Chapter 30
Life at the Nook starts back up like an old computer.
Sputtering, but eventually running. Still, I feel like everyone’s putting on a show—including myself.
I’m on the eighth consecutive day of avoiding Micah and our new roommate.
Not because I’m afraid of Vince’s judgment.
I simply have no idea what to say to him.
Every time we run into each other, I want to crawl out of my skin.
Politely correcting his assumption about being Micah’s boyfriend was the sensible thing to do, no matter how much it stung.
And that’s why I’ve been avoiding my…I don’t even know anymore.
It should be simple: We’re “study buddies”.
But then Micah came with me to help my family. He spent weeks sleeping next to me, holding me, kissing me. He saw me devastated, annoyed, happy, embarrassed—literally every emotion under the sun, and he never once looked away.
And now we haven’t talked in days.
I know it’s my fault since I’ve thrown myself back into my work at the shelter, to the point where I have barely any time to eat and sleep. The only other thing that I allow to occupy my mind is studying. The kind I have to do on my own.
Not the only thing I’m doing alone now; after all those weeks of sharing my bed with Micah, even my narrow bed at the Nook feels huge, empty, and cold with just me in it.
When I’m tossing and turning at night, I’m tempted to invite Micah over—even to actually sleep, as long as he’ll be there, big and quiet and reassuring.
Every time I squash the idea as far down as I can.
After our last encounter, I’m wondering if he considers our deal done, but I can’t muster up the courage to ask.
I’m too scared that his answer will devastate me.
He’d be gentle about letting me down, probably even jovial, with that warm smile that makes his mismatched eyes sparkle.
Even thinking about it makes my heart crack, so I don’t want to imagine what reality might do when Micah inevitably tells me that the experience didn’t mean as much to him as it does to me.
I should probably worry about becoming one of those old people who hang on to their first love. I cannot imagine that having sex with anyone else would even come close to my first time with Micah.
Which I shouldn’t be thinking about, given our temporary arrangement. Thoughts like these keep turning in my head, but rather than talk about them, I play along with the awkward atmosphere in the Nook.
At least the shelter is as busy as ever, only that Barb is somewhat frosty with me, undoubtedly over my sudden and unplanned departure.
Working on winning back her trust keeps my mind away from spiraling over the argument I had with my family once that creeps back into my mind, on top of everything else.
After the initial Got home safe, text that I sent to the family chat in the middle of the night, I only messaged my sisters, admitting that I had fucked up. Since then, my phone has been in airplane mode to avoid any incoming calls. Though I know I can’t ignore the storm that’s brewing forever.
Nor do I want to. No matter what I said to Dad, I love my family. I know I’ll have to come clean and apologize for both the fight and lying to my parents. It’s just that…I can’t. Not yet.
Whenever I think about it, anger surges back up, overpowering all sadness, and I don’t want to bring that energy into it. I want to try to explain—and hope they can understand.
In addition to that, I feel like I should reach out to Colin.
I considered texting him about what happened between Micah and me.
There’s some guilt festering in the back of my mind over breaking my promise.
However, an equal amount of stubbornness rebelliously insists that I didn’t do anything wrong.
Keeping a promise just for a chance at a relationship with him feels like an idiotic bargain to begin with.
A bargain I should have never made, a voice that sounds suspiciously like Nicko reminds me.
The chime of the pound’s door tears me out of my thoughts. My jump startles Violet, who had been napping on my lap.
“I’m coming!” I call out to the front, pushing myself to my feet.
“Oh, it’s just you,” I greet Olli as I arrive at the front desk, flushed from hurriedly locking up Violet and Lila’s kennel and running back to my spot.
“Yeah, just me.” Olli raises an eyebrow. Although his lips curl into that familiar impish grin he always wears, it looks sharper and colder. I’ve noticed the same thing at the Nook recently. He still makes his usual jokes, but they’re delivered with an edge.
“How are they doing today?” I pull myself halfway onto the counter to look at the carrier box Olli’s holding. His door had been closed when I left this morning, so I didn’t want to bother him to check on the kittens.
Since we’ve been back, they’ve taken up the breaks I allowed myself in between studying and sleeping—and thinking about Micah.
“Good, good.” Olli carefully lifts the box and puts it on the counter between us.
“Femur tried to eat everyone’s breakfast, and Tibia was very upset about it, meaning I had to put them into a timeout so Fibula and Patella could also eat.
