Chapter Thirty
Ethan picked at a purple sprig of flowers, tearing the petals off one at a time.
Already, he was regretting his decision to seek out Hannah in search of her sympathy.
He should have turned away the second he’d seen that Derek was with her, but he hadn’t.
Instead, he’d gone ahead and told the pair everything.
Now he sat beside the fire, destroying a bouquet of flowers while Hannah shot him worried looks and Derek paced back and forth.
Ethan clenched his jaw, agitated by Derek’s pacing. He said nothing, though. Ethan strongly suspected that he wasn’t really angry with Derek, but himself.
“I wouldn’t say all hope is lost,” Hannah said. “I do think Grace is interested in you. She is very fond of you.”
“That must be why she refused my marriage proposal,” Ethan replied dryly. “She loves me so much that she can’t imagine being my wife.”
Derek stopped his pacing. “You said that she has some secret she’s worried about.”
Ethan ran out of petals. He sullenly cast the bare stem aside and began tearing apart the next flower.
“I told her that I didn’t care what secrets she might have,” said Ethan.
“I told her I would love her anyway, and she still refused to marry me. Either she didn’t believe me, or she only brought up this secret because she didn’t want to admit she’s not interested in me. ”
“You don’t know that those are the only two options,” Hannah said, squeezing his shoulder. “We know that Grace is a caring individual. You’ve seen how she looks after Emily and her pa.”
“And you,” Derek said. “Not every woman at camp volunteered to keep you company while you were sick.”
Ethan rubbed his forehead. “I dared to hope that she might care for me as much as I care for her… Clearly, I don’t understand Grace as well as I thought I did.”
“No,” Hannah said. “She cares for you. I’m sure that she does. Maybe you just startled her. I mean, I assumed that you would try to court her over several weeks. It was a little sudden to suggest marriage.”
Derek dropped to the ground, grinning mischievously. “Proposing after only a week,” he said teasingly. “She really does have a hold on you, doesn’t she?”
Ethan’s frown deepened. “I only said that because she didn’t seem to believe me.”
“Believe you about what?” asked Hannah.
Ethan sighed and shook his head. His fingers were stained from the flowers, so he gave up tearing them apart and started throwing them into the fire instead.
“You both make me feel like I’ve committed a crime with all these questions,” he said.
“Maybe I should talk to Grace,” Hannah offered.
“No!” Ethan snapped. “If Grace wanted to talk to us, she’d have come over for dinner and helped you cook like she always does.”
Hannah was giving him a gentle, careful look. “All right. Ethan, have you considered that maybe she just needs time? Marriage is a life-long commitment, and I’m sure it’s one that Grace would need to think about.”
Ethan looked askance at his sister. “And what do you propose I do in the meantime? Just wait and see?”
“Maybe,” said Derek. “Women like that, don’t they?”
Ethan blinked. “Men who wait and do nothing?”
“No.” Derek paused and seemed to consider his words for a moment. “I mean men who respect their wishes, right? Maybe you should give Grace time to think about things. That’s all I mean.”
Ethan snorted. “And you’ve courted how many women?”
“More than you.”
Ethan wanted to argue with that, but the truth was, Derek did have considerably more experience with women.
He’d never really formally courted any one girl, but he’d had a couple of sweethearts.
It was unsettling to think that Derek might have more experience with the fairer sex than he did.
Ethan wished he hadn’t thrown away the flowers; he needed something to do with his hands.
“You’re exaggerating,” Hannah said, rolling her eyes. “But I think Derek has a point. Grace wants a man who respects her and her decisions. I don’t think you should give up, but allowing her some time with her thoughts would be good.”
“If you say so,” Ethan grumbled.
“Maybe her pa has some advice,” Derek said, jerking his head in the direction of Richard Hawthorne, who was hurrying towards them.
Ethan groaned inwardly, dreading what this conversation might involve. As Richard approached, though, Ethan saw that the man’s face wasn’t twisted in fury or frustration, but worry. He moved slowly despite his haste, and his breaths were labored; the man’s ribs were clearly still bothering him.
“Richard,” Ethan greeted him.
“Have you seen Grace?” Richard asked, slightly out of breath. “I haven’t been able to find her for the past hour.”
Ethan’s heart jumped into his throat. He had seen her exactly an hour before. “I—I think I might be at fault,” Ethan admitted slowly.
Richard narrowed his eyes. “Maybe we should discuss this matter in private.”
Ethan stood, his limbs leaden with dread. He followed Richard away from the fire, accompanied by the increasingly faint hush of Hannah and Derek whispering together.
“What happened?” Richard asked.
“I—I told Grace that I love her.” The words came tumbling out before he could stop them. Ethan’s mind was a tempest of thoughts, namely of where Grace might be.
Her father hadn’t seen her in an hour. Richard was a smart man, and he’d have checked all over camp before seeking help.
Had Grace become so upset that she had wandered away from camp?
And if so, why hadn’t she come back yet?
Ethan looked out across the wilderness as his stomach lurched.
The landscape was dark and unsafe for any lone traveler.
“And do you?” Richard asked.
“What?”
“Do you love her?”
