Chapter Nine
If Ethan lowered his guard for even an instant, he saw her in his mind: Grace, just a dark shape in the river, her wet hair plastered to her pale face as the water swept her and Emily away.
He could still feel how his heart had lodged inside his throat and how his chest had ached, seized with terror as he realized that Grace and Emily might be pulled downriver before he could save them. How they might drown.
Ethan clenched his jaw so tightly his teeth ached. They’re fine now.
He tried to bring his thoughts back to the present, where he was carefully driving the wagon along rough terrain.
Grace and Emily were safe because he had pulled them from the river.
He had no reason to keep thinking about them.
They were no longer in danger, and he also had no explanation for why he felt so haunted by the possibility of them being hurt even now.
It wasn’t as if he was particularly fond of either of them, or so he kept telling himself.
He had done a good thing, and that should have been the end of it.
Should have been, but wasn’t, apparently.
The wagon train slowly came to a stop at that moment, Ethan included.
“Already?” Hannah asked, peering out from the wagon.
His very first thought was that he should go find Grace and make sure that she was safe. Ethan pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head, as if he could force the thoughts away with his strength of will alone.
“Hm.” Hannah stepped down from the wagon and eyed the landscape around them. It was barren, save for a few feeble shrubs that stood in stark defiance against the flat earth. The sky was as endless as the ocean, cut only by a few wisps of clouds.
“After this, there’s a long stretch of nothing,” Ethan said. “We’ll be far from any water sources for a little while.”
“I’ll make sure to fill the canteens before we leave,” Hannah replied.
“That’s a good idea,” Ethan said. “Let me know if you need any help.”
He climbed down from the wagon and set about completing his usual chores of checking the wagon for any damage and ensuring that the livestock had time to graze.
Already, some of the other men had led their horses and mules and oxen to the feeble offering of shrubs.
The animals didn’t seem to mind terribly, though.
It must be nice to be a well-cared-for horse, Ethan decided.
They had no cares in the world except for when they would eat, and they did not seem especially concerned with even that.
“How is the princess doing?” asked Zachariah as Ethan joined the cluster of men.
At Zachariah’s question, Will and Luke seemed to pay Ethan more mind than they usually did.
They reminded him of Christopher and Angelique Montgomery, a particularly gossip-loving couple who had lived back in the same town as Ethan’s family.
At the first hint of someone talking about another person, that couple would swoop in and listen with rapt attention, as if there was nothing better in the world than hearing about the problems of others.
Ethan had heard them discussing his own family with others on at least three separate occasions.
“The princess?” Ethan asked. “Who are you talking about?”
He knew, of course, though he pretended he didn’t. There was only one person in the wagon train who could possibly be described as a ‘princess.’
“That woman,” Zachariah said. “The princess, who thinks she’s better than the rest of us. What was her name again?”
“Grace,” Will said.
Ethan shrugged. “How would I know?”
“You seem close,” Zachariah said. “She always joins you and your sister for meals.”
“Because Hannah is teaching her to cook,” Ethan said. “That doesn’t mean I’m close to Grace.”
“I doubt she would let anyone get close to her,” Will said. “A woman like that? She’s the sort who thinks she’s above all of us.”
Grace’s terrified face flashed once more before Ethan’s mind. Her eyes had been wide and terrified, her lips shaking—
No, her entire body had been trembling when he’d dragged her from the water. Ethan hadn’t known if she was shaking from the cold or fear or both, but his chest tightened as thoughts of what might have happened to her swam through his mind again.
He had to see her. Ethan just needed to prove to himself that she was fine. He would only make sure that she was managing all right. The woman was injured after all, and she might need help. It didn’t mean anything else, like these men were insinuating. It was just the decent thing to do.
“Her and the doctor,” said Will. “He seems real rude, too.”
“We need a doctor, though,” Zachariah said. “Let’s just hope Benjamin Holloway is good at actually doctoring folks. I have a hard time believing a respectable physician would want to take the trail to Oregon.”
Will snorted. “Maybe he can’t get a wife.”
Ethan had a hard time following the conversation, as his mind kept wandering to Grace.
