Chapter 8
Petra
I pretended I didn’t see the streams of people walking from every direction, converging near the Gates in a steadily growing crowd.
I just wanted to get to the Gates, say goodbye to Da and Larka — both of whom were trailing behind me, though the latter was grumbling beneath her breath — and see if I could make it to the Darkness Beyond. I’d figure the rest out from there.
At least, I hoped I would.
A hand rested lightly against my elbow, and I turned to see Elin with a soft smile on her face. “Is that smile for me?” I asked with a laugh that felt good amidst so much uncertainty.
“Figured I gave you enough shit in life. Maybe death has made me kind.” Her smile faltered a bit when she saw Larka’s hardened expression. “Actually,” she started with a deep breath, “word has traveled that you’re here. There are some people who want to meet you. ”
“Word traveled all across Heaven?”
“It all works a bit differently here. Details sort of just…appear in your mind as they need to. That, and there’s been a few people asking around about you for quite some time.”
I wasn’t sure what I felt in that moment — shame? People had died because of me, after all. But that shame quickly melted away the moment a pair of deep brown eyes met mine. I blinked, disbelief halting every thought in my brain as I stared back at someone I never thought I’d see again.
“Wrena?” I gasped, breaking into a sprint to close the short distance. A sob overtook my body as I held her, as I held the first true friend I’d ever had. “I’m so sorry, Wrena. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Don’t you even think of apologizing.” She pulled away, her eyes clear and bright.
I was a mess of tears and sniffles as she beamed at me.
“Petra, I want you to meet Imar.” She gestured to the man who stood behind her, chocolate brown hair tumbling to his shoulders.
It was him — the man Wrena had loved and lost. I’d never asked his name back when she told me about him, but I was sure I’d never forget it now.
Imar smiled, and just as I reached forward to shake his hand, I realized what was tucked beneath his arm. Wrena’s smile deepened. “And this is Enella.”
Words failed me as I stared down at the sleeping baby girl, her long lashes resting softly against her perfectly round cheeks. My hand flew over my mouth as joyful tears spilled down my face. “Wrena, she’s beautiful. I can’t believe it.”
“Neither could I,” she answered, staring longingly at her daughter. “I named her after–”
“Your cousin!” I cut in, unable to contain myself as my hands waved with excitement. Wrena’s face was a mix of confusion and joy. “I know Nell! She was my very first friend in Taitha!”
Her eyes lit up, crinkling at the corners. “I guess it runs in the family.” She laughed, tears forming in her eyes.
“Could I borrow Lady Petra from you, Wrena?” another familiar voice asked from behind me. I spun to see –
“ Marita !” I threw myself at the woman, her scent so familiar and reminiscent of one of my only sources of comfort during a time I had very little. “You’re here!”
“ You’re here, girl.” She reached up to tuck an errant strand of hair behind my ear. “I knew I’d see you here someday, just not so soon. But I suppose this will do.”
“It was him,” I said, not restraining the anger that coursed through me at the sight of her unmarked skin. “Castemont was the one who hurt you when you worked in the brothel.”
Her lips closed, and though she was still smiling, I could tell keeping that smile in place was painful. “Yes, girl. It was him.”
“You should’ve told me.”
“He was your step-father and a lord of Eserene. There wasn’t much I could do but pray to the Saints he wouldn’t lay a finger on you.”
Tears welled in my eyes at the sight of the woman before me, strong and beautiful and familiar.
She wore her blonde hair in a long plait down her back, not covered like she had in Eserene.
My brain sifted through the details of the story she’d told me.
I gasped with realization. “You said the Lord’s guard helped you escape, right? Was it Castemont’s guard? Tyrak?”
“Aye, girl.”
“But…” I narrowed my eyes as if squinting could help me remember the exact details of her story. “Didn’t you say his sister helped you get a job at the castle as a royal tutor? I didn’t know he had a sister.”
“I never actually met her,” Marita answered. “I just thanked Onera I was able to get out of there.” She stared at me as if she was memorizing my features. “I always knew you were special, Petra.”
I scoffed, raising a brow. “Oh yeah? You knew I was the daughter of Saints?”
“Nothing to do with the blood in your veins.” She leaned forward, pointing to the center of my chest. “Everything to do with that heart of yours. You’re tough, girl. I knew they wouldn’t break you. I knew you were a phoenix, and look at how you rose. You should be proud of yourself.”
I swallowed hard, willing the prickle behind my eyes to go away. “Not yet,” I mumbled around the lump that had formed in my throat. “I’ll be proud when this is over.”