Obviously, they hated that, so they’re bringing that energy for their first vaccines and dewormer. ”
“Ah, typical kitten moods.” From up close, Olli looks like he hasn’t slept since before I left for my parents’.
“I’ll check the schedule.”
The computer takes a while to load the calendar program. There’s a bright pink block slotted for the vet right now, though there are plenty of things that I can take care of before the little fluffballs have their appointment.
With a twinge of bad conscience, I think back to Owen and how distraught the tomcat had been when I made Micah leave so suddenly.
“Barb should be back in half an hour. We can weigh the little ones and make their vaccination cards until then,” I offer, tilting my head at Olli, who’s assessing me way too closely. “What?”
“Just looking.”
I roll my eyes, then focus back on the computer.
“You know, I meant to ask over the past few days…do you like Vinnie?”
Although my eyes widen, I quickly suppress the urge to hide my face behind my hand.
“If by Vinnie you mean Vince, then yeah, sure, I like him.” Two tiny pink noses peek out from the grate, curious about their new surroundings.
Focusing on them makes it much easier to raise and then lower my shoulders in a hopefully casual shrug.
Just talking about my new roommate. Nothing happened that might have made that meeting especially memorable or awkward, nope!
“Why, did he say anything?” I ask, holding onto casualness with both hands, as I’m leading Olli around the counter and toward the offices.
“Oh, you know, nothing specific,” Olli hums, and my arms nearly fall off with how quickly my shoulders relax. “He just mentioned that he heard a lot more from some of his roommates than from others.”
I choke on thin air, coughing so hard I have to lean against the wall for a moment. Heat rises from under the collar of my T-shirt, creeping up my neck and across my cheeks. “Ohmygod.”
“Olli’s just fine,” he singsongs obnoxiously as he squeezes past into the examination room.
“You’re—ugh!” I follow him, carefully closing the door behind us, and gesture for Olli to put the carrier onto the metal table in the middle of the room.
“Okay, for real, felt like there was some kinda tension happening and I wanted to check in with you, but I never managed to catch you alone.”
The sudden turn to serious conversation takes me by surprise.
“I…no, Vince’s fine.” I sigh, rubbing at my glowing cheeks. Damn my pale complexion. “I just…feel awkward.”
Gently, Olli scoops out one of the kittens and hands it to me. “You’ve nothing to worry about there. But the real question is…”
I focus intensely on taking the little black kitten from Olli’s hands, more so that I don’t have to look at him, but he waits until I do anyway, making me huff when I see his raised brows.
“What went down between you and Micah?”
“What? Nothing! Nothing went down!” Even I can hear that my answer came way too fast, bordering on desperation. I wouldn’t believe myself, which is why I immediately duck my head, focusing on holding the kitten safely against my chest while I set up a scale.
The tiny squirming furball in my hand opens its little mouth with an indignant squeak. I coo at it, then set it down in the Tupperware container so the kitten won’t wander off prematurely. It still tries to hop over the lip of the tub, squeaking again when it slumps onto its tiny behind.
“Sure, nothing went on; that’s why you both drove off for several weeks together.”
Oh.
“He just…heard my family needed help with the harvest, so he came along. You know, for a…summer job.”
“Uh-huh, Captain Football abandoned his summer to go pick cherries with you.”
“It wasn’t all summer. We’re back now, aren’t we?”
“Lind, c’mon.” Olli has his hands full keeping the other kittens inside the carrier, but he still manages to throw me a look. “I don’t doubt that Micah is a good person at heart, despite being a football player, and way too good-looking—”
I groan when Olli’s sarcasm mixes into his words.
“—but I can’t help feeling like there’s more to his—you have to admit—very sudden decision. So I’m asking, as your friend, who’s not going to judge you one way or another, and who’s great at keeping secrets.”
“Yeah, right.” I raise my brows at him. It’s hard to keep an entirely serious face while we’re both wrangling kittens, but I do my best.
“Cutie, you wouldn’t even know.” Olli meets my eyes easily. I’m the first to look away, leaning over to put the black kitten back with its siblings and pick up the next one. “So? How bad is it?”
Worry, stubbornness, confusion, the need to protect that sliver of happiness, all of it swirls in my head and stomach, all too much to name. “It’s not bad at all! I…we,” I start, but my voice quickly breaks away.
“We?” Olli pounces on the crumb of information.