“I’m going to check the wagon,” he said. “There’s no need for all of us to watch the animals graze.”
Zachariah smiled slyly, as if he somehow knew Ethan was going to find Grace. But who cared what a man like that thought? Zachariah Sterling was only slightly more tolerable than Derek.
Before the man could offer some snide insinuation, Ethan turned on his heel and walked briskly away.
He ducked behind another family’s wagon so the men wouldn’t be able to see him.
His face grew hot with embarrassment, or perhaps shame, for even feeling the need to hide from them.
There was nothing shameful about wanting to help a woman!
Ethan was only being kind and doing his duty, as any decent man would.
Why did these other men assume that he must have some personal reason for helping Grace?
He shook his head. Some folks just needed to leave things be.
Ethan suddenly spotted Hannah and Grace ahead, walking toward the river.
His heart seized as if caught in a vise, but only for an instant. He forced himself to calm down. The women were just going to do the laundry, and they were going together, with plenty of daylight still left. This wasn’t the same as last night.
Yet he couldn’t help but notice how Grace limped as she carried her heavy basket of linens, and how Hannah had to slow her pace to accommodate Grace’s uneven gait. Ethan cleared his throat, having caught up with them easily.
“Let me,” Ethan said, reaching for the basket.
Grace’s brow furrowed, a look of affront crossing her face, as if she wanted to argue. Before she could say a word, however, he snatched the basket from her arms, taking advantage of her surprise. He carried it easily, of course, but she would have also, had it not been for her injury.
“Thank you.” The words sounded as if they had been forced from Grace’s throat under extreme duress.
“Of course,” he said simply.
“It will be very heavy once all of it is wet,” Hannah said.
“Then I will carry it back as well. Grace should be resting her leg until it heals.”
Ethan glanced at the uneven, rocky bank and imagined the worst. The chores were all necessary, of course, but the last place Grace needed to be was by the river, especially with an injured leg.
He swallowed hard, driving the recurring images of her being swept downstream from his mind.
He couldn’t understand why he kept thinking about her.
Maybe it was because she had a child depending on her, and it would be a shame for a little girl like Emily not to have her older sister around to watch after her. Yes, that must have been it.
He placed the basket down on the river bank and hovered awkwardly next to it as Grace picked her way down the bank.
Ethan felt vaguely useless, standing there with his hands raised just by her elbow without actually touching her, but if Grace stumbled, he would be there.
Hopefully, he’d be able to ensure that the stubborn woman didn’t injure herself further.
“Are you going to stay here the entire time?” Grace asked irritatedly.
“No,” he said. “Hannah, let me know when you’re finished and I’ll carry Grace’s basket back for her.”
“Of course,” Hannah said.
Grace grimaced, as though she would rather eat her laundry than have him carry it for her, but it couldn’t be helped.
“You should be resting,” Ethan said, thinking that might soothe the woman’s wounded pride. It was only logical; she was hurt and should be wary of aggravating the injury further, after all.
“So that you and everyone else can continue to whisper about how useless I am?” she snapped. “No thank you.”
Ethan was gobsmacked. Grace was making some large assumptions about someone she barely knew. “I have never called you useless,” Ethan said, a bit offended at the accusation.
With a twinge of guilt, he realized that some of his thoughts had been perilously close to that, though. How many times had he thought that she didn’t belong on the trail? How often thus far during their short journey had he looked at her and thought that she ought to return to Lexington?
Sure, he hadn’t entertained thoughts like those in the past few days, but perhaps they had affected his behavior before Grace’s determination began to change his mind more than Ethan had realized. It was no wonder that Grace was being so stubborn.
“Not in those exact words, but I know you’ve been thinking it,” she said. “And I’m sure the other men have agreed.”
Ethan wanted to throw something. Grace seemed bound and determined to interpret everything he said in the worst possible way. Yet she wasn’t wrong about the other men, although being lumped in with them only added to Ethan’s frustration.
Hannah let out an anxious little laugh. “Grace, you must forgive him. Ethan has always been a bit of a worry wart. And I assure you, he would never speak badly of you to anyone else.”