“They can exist side by side, you know? Pride and guilt,” she said, a knowing look on her face.
“Because I know you, girl, and I know you’re carrying guilt you shouldn’t be carrying.
But I know better than to try to convince you otherwise, you stubborn thing.
So just remember, pride and guilt can exist side by side.
As can conviction and uncertainty, and love and pain. ”
Some of the turbulence within me calmed at her words. I’d remember them. “Thank you, Marita. I mean, Lady Marita.”
Her eyes shone with tears as she placed a gentle palm against my face. Her eyes flicked beyond my shoulder, and she nodded.
I turned, seeing the tops of two heads as a pair of unfamiliar women curtsied before me.
“Your Majesty,” the first one said quietly before they both rose.
I held in a gasp at the sight of her eyes — striking, piercing green, contrasted against warm brown skin and hair the color of midnight.
Breathtaking didn’t begin to describe her. “My name is Arimara Myrin Raussau.”
A flicker of recognition in my gut quickly ignited. Myrin. This was… She was…
I wasn’t sure I was breathing. I threw my arms over her neck. The woman stiffened in surprise, but it didn’t take long for her arms to relax then tighten around me.
Cal and Miles’ mother.
I couldn’t speak, couldn’t find the words to thank her for raising such honorable men.
She held me as I grappled with the emotions battering every part of my heart.
A teary-eyed smile met me when I finally pulled back.
Beside her, the second woman stepped forward, petite and sandy-haired.
I’d been so focused on Arimara I hadn’t even noticed the woman beside her.
“Berna,” I breathed, pulling her into an embrace just as tightly as I had Arimara. I couldn’t believe this was happening. “ Cal told me all about you,” I said, wiping my eyes as I pulled away. “Both of you. You found each other here.”
The women beamed at each other, an unmistakable look of pride passing between them. “That’s the way it works here,” Berna said, her face still lit with a dazzling smile. “Arimara knew who I was the moment I walked through the Gates.”
“Thank you,” I finally managed to say. “Thank you both for all you did to make them who they are. They’re such good men, and I–”
“Men?” Arimara breathed. Her brows were upturned, something like hope sparking to light in her eyes amid the tears as she and Berna stared at me. “You…know them both?”
I inhaled sharply. She didn’t know. Of course she didn’t know. Berna thought Tobyas had died. “Yes, I know them both.”
“We’ve been looking for Tobyas since Berna first arrived,” Arimara whispered, choking on the words. “We were sure there had to be some mistake, why we hadn’t found him yet, and–”
“You won’t find him here,” I answered quickly. Both their eyes widened in horror, and I blurted out the rest of my sentiment when I realized what it sounded like. “He didn’t die that day in the harbor when he fell from the cliffs.”
Arimara’s hand found Berna’s. “What?”
My mouth opened to tell them he was still alive, but promptly slammed shut. Miles… He’d been on the brink of death when I left. His torso had been split almost in two. If he hadn’t arrived here in Heaven yet, he would very, very soon.
A question formed like a storm cloud over my mind, impossible to ignore. What if his heart had stopped by now, and he still wasn’t here? What if… What if he ended up in Hell? No. He wouldn’t. I knew it in my bones.
I pasted on a watery smile, swallowing back the acid that had suddenly gathered in my throat at the thought.
“You’ll see him one day.” Relief softened their features, their shoulders relaxing at my words.
They deserved to know everything, every detail of their boys’ lives, but the clock was ticking .
“It was Castemont, wasn’t it?” Arimara asked, her mouth a thin line as she broke the silence that had fallen. “All of it.”
“Yes. It was Castemont.”
Arimara’s jaw clenched, the action reminiscent of Cal. “That fucking bastard,” she growled under her breath.
I cocked my head, sorting through details in my mind. “Berna, I know some of your story with Castemont, but… Arimara, you knew him too?”
Her face pinched with hatred. She appeared to chew on her words before she spoke. “I had the pleasure of knowing him, yes,” she started, her voice both incredulous and sharp. “ He was always slinking around Kauvras, and I think he may have been the reason he went mad.”
“He was. At least partially.” Arimara’s lip curled at my words, her nostrils flaring as I confirmed what she seemed to already know.
“He’d somehow gotten a hold of Kauvras’ blood.
I don’t know the specifics. Castemont had complete control of Kauvras.
He had control of many people. We were all his puppets and he was pulling the strings. ”