Violet. Please come in.”
Before I can answer, she takes my hand and pulls both me and my mother through the door, closing it immediately behind us.
Inside the building is more like a hospital, modernized with clean lines and white space.
We stand in what must be a waiting area.
Dark leather sofas surround coffee tables piled with magazines.
A few women, obviously pregnant, sit with whom I assume is either their partner or a family member.
“I’ll check you in,” Nurse Saffron says. “You take a seat, then we will call you through when we are ready for you.” She gestures toward a plain gray sofa. My mother takes my hand and guides me over. We both sit down.
“You do know there are a few months to wait before this little one is born,” I say, placing my hand over my stomach. Mother is almost bouncing next to me with what I think is excitement. “You’ll only see a picture today. Not even a picture, a white blob on black.”
“Oh Violet, you have no idea how important today is for me.” She stills, then her eyes meet mine, strong and focused. “Whatever happens, promise me you will follow your heart.”
“Mother, you’re acting very strange. What is going on?”
“Violet, promise me you will make decisions in your life based on what your heart wants.”
“But…”
“Promise me,” she repeats. “It may not seem plausible, but I promise you, you will have options.”
“Okay, I promise,” I concede, unsure what else to say.
“Violet,” the nurse calls, breaking the moment.
“We’re ready for you. This way please.” My mother and I stand, then follow her down a long, completely blank hallway with white walls and doors.
At the end of the corridor are double doors with a simple black sign telling us this is the Ultrasound Suite.
The nurse pushes open the door, holding it wide for us to walk through.
“Please climb onto the bed,” she says, “and lift your dress to your bust.”
I do as she says, and my mother comes to my side.
The nurse lays a blanket across my bottom half, leaving only my mid-section exposed.
We watch on silently as she squirts gel onto my rounded stomach then sits the scanner on the gloop.
“There’s baby,” she says, a smile in her voice. The whooshing noise of the heartbeat is loud and clear. We all stare at the screen, mesmerized by the messy blob. I don’t notice the door swing open. It’s not until he’s standing next to me that I realize he is here.
Harrison smiles down at me then looks at the screen. He takes the hand my mother isn’t holding. His chest rises and falls as he watches the blurry image. My mother lifting and kissing my knuckles brings my attention back to her. “Goodbye, darling,” she says simply and leaves.
I look back to Harry, and he leans in and kisses me softly before whispering, “Are you ready to run Violet?”
Now I know why I have my Converse.