5. Ryder
5
RYDER
The first thing my brain registers the next morning is Vanessa sprawled on top of me.
Which is saying something, because this bed makes me feel like I’m enveloped in a cloud, and the ocean view that’s visible through the floor-to-ceiling windows is spectacular. But the only thing I can look at is the beautiful woman snuggled into my chest.
With the arm that’s wrapped around her, holding her body to mine, I lazily brush my fingers over her skin. We’re both naked save for underwear, so there’s a lot of skin begging to be touched.
I’m fully prepared to spend the entire morning trapped under her, when the soft sounds of her sleeping pause. A moment later, she shifts on top of me. And I watch as her eyes flutter open, as awareness settles into her gaze, and she finally looks up at me.
God . Her smile. As soon as our eyes lock, the sweetest, biggest smile spreads across her face, and I’m pretty sure my heart stutters. She’s gorgeous.
“Good morning,” I say quietly, my own smile just as wide.
And it’s like cold water just splashed over her, because as soon as the words are out of my mouth, she goes stock-still, the smile sliding off her face.
I frown when she hurriedly sits up and pulls the sheet to cover herself. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she says with false brightness.
A weight drops into my stomach, and I look around the room with new awareness. “Don’t tell me you’re actually married and I’m about to have to climb out the window.”
That pulls a laugh out of her, but it’s not the light and airy one from last night. She’s still tense.
“No, no, of course not. It’s not that.”
I push myself to a sitting position and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “Then what is it?”
She bites her bottom lip, contemplating her answer. Finally, she whispers, “I’ve just never done this before.”
Understanding dawns. “Ah. Okay.” I lean back against the headboard, but before I can get any jokes out, she’s jumping off the bed, the sheet going with her. Part of me is flattered to see her eyes go wide when it reveals my bare chest and abs, but a larger part of me just wants the ease of last night back.
Especially when she hurriedly pulls a silk robe on, making sure to not expose any part of her naked body in the process, and asks with forced cheer, “Would you like some coffee?”
Sighing, I climb out of bed and reach for my slacks on the nearby chaise lounge. As much as I wish Vanessa wasn’t putting this space between us, I get it.
“Coffee would be great. Thank you.”
“Great!” she squeaks. Turning in place, she hurries out the bedroom door, her robe flaring out behind her. I quickly tug on my shirt and follow.
Striding behind her down the hall, I open my mouth to try to get her attention back. But I don’t even get a sound out, because the moment we reach the top of the stairs, the view of the entire house extends before me.
“Holy shit,” I breathe, freezing in my tracks.
The house…is incredible.
First of all, it’s gigantic. I noticed it was big last night on the beach, but not this big. This is a luxury mansion.
And it’s gorgeous. It’s wide open, with floor-to-ceiling windows, and from up here, I can see Vanessa hitting a button that completely opens the back wall to reveal the patio.
The patio with an infinity pool.
“This is… Holy shit .”
Vanessa finally notices that I’m not behind her any longer and looks up at me from the kitchen. Seeing me slack-jawed at the top of the stairs, she glances around her house again.
“Why are you surprised? You saw it last night.”
I finally swallow my shock and lock eyes with her. “I was looking at you last night.”
Even from up here, I can see the breath she sucks in at my words. And even though I see a pretty flush again, she’s clearly still uncomfortable, still out of her element.
I move down the stairs as she spins toward one of the kitchen counters. It looks like she’s touching something on the quartz, but then she grabs a mug when a whirring sound starts up, and I realize it’s a built-in coffee maker.
“I’ll sell it, eventually,” she says suddenly without looking at me.
I watch her from across the counter. “Sell what?”
“The house. It’s ridiculous for one person, and it’s not like I’m rolling in money anymore. I just…haven’t worked up the courage to let it go yet.”
I glance around again. “It’s not going to take long to sell. This place is amazing. And the interior design is incredible.”
For some reason, that evokes a whole new reaction. Her cheeks pinken, looking pleased.
“Really?” she asks.
My focus immediately shifts back to her. Studying her closely, I catalogue her expression, and the way she’s looking around now too. The excited sparkle in her eyes.
“You designed it, didn’t you?”