Ethan couldn’t quite read the man’s face and didn’t know what answer he expected. In the end, Ethan just nodded jerkily. “I do. With my whole heart I do. I told her, and I asked her to marry me, and she said she needed some time alone, but I didn’t think…”
Richard rubbed the back of his head. “That she’d wander away alone and stay out after nightfall? Of course not. Grace is a reasonable young woman. She’d never do that on purpose, which is why I’m worried.”
“I’ll get a search party together. We’ll find her, and I’ll make this right.”
Richard raised an eyebrow. “I know you will. Maybe I haven’t always shown it, but…” Richard trailed off. It seemed to take him some effort to collect himself again. “You are good for Grace.”
Ethan nodded, unable to find the right words to express how much Richard’s approval meant to him. He buried all his joy and anxiety deep inside himself to consider later.
First, he had to find Grace.
***
Ethan had quickly gotten together a search party.
They divided into pairs to look for Grace.
Ethan elected to take the trail that cut down along the steep incline at the edge of camp, and Derek volunteered to join him.
The incline was too steep for horses, so they had left them at the top of the ravine.
Although he was careful, Ethan’s boots kept slipping over the dirt and loose rocks.
It was difficult to imagine Grace going down this way, but she had been distressed when she left.
She might not even have noticed the rough terrain, especially in the fading light.
Ethan raised his lantern higher, illuminating as much of the path as he possibly could.
“I know Hannah, and I said that you should give Grace some time,” Derek said.
Ethan didn’t look at him, but Derek’s lantern light bobbed closer to his own. “Is now the best time to talk about that?” Ethan asked quietly.
“Why not?” Derek asked. “We ain’t got anything else to do until we find her.”
Ethan couldn’t really argue with that. He carefully picked his way down the path, too aware of each time his boots lost their grip or he stumbled over a rock.
“You should give her time, like I said…but not too much,” Derek told him.
Ethan snorted. “What helpful advice.”
“Well, I’m not used to trying to, y’know, win over women like Grace Hawthorne. I’ve just been thinking about it all,” continued Derek. “I don’t want to see you make the same mistakes Pa did.”
Ethan clenched his jaw. Pa abandoned his family. I would never do that.
The words hung unspoken between them like a declaration of war.
Ethan often swallowed his criticisms of Pa when Derek was around.
If he didn’t, Ethan knew they’d just end up arguing about him.
As much as Derek wanted to be a part of Ethan and Hannah’s family, he still couldn’t bring himself to accept that their pa was a selfish and wretched man.
“Pa left when you needed him the most,” Derek continued. “I don’t want to see you do that to Grace.”
Ethan’s breath hitched. He had never once thought about that before, but something in Derek’s words struck him. Maybe that was the real reason he believed he wasn’t fit to be with someone like Grace.
Ethan feared that someday he’d crumble to pieces and tear apart his own life, just like Pa had.
“You don’t understand,” Ethan said. “It isn’t that easy.”
Derek sighed. “I might understand if you explain it to me.”
Relief swept over Ethan as his feet reached flat, stable ground.
He raised the lantern high and let the flickering light sweep over the rocks and debris.
Derek drifted a little way away, searching the dark for Grace.
A pulsing, heavy sensation filled Ethan’s chest. It almost seemed like the urge to try and explain.
Maybe Derek was right; maybe he could understand.
“Grace is a very different woman from me,” Ethan said into the darkness. “She could marry someone far better than me. I’m willing to give her everything, but sometimes a man can give everything and still have it not be enough.”
Derek glanced at Ethan. “Sometimes I just want to shake you. You’re making this far more complicated than it needs to be.”
Ethan shrugged. “There’s no real way of knowing until I’m married to her, and that’ll be too late to be the man Grace deserves.”
Ethan’s eyes swept over the ground, narrowing when he caught sight of a large, crumpled shape. His heart nearly stopped in his chest. When Ethan stepped forward, he felt like a man in a trance. An angry churning sensation settled in the pit of his stomach.
“Grace?” His voice trembled as he called her name.
The shape wasn’t moving. It couldn’t be her.
But the closer he came to that shape, the more it resembled a person. Ethan scarcely dared to breathe as the lantern light swept over the familiar auburn hair and the soft, delicate face. His mouth went dry. Grace.
A knot of guilt and fear twisted inside him, accompanied by a sweeping numbness that sank all the way into his bones. There was blood beneath Grace’s head. It was dry, which meant the blood had stopped flowing long ago. And there was a lot of it.
“Grace!” Derek exclaimed.
His shout brought Ethan back to his senses. He crouched before her and pressed his fingers to her neck, relief surging through him as he found a steady pulse. She was hurt and unconscious, but she was alive.
“I’ll carry her back,” Ethan said. “Take my lantern.”
He all but shoved the lantern into Derek’s hand. “Be careful,” said Derek. “It’s a rough trek back up.”
Ethan’s face softened as he brushed his knuckles over Grace’s face, tucking a wayward curl behind her ear.
If it wasn’t for all the blood, he might have been able to convince himself that she was only sleeping.
Ethan carefully hefted her up into his arms and cradled her against his chest. She was warm and light, and he ached at her closeness.
Ethan would have enjoyed holding her like this, as if he could protect her from the entire world, if only the situation hadn’t been so terrible.
Guided by the lantern light, he began the long journey back to camp.
I will always protect you from now on, he thought. Nothing will ever harm you again.