Her eyes snap back to mine. She doesn’t answer, but I can read her well enough that I know I’m right. She’s a creative. Interesting.
“This is looking suspiciously like a passion, Vanessa,” I say carefully.
Her eyes go wide for a second, but then she’s waving me off. “This was just for fun,” she says. “It’s not… It’s not a career. Anybody could’ve done this.”
I take in the details—the perfectly balanced color palette, the minimalist style, the décor with just a hint of ocean inspiration—and say dryly, “Agree to disagree on that, babe.”
The endearment drops naturally. And when it also causes her lips to twitch with a small smile, I wonder if I might actually have a chance at uncovering last night’s carefree Vanessa once again.
There’s a beep from the coffee machine, making Vanessa’s focus jerk toward it.
“Cream or sugar?” she asks without meeting my eyes.
“Both, please. With lots of sugar.”
She finally looks at me, and I give her a crooked half-grin.
“I have a sweet tooth. So sue me.”
She shakes her head with that same amused smile as she mixes some cream and sugar into my coffee. When she slides it over to me, and I take a sip, my eyebrows rise in surprise.
“Damn, that’s good.” When I take another eager sip, she chuckles knowingly.
By now, enough tension has gone from her shoulders that I wonder if how she woke up was just a gut reaction, caused by her not knowing how to act in an unfamiliar experience. I open my mouth to ask when I can see her again, too eager for more time with her to worry about whether I’m coming on too strong. I didn’t imagine our connection; I know she likes me. Sure, she’s recently divorced, but it’s obvious she’s not heartbroken over the guy. It’s just a date, she wouldn’t shoot me down?—
“So…I have some things I need to do this morning,” comes her rushed voice. She’s scratching at a spot on the counter that looks pristine. “Are you okay to get back to the bar, or do you need a ride?”
And yeah , that’s as clear of a dismissal as I’ve ever heard.
I take another sip from the coffee, possibly to wash down my disappointment. I was hoping she’d give me a real chance here, but I shouldn’t be surprised by her drawing a line.
I place the mug down. “I’m good, I can get back on my own.”
She nods, though no relief shows on her face. She just looks…lost.
And even though I should probably just cut my losses, I can’t bring myself to leave without acknowledging last night.
“I had a lot of fun with you, Vanessa,” is all I can think to say.
But it startles her enough that she looks up and locks eyes with me again.
I don’t let her look away this time.
She softens, just the slightest bit. “I did, too,” she admits.
Fuck it. I want this to end on something better than delicious coffee.
I move around the counter, slow enough that she could move away if she wanted to.
She doesn’t.
She just tracks me with her eyes, and I see the flashes of wariness, then indecision, then finally, desire.
I debate telling her again how beautiful I think she is, how much I enjoyed spending time with her. But I don’t think she’d listen right now. So instead, I try to show her.
Sinking one hand into her hair, I tilt her face up for a kiss. Because if this is the last kiss I ever get from her, I’m making it count.
It’s not a particularly deep kiss. I savor the taste of her on my lips and the feel of her in my arms. I revel in the knowledge that she gives in to the moment instantly, sagging against my body as her mouth moves against mine.
It’s a hell of a goodbye kiss. It takes everything in me to pull away before it escalates, and even then, I have to shift my hips so she can’t feel her effect on me.
It’s even harder to put distance between us when I see the way she’s looking up at me; green eyes sparkling, plump, just-kissed lips begging to be kissed again. Everything in me is screaming to give in to the silent plea in her eyes, the one she probably doesn’t even realize is there.
It’s that reminder that has me leaning back. Because as much as I’m dying to close off any distance between us, I think I’d die a different kind of death if I found more of her regret on the other side. Seeing it once was more than enough.
So even though it takes all the strength I possess, I end the kiss. And I force a smile onto my face.
“Bye, Vanessa,” I say quietly.
She aims a shaky smile back up at me. “Goodbye, Ryder,” she whispers.
I slide my hand from her hair and take a step back, fully intending to say some kind of humorous goodbye, just something to lighten the moment a little. But what comes out is, “Come see me at the restaurant sometime. Tiramisu is on the house.”
And thank fuck, at least that works. Because it earns me her first real smile since she woke up and reality crashed down